"You sure your parents are ok with this?" There was a beardy man holding a needle in front of me and as scared as I was I nodded. I was going to have my first tattoo. On a Friday morning while I should have been at school. But I wasn't, instead I was tattooing a simple heart close to my elbow - nothing special, I just wanted a tattoo and another piercing in my upper ear. It wasn't like anyone cared, right? It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would - which was encouraging but which didn't help with the time, I had nothing to do for the rest of the day. I went to pick a coffee soon after and then headed home where it was a dead silence. Like every day since last week.
My mother was preparing lunch and she was so devastated that she hasn't realized it was still a school hour so I sat down at the table and took an orange in my hand, beginning to peal it and making the bandage visible. The man known as my father entered the room and unlike my mom he spotted it right away and grabbed my arm, pulling me to my feet.
"Hey, what the fuck you're doing?" I asked annoyed and escaped his grasp. My shout was enough to make my mother turn around.
"What is that?"
"A tattoo" What was he? An idiot? It was obvious what it was but I didn't bother enough to tell him all that, instead I ignored his raging glance and sat back down.
"My son will not be a delinquent" I wanted to tell him he was not my father anymore but I shut it, knowing it wouldn't do any better. So what if he didn't want me tattooed? It wasn't like I would get it removed or rip my skin off. "You hear me? I am talking to you!" No reaction, just a sigh.
"And why would I listen to a guy who can't keep it in his pants?" I asked and something hit me so hard that I fell over the table, turning it over. It was his fist and my mother stepped between us, helping me up.
"Stop this, don't hurt him!" She then turned to me. "Jean, don't talk like that to your father" Yea, right. I got up and threw him a deadly glance before picking a beer from the fridge. I was underage and drinking and guess what? I couldn't give less fucks.
"I can't, ma, not when he's treating you like shit"
"The process is today at 4, you have to pick who do you want to live with" It was clear that I wanted to live with my mom but I just nodded, knowing the judge had to hear it from me. My life crashed down last Tuesday when my mother found out that my father was having an affair - and not any type of affair, a two years old affair and the woman was pregnant which meant I was going to be a brother and everything was going to shit. I wasn't daddy's boy, I've never been but that didn't mean I could take something like this from him, I hated to see my mother crying because of that fucking bastard, I hated to think how he played us. I went closer to my mother and grasped her hand.
"Come, mom, let's go somewhere" She had swollen eyes and I knew she was close to falling in depression because she was barely talking and was always looking through things and people so I couldn't let her in the same place with that man. I knew he was to live with us until he found a place and I knew more fights will follow but right then my only mission was to get my mother out of there. "Go upstairs and change, I'll take the car" Thank God we had two cars. We took the old Chevrolet because it was bigger and even if it was red I didn't complain - it was a fine car. I put my phone in my jeans and went to start it, waiting for my mom that came a few minutes later wearing a summer dress. "You are a killer" I said and she smiled for the first time, leaning closer to me.
"You're a really good kid, Jean" I smiled back and she kissed my cheek.
"Let's go and eat out" I said, realizing I interrupted her lunch and she simply nodded so I turned the radio on, beginning to sing to some old rock song. She began to sing along so I smiled at her and soon we were at a very nice bistro where I went frequently and we ordered burgers, waiting for the waitress to bring our goodies.
"Who are you gonna pick?" She looked agitated so I put my hand on top of her, trying to ease her mind.
"You, of course" I half-smiled. "I could never live with that man" Tears flooded her blue eyes and I looked away, not wanting to see her this pained.
"I am grateful" That asshole had another family to go to while we were all alone, not that I minded, I wanted him go as soon as possible and I also wanted to have my old mother back, the one that would joke and smile around. I knew it wasn't easy for her and it would take a while and I wanted to be there for her. The waitress brought our frappes and the mood lightened. "What did you get?" she pointed at my tattoo and I chuckled.
"I've got a heart" she raised a brow. "Honestly, I just wanted to piss him" she giggled animated and I took the bandage down a few seconds so she could see the thin, black line.
"It looks good, it suits your sweet personality" I half-snorted and burst into laughter.
"You're the only one to describe me sweet, ma" I accused and the food came.
We ate and talked and when I received a message from Ymir that asked me if I wanted to go out I refused, saying I couldn't right now, which was true. I couldn't tell any of my friends what was going on, not even Sasha and I wanted to spend my day with my mother and make sure she was fine until the process. We went to the movies and after a coffee we presented ourselves to the court where tens of people I didn't know talked about my parents, who they didn't know. It was kind of funny, I was feeling like I've been living a lie and the illusion that was my parents' love shattered before my eyes. They never were the type of people who were always confessing their undying love to each other but seeing them like this was another level of shock. I didn't know who to believe anymore, I was looking at them arguing like I was staring at strangers, the only one who could make me react being the judge that had only one question. He said I was old enough to choose where I wanted to live and I simply said my mother because she could offer me the affection and the necessary care. Or more like, otherwise, she needed me.
They said that I was to do as I pleased and the three of us would live together until my father sorted things out which was like a freaking cosmic joke. I didn't even look at him once we got out, I put my light blue sunglasses on and took my mother's hand, heading for the car. She was crying uncontrollably right now so I held her a little, not knowing what to do.
"I a-am sorry, Jean" she whimpered and I brushed her light curly hair, as a reassurance that it was alright.
"Don't worry" I whispered and kissed the top of her head. "Let's go home" I said and turned around to see my father was looking at us worried. He should have thought of that before he's done all that so I totally ignored him and helped my mother in the passenger seat before taking my place. I was a little dizzy myself but I was careful until we got home and where I suggested my mother to go and have a short nap. I spent the time in my room, playing videogames and thinking on my own and feeling like I was alone in the world, no one could help me with this one, no one could hear me out. Knocks on the door. "Yea?" My father came in and I sighed. "Disappear"
"Jean, don't act like this"
"You're the last person to tell me how I should act" I said as a matter of fact and picked a red lollipop to place it in my mouth, watching him uninterested. "So? Why are you here?"
"I wanted to apologise" I smiled mockingly at his eat-shitting face and got up.
"I'm going out"
"Jean, please"
"Fuck you and fuck off!" I yelled and he got up, the same guilty look on his face. "Stay away from my mother" I growled and took my leather jacket because it was cold outside and went to knock on the guestroom's door where my mother was staying at the moment. She answered and her hair was wet so I realized she just had a shower. "Rest, mom, sweet dreams" I kissed her cheek and she watched me worried.
"Where are you going?" Anywhere but here. I couldn't handle this place, I couldn't handle the memories and the lies.
"I'll go out a bit"
"Okay, don't stay out late" she said but I was already downstairs, ready to put my shoes on. I looked in the mirror to see I was wearing black skinny jeans, a purple shirt and a leather jacket. It had to be good enough for tonight. I walked for a while, not knowing where I was heading to and thinking about how I should get myself a summer job or maybe even a part-time job so I could help with the house; I had to be the man of the house because Mr. Kirschtein didn't have enough balls for that. I didn't realize when the time fled but I realized it was three in the morning and I looked around to see the empty streets. I thought it was a good idea to remain out on a bench for tonight because I had no money but then it began to rain so I ran to a staircase where I sat down on the cold floor.
Shit was ugly. I got my phone out, wondering who I could call and began to search through my conversations. I stopped at Captain Freckles and sighed, wondering if I could do that, it was too early in the morning. I had no other chance so I type rapidly but I deleted the message three times. Before I realized I felt the emotions overwhelm me and decided to call. I waited, my heart going crazy in my chest while the tones repeated themselves and finally someone answered and I could hear a very groggy voice.
"What the fuck, it's three in the morning!" Marco silently shouted and I bit my lower lip. "Jean?" he probably checked who was calling.
"Y-yea" I gulped, realizing my voice was shaking. I looked around, wondering if I could get a drink at this hour. "Sorry to call this late." I said. Fuck, I didn't know how to ask him for this, it's been more than two weeks, he was probably sick and tired of me, he was probably happy.
"Where are you? Are you okay?" his voice was alarmed so I sighed but felt tears of relief in my eyes because he still cared.
"Could I come over?" I asked a little shy and I could hear some movements.
"Only if you sneak inside, where are you?"
"I'll be there in 20" I said and hurried to the metro that could take me to his neighbourhood. It was dangerous to take the metro right now but I was a soaked mess anyway so a knife wound or two wouldn't make any difference. Happily they didn't happen and in less than twenty minutes I arrived to the Bodt residence where I looked to see Marco's lamp was on. His room was on the first and only floor but it wasn't the first time I sneaked inside so I climbed the wall with ease, the rain still pouring and got in the balcony. They had a really nice house. I knocked on the glass and a sleepy Marco, dressed in black pants and a yellow oversized shirt let me in, watching me with an opened mouth. "Hi" I said unsure and he pointed at my hair, his mouth gaped.
"Oh my God!" My hair was grey since yesterday when I dyed it but I couldn't give less fucks about it. He searched for some towels that he threw at me and I began to dry myself out, looking at the floor and feeling incredibly uncomfortable. "What happened? Why are you not home?" I bit my lip, still not answering. "Jean"
"I'll leave once the rain stops" I promised and he groaned.
"That's not what I asked" he said exasperated. He came closer and I gave him the wet towels, looking around to see the room was neat once again, his queen sized bed untouched. "Jean?" I could barely hear him. "You don't have to leave until the morning" he whispered. "Change your clothes" he said and then began to look in his closet for a set of everything, even boxers. He was taller than me but I was buffer so he finally found some old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and threw them at me, letting me change fast in them. I was wondering if I was doing the right thing being there but honestly, he was the only person I could see right now, even if I was selfish for doing so. I sat on the bed and he sat on his black office chair in front of me. "What's going on, you look terrible" he said and I furrowed my brows, wanting to leave.
"I don't need this, fuck it" I said and began to undress, almost ripping his shirt off. He came closer and stopped me before taking hold of both my hands. He was watching me with worried brown eyes and I felt like crying seeing him like that.
"What's the matter?" He didn't let me go and I could feel his warm skin over mine, he had freckles on his hands, just like everywhere else on his body and I relaxed a little, knowing he meant no harm.
"My parents got divorced today, I can't go back there... I planned on sleeping outside but it began raining" I said lowly and watched his mouth gaping so wide that I thought his mandible was going to pop out.
"What? W-why?" he was confused, not as confused as me but still confused. "Why haven't you told me?" I shrugged my shoulders. Because you told me to leave you alone, because you have Nate. "Jean" he whined, his eyes almost teary and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer. "I am so sorry" he whispered and I didn't have any reaction, I just enjoyed his touch. "I am sorry I've been so cold, I didn't know" he was feeling guilty but I couldn't care less now about what happened, I was feeling dizzy and hurt. He took my hand like I was a small child and we rested on the bed, where he pulled the covers on both of us, watching me with agitated eyes. "What happened?"
"My father got another woman pregnant" There was an awkward silence between us and finally he found his words.
"And are you going to meet her?"
"No chance in hell" I groaned and buried my face in the pillow. "He's been with her for two years, he's been lying all this time" I muttered to myself and turned so my back was facing him. I didn't need his pity, all I needed was a place to sleep and clear my head in. I also wanted to cry but there was no way I would do that, I felt like my tears were all dried.
"Jean" he whispered, my name sounding perfect from his lips. I didn't react. "Please turn around, let's talk"
"I don't want to talk, I want to sleep" I whispered back.
"Okay, let's sleep" He scooted closer and grabbed my hand in his so now we were holding hands like we did when we were little and one of us was having a bad dream. Those happy moments seemed like an unrealistic fantasy right now but his body was pressed against mine and I knew he was real because he was breathing and I could feel his heartbeat against my back. "Good night"
"Night" I muttered and closed my eyes, trying to forget everything. I woke up at least 10 times during the night and when the alarm actually went off I groaned but got up, knowing I should be home. Marco got up himself and watched me with compassionate eyes before wishing me a good morning; like that was possible. He then saw the bandage he probably missed last night.
"What is that?"
"A tattoo" I took the bandage off and showed him the simple tattoo, making him frown. "I did all these to piss him off" I was referring to my hair too.
"It's nice" he smiled and helped me to cover it. "You can stay here for a while if you want to" I was wondering if he was missing me or if he was doing this out of empathy.
"No, I don't think Nate will appreciate another guy sleeping in his boyfriend's bed" I said sarcastic and he pursed his lips annoyed.
"He will understand, I'll explain it to him"
"No thanks" I said and opened the window so I could get out the same way because explaining to his parents what was going on was too complicated. "I owe you for tonight"
"Jean, don't go, you're not okay" he tried one more time and I almost listened to him - if it wasn't for Nate and for our fight and for my feelings I would have stayed but I couldn't do this, I couldn't stay just because he was pitying me. I bit my lip and climbed down the wall.
"I'm okay, don't worry, I'm okay" I repeated and began to walk down the street, wondering if I could find any bar where they would slip me some alcohol.