Author's Note:

The Seven Heartbreaking Chapters of Her Life. I recommend you to check it out again, it has been revised and republished.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice. Wow, I miss typing this.

The Second Book

Chapter Four

To Live

Written by: keaRy anCe

"In preparation for the Spring Fest, everyone is required to help." Our Home Economics teacher, Serina, informed. Just this morning the High School Principal commanded every teacher and faculty staff to update the students that they will play a big role in this upcoming festival. Ask me. I don't care. They are busy on so much useless things. They should have use this day to teach Advance Algebra rather than advance consumption of their allowance.

"Every club and class is asked to start and participate in designing the whole Academy." She continued as she walked back and forth in front. "Students that are found lying and doing nothing will be given extra work." She ended with a warning. Students who doesn't care didn't give a damn on Serina's warning instead they busied themselves by throwing papers with each other. Who knew that kind of act also exists her?

On the other hand, why do they need to be strict about this? I don't get it. Can I pass? My mom has a high position; can I use that to pass? Oh, what am I thinking? I'm being lazy again. After that short reminder, she continued on teaching and the lesson is about the importance of an alice in cooking. I took down notes hoping my effort would be worth it when examination day come. Speaking of Alice, I think I'm not improving, I can't even use it when I want to that's why I want to consult my mother about that, it's worrying me.

Serina-sensei removed the chalk dust in her hand and said. "That's it. Have a nice afternoon." She smiled. I was glad to see that she was done. I finished the last remaining notes she had written on the board before I packed my things. I glanced at the moistened window, proving the fact that it rained a little. A raining spring, now where will you see something like that? It is kinda cute to experience season like this. It was also spring when I met them. My expression saddened when blur of memoirs came.

The bell rang and everybody is rushing their way out. Their way of rushing out is different from the other days, they look like there is this sale on the mall which is about to end for the day. They are all hurrying and squeaking in excitement. I wonder. Maybe a celebrity has came, I reckoned.

"Where are they going?" I asked myself as I followed them with my eyes. A boy hit my shoulder, courtesy of his running, causing me to drop my books, almost, so to prevent that commotion to happen again I held my books tighter and tried my best to avoid the crowd. "I really wonder where they are going." I whispered, my eyes still trailing them.

"At Central Market, Mikan." Nobara said behind my back, I was staggered at first but we managed to smile at each other as a sign of greeting. I haven't seen Nobara frequently so I was happy to talk to her again. I like gossiping and I'm really talkative that is why I can't live with no friends to talk to.

"Central Market?" I asked with confused eyes, we started to walk.

"It's a large shopping district. You can find everything there and with a touch of one's alice." She explained, her voice indicated she was excited too. "The reason why students are rushing to be there is because of the Spring Festival, since it is weeks away they need to find their clothes and other needs for the occasion. They also need to rush because the good ones might be gone and you know us teenagers, we want the best."

I slowly waggled. "Are you going too?"

She nodded. "Yup and I want you to come with me." She invited and pulled my hands. I was about to say "no" since its too early for shopping and I haven't fully decided if I'm going yet but she strongly dragged me all the way to this market of them, oh, us. I always forget the fact that I'm a student here, silly me. We rode the school bus which is my first time, in this school I mean. I got to see the places outside the school and it reminds me of the real outside world, it's almost the same though the atmosphere's a bit diverse.

I am still enjoying the trip when I saw that my classmates are getting off the bus.

"Come on Mikan!" I heard Nobara exclaimed and dragged me again.

Central Market huh. Now I know why everyone's excited to come here, it s something you would be tired of because you have seen so many beautiful things and you can't pick anything coz you want them all. Ha, this is better than any other mall outside! But here, it's an open area and as it goes by its name, it is a market. Unlike in the academy, here you could see speak as loud as you can and gave unlimited smiles and chuckles. What a good scene. Everyone is happy. We entered a boutique that has weird designs and interior. I never though Alice people could be so creative.

My mind is so awed that's why I didn't noticed Nobara choosing dresses for me. She continually gave me those dresses that I need to try on but I can't say 'no', again, because she looks so excited and I don't want to ruin her mood and be accused as a killjoy.

"Here. Try this and this and this and –oh, this one's lovely- and this! I hope this color suits you, well, try it anyway." Nobara gleefully said, eyeing the shoes laid in front of her and practically ignoring the beautiful dresses she just gave to me. "Mikan, you have no idea how I planned your look for the Spring Dance!" She cried and bent down to check the shoes.

"Nobara, I guess this is a bit much." I spoke timidly.

She stared at me like I'm some alien and then she smiled. "When it comes to you 'much' isn't a word!" I can't help but to sweat. Then she gave me that same excited look she had since we started shopping. It was invigorating, Nobara is my only friend here so far and I wanna treasure her forever.

I giggled. "If that's the case, then let's continue our shopping!"

We didn't get tired at all. We enjoyed every second of our shopping spree and even though if it wasn't for my mother's money I could not afford any of this, I still enjoyed it. I can sense that my mom wants me to be happy also and get over with everything that had happened and I'm trying. Trying through simple things like this. I know someday or maybe one day I will become the old me again but more mature and I will find that person whom will I cherish forever. I will never stop believing that even a girl like me could have her own amazing love story. A love story that the heroine and hero's feelings are mutual.

"Oi." An annoyed voice greeted my stare. His hands on his pockets and he is good in ignoring the stares the other girls are giving to him. Is he really that handsome? Does he have the appeal? The charm? Why can't I perceive it? Are me eyes not normal or is it my brain? Why? Why?

My mood suddenly changed and I can't seem to find Nobara all of a sudden. I tried to be calm and answer politely. "What do you want Nagihiko?" I asked, disarraying the bargain in front of me.

"I though we're cool?" He was talking about our friendship.

I looked at him, frowning. "Ken." I said, proving I can call him by his name now and we are friends and I never forgot about that fact. "What do you want Ken? This is a girl's shop. Boys like you should be shopping on the store before this." It's true, what is he doing here? Has he become gay?

"Well, what do you know? I might be actually buying for a girl." He said and I was shocked. He continued on looking the displayed items and my instinct told me to brush his shoulders and ask him. Has he really become gay?

"Wait, what? You have a girlfriend?" I spat. I can't believe him. One day, he's blabbing about hating girls and now he has a girlfriend. Who is that girl? Or has he really become gay?

He smirked in victory. "Whoa, who said anything about a girlfriend? And if you're thinking that I'm a gay, you should stop it." Fine. I know he was reading my mind.

And yeah, who said anything about it? Stupid me. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "No one." I justified, showing him my justifying facial expression. "But it's too impossible for you to put so much effort for a girl, oh, maybe she's your sister." I said my thoughts, a bit embarrassed. What if I'm wrong again?

"I don't have a sister and I was just lying." He's a jerk! He ruffled my hair and pinched my nose; too much to my annoyance I pushed him a bit. He made his way to the accessories corner and I still followed him. I won't give up a talk without saying anything long.

"You jerk! And here I thought it was for Misaki."

He froze for seconds and started to bombard me with questions. "You met her? What did she say to you? Is she the one who told you about Nobara? What else did that traitor told you?" Traitor? What is he saying? She's his cousin for Pete's sake!

My eyes twitched, why is he so unloosen up? "Easy fella. I just met her, the other day, she came to me and we had a pretty nice but short talk. Don't worry, I don't remember anything she said –in fact- she really didn't say anything about you except the topic about the Nobara incident last year. She said she's your cousin, is that true by the way?"

"Well, yes." He bluntly said.

"Thanks to her extremely friendly personality I think I gained another friend." I beamed. I was really happy. Misaki is such an approachable person.

"You're still searching for that?" He sound disgusted.

I nodded and started to choose some accessories, trying to avoid eye contact. "Is there a problem with that? Friends are treasures. Don't you ever forget that." I seriously acknowledged.

"Whatever."

"I don't accept 'whatevers' as an answer." I grunted, a little angry with him. "It ends the conversation."

"Well then, how about, I don't care?"

"You're impossible!" It also ends the conversation. "I hate people who are hopeless like you. Ugh!"

"I don't care." He replied, I grunted. How could he be so insensitive? He's a total yank! Now, I can't stand him! I walked away from the corner we were into and went to the counter to pay some items I have purchased and Ken purposely hit me on the shoulder. He is following me, very well, I'll shun him. Can I do that? No.

"Are you tying to be rude?" I asked, accusing him for purposely doing it.

"I'm trying to annoy you." He grinned. How dare him! He didn't even lie that he didn't do that on purpose.

"Congratulations, you already did." I admitted. "If your intention is done, you could go now."

"Why are you shoving me away? Do you own the place?"

"No! But you see I am not comfortable with you around. It's like something bad would always happen when you're near and I seriously don't like trouble."

"Paranoid."

"I am not paranoid! I just want to be safe. That's different."

"And cynical." He added, ignoring my outburst. We are still in the store.

I stayed silent. So what if I'm being paranoid and defensive? Does he even care? Knowing him he wouldn't give a damn about my feelings. I glared at him and asked him a question. "Have you seen Nobara?" I changed the topic and besides he might know where Nobara went.

He rolled his eyes. "She's with you."

"Obviously, she's not here." I eyed him, my eyebrows twitched and my face is sour.

"That's not my fault." Ken snarled.

"Yeah, whatever." I accidentally said. I cupped my mouth and stared at him with these big brown eyes of mine.

He gave a light laugh and poked me on the forehead. "I don't accept whatevers as an answer."

"Oh, shut up!" I yelled as I threw him a cloth I just grabbed out of nowhere. I exited the store and tried searching for Nobara and as usual I was successful, I saw her- eating. Why didn't she invite me? I have a thing for ice creams. Now I'm craving for it. Yummy.

I ran towards her. "Nobara, I was looking for you! Where did you go?" I kinda scolded, panting. I left Ken and I don't care where he went. He's a big guy and I'm not his maid. Wait, why am I thinking this?

Meanwhile, Nobara was surprised by my voice and gave me that same cheerful smile. "I'm so sorry Mikan. It's just that I saw Ken coming and I thought you and him would have some time together." She is not helping, seriously.

"Are you serious? Why do I need to hang out with a guy like him? I don't like him, if you're thinking like that. We are just friends, nothing else." I declared, disgusted. She's setting us up and I could feel that. It was not a good thing to do.

"Aww, but I think you could make a good couple." I'm correct. She is setting me with Ken. The boy I like for her.

"Stop teasing me."

She pouted. "Don't tell me you didn't have any boyfriends before."

I stopped. I can't seem to say something and I hate it. I suddenly became sad and flashbacks horrified me.

"Mikan? Is something wrong?" I hear Nobara asked. I looked at her and smiled. Past is past. I should get over with it and I better start forgetting about it.

"Why are you suddenly invading my personal life, huh?" I mischievously smiled.

She chuckled nervously. "I am curious, that's why."

"I didn't have any relationship with anyone in the past. So you see, I have no experience." I lied, she wouldn't know anyway if I'm lying or saying the truth. She doesn't know anything about my past and Natsume and I have no plan to tell her because Nobara shouldn't get involve with those meaningless problems. I also had enough with those encouraging words. It sickens me in a way that I shouldn't.

"Why? You're attractive and kind." She really doesn't want to drop the topic.

"I don't know and I don't care." I said. "How about you?" My time to ask.

"I'm not popular and beautiful." She straightforwardly replied, dipping on her ice cream.

"Oh, stop saying nonsense things Nobara. You are beautiful and being popular is pointless." I encouraged. "If this boy you've been waiting for came, let me be the one who will know it first. Promise?" I gave her a beam.

She smiled back at me and made a promise. "Promise." She's my friend and saying things like this, I know, will help her and I'm not lying so I should get an award for this for being such a concerned friend. Who am I talking to? I laughed. This is such a great day. Almost. When I remember the incidents with Ken my blood is boiling. Damn him.

Nobara sent her temporary goodbye to me because she said she has a thing to do regarding their Student Council, I could not stop her because it is her duty but I started to think why is the Student Council so busy? I could not ask her because she always has some errands to go and things to do and when we're in school I was too busy with myself. Now, I need to balance my time and have some peace of mind. Yeah, I should do that.

I saw a bench under a Sakura tree and I immediately went there to rest because my feet are killing me already. I sighed in relief and looked up to see the ray of sun shining through me as the flowers of the tree sway and fall, it was really something and beautiful, my first time also to see this phenomenon closely. I wanted to cry, oh, this is so wonderful! I'm back with my childish attitude and mind again- meaning I'm being happy with little things. It is spring and I wonder what the preparations Hotaru and the others are doing in my old school. Could their celebration be as extravagant as ours or not? Maybe they are having a dance too or not because Sumiasen is too busy with academics. But deep inside my heart, I know, they are happy. They should be.

"Your Nullification Alice isn't improving and you haven't attended a normal special class since you got here." Ken said behind my back, oh, he was sleeping under the same tree. He yawned and walked slowly to sit beside me. He stared at me with those eyes of him and instantly looked away.

"Aren't you tired of insulting me?" I asked him.

"Never." He laughed. That was a good answer.

"I'm tired of talking to you." I lied.

"That will never happen also." He knows me too well.

I unconsciously gave a smile. "You talk as if you know me too well."

"Don't I?" He is too full of himself.

"Before, you said I don't know you and I will use that same line to you, you don't know me."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

I shrieked. "Stop replying that word to me!"

"You can't order me around."

I didn't protested or whatsoever. I just lay back in the bench we are both sitting. The leaves continued on falling and the rays of the sun are slowly banishing. "Have you decided about the Spring Dance?"

"I have no reason to go." He is so straightforward.

"Oh." Why? He always says that. "Why are you so distant to poeple?"

"Why do you care?" He monotonously spat.

"I'm nosy, aren't I?"

"So you finally admitted it." He smirked. "I'm just not like you. I'm too great."

"You do know that arrogance is not a good thing right?" I scolded. "Also, that dance is for everyone. Attending there wouldn't reduce your pride and your arrogance."

"Once you get to know me, you'll agree with me." He said.

I made a mocking sound. "But you don't want us to know you! Look, do your fan girls even know your birthday?"

"No. I don't want them to know." He replied, yawning.

"See! You are too picky! Maybe if you'll know someone that can surpass you, your ugly behavior would change."

"I never said I'm the greatest." He glanced at me, his smirk didn't fade away.

"Oh yeah? I know you're just lying coz based on that smirk glued on your face, you are probably thinking that you're the greatest thing on Earth!" I exclaimed but I was serious. This guy has some attitude problems. "Fix that before it gets too late or you loose someone." I was referring to his friends.

"If it is friends that you mean I'm loosing, I'm not afraid of it." How could he say that? Is he really some heartless jerk?

"I'm your friend and you're not afraid of loosing me?" I choked my shyness down to my stomach to ask him this particular question. I need to test him. If he was going to say 'no' then that meant only one thing, he thinks he is the center of the universe but if his answer is the opposite, well, I got to know him better.

He looked at me with his cold expression. "No."

I scowled, I am not happy. "Really?" I knew it. I'm upset.

"Yah, really." He repeated and that made me angrier than before. So what if he doesn't care about me? I won't also care about him. Jerk! He is not human. Come on, what person in his right mind would want his friends to be gone? He is definitely insane.

"I am not insane." He stated, gosh, he read my mind. "I just know I won't loose you." I can't reply instead I blushed. That was his point huh? Good point. "What now? You got your tongue loose?"

"No, I am just happy to hear you say things like that." I stood up grabbing the things I just bought with Nobara. "Now that we're friends -officially-, can I ask you a favor?"

"Depends."

"Can you go to the dance and have some fun?"

"The moment you decided to go, I have already made my decision too. No need to ask a favor."

What? Is he really coming just because I'm going? "You said you have no reason to go and if you don't really want to, that's fine. Don't force yourself just because I keep on blabbing it to you."

"You are really stupid."

"Don't call me stupid, jerk." I hit him with one of the paper bags I'm lifting. He didn't even offered to help me holding this, so un-gentleman. "I hate being called stupid."

"Are you being sensitive now?" He mocked right through my face.

"You got a problem with that?" I snapped at him.

"Want to know the truth?"

He is getting annoying. "Stop playing games with me." I warned.

"I hate games too but you started it."

I was literally surprised in the way he is shoving to my face that I am the one who's at fault in this conversation. "As far as I remember, I didn't and it was you." I inhaled.

"See? You're playing games with me."

"Oh, shut up!" I yelled, hitting him with my foot.

"Ouch!" Good thing he was hurt by my kick. That should teach him a lesson. "Before I forgot, I don't accept that as an answer."

He backfire me! "Just SHUT UP!"

He never left my side. He is so annoying. We walked in silent and that is really awkward. Imagine he didn't talk for real. I want to ask him if he was doing this because it's bothersome for me or what but if I do that I'll eat my words again for shutting him up and be the one who'll make him talk. People were looking at us and might think that we're actually -ahhmmm- I can't say it. . . .a couple? To stop them from thinking the wrong thing, I did my best to get rid of him but he is serious in tailing me. I inhaled hardly and faced him.

"Is it not obvious that I'm shooing you away?" My hands on my waist and my voice is high.

"I'm not stupid. I'm aware of that."

I dropped my things and grabbed him by the collar. "Fine." I hissed. "Be that way, I won't stop you. But be sure to stay away from, people are looking and your fan girls might salvage me if they also got the wrong idea."

He held my hands and gripped it away from his neckline. "Malicious much?"

"I want to be safe, that's all."

"You're chickening because of them?" He ridiculed.

"I am not." I am not scared of any Alice. There are other things besides my Nullification. I ogled at him keenly showing that I'm serious and telling the truth. "No alice can harm to me. Defensive, offensive alices could not harm me. I amore than what you think, you know. I may be a girl and a new student but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm new to being an alice."

"You speak as if you mastered your alice."

"I know I haven't reached that stage yet but I'm working on it." I assured him and judging by the look he was giving to me he does not trust me. "I told you. You don't know me yet, multi-user." I smirked.

He looked shock. His eyes are wider and he could not believe what I just said. "What are you saying?" So he still pretended to be unaware. Alright, I'm gonna play with him a bit if that's what he want.

After my smirk and serious expression, I gave him my smile and I also laughed a bit. "Oh, I'm sorry did I tense you? I was just bluffing. It isn't possible that you are a multi alice user right? You are just a mind reader. Or is it possible?" I did my best to act innocent and unaware.

"Of course not. Like you said, I'm just a mind reader." He glanced away. I can tell his nervousness is eating him up. It's the first time I can see him in such discomfort and it was heaven. He began shutting up; his secret is something that a person like me wouldn't know. I'm different.

"Hey you two!" I immediately turned my head to see the yelling lady we just heard and to my happiness it was Misaki. She is running rapidly towards us also having those purchased items in her hands.

"Hi! How are you?" I greeted right at the moment she stopped in front of us.

"I'm fine, Mikan-chan and I know you are too so I won't ask." I nodded happily and then she averted her body and attention to her cousin. "My cousin looks pale. Did he do something bad to you? Oh no." She placed her hands on her mouth and in the process gasped.

I shook my head. "No. We are just talking."

Ken gawked at his cousin in irritation. "What are you doing here stupid cousin?" He frowned.

"Ken! I am not stupid! And I'm not here for you; I just want to know how Mikan is doing." She placed her right arm onto my shoulder and brushed my hair. "Don't flatter yourself way too much, arrogant cousin. Instead of being grateful that someone like me is concerned about your health and your life, you are aggravated and always frowning. Ugh, why do I have to have a cousin like you."

"Ha! Maybe I should be the one saying that." Ken scorned giving Misaki one of his maddening expressions.

"Oh yeah?" Misaki yelled and began hitting him playfully.

I was a little out of place but I'm happy to see these two fighting. They looked so close. I almost remembered the times when Hotaru, Anna, Nonoko, and I are playing around like nothing matter. A tear flowed from my eye and when I realized I cried I quickly wiped it. "Misaki, I need to go. I promised Nobara I should meet her when five comes and if I don't hurry up I'll be late." I excused myself.

They stopped what they are doing. She smiled and patted my shoulder. "Alright, but we'll talk some other day."

"Okay."

Actually, I lied. Nobara and I never had plans and truthfully I just want to be away from the people. I sniffed the sweet scent of the season and I realized I was away from the public. And just like that, I cried. Maybe because I don't like here and I want to be with my friends outside, maybe because no one cares about me here, maybe because I regretted coming here, maybe because I came here to avoid Natsume and not for myself, maybe because I have things in my mind that I can't say out loud coz no one will listen, and maybe because I really don't belong anywhere. I sat at the grassy land and continued my crying. Why do I have to be like this? I should be happy. With this, Natsume and Sumire can continue their love story which could not be progressed if I'm around, hurting.

I gave up my school, my friends, my happiness, my freedom. I sniffed the air once again hoping it would at least relieve the pain but it didn't instead it sent me memories. Sad memories; it swamped my mind. I remembered the way Natsume loved me. I slapped my cheeks to stop me from reminiscing but it didn't help. He treated me as a trash. He only respected me when Sumire told him to. We kissed but that was nothing for him. I rejected Ruka just to be with him. The whole school is talking about how idiotic I am. I bear it all. Their hurtful stares, their bad mouths, Natsume's hurtful words, his doings and every single sorrow I felt since I started to be with him. I bore it all.

"I knew you're gonna cry."

As soon as I heard that frustrating voice, I looked up. "What are you doing here Ken?"

"I hate to see you crying when you are happy just before."

I wiped the tears but it didn't stop from flowing. "I wasn't expecting you to be here. So much effort huh." He really is concerned about me. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm happy to be one of his friends.

Ken sat down beside me and seized my arms for a hug. A hug, I miss it. This hug made me cried more. "I just can't be happy." I confessed. My head lay on his chest as he held those arms of mine into his. "I can't move on. I just can't. I can't do anything. I'm a loner, I'm useless and I have no value to anyone."

"Shut up. You've got it all wrong. You are not a loner, you are not useless and more importantly you have a value." He caressed my hair and held me closer to him. He was comforting me.

"You are just saying that because I'm crying."

Ken hit my head lightly with his fist. "Moron, do I look like that type of person?"

I cried more. "Yes you do." I laughed. "Have you ever wondered why people met?"

He shrugged. "I really don't care."

I knew he would say that but I still continued. "Because," I released myself from his soothing hug, wiped my tears and tried to smile at him, "they will make you happy." He watched me for a moment and chuckled. At that short answer I know he got the message. "What? You thought I would say something nonsense and long."

"No, I've figured that out."

"Liar."

I don't know but what happened today will definitely change the friendship level Ken and I have. I can talk to him now every time, for sure. Mood swings, changing decisions, unstable way of thinking, being haunted by the past, it all tells that I can have some psychological sickness but I don't. I am just sad but I'm healthy and in the right mind. Now that I am not very problematic anymore, I will start to become the ideal me which my mom can be proud of and if one day I got to see my old friends again and Natsume they will all be shocked on how much I have changed. Maybe we were on our mid-20 then and I promise from this day onwards, I will live.

To live is to be happy in your own way, to be free in your own meaning of being free, to be peaceful in your own view, to be strong in your own, to be the inspiration you've dreamt of, to be the person you wanted, to be the best in your own explanation, to be inspired, to dream. To be you is to live.

Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.
-Anthony Robbins

END OF CHAPTER

5, 414 words. Not bad huh. It has been more than a month since I've updated and this long chapter is my way of saying SORRY FOR THE WAIT. I mean, this is the fourth chapter for four months and that is kinda slow. But now I just updated, please do your best on REVIEWING. By reviewing, you could not just make the author happy but let her be aware of her flaws and her strengths. So I advice you to keep reviewing. Go.

Don't forget to leave a sweet review. :)

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