AN: Thank you guys so much for the comments they were so kind and amazing. And yes, 'Benny and Joon' is amazing-sauce, I can't deny that. Now here we have a chapter without French. Yay, I love not having to study books to think I know what I'm talking about.
Chapter Two: part one
"I thought you'd be done by now," I told Edward as I took my seat across from him early Saturday. The library was practically empty this early other than its' workers. I'd seen one person reading the paper when I'd first walked in but they were in a different section than Edward and I. Yet I felt bizarrely claustrophobic so close to him.
"You mean, done reading?"
"Yeah."
"You're a fast reader?" he wondered setting 'Tuck Everlasting' aside.
"Well, I guess? I'm not sure, I've never timed myself."
He chuckled, "You seem like one of those people who skims through most books*, rarely savouring the details."
My mouth opened stupidly and closed just as attractively.
"Ha," he exclaimed, "I've caught you." He smiled good-naturedly.
"So, okay, maybe I scan some of the books I read, what's the difference? I'm an excellent scanner."
He shook his head, "I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it; just… uh, don't you feel you miss important details? Like when the conclusion comes, aren't you often taken surprised?"
"Well… I guess," I allowed. "But I like that, I like being confused, I like being shocked; I like knowing I can still re-read a book and get more out of it."
"And see, me, I hate that. I hate not knowing what's happening, I hate having a bombshell land on me when I'm trying to relax into a book. So I read slowly and I learn everything there is to know. And still every time I re-read a novel I get something new, a different experience."
"We're really different," I said looking down at the table; trying to read the chicken scratch that had been ingrained, expanding from cracks in the plastic coated table. I hated having to admit that aloud, it was bad enough knowing we were so different, I didn't need to announce it.
He was beautiful, there was no other word for it, he was effective, helpful, and perfect and all I could do was trail behind him. The one thing I thought we'd had in common was reading, and even in that we were polar opposites.
"Different techniques for the same thing," he interjected.
"How so?" I asked looking up, his eyes caught mine like they often did, like they knew how they were affecting me and mocking me each time.
"Because in both our cases we strive for a reason to re-read the book; to have another reason to open the cover."
"So you are re-reading those books?" I asked hoping he would finally clear up one of the many mysteries.
He smirked, that wonderful smirk that had bewitched me. "Yeah, I'm re-reading them."
"The first time?"
"The first time I've read them over?" he clarified.
"Yeah."
"This is the second time I've read 'Tuck Everlasting' and I'm never done with 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland,'" he took a deep breath, his eyes finally flipping away, "Honestly?" He enthused rather passionately.
"Honestly?" I repeated trying to goad him along though I didn't want to have to interrupt his flow. Edward had never spoken so much about himself before and he might never again. This could be the one chance I had to collect information.
"Well, I don't think I'll ever be done with Alice. She's the perfect escape."
"From what?"
"Uh," he combed through his hair, I watched each of his four elegant fingers, engrossed, as they parted his reddish locks. "You know, life, family; my father mostly."
"Your dad?" I knew I was being nosy but, I mean, could you blame me? His tone was full of hidden intrigue and there was no way I was leaving the topic on such a note.
"Well you know dads…"
His eyes peaked up at me, "No, actually I don't." It was my time to feel uncomfortable. "I haven't talked to my dad for more than two minutes in a row since I was eight."
"You're parents are divorced?" I let Edward do it, I let him turn the conversation even though everything in me was willing him to talk at length about his father; his experiences.
"Yeah."
"How long?"
"Since I was six, or was I five?" I asked myself, "Either or, it's been a long time."
"And you haven't seen him since?"
"Oh no, I used to visit him in the summer."
His eyebrows pulled down and he brought his chin higher, so his eyes were straight on. It was the first time I noticed his eyelashes, they were long and dark, maybe longer than mine, the skin over his strong jaw pulled taunt, "Used to?"
"Huh?" His face's minor changes had distracted me.
"You said 'used to visit' you don't any longer?"
"It was hard on my mother, uh, for me to be gone for so long, you know?"
"No, I don't," he whispered. "But I can imagine.*"
"Well it's no big thing; it's just divorce; lots of people get divorced. It's common."
"Common," he repeated, tossing the word off his tongue like it had a bad taste. He rubbed his temples, "And there I go again, getting so off topic. I'm sorry Bella; I'm very good at wasting your time."
"You're not wasting my time. It's nice getting to know you." I flushed pink barely believing I had admitted as much. "Though I'm sorry I rattled on so much about myself."
"Nonsense, has no one ever told you, you're fascinating?"
Was I fascinating like a science experiment gone wrong? Was I like astrophysics* in my complexity? Or maybe I was simply fascinating like a bumble bee; somehow flying against all odds*? I wanted to ask him what he meant but I didn't; I couldn't, I was too embarrassed. I wanted to impress him so badly that I couldn't make myself seem more foolish. I wanted, desperately, to leave at least one positive image of me with him before finals, the last I'd see him, something he could smile about. He had already clutched and torn everything inside me, he would be the thing I remembered most.
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Angela came over at seven that night; face bundled under a scarf her grandmother had knitted for her five years ago. She pushed through the door, rushing to shut it. "I'm freezing," she shivered out.
"I've got blankets in the living room?" I offered. She leaned down and took off her boats, grunting as one bright pink sock stayed encased in the boot.
"Fuck socks," she exclaimed, "Why are they so… so sock like*?"
I laughed and took the boot from her hand after she tried unsuccessfully to shove her mitten covered hand in to retrieve the evil sock. "Give it here."
She let me take it scowling before turning and hanging her coat up, stuffing the mitts in the pockets. "I hate winter."
"It is pretty awful, but what can you do?"
"Move." She grumbled. I handed her the sock and watched her struggle to stay balanced while she replaced it.
"What's wrong?" I asked finally worried. Angela never swore that was the first warning bell. Last year she told me winter was her favourite time of season. She loved the ever changing weather, the ups and downs, she was always prepared.
"I don't, urgh, I just," she walked past me, through the kitchen and around into the well worn living room. There were two couches from when my mother and Charlie had lived together. She'd taken them along with me when she left him. They were an ugly orange, green and beige, interwoven together. Renee hated them but she enjoyed not spending a dime more.
The television was one of those old early 2000 modules; a large box that went back farther than you'd expect effectively taking up a good portion of the room. The couches were positioned around, because the Swan women weren't kidding anyone, this room was used for TV watching not for staring at the electric fire that was nuzzled next to the TV set.
Angela landed on the larger couch in a huff bringing a blanket, which had been hanging over the side, down to cover herself.
I sat on the couch's arm next to her feet. "Angela," I spoke sternly, "What's wrong?"
Her head disappeared under the blanket, "Iuhm im ob wid im."
"What?" I reached forward and grabbed the blanket away from her. "You'll have to repeat that I don't speak yawn*."
"I'm in love with him. I love him. God, am I in love with him."
"Who? Erick?" my eyes grew like saucers.
"God, no, no."
"Um, then you've lost me."
"Ben."
"Ben?" I asked, "You mean Ben who used to pull your hair in grade two; that Ben?"
"Yeah, that Ben," her scowl grew.
"I didn't even know you still talked to him. I mean you didn't in elementary school."
"I have calculus and computer science with him," she explained sighing as her scowl loosened.
"And you're in love with him? Since when? Aren't you still dating Erick?" I knew that I'd asked too many questions in one go but they just seemed to come out.
"Yes, I'm still dating Erick. I don't know what to do…"
"Um, well, maybe you should break up with him?" I said it like a question, softly, not like I was accusing her of anything because I wasn't, "Tell him there's someone else; that you haven't cheated on him but that you-," I stopped myself, "You haven't been cheating on him with Ben have you?"
It was so far from Angela behavior that I hadn't let it cross my mind before. "Of course not," she exploded. She took a calming breath, "I'm sorry, no, no I haven't cheated on him. And I will let him down, of course. We never really connected anyway; it most likely won't even change our friendship but…"
"But…"
"Ben doesn't even notice me," she let out in a whoosh.
I blinked. "What?"
"He doesn't notice me," she repeated slowly. "I barely exist. I'm a speck on the windshield. I'm nothing."
"Angela; stop. You are not nothing. Besides you eventually see those little spots on your windshield and they annoy you until something has to be done about them."
"I need chocolate."
I got up without a word, went to the kitchen, and grabbed the emergency stash of Ben and Jerry's half fudge half cookie dough ice cream* and two spoons. When I returned Angela was sitting up, the blanket still around her and the television turned on to the woman's network. A romantic comedy, at the very least twenty minutes in, was playing quietly.
I sat beside her, popped the lid and tossed it onto the coffee table. She grabbed a spoon before I could offer it.
"Thank-you," she mumbled around a mouth of ice cream. She swallowed, "I've just let it build for too long. I'm sorry I just, went all crazy on you. I'm not usually so… so you know crazy."
I laughed "I wish you'd told me sooner, we could have discussed techniques or something."
She laughed for the first time that night. "I know you had Alice issues. I really didn't want to be the one who added to the load. And didn't you say something about your mom's new younger beau?" she put her hand over her mouth in surprise. "Sorry is she home? I'm not calling her old."
"It's their first date tonight," I explained.
"Ah. See, here I am being all me, me when you're worrying about Mr. Impracticality."
I shook my head in amusement. "No, he's cool, really. And Alice is working everything out slowly. Jasper keeps trying to get her to move in with him and she's just about convinced. So everything is working out, I think."
"Uh-huh." She raised an eyebrow, "Then why do you need the addictive, beautiful chocolate too?"
I turned red; I was caught for the second time that day. "So maybe you aren't the only one living in Not Noticed Town."
"Who?" she asked curiously, "Sorry, don't tell me if you don't want to." There, that sounded like Angela.
"No it's just, I don't know. Is it really cliché to say each time I see my tutor I think he's more and more… interesting? I can't think of the right word. Like, uh, I don't know…"
She sighed and gave me a hug, leaving the spoon in her mouth. I hugged back glad that my spoon was sitting in the bucket so it wouldn't be dripping all over me.
"Not Noticed Town: population two," she whispered in my ear before leaning back and taking a huge chuck of the chocolate. "Do you need to vent?" She asked timidly, careful not to overstep any bounds.
"There's nothing to say really. Just… I need to get him out of my head," I scanned the room wondering what would be the best distraction, "Wanna watch 'The Notebook?'" I asked.
"Yes please, all I need is You, Ryan, romance, chocolate and a box of tissues."
I laughed, "Do you really need the tissues?" she nodded and I got up, "You put the movie in and I'll grab them. Did you want popcorn?"
"Do you even need to ask?" I got off the arm as she started riffling through the drawers in the coffee table.
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The movie's end credits started to roll; I took a look at the time wondering how long Renee would be. She didn't have class in the morning but I was still expecting her home. It was weird to think that she might decide to stay the night with Phil; at his house.
"So what are you going to do about Ben?" I finally asked.
"Well first I'm going to talk to Erick, then after I smooth that over, I don't know; nothing."
"Nothing? You love Ben but nothing?"
"Bella, it's not like I don't want to but, it's me, let's not fool ourselves. I really, really, really like him but… I can handle being his friend. I'd rather that than nothing."
"Nothing…" It sounded so empty to me; maybe it was because it sent reverberations through my chest.
"What about you?" she wondered cutting my thoughts off, "your tutor…"
"Nothing," I told her my voice sounding unnatural to my ears, "It's nothing."
Notes:
* Skimming books: I don't generally do this but I know lots of people who do. I know real Bella is probably more like this stories Edward in how she reads but I wanted to show some character development.
* Edward can't imagine: I just thought it was cute that he can't imagine how hard it is to be without Bella for a couple months. I'm a sucker; what can I say?
* Astrophysics: This is in reference to the scrapped beginning to last chapter. I tried to write at a ridiculous time so when I re-read it I was like 'why am I talking about astrophysics and black holes?' But regardless I wanted a reminder.
* Bumble Bees: Someone told me they shouldn't, aerodynamically, be able to fly. I have no idea if this is true and it's too cold to find a bumble bee out here to check but that's what Bella's thoughts are referring to.
*Socks: Dude, that boot sock thing is so annoying. I know it shouldn't be but when it's freezing and that happens I never notice 'till I put my bare foot on the cold tile, or step in the snow that came off my boot and it sucks. I actually have a deep and mutual love of socks just not when they don't stay on. : (
* Yawn speak: Only very special people can understand yawn speak. I, on the other hand, am not one of these people.
* Ben and Jerry's half fudge, half cookie dough ice cream: I'm drooling thinking about this. It's like a health freak out in a small reseal-able container.