Dr. Beckett was hiding out in his infirmitry all afternoon, he had busied himself with cleaning out a few things and the never ending pile of paper work.

It was mid evening when he heard the footsteps of someone coming into his office,

"Doc" a deep voice greeted

"Ronan" he answered avoiding the mans eyes

"Come on" Ronan stated moving towards the door

"Well, I still, its just I"

"Your coming" Ronan firmly added

"Ronan, lad I"

"Your coming" Ronan stated again placing a hand on his shoulder and started to steer the Dr towards the door

"I…..I"

"Carson" Ronan stated softly looking kindly at the smaller man

Carson's eyes snapped up at the soft way his name was spoken on Ronan's lips

"We do not care, and if anyone does you let me know and I'll fix it. After all if they have a problem with you then they will have a problem"

"I'm not gay" he quickly answered defensively

"You! I mean, lad, I didn't I mean I don't understand" he stuttered a moment later

"My life love is male"

"So just like that you would be ok with it"

"Yes, I have faith in my visions and its meant to be"

"Gods' will be done" the scot answered softly

Ronan looked at his life love confused

"It's a religious saying my Mother uses. If its god's will then it will happen. She also liked "gods plans aren't always your plans"

"Destiny"

"Kinda lad, kinda. Anyway lad, I don't mind you are but I aint gay"

"Gay?"

"Attracted to men"

"You do not find me attractive?" Ronan asked smiling cheekily walking closer to the smaller paler man

"I…I…well"

Ronan walked the doctor until he was against the wall and Ronan looked down at him, trapping him

"Ronan" Carson stuttered nervously

"Yeah" Ronan answered his voice husky and deep

"I, I, what..I" Carson blushed again, the red flush stretching down his cheeks to his neck and under his shirt

"Tell me what you want" Ronan pushed, one arm above the Dr's shoulder and the other at the Scots waist. Ronan leant forward and stared down at the man he had pinned beneath him.

Carson stared into Ronans eyes, he felt his body absorbing the heat the larger man was producing and his mind would not agree.

His body was telling him this felt wonderful, a small part of his brain was telling him to lean forward just that little bit to kiss the other man but after this thoughted crossed his mind another voice would scream at him.

"Carson" Ronan muttered leaning down slightly

The screaming voice in Carson's head was screaming loudly telling him that it was wrong, a sin, these thoughts were inappropriate and dirty They asked him mockingly what his mother would say. That it was against god and he would burn in hell forever.

"Ronan" Carson muttered with conflict and desire filling the gap of words he did not speak

"Talk to me" Ronan asked

Carson closed his eyes as his body was begging him to lean forward but his brain continued to scream at him, sinful, shameful, wrong, inappropriate and dirty.

"No, no" Carson muttered, his eyes still closed but he leant into Ronan, hiding his face against the mans neck

"Wrong, wrong, shameful, unnatural, sinful, against God, sinful, shameful, dirty" he repeated several times over in a voice so broken and soft that Ronan only just heard him

"Why is it wrong?"

"Sin against God, God created man and woman. Wrong, shameful, unnatural" he muttered eyes still closed as his internal battle continued but tears started to leak from his eyes and Ronan could feel the damp liquid on his neck as Carson continued to mutter and cry

Ronan wrapped his love gently in his arms pulling him closer

"Carson" he asked concerned

"God said it was wrong" Carson sobbed as more tears poured from his tightly clenched closed eyes

"Your God made you didn't he?" Ronan asked

"In his image" Carson repeated between sobs

"Why did he make you this way if it was wrong?" Ronan challenged

"He made you and if you want to be with a man then isn't it your Gods doing"

Carsons eyes opened as he looked at Ronan with a new embrassased blush colouring his face

"I am so sorry lad" he stepped away from the larger man and wiped the last of the tears off his face.

"Carson" Ronan asked stepping closer and a heavy sadness filled his heart as the Dr stepped back again and turned his back on the other

"I'm not gay" he answered weakly

"I do not find men attractive" he added with even less conviction

"I do not find you attractive Ronan" he sobbed as tears spilled from his eyes again, he turned and quickly left Ronan standing alone in the infirmatry