Chapter 4

BPOV

After the first bell sounded I felt slightly relieved to have some space between Edward and I. I have a hard time thinking clearly when he's around, and I needed time to comprehend what exactly happened last night. Had I really made love to a vampire? I don't think I like that word. Edward is just Edward to me…last night it was Bella and Edward, not Bella and a vampire.

My thoughts were full of questions about Edwards's existence and flashes from our late night activities for the rest of the morning. I hadn't even realized it was almost lunch period until I overheard my fellow class mates discussing the appalling menu. I started placing my things into my backpack, and found a small piece of folded paper in the front pocket of my backpack.

It was from Edward. It had to be. I opened it slowly. I was nervous, how much had changed? What more could he possibly want to know from me? I read the words cautiously. And then I re read them, again, and again. It was almost like I could hear his voice as I read the words.

You are my life now, the very reason for my existence.

-Edward

I couldn't possible believe that this beautiful boy cares for me as deeply as I do for him. I know that I love Edward. I've known I was in love with him from the moment I realized he had been in my room watching over me while I slept.

But Edward couldn't possible feel the same way about me. Maybe he was just feeling protective of me, because I'm so fragile in comparison. This was too much for me to take in right now. I'm a normal boring seventeen year girl.

The bell rang, and everyone exited the classroom to head to the cafeteria. I found myself temporarily paralyzed at the thought of seeing Edward at lunch. Would he want to sit with me? Would he try to hold my hand or touch me? I was suddenly very excited to get to the cafeteria.

I made my way through the halls feeling a little apprehensive, but overall intrigued by the new dynamics of Edward and I's relationship. I entered the double doors and tried not to seem eager as I allowed my eyes to roam the cafeteria, seeking out Edwards's unruly bronze hair. I made through the lunch line before I spotted him on the far end of the cafeteria eating alone at his usual table. I paused not sure what to do from here.

Edward finally looked at up in my direction, I started to smile, but the look in his eyes stopped me. He barely glanced my way, and he looked completely indifferent. He went back to staring at the tray of food in front of him with a bored expression, never giving me a second glance. I don't know how I long I stood there in shock, Most likely to long. My dear friend Angela was kind enough to notice I was stuck in a funk and shook me out of my revere.

I mumbled and thank you and sank into my usual seat at our usual table. I tried to stay involved in the conversations, and focus on exactly what people were saying in order to keep my mind of the vampire sitting behind me. Every now and again I will feel a chill run up my spine and I wondered if maybe he was looking in my direction. But I would quickly brush it off as paranoia.

By the time the lunch bell rang I was relieved not to have to focus so deeply on the people around me, to be able to sink back into my own thoughts and confusions. I made my way to biology in a haze. In fact, my last two periods were a complete haze. I couldn't tell you what we did in gym. I don't even remember dressing out. By the time I seemed to gain some cognitive awareness of my location, I was already standing on the edge of the grassy knoll near the parking lot.

I shook the spider webs out of my head, and made my way across the parking lot to where my truck was located. I noticed along the way that most of the parking lot was already empty, except for a shiny silver Volvo parked right next to my truck. I decided to provide it with the same courtesy as he did me in the cafeteria. I climbed into the cab of my truck without glancing into the interior of his car. I made it out of the parking lot before I started to hyperventilate. I didn't realize the tears falling down my face until my vision became to blurry for me to see the road. I pulled over off to the side and wiped the back of my sleeves across my eyes.

I pulled myself together enough to make it home, and decided before I let myself out of my truck that I need to consider this objectively before I became so irrational again.

I made Charlie's dinner and finished my homework downstairs. I choose to make Charlie stir fry because I knew it would keep me busy and I would be able to think while completing each task. The sound of Charlie's cruiser pulled me out of another Edward daze I had slipped into while adding the sauce to the stir fry. Somehow I had convinced myself it was the same honey warm color as his eyes. I shook out my head for the second time that day, and went to the hall to greet Charlie.

"Hey Bell's I'm home….Whoa." Charlie yelled as he opened the door, clearly not expecting me to be standing in the hall. He had his hand clutched over his chest, and a big smile on his face.

"Welcome home dad. Sorry I frightened you. Just wanted to let you know dinner is ready." I returned his smile wondering if it looked as lopsided as I felt, and turned to go back into the kitchen.

We ate in a comfortable silence, and after we had finished Charlie grabbed a beer from the fridge and meandered into the living room to watch whatever game was on tonight. I did the dishes, slowly and deliberately to stall the inevitable flood of emotions that I knew I would feel once I stepped into my empty vampire- less bedroom. I started to feel the desperation bubble over. I quickly dried the dishes and ran upstairs to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face and attempt to pull myself together.

I looked up into the mirror and screamed a muffled scream into the white hand covering my mouth, which was subsequently, attached to the vampire whose reflection shown clearly behind mine in the mirror. I was able to stop screaming as soon we made eye contact. I wasn't sure what frightened me more, that he was here, smothering me? Or how incredibly euphoric I felt at seeing him here in my bathroom, touching me. I slowly started to feel myself slip away and wondered if this is what it feels like to be in love.

EPOV

I knew as soon as Bella saw me in the mirror that I had frightened her. I quickly covered her mouth with my hand to silence her scream, and wrapped my other arm around her waist to comfort her. She finally made eye contact with, and seemed to calm down. I started to remove the hand from her mouth, when she collapsed into my arms. It took me a moment to realize that she had fainted.

I listened carefully down stairs to make sure that Charlie was still comfortably seated in front the television. Then I rushed Bella into her bedroom and laid her down gently. I pulled the blankets up around her laid beside her on her bed. I was nervous about frightening her again If I startled her awake. So instead of trying to wake her, I passed the time by running my fingers through her hair, and planting whispers of kisses down her face, and along her jaw line. I skimmed my nose along her jaw, and then down her neck, coming to stop at her pulse point where I planted a firm but sensuous kiss, deeply inhaling her bouquet.

It was then that Bella began to stir. She spoke my name, and began to push the blankets off of her. I sat up slightly to look into her eyes as she woke up. But they never opened. Instead Bella began drawing small circles on her abdomen and making a strange labored noise.

"Edward…MMmmmm. Please…." For the love of all that is holy, Bella was touching herself and moaning my name. I flew across the room, and began pacing at the end of her bed. I had promised myself this afternoon after watching Bella through the eyes of our fellow class mates that we were going to talk tonight. That I was going to keep my hands to myself. Because she deserved to know the truth, and make an educated decision before we got in any deeper. See seemed so disconnected today, and during our lunch period she looked terrified, almost like she was remembering for the first time what I am, and what she thought of me.

Bella began rubbing her thighs together and arching her back while whimpering my name. I had to reach down and grip the base of her bed frame to hold myself in place.

"Please wake up Bella, I can't…." I couldn't do this to her again. I turned towards the window and just considering leaving, until I heard Bella's breathing pick up behind me.

"Edward…Don't leave." Bella's plea was barely above a whisper, but more than strong enough to drag me back into bed with her.

"I wouldn't dream of it love." I smiled crookedly at her, and placed a gentle kiss against her temple. She sighed and leaned her shoulder into me.

"I was having the most wonderful dream…until you started to disappear. Edward…" Bella sat up and turned towards me to look me in the eye.

"Edward, I need you to know something. Love, my day was filled with images of our love. Making. Our Love making. And I realized that this is exactly the emotion I harbor towards you. Love. I know that you don't feel the same way. I could see the look on your face when I entered the cafeteria this afternoon. Before you tell me that you made some horrible mistake, or that we should never see each other again I just want one more memory. One more instant that I can look back on fondly, to keep me afloat after you're gone." Bella took a deep breath and tilted her head to the right; she looked at me with tears brimming in her eyes and said "Please make love to one more time Edward. Let me feel you're love for me, one last time before you push me away."

I had intended to argue with her the moment after she opened her mouth. But her last words struck me somewhere deep, and I didn't know if I could deny her this. Even though it would kill me inside to leave her, I did have every intention of convincing her to rethink my existence and make the right decision. I nodded at her slowly and leaned in to place my lips firmly against hers.