A/N Just clearing up something important. From the comments in the reviews I have to clarify this. BROOKE AND NATHAN HAVE NOT BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR 3 YEARS. I never explicitly said that. If you read on it will be revealed how they got to how they are now. So don't worry, even I agree that having an affair for three years is unacceptable!

Sorry it's been ages! I'm nearly done with exams and then I'll finish this! I have a 24 hour flight to Australia to do it!

Chapter 3

Flashback

Nathan POV

Note to self: your mind feel numb but your body isn't. Bring a jacket next time.

I walked down the pathway and zipped up my hoodie further, as if that would protect me from the frosty air. I hadn't thought twice about whether I was dressed appropriately when I had been forced out of the house by hunger.

Campus was silent despite only being after eleven pm, when it was normally full of buzzing college students on their way to wherever party they were planning to spend their night, but it felt peaceful to walk through the large space alone, like I could relax.

I saw the lights from the Pizza Palace shining brightly as I turned the corner, and sighed in appreciation, remembering how hungry I was. I reached for the door just as another hand pushed on the glass.

"Nathan?"

I looked up and saw Brooke standing beside me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her.

"I go to school here," she said rolling her eyes.

"What I meant was, you didn't go home for the holidays?"

I pushed open the door and we both went through, taking a second to enjoy the blast of warm air.

"My Dad's in Europe playing golf with some associates and my Mom's in Hawaii with her assistant who I'm pretty sure I used to go to play school with, oh and I use the word assistant lightly," she said so casually that I wasn't sure how I was meant to respond to her admission that her mother was probably having an affair

"Umm…I'm sorry," I said.

"I didn't tell you so you could feel sorry for me," she said stopping, "I told you because you asked why I didn't go home. I was just explaining there was nobody there."

"I don't feel sorry for you," I said.

"Good," she replied, "why are you here then?"

"I went home," I said, "but I came back."

She didn't respond or react.

"Everyone was feeling sorry for me, making excuses for Haley leaving or the worst—telling me she'll come back," I said feeling the need to speak in some way. I don't know why I told her the real reason why I left as opposed to the 'growing amount of studying I had to do' like I had already told everyone back home. I felt like she'd see through my bullshit.

"I see why you came back," was all she said, "I would have lasted ten minutes before I told them where to stick it."

I laughed as we got closer, at the very Brooke Davis response.

"Can I get a New Yorker? Medium please," Brooke said as we reached the counter.

"A medium pepperoni," I added.

A guy who was very clearly a freshman looked at us blankly.

"We're closed," he said.

"What do you mean you're closed?" I asked, "You're a 24 hour pizza place."

"It's Christmas eve," he pointed out slowly like we were complete idiots.

"You can't make us our food? Nowhere else is open," Brooke said.

"The oven's are off, I'm sorry," he said.

Brooke crossed her arms in frustration.

The curly haired guy sighed in annoyance.

"The last guy ordered an extra large double cheese by accident. You can have that if you want but there's only one," he said.

"We'll take it," my stomach answering for both of us.

He reached over to the side and emerged with a pizza box. Brooke's eyes lit up at the sight of it.

I put a few notes on the counter at the same time as Brooke and the guy grunted and he put them in cash register.

The pizza was still warm as I picked it up and we headed out the building.

"So how d'you want to do this?" I asked.

There were picnic tables outside but they were frosted over. I lived about a ten minute walk away; I could carry my half or eat it on the way but—

"I have my car parked on the next street," Brooke suggested, "I also have heating."

"That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea," I said.

Brooke nodded and we headed down the opposite way than I had come in silence until we reached her car. She unlocked the door, and I went around the passenger side.

The car was still warm from before she had left it and I leant back in appreciation.

Brooke closed the door behind her and pulled off her jacket, throwing it into the back seat. She twisted around and reached behind my seat, rummaging around.

She emerged a few seconds later with two cans in her hand.

"Soda?" she asked.

"Thanks," I said taking one from her.

I don't know why but the fact that Brooke had a supply of soda stashed in her car made me smile. It wasn't even diet soda.

"Let's open that box up," she said, and I remembered why we were here in the first place.

Brooke put the engine on and turned on the heating while I pushed the cardboard cover back.

Brooke reached over and pulled a piece from the box and biting into it, moaning in appreciation. She pulled the greasy string that was hanging off the end to separate it from the piece in her hand and dropped it into her mouth.

It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say I hadn't seen Brooke consume a carbohydrate in public since middle school. Seeing her savouring each mouthful of grease now just seemed surreal, just as surreal as the fact I was stranded with the last food on campus with her in a car.

"Aren't you going to eat?" she asked after swallowing.

"Yeah," I said, coming away from my thoughts and reaching into the box.

I bit into the piece and realised straight away why she was content as she was.

"Well look at that," she said opening her soda, "it's after midnight."

I looked over at the neon numbers and sure enough it was two minutes into the next day.

"Merry Christmas Scott," she said holding out her soda.

I knocked mine against hers gently.

"Merry Christmas," I replied.

Xxxxxxx

Present Day – Nathan POV

"Brooke!" I heard Peyton say somewhere behind me.

I gripped the wine bottle in my hand, taking a few seconds to get a hold of myself before turning around. I hadn't spoken to her since Luke had come into my office. She hadn't replied to my messages or calls. To say I was getting antsy was an understatement. I was half expecting her not to be here tonight. I just needed to see her and I would know everything would be ok.

"Hey!" I heard her voice.

I couldn't help it any longer, and turned around.

Brooke had just walked into the house, her jacket damp from the rain. She grinned as she hugged Peyton.

"Thank god," Luke said kissing her on the cheek and taking the bag out of her hand which make a clinking sound of bottles, "Nathan's already gone through half of what's here."

Ok maybe I did need to calm down a bit, I thought, putting down my wine glass. I was just nervous wondering if she'd come or not. She'd missed a lot more for a lot less.

"I miss you, I'm not even sure you live in New York," Peyton told her.

"I'm sorry! Things have just—"

"Been crazy at work, I know," Peyton finished.

"It's taken a while to settle in," Brooke said.

"Well I'm just glad you're here now," Peyton said, "I wanted to tell you face to face…I'm pregnant!"

Brooke's mouth dropped open in surprise.

"Congratulations!" she said as she grinned, giving Peyton another hug. I knew her well enough to know there was something behind the smile. Right now it felt like I had never been around her and everyone else before—I was noticing the widening gap between us even more. She was so close yet so far away and it was frustrating.

"Brooke Davis," Haley said coming in to the room, from the bathroom.

"Haley, hi," Brooke said.

"It's been a while," she said.

I suddenly felt like an outsider watching in. Sometimes I forgot Brooke belonged on this side of my life too.

Brooke took off her jacket and put it on the back of one of the dining table chairs.

"Go get a glass and catch up to the rest of us," Haley said to her.

Brooke looked up to the kitchen and saw me standing her and walked over.

"Brooke," I said, "it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too," she replied in a friendly way. Her eyes locked onto mine and I was wondering how she managed to keep it all together.

"Do you want to finish this?" Luke asked, seeing there was still some wine left in one of the open bottles of red.

Before she could reply I had already opened a bottle of white wine and handed it to her.

"I'm good, thanks," Brooke told him.

"Come sit," Peyton said, pulling her away before I could say anything to her.

Peyton took Brooke over to the couches where everyone else was already sitting, and I picked up my glass and mentally prepared myself for a minute. I needed to get her alone just to speak to her.

I walked into the room and saw Brooke talking animatedly to Rachel, clearly happy to see her friend. Brooke really had been absent for a long time, and I couldn't help but feel I was part of the reason.

"Sit down," Haley said, patting the space next to her.

I sat down and leaned back.

"So tell us what's been going on with you, seeing anyone?" Rachel asked.

"Err no," she replied.

"That's great because I know this gorgeous—"

"You're getting married," Cooper reminder her.

"Which is why I'm passing him on to Brooke," Rachel told her fiancé rolling her eyes.

"Anyway he's totally you're type and I can set something up," Rachel said, "are you free next weekend?"

Or maybe she could keep her dating candidates to herself?

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Brooke said.

"Why not?" Rachel asked.

"Oh my god you're still seeing that guy!" Peyton suddenly said and I choked on my drink.

"Are you ok?" Peyton asked me.

"I'm fine," I assured her.

"What guy?" Luke asked.

"She was seeing this big mysterious guy," Peyton explained.

"Peyton—" Brooke said trying to stop her.

"Why is he so mysterious?" Lucas asked.

"I don't know there was some reason they couldn't be together," Peyton explained like she was reciting from some TV show or book.

What had Brooke told Peyton and why?

"It just wasn't a good time for him or something," Peyton said.

"Peyt, please," Brooke warned going red. It looked like she was blushing but knowing what was going through her head it was more out of frustration.

"What? You never had a problem talking about the guys you were dating before," Haley said casually, "it's ALL we used to hear about."

"Things change," Brooke mumbled looking uncomfortable.

"Peyton have you guys told Sawyer about the baby yet?" I interrupted.

Peyton's attention switched quickly, excited to talk about the baby. Luke began pitching in as they talked about Sawyers reaction.

Everyone was oohing and ahhing at the right moments, and although Brooke was looking at them smiling with everyone else I could see her eyes were blank. Suddenly she left the room mumbling about the bathroom.

I was about to get up too when Haley grabbed my arm.

"Can you go get me some water?" she asked.

"Yes!" I said eagerly. Haley gave me a strange look then rolled her eyes.

I walked out and around the corner. I walked up to the downstairs bathroom and saw it ajar but the light was on. I went in closing the door behind me and Brooke instantly rushed into my arms.

"Oh thank god," I said holding her tight. I felt like I could breathe again.

"Sorry, I know I haven't answered your—"

"It's ok, I have missed you so much," I told her.

"I missed you too," she mumbled into my shirt. She pulled away gently and looked up, "I just freaked out. I mean what are we doing Nathan?"

"It's going to work out Brooke," I told her.

"Is it though? How? When? I feel like we've been holding out hope for—"

"Brooke I promise you I'm working on making this work," I told her.

Brooke looked at me and then nodded. I could see some hesitancy in her eyes though. I hated the fact she was second guessing what we were doing, but what I hated even more was that I had given her reason to second guess us.

"Brooke? Come see this!" I heard Peyton yell, her voice was distant but it was getting closer.

I didn't want to leave the bathroom but I knew I couldn't let Peyton see me emerge from here.

"I love you," I told her.

Brooke gave me a weak smile.

"I love you too," she said back, and I let out a sigh of relief.

I left the bathroom and closed the door literally seconds before Peyton came around the corner.

"You ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, just waiting for the bathroom," I told her.

Brooke opened the bathroom door.

"There you are," Peyton said.

I walked into the bathroom behind Brooke and closed the door, hearing their voices filtering away slowly.

I had to work harder in finding a solution because for the first time I had seen uncertainty instead of hope in her eyes.

xxxx

Flashback

Nathan POV

I swung my gym bag over my shoulder and left the locker room, eager to get home. I wasn't doing great, sure, but I wasn't stupid enough to screw up my basketball scholarship. It was the only thing I left the house for, other than food (when it couldn't be delivered), and beer (which they should actually start delivering).

"Hey," Luke said as I passed him in the hallway. He was standing by a bulletin board outside the English department office, and Peyton was leaning against the wall beside him.

"Hi," I said, stopping.

"Long time no see," Peyton said , "how're you doing?"

"I'm fine," I said.

I hadn't seen or heard from either of them in a couple of weeks.

"Yeah we've got good news," Luke said, pulling on Peyton's hand to bring her closer.

She grinned and kissed Lucas.

"Yeah I heard," I said, "that's great."

I don't know why but I felt guilt at congratulating them for getting together.

"You heard?" Lucas asked, "from who?"

"Brooke," I said.

"Oh, yeah she hasn't been around either. Nice to know she's speaking to some people," she said sarcastically.

I couldn't help but feel amused by what Peyton had just said. What did she expect? For Brooke to gladly switch places with her and stand by and watch her boyfriend and best friend together?

"What's funny?" Lucas asked.

"Nothing," I said.

"I called her a few times last week but she didn't pick up," Peyton explained.

" I thought you were going to see her today?" Luke asked her.

"I changed my mind. She won't even pick up my calls, so I figure turning up at her door to celebrate her birthday wouldn't work out well. She needs to get over this mood she's in," Peyton said.

"It's her birthday?" I asked.

"Yeah," Peyton said.

"Want to come to dinner with us tonight?" Lucas asked me.

"Umm, I actually have some stuff to do," I said after coming out of my thoughts.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, "I'll see you guys."

Peyton gave me a nod, and I walked out the building toward my car.

It wasn't a long drive back to the apartment. It was part of the reason we'd picked this one. It was between this apartment and another one, we couldn't pick which one we wanted. Haley, ever the smart one measured the distance from the gym and the literature department on the map from both of them and we settled it that way.

It was already dark by the time I got out the car, and I dropped my gym bag on the floor. For a split second the thought that I would never have been able to do that if Haley was around crossed my mind…all the more reason to leave it there.

I took a quick shower and took a beer out the fridge, settling down in front of the TV. I flipped through the channels absentmindedly, but for some reason, for the first time, instead of feeling content to spend my evening this way I felt restless.

An image of Brooke crossed my mind, alone at home and I wondered what she was doing. Normally she'd spend her birthday with Peyton and everyone back home and the fact I knew Peyton was going to dinner with Lucas bothered me. I felt bad for her.

I put the volume on the television up, and forced myself to focus on the screen. What was wrong with me? Who cares is Brooke is alone on her birthday? She wasn't a little kid. I specifically remember telling her as such back in school when she made a huge fuss about her birthday.

I twisted the top of the beer and took a sip. Instead of my usual appreciation though I groaned, slamming the beer on the table.

Xxxxx

Nathan POV

"That was nice," I said as we drove down the highway. We'd been sitting in silence since we left Peyton and Luke's place. The only sounds were the soft purr of the engine.

"Yeah," she said, "It just takes me back to before."

She didn't say it like she enjoyed reminiscing though.

"What was wrong with things before? We had good times," I said as I stopped at a traffic light.

"Yeah, sure, we did," she said looking out the window, "but I like where we are now. We made it and did what we wanted to do."

"Doesn't mean we can't have both," I said.

"Yeah I know but it just makes me think about where everyone is now," she said.

"What does that mean?"

"Peyton's going to have two kids, Rachel's engaged—"

"Yeah and you're married, what's your point?" I asked her.

Haley sighed softly.

"I feel like we're behind," she said.

"Behind?" I scoffed, "Haley, you're an award winning musician and I'm head coach of one of the biggest basketball teams in the country. I'd say we're anything but behind."

"Yeah I just thought it would make me feel like we'd hit the finish line but it doesn't. They all have their perfect little happy families. Don't you want to have another baby?" she asked.

"Haley we aren't behind because our son has HCM," I snapped, "and we don't need to have another baby to match up to everyone else."

She really shocked me sometimes.

"That's not what I was insinuating," she said whisper yelling back at me.

"Then what are you saying?"

"That another baby would make this better," she said.

"Another kid is not going to fix any issues we have. It's clear this just isn't working," I said.

"Wow," she said.

There was never a good time to do this, so maybe now was the time to discuss this with her. I wasn't lying when I told Brooke I would try to make this work.

"I just said what we both know," I told her gently, "maybe we should think about—"

"We aren't getting a divorce," she said sounding irritated, and dismissing my notion, "don't be ridiculous. We're 'Nathan and Haley' for gods sakes."

"Haley come on, we aren't the same people that we used to be."

"Yeah, we're better," she stated.

"We're not better versions of ourselves because we're successful," I said.

"Nathan if we split up now then everything we've been through was for nothing," she said.

"That's not a reason to stay together," I told her.

"Can you imagine what people would say?" she said.

"Again, not a reason to stay together."

"Ok great, so you're really going to do that to Jamie?" she asked.

Was she really pulling this card?

"Haley I think he'd adjust," I told her. I had used this as a reason once before and I wasn't going to do it again. It wasn't good for Jamie to have two parents who had a terrible relationship around him either.

"How do you think he'll cope when I have to explain to him why his Daddy isn't around anymore?"

"I'm still going to be around!"

"Oh really? You know courts tend to side with the mother in most instances," she said casually.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked her. Was she really threatening to keep Jamie away from me? This was just proof that Haley was not who she used to be.

"If you think I'd just sit back and let that go you're insane," I said.

"I'm not trying to be the bad guy. Nathan, I have an image to uphold—hell you even have an image to uphold now! Use your head, we can't just get divorced."

"That's always going to be an excuse for us now," I said, "just remember we aren't living our lives for the public."

"Yeah well we have our friends to think about too," she said as I turned off the engine.

I sighed and gripped the wheel.

"You said always and forever Nathan," she said, getting out the car and slamming the door.

Xxxxx

Flashback

Brooke POV

It took me a few seconds to process that the incessant thumping I was hearing was coming from my front door. I paused the music coming out my laptop and held my breath as if whoever was on the other side of the door could see me in here.

It would probably one of those peppy students trying to get me to sign up to one thing or another—I knew I should have gotten an apartment off campus.

They'd go away soon enough.

A few seconds later though the knocking continued, but louder.

I groaned, moving my laptop off my lap and pulled on a sweater before answering the door, ready to tell whoever was on the other side exactly where to go.

"Nathan?" I asked surprised, not expecting to see him behind my door room door.

He took in my mismatched outfit and raised an eyebrow.

Seriously? That would be the pot calling the kettle bla—I stopped and in took him in properly.

He actually looked good. Gone were the sweats and just got out of bed look. He was wearing dark jeans and a polo shirt, his hair still damp from the shower. He had shaved, and I could actually smell cologne.

"Are you ok?" I asked, not because I thought she shouldn't be getting back to normal, but because he was like this outside my door.

"Get dressed," he said.

"Why?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"We're going out," he said.

"Why?" I repeated.

"It's your birthday," he said.

Oh. That. I was actually surprised he knew that.

"I don't really feel like going out," I told him, "I think I'm getting too old for birthdays—you actually told me that once, I'm just taking your advice."

"Yeah I did and you told me you loved your birthday," he said, "this does not look like you're loving your birthday."

"Ok whatever, I wasn't expecting company," I said defending my exercise—now 'lying in bed' pants, and cashmere sweater.

"When was the last time you even got dressed up?" I asked her. Last month it was guaranteed that if I went out on a Friday or Saturday night I would run into Brooke at some point in the night.

"Nathannnn," I groaned, leaning on the doorframe, "I just don't feel like it ok? I just want to relax and hang out and then after an appropriate amount of time I'll get over it. It's my birthday I get to decide what I do"

"Oh, so you're pulling the birthday card now?" he asked me.

"Why do you even care so much that we go out?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"Because…" he stumbled, "because fuck them!"

"Excuse me?" I asked confused.

"Because it's your birthday and the Brooke Davis I know would be out there celebrating. If we stay at home moping around, they win. So let's go out and have fun because fuck them. If Haley, Lucas and Peyton can be out there having fun what's stopping us?"

Nathan looked out of breath when he finished, and he looked dead serious as he stared at me.

"Wow," I responded blown away. Nathan was right. Peyton was actually out there with Lucas, and I was in here feeling sorry for myself. Why should I let them win?

"So?" he asked.

I sensed Nathan was just as frustrated as I was, and he was using my birthday as an excuse for him to get over this too.

"I guess I'll get dressed," I said.

Nathan nodded.

"Good," he said, sounding casual like he didn't really care either way.

He passed me a white plastic bag. I took it from him and felt heat coming through the bag. I opened it slightly and saw a large take out container inside.

"What's this?" I asked him.

"Sweet and sour chicken. Happy birthday Davis," he said.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing that he had remembered.

xxxxxxxx

The pace will pick up a little bit after this. Leave a quick review to tell me what you think. xx