Omake 1D – DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER

Amy looks around our new base of operations and whines. "I feel lied to."

Forcing our head to face the panel once more, I finish wiring up the portable generator we stole. "Excuse you! I did no such animal."

"You promised me working plumbing."

I roll our eyes. "I believe I said I'd bring you to a planet with working plumbing. It was never specified that the plumbing would be readily accessible to us, just that it would exist on the planet we went to."

...

A moment of silence, during which I can feel her resentment building. I viciously suppress the grin that would give the game away.

Amy huffs, flooding annoyance though our mental link. "Fine, you didn't lie, but I still can't just pee outside in Antarctica."

"Why the hell would you go outside?" I turn to face the direction I've been steadfastly avoiding. There's a bathroom right there. It's not like the ancients didn't ever have to pee. I doubt you'll be able to flush but that sounds like a problem for later."

...

"There's been a bathroom ten feet away this whole time?"

"Yup"

"I hate you."

I don't even bother rolling our eyes as Amy starts marching our feet towards the bathroom. "You do realize that saying that really doesn't work when I can feel you not meaning it. Besides... would you really want to take off our winter gear to pee before I got the heating system powered on and working?"

-Later-

"Damn."

"What?"

"Apparently the mainframe was housed in that section of the base that collapsed." I suppose I ought to be happy that the Ancients believed in redundancy when it came to planetary defenses at least. I drum our right hand's fingers on the command chair's arm rest while Amy rubs our face with the left.

We're getting surprisingly good at this sharing a body business for barely having been in it for a day. Speaking of which, I can sense Amy's impending, 'so what?' and continue to explain.

"Yes, I know, you get all the same info from the chair that I do. You're actually the one the chair is talking to, I'm basically just listening in like a wiretap. Anyway, I was really hoping there might have been some tech manuals. We apparently arrived too early to borrow a starship from the SGC."

"Is this about that wreckage you keep calling a puddle jumper?" I can sense her confusion. In her defense, the thing was so thoroughly crushed that if I hadn't known I was in a hangar bay operated by Ancients I wouldn't have known what the thing used to be either.

"Yeah... Like I said, we seem to be in a world modeled on father's home universe's Stargate SG1 rather than our Wormhole X-treme. There was a spinoff series from SG1 where they go to Atlantis, which it turns out is actually a city sized starship parked a galaxy over. Would have made an excellent base. Sadly, that Naquada generator we stole doesn't make nearly enough power for an intergalactic gate trip."

And that's ignoring that we'd need three more ZPMs on arrival just to power the buggerfucking thing.

Gods Damn It. I just want my own hyper-drive.

...

That's it.

"Just so we're clear, next year we're vacationing in Star Wars. It's so much easier to steal a starship in that universe."

I sense overwhelming approval from Amy.

-Later-

Repairing the Antarctic Stargate room so it could dial out rather than just act as an anchor for gate calls in proved far more challenging than activating basic life support features.

Working in tandem, Amy and I telekinetically slide the gate back into the now repaired stand designed to keep it upright. Coming out of an angled gate is definitely on my once is enough list.

"I swear, the whole lot of them must have been telekinetic by the end there. It's the only excuse I can think of for the utter lack of robotic assistance is if they didn't need the help to move these blasted things." I checked, multiple times, for any records of such robots being in the base. Trust me. I mean, gods, even with both of us, that was exhausting. "You would think that given their obsession with drone based weaponry that they would- Bah! Fuck it! It's done."

"Only took us three days too." My vision spins as Amy rolls our eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, hooray for psuedoscience-almost-magic."

"So, now what?"

"Oh, fucked if I know. I don't even know what day today is, let alone what SG1 should be doing today."

As if summoned by our discussion, the base begins playing what can only be a alarm noise.

Our left and right hands collide in front of our face as Amy and I both try to face palm.

"Now what?" I have no idea which one of us said that. We both meant it though.