CHAPTER 4
A/N - Thanks again for your reviews. Am glad that people seem OK with how this relationship is developing and hope I can continue it. I am off on holidays in a few days so the next chapter may be a couple of weeks away. But if I can find some time, I will try and post one earlier. Thanks!
Rolling onto her side, Jessica looked at the alarm clock and then sighed deeply. It was seven o'clock Sunday morning and she had lain awake in bed for the last two hours, tossing, turning and thinking about the events of the last two days.
As much as she had tried, she could not get Caroline out of her head. This was despite her sensible inner-self telling her that she needed to stop thinking about this woman. After all, Caroline had left the clinic yesterday afternoon and there was no reason for her to visit there again, at least not in the short term whilst Celia's hip continued to behave itself. And it was this thought that disturbed Jessica the most because she knew, deep inside, that she really wanted to see Caroline again and get to know this woman who had stirred such strong feelings and emotions within her.
Thinking back, Jessica realised that it had been a very long time since a woman had had this sort of impact upon her. She could not deny that she had been physically attracted to Caroline from the moment she first set eyes upon her at the clinic. She was a striking looking woman and those wonderful blue eyes – well, they just drew you in hook, line and sinker! But it was more than that. In their two brief encounters, Jessica had witnessed several sides of Caroline – strength, warmth, tenderness, humour, cheekiness, fragility and sadness. She knew she was intrigued by this woman, in more ways than one, and it seemed to be such a lost opportunity to let her disappear out of her life without ever knowing what could have been.
But what are you looking for here – a friendship, a relationship or what? Jessica suddenly asked herself.
It had been nearly four years since Jane had walked out on her and in that time, Jessica had often wondered whether she would be able to start a relationship ever again. The break-up with Jane had hurt her deeply. She had not seen it coming and to this day, she still did not know what she could have done to have prevented it. Jane had simply announced on that Saturday morning that their relationship was over and that she would be out of the house by the end of the weekend. Jessica had looked back at her in stunned silence, at first thinking she was joking. They had only made love the night before last, with Jane seeming to be more passionate and demonstrative than she had ever been before. They had both gone off to work as per usual on the Friday morning, with Jane saying that she would be home late as she needed to attend a large corporate function in the evening – one of the many that her company organised. Sure enough, Jessica had gone to bed that night with no sight or sound of Jane. It was only in the early hours of Saturday morning that she had stirred slightly, conscious of Jane coming into the bedroom and quietly getting into bed next to her. By the time she woke up fully on Saturday morning, Jane had already risen.
Not thinking anything was wrong, Jessica had showered, dressed and then made her way to the kitchen expecting to find Jane with a coffee, and probably a sore head from too much alcohol the night before. Instead, she found Jane standing at the kitchen bench with her back towards her. Upon hearing Jessica enter the room, Jane had turned around and uttered those words - It's over -just like that. No explanation, no discussion, no apologies. And despite Jessica's attempts over the next 48 hours to talk to Jane and try to get her to explain what on earth had gone wrong, Jane had remained tight-lipped, refusing to enter into any form of conversation.
Looking back now, those 48 hours had been the most bizarre, upsetting, infuriating and confusing time of her life. The following few weeks were not much better either, with all communication regarding the break-up of their joint belongings and property being handled by Jane's lawyers. Jessica had not argued or disputed the settlement terms as Jane had at least been fair in her assessment of who owned what. And so it was, some three months later, having bought out Jane's share of the house, that Jessica found herself sitting alone in that same kitchen. Looking around her, the only memories of Jane was a clock on the wall that she had brought home from one of her work trips. And then there was Maddie, their beloved little dog, whom they had brought home as a puppy some six years previously, just after they had first moved into this house. "Thank goodness I still have you" she remembered saying to the little bearded face. "And no, I am not going to leave you!" she had added, taking comfort in the bright black eyes that stared inquisitively back at her.
Realising that such memories were starting to upset her, Jessica sat up in bed saying out loud to herself "Enough, enough Jess. This is doing you no good at all. Come on, time to get moving. I think a hearty breakfast and a long walk in the park are needed."
Opening up the curtains of her bedroom, Caroline basked in the sunlight that came streaming in through the window. It was a beautiful spring day and she immediately decided that she and Flora would head out somewhere and make the most of the glorious weather.
Thinking about where to go, she recalled Laura telling her about a new park that one of the other nannies had recommended. Not only was the park dog-friendly with numerous walking trails, it also adjoined a very good café that was open for breakfast through to lunch. Looking at her watch, Caroline began to plan the day.
After an energetic thirty minute walk, Jessica arrived at her favourite café and the parklands where she used to walk Maddie, right up until just before her passing a few months previously. She still missed having a dog by her side, especially when out walking. But the trauma of Maddie's long battle with a malignant tumour and her eventual euthanisation was still fresh in Jessica's mind. She knew the time would come when she felt right about having a dog again in her life, but that time wasn't now.
Taking a seat at a sunny outside table, she had only been settled a minute when the waitress approached with a cheery smile.
"Morning Jess. Lovely day isn't it? Are you having your usual?"
"Yes thanks Mia. That would be great."
"Okay. I'll get the kitchen working on it straight away. And I'll bring out the morning newspapers for you as well."
"Excellent. Thanks Mia. A glass of water would also be good. I've worked up quite a thirst on my walk here this morning."
"Shall do" returned Mia happily as she made her way back inside the café.
A short time later, Jessica's breakfast arrived and she tucked into it with gusto, realising that she had hardly eaten in the last twenty four hours. It was just as she was swallowing her last mouthful that she heard an unmistakable voice behind her, causing her to almost choke in the process.
"Hello again."
Swinging around in her seat, she saw Caroline looking down upon her with a warm smile. Between coughs and splutters, Jessica smiled back taking in the full picture of Caroline. She was dressed in smart casual gear with her hair down, only a small amount of make-up on, and she looked as beautiful as ever. Holding onto one of her hands was Flora, whilst her other hand was holding a lead to which was attached a small dog that looked remarkably like her old Maddie.
After what seemed an eternity, Jessica managed to clear her throat and utter some words.
"Caroline, what a surprise! But really good to see you!"
"Is it? Looks like we almost made you choke just then!" quipped Caroline, again showing Jessica the cheeky grin that she had witnessed at the clinic.
"No, I'm fine. Really" lied Jessica. "Something went down the wrong way, that's all. Are you just arriving or leaving?"
"Arriving. We have not been here before."
"Well, why don't you join me? There's plenty of room here. And I can tell you what's best to order on the menu. I come here often, so to speak!"
"Oh, you do do you! I'll remember that!" returned Caroline, again with a humorous, cheeky glint in her eyes. "But yes" she continued "it would be nice to join you if you don't mind your peace being shattered. Flora here can be quite chatty."
"Can she now?" Jessica responded brightly, turning her attention to the little girl who had been standing quietly by Caroline's side. Reaching out her arm, Jessica touched Flora lightly on her tummy saying "Hello again Flora. Remember me? I'm Jess. And is this your lovely doggy?"
"Yes" came the response.
"What's his name then?
"Hazzy."
"It's Harry" added Caroline quietly from the side as she pulled up a chair, attaching Harry's lead to the table leg in the process.
"Oh, that's a great name Flora. I bet you love Harry very much." Jessica continued, smiling back at Caroline and mouthing "thank you" for the interpretation assistance.
"Yes. We walk Hazzy?"
"No, not just now darling" interjected Caroline. "We will walk him later though. Come over here and sit with me and we will have a drink first. How about a nice glass of milk?"
Nodding her head, Flora stepped towards Caroline who lifted her up and sat her on the seat beside her.
"Right" said Jessica, scanning the café for Mia. "I'll catch the waitress's eye."
"So you haven't been here before Caroline?" queried Jessica as they waited for their coffees and Flora's milk to arrive.
"No, never. I only found out about it this week. And when I saw what a beautiful day it was today, I thought we would come and give it a try."
"Well, it is a great spot – one of my favourites. I love the breakfasts here, especially the smashed avocado on toast which is what you saw me choking on earlier. And the park is lovely. Great for walking dogs. I used to bring mine here. She was just like your Harry – a Mini Schnauzer."
"Oh really. And you don't have her anymore?" queried Caroline, at the same time thinking Interesting, she always refers to "I", never "we".
"No unfortunately. I had to have her put down about 3 months ago. Awful tumour."
Oh, I am sorry" said Caroline genuinely, seeing a flash of sadness in Jessica's eyes. "It is so hard to say good-bye. They are great companions aren't they? We've only had Harry for about four months but he has well and truly wriggled himself into all our hearts."
"Yes, I can imagine. He is rather gorgeous."
Just at that point, the drinks arrived, allowing Jessica to quickly regroup and change the topic of conversation.
"So how is your mother's hip coming along?"
"Great. She sings your praises you know. Even talks about dumping Ian and swapping over to you."
"Oh really. That may not win me any friends at the clinic!"
Glancing at each other, they both chuckled briefly before Caroline continued. "How long have you actually been at the clinic, Jessica?"
"Oh please call me Jess Caroline. Jessica is for work and when I am in trouble."
"Okay. I'll remember that!" Caroline exclaimed before repeating "And so how long have you been at the clinic Jess?"
Smiling back at Caroline, Jessica inwardly picked up on the "I'll remember that" comment, wondering whether Caroline was implying that they would become friends. Perhaps, perhaps she thought to herself hopefully, before realising with a start that she needed to respond to Caroline's question.
"Just under 2 years."
"Mmm" responded Caroline thoughtfully, suddenly appearing to become more serious.
Noticing the change, Jessica leaned forward in her seat and gently asked "You okay Caroline?"
"Yes, yes, I am fine. I was just thinking back to yesterday at the clinic - and when you met Flora. Can I ask you, er, um, how did you know she was my daughter? People don't normally make that connection at the first meeting like you did."
Not wanting to make-up stories, Jessica decided that honesty was the best policy and, taking a deep breath, she told Caroline how she had queried Helen about Caroline after her visit to the clinic on the Friday afternoon.
"So when I saw just the three of you in reception yesterday morning, I automatically deduced that Flora was Kate's daughter - your little girl. I hope you don't mind. I wasn't being nosy or anything like that when I asked after you. I just thought I knew you from somewhere" she trailed off, watching Caroline who had now lowered her head and seemed to be staring intently at the ground.
Concerned at what Caroline was now thinking, Jessica continued on.
"I know it's none of my business Caroline, but can I just say – I was extremely moved when I heard about the tragedy, even before I met you or knew anything about you. I cannot even try to imagine what you have been through, and I did not mean to bring this into the conversation today. But I did not want to lie to you either, about how I knew."
"It's okay Jess" Caroline finally responded, lifting her head and looking back at Jessica with tears showing in her eyes. "It just seems so weird sometimes, when I hear about how people talk about what happened to Kate and I. It's as though we were some characters in a TV drama. I know they mean no harm. And I know that most people talk kindly of us and seem to respect the relationship that we had. But it all just brings it back to me with a tremendous jolt because it is still so real in my mind. I really should not have asked you to explain. I could have guessed how you knew, now I think about it. I'm sorry for being like this."
Leaning further forward on her chair, Jessica placed her hand over Caroline's and quietly said "Please don't apologise. No need. How about we go for a walk? I think Flora and Harry have been patient long enough."
Standing at the side of the park's open field, Caroline looked over to where Jessica was playing ball with Flora. She smiled as she watched them both run around, tossing the ball back and forth and trying to keep it off Harry. Of course, Jessica was doing most of the work, chasing after Harry one minute, retrieving the ball from his mouth the next minute, and then running back to Flora and giving her the ball so she could throw it again.
She is one fit lady! thought Caroline as she began to review the events of the last couple of hours. There was no denying she had been genuinely pleased to see Jessica sitting at the café, and had been even more pleased when Jessica had asked them to join her. They had chatted comfortably together, sharing a laugh here and there as well as seeming to understand one another when more serious topics arose. And twice now, Caroline realized, she has seen me become emotional and has shown genuine, kind concern on both occasions. Recalling the gentle touch on the shoulder and the covering of her hand plus the warmth she had felt in both interactions, Caroline looked to the heavens and quietly said "I like this woman Kate. And I would like to get to know her better."
No sooner had she uttered these words than she heard squeals of delight coming from Flora. Looking over to where the three were playing, she now saw Jessica holding her hands on either side of her head with her index fingers pointing to the sky.
"I am coming to get you" she called out to Flora as she strode towards her. Flora in response was running towards Caroline, giggling loudly and looking behind every couple of seconds to make sure she was keeping out of Jessica's clutches. Upon reaching Caroline, she grabbed her legs and snuggled in behind them calling out "Hide me Mummy!"
Breaking into a laugh as well, Caroline bent down and picked Flora up just as Jessica reached them.
"You seem to have a way with children" Caroline said, looking cheerfully at Jessica and noting the gorgeous smile that lit up her whole face.
"I think they have a way with me!" gasped Jessica back. "I'm exhausted!"
"I am not surprised. How about we head back? It will be time for Flora's s rest soon and I am sure she will need one."
"Yes, that's fine with me. I think I will need one too!" exclaimed Jessica, as they all turned and headed back in the direction of the café.
"Where did you park your car?" queried Caroline as they approached the car park next to the café.
"Oh, I walked here this morning. I needed to clear my head" responded Jessica, thinking at the same time, "If only you knew Caroline why I had to clear my head!"
"Well, would you like a lift home? I think you have done enough exercise for the day!"
Pausing and thinking that she would love a lift home with this woman whose company she enjoyed so much, she finally decided to not push her luck and heard herself saying "Thanks Caroline, but no, I am happy to walk. It's probably out of your way anyhow."
"It can't be that far out of my way if you walked here" Caroline replied quickly, seeing the opportunity to not part from Jessica just yet, and to perhaps have a chance to ask her a few questions about herself. After all, she chided herself, she still knew very little about her.
"Come on." she continued. "My car is just over here" as she began to walk towards a black Jeep.
"If you insist" Jessica replied.
"Yes I do!" called out Caroline happily, as she reached the Jeep and opened the back door. "Can you grab Harry and pop him in the other side whilst I get Flora buckled in?"
Doing as instructed, Jessica picked up Harry and was placing him on the back seat when she looked over at Caroline and saw her grimace as she lowered Flora into her baby seat.
"What's up Caroline? Have you hurt yourself?"
Ahh, no. It's just my neck and shoulder. They play up a bit from time to time."
"Well, you should see somebody and get it fixed."
"And could you recommend someone?" Caroline queried with that engaging cheekiness that Jessica had already come to love.
"Yes, I might know somebody. She is excellent I hear" Jessica fired back, hoping to give as good as she got.
"Oh, get in the car!" came the laughing response.
They had only been driving five minutes when Jessica noticed that Flora had already fallen asleep.
"That didn't take long" said Jessica, nodding towards the little girl in the back seat.
"No I didn't think it would" responded Caroline, looking in the rear vision and seeing Flora's resting head.
Relaxing in the comfortable passenger's seat, Jessica reviewed the last few hours and, without thinking too much about it, she heard herself saying "Thank you Caroline, it's been a lovely morning. I really enjoyed spending time with you, Flora, and of course Harry"
Taking her eyes off the road for a few seconds, Caroline glanced at Jessica and smiled broadly.
"Well thank you too Jess. It's been the same for me, for us. Really enjoyable." And then, after a short pause and a deep breath, Caroline added "We must do it again one day. But only on one condition."
"And what is that?" enquired Jessica, delighted to hear that Caroline wanted to meet again, but concerned at what the condition might be.
"That you tell me some more about yourself. I know nothing about you other than that you are a good physiotherapist, have been at the clinic here in Harrogate for two years, and used to have a dog called Maddie."
Letting out a relieved laugh, Jessica quickly responded with "Well, how about I start right now and give you a potted history so that I can tick off that condition straight away."
"I suppose you can try" agreed Caroline, somewhat amused and flattered at Jessica's enthusiasm to comply.
"Okay, here goes. I was born and grew up in York. I am forty five years of age and have two brothers – one older and one younger. My father passed away about ten years ago but my mother is going strong and still lives in York. I visit her reasonably regularly, along with my brothers and their families who both live not far from here. Prior to coming to work in Harrogate, I had a practice in Manchester which is where I went to university and gained my qualifications. I enjoy dining out, gardening, walking, and generally keeping busy. And, I've never broken any bones, I do not have any children, I have never been married, but I have had a couple of long term relationships with women, the last one ending about four years ago. Will that do for now because we are nearly at my house?"
Knowing she was about to burst into full-on laughter, Caroline brought the Jeep to a halt and looked over at Jessica, placing her hand on her knee. Catching each other's eyes, they then both erupted, laughing and chortling together.
"So, did I pass?" Jessica finally managed to get out.
"Yes, you did" gasped Caroline. "But I insist there are more instalments - just like that one!"
And with that, they both broke into another round of laughing.