-Chapter 4-
The next few weeks was spent mostly in bed, with Lori sneaking food and drinks in when she could. The first excuse had been illness but that only worked for a couple of days before a new excuse had to be formed. Then another. Then another. Then another… There were probably more lies than she could count on both hands by now. At night the lies became all the more common because she needed to bathe at least every few days, otherwise she would become grungy and unpleasant to be around. Besides, there were…other reasons she needed to shower. No matter how squeaky clean she got, her skin always tingled with the feeling of rough hands and her face with the feeling of anything soaked in chloroform. She tried and tried but even with Lori's help, she could never wash off that evil sensation.
And the night terrors she suffered—and that poor Lori was forced to deal with—only made her feel disgusting when she woke up, which led to the pleading and more likely denial of another shower. Lori tried to compensate by giving her a damp, soapy wash cloth, but that never helped either. The only thing that was getting better was the pain. The stitches were dissolvable and, while most were still there, they were starting to drop off one by one. The cuts and scratches she'd sustained, most likely from falling on grass and hard ground so often, had healed up. The bruise on her stomach was going to be there for a pretty good amount of time and proudly flaunted a rainbow of colors to prove it. As for the stab wounds… They had healed but only about halfway. She had more mobility than before but standing up for extended periods of time agitated the wounds and anything beyond walking slowly caused great pain. They probably would've healed much more by now but her body was dealing with a lot of damage and it slowed down the healing process, like waiting for a whole vat of molasses to completely drain out.
It was time for her to come out of her room now, for the first time in weeks. It was time for her to see her family, to talk to them, to mingle… It also meant pushing through things like physical contact, which would really hurt her side, but it was so worth it if it meant she could see her loved ones now that she was capable of it. And Lori agreed to let her out, too, so she had permission. The only catch was that she had to go straight back up to her room if anything started hurting too much, which meant Lori would be keeping a close eye on her facial expressions and body language. With a shooting pain, indications weren't exactly easy to hide.
The stairs creaked, which made her appearance less easy to hide as well. Her original plan was to come downstairs when everyone was calm and try to blend in, then having the family notice her one member at a time. Unfortunately, the house was never calm and a crushing hug from Lynn was the first thing she received upon merely making it down the stairs. IT HURT…but it was still worth it to see the people she'd been missing so much for so long.
"Sis, where've you been? We haven't seen you in forever!" And the rest of her siblings immediately took notice of her once Lynn asked that question, then she faced a barrage of voices yammering a million different things all at once. Apparently they missed her, too, and were showing it in a way she didn't even have a chance to respond to. Not that she changed her mind about seeing all of them but this was overwhelming…
Lori saw her trapped in a circle of girls and Lincoln and tried to draw a little attention away from her by doing something, but she couldn't see what it was over Luna's head. Whatever it was, only Lana and Lily seemed interested. Everyone else hardly cared and among everything they were saying, she heard her name being chanted by individuals. It was an unwanted reminder of the blood, the flashing lights, seeing Lori cry, the lack of clarity, and everything else that went on that night.
She made the mistake of moving one leg back to keep balance among the crowd, but tripped over Lola and fell into Luan and Lucy.
"Looks like fall's coming early this year!" Luan laughed. "Get it?"
Thankfully Leni had lost a lot of weight over the past weeks so falling on pretty much anyone wouldn't hurt, at least not that bad. Lucy and Lola, however, were small and more likely to have been hurt.
"You okay, Leni?" Lynn asked as she helped her up.
Leni nodded. "I'm okay."
"You have to be careful about falling like that. I sprained my ankle that way."
She turned around to Luan and Lucy, who had already helped themselves up.
"Sorry for falling on you. Are you two alright?" she asked.
"We're fine," Lucy replied.
Lori pushed her way through and shoved everyone aside. "Okay, people, give her some space."
She sighed in relief and smiled at everyone.
"I missed you too," she said.
Once again, nobody held back on their thoughts.
"You've been in your room for so long." "We missed you!" "You've gotten thin." "Leni!" "Leni!" "Leni!" Leni, Leni, Leni, LeniLeniLeni! She loved her family but now she just wanted to get away. They didn't know—even Lori probably didn't know—how deeply the repetition of her name affected her. Under normal circumstances no one would mind, but to have those memories resurface with each "Leni" was nothing short of pure torture. If she was honest with herself, she wanted to flee from the very people who, just moments ago, she had longed to see again.
Everyone gradually allowed her to proceed into the living room. Sitting down on the couch was hard and unfortunately Lori couldn't help with so many other siblings around. And maybe it was better that way. If Lori saw her struggling to do something, even a little, she would be sent back upstairs to her room. More excuses. More lies.
More resentment. Her family she loved, and even the way they drowned her with poorly expressed affection she loved. She was even grateful to have them around. But gone were the thoughts of self-pity, replaced by pure hatred—not towards her family of course, but towards whoever cause her to isolate herself from them for all this time. She didn't know his name or really anything else about him, but she remembered his voice all too well. His taunting voice faking innocence and worry and using her own compassion to play her like a fiddle… She knew her compassion and good intentions were what most people loved about her prior to all that had happened lately, she took great pride in it. Now part of her saw it as nothing more than a hindrance, the real cause of her current pain.
And she didn't only see it reflect herself, but it opened her eyes to all the other girls who could suffer the same fate and be left with the same scars. Her whole perspective of men in general had changed drastically and now even her own brother was uncomfortable to be near. She didn't want any other girl to be able to say the same, to be able to admit to themselves that they had become a little scared of family that hasn't hurt them and weren't responsible for what happened to them. Family was a support system, it was a web of connections and love, and despite knowing that, she didn't want to tolerate any man's—or Lincoln's—presence. It was a completely irrational feeling that she couldn't quite explain.
The repetition of her name started to die down at last, allowing for a much less tense atmosphere, at least on her end. However, that lasted for about five minutes before Lily started climbing on her. It would've been fine if it had just been her legs but Lily wanted to be held, which meant she was all over her stomach. It was unbelievably painful and she couldn't contain the shrill yelp that came with it. At most she could bite her lip, hold Lily out in front of her, and try to blink away the tears forming in her eyes. It left a glassy look that she hoped no one would notice, but the yelp attracted her siblings' attention. Seeing the gentle Leni thrust a baby off herself was strange enough, but then being on the verge of tears and biting her lips as if in pain crossed Lori's red line.
Lori took Lily from her and handed the baby to Luna, who, along with all her other siblings, had a half shocked, half confused stare.
Leni was pulled up off the couch—at the expense of a tear that was potentially noticeable to the others—and taken back to her room by Lori. Unlike before, she was now free to roam about the room. It never lasted long though. Her energy still dropped too fast and catnaps were always frequent.
"I'll tell them something…" Lori sighed as she sat Leni on her bed.
"I'm sorry," Leni said. "I thought I could do it."
She put a hand softly over her stomach and winced when she felt her bruise. Lori looked at her for a moment before sighing again.
"Try to rest a little longer. You haven't healed enough to be…you know, socializing with so many people at once."
"But I—"
"No," Lori interrupted. "You're not ready to come out yet."
"I don't like resting anymore," she admitted.
"Then you can stay awake, but no coming out of this room unless I say you can."
Lori walked out of the room, shutting the door and once more enclosing her in a dimly lit space. She made herself more comfortable in bed and closed her eyes, already expecting the "night" terrors that didn't restrict themselves only to the night. She didn't want to sleep because of them but due to the restlessness of each nap or night, she was always tired and never able to stay awake for long periods of time. It slowed down the healing process as well but there was nothing she could do about it…
She slept for about two hours before Lori came back in and gently shook her awake.
"Mmmmm…?" she groaned.
"Leni, everyone wants you to come down for dinner. We're eating a little early tonight."
She blinked away the grogginess. "Why?"
Lori pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head.
"You'll find out soon enough…" Lori murmured. "But you won't like it…"
That last part was unnerving, but she tried to keep it at bay and slowly sat up.
Her sister held out a hand and asked, "Need help?"
As much as she wanted to decline the offer, flexibility around her abdomen was still restricted. Anything requiring the use of her abdominal muscles was painful and hard. She took Lori's hand and pulled herself up. The moment their hands parted, Lori pace-walked downstairs, motioning for Leni to follow.
Up until this point, everything had been routine. There were no surprises and every single change had been eased into. But this…this was startling, and by no means in a good way.
But whatever the case, she followed Lori downstairs. Trying to rush was too hard and she couldn't keep up with her sister's perfectly fast pace. Lori stopped to wait for her at the bottom, crossing her arms and nervously tapping one foot. It helped create an uneasy feeling and despite being halfway down and going, her movements slowed and she started to have second thoughts about coming out of her room again. But…she was already out here and it felt too late to turn back now… She just hoped this head-scratcher wasn't as unnerving as Lori was making it out to be.
It was when she reached the bottom that Lori stopped her from going into the dining room.
"Did you ever think it was weird that Mom and Dad never came to check on you even though you were in bed for weeks?" Lori asked her.
She'd had too many distractions to really give it much thought but now that Lori mentioned it, it was a little strange… Their parents oftentimes gave them plenty of freedom but this was completely unlike them. Not once had they even come to the door. She assumed it was connected to some excuse Lori had told them but what was said that was powerful enough to keep her own parents from speaking to her?
"I guess so," she answered.
Her sister took a deep breath. "Well, they want to talk to you."
"About what…?"
Lori paused in thought for a second. "I don't know if you remember this but when I found you the night you were—"
She frowned and braced herself for the word she now hated most.
And Lori sensed it, "…hurt…"
Her frown went away and she exhaled.
"…you told me to keep it a secret."
She gasped. "Did you tell them?!"
Lori put her hands up in defense.
"N- I- I-It wasn't me…at first."
"WHAT?!"
Lori abruptly covered her mouth and hushed her. "Nobody else knows. The hospital called Mom when you were asleep. She called me and I told her we would talk after we could be alone. I told her what I knew and, well, she's known the whole time… I told her you didn't want anyone knowing so she agreed to help me keep it a secret. But now…she knows you were out earlier and wants to see you in person."
She immediately shook her head, knowing this "talk" would be one she wasn't ready to have yet—assuming she would ever be ready for it. It was a bad idea to willingly face her parents and see all that negativity directed completely toward her. No. Worse. Feeling all that would be far worse than seeing it. Her skin crawled just thinking about it.
Lori raised an eyebrow. "This will probably be good for you. You haven't talked about it in literally forever."
She brushed Lori's hand off her mouth.
"I did!" she protested. "Once."
"That was at the hospital and it hardly counts as 'talking'," Lori said. "This isn't healthy, Leni. You've spent so much time all alone stuffed in our room. Now you can finally come out and talk to people. I mean…I don't really want you out right now but Mom sort of, you know, overrules me."
She took a slow, deep breath. "I need more time."
Before she could even turn back around toward the stairs, her sister put both hands on her shoulders and looked her square in the eye, determination and concern burning brightly deep down, almost like a small fire that was too stubborn to be put out very easily.
"Please," Lori begged. "Please, Leni. If you won't do this for you, do it for me. Please. I can do a lot of things but watching you suffer isn't one of them."
She frowned and looked away.
"If I do this…will you be happy?" she asked, remembering the difficulty her sister had gone through to take care of her.
Lori smiled widely and puller her into a hug, thankfully still mindful of the extreme sensitivity of her stomach. It was all the answer she needed.
She pushed away and asked, "Where's Mom now?"
"She's in her bedroom waiting for you. And…we're not really eating early. I just said that to get you down here. It was Mom's idea."
"Will you like, come with me?"
She looked up with pleading eyes but Lori only looked to the side and shook her head.
"You need this."
Leni took a breath and slowly walked away, trying to take her focus off the creeping fear by listening to Lori go on to chatter with their siblings—answering questions, getting into short conversations, jumping from one subject to another within seconds, and stopping one or two of them from leaving the kitchen. It sounded like there weren't all of them in there. The ones that were there were just hanging out talking. The ones that weren't, she assumed were outside playing. Lynn was most definitely outside. It was where she spent most of her free time—
She was already at her parents' room, inches from their door. She raised a hand to knock but froze for a moment. Lori said "parents" but only ever talked about their mother. Why was that? Didn't their father know too? She gulped. Or would she be forced to tell him herself?
On second thought maybe Lori could be happy lat— No, turning back now was still an option but if she did she would only be prolonging a period of deep fear… She didn't want to live like that, even if it was only for a while. Besides, her mom already knew. Maybe…maybe she would just happen to get tired again and… No, she just woke up… Act groggy? No, she'd already bee awake too long for that… Play dead? No, she'd healed too much for that… Deny everything? No, the hospital already tattled… Say it was a prank? No, Lori had been too upset for pranks…
There really wasn't anything she could do now. She couldn't think of any excuse that would get her out of this. So…she summoned as much courage as she could and ever so slightly knocked on the door just twice before suddenly deciding that was plenty enough to let Mom know there was someone at the door.
.000001 seconds passed, which she assumed meant her mom climbed out the window and went somewhere el—
"Come in."
Dangit.
She tentatively opened the door and let herself inside what she considered now a lion's den. It wasn't a dimly lit room of horror like she imagined it to be, with the curtains hardly cracked and pretty much all darkness descending upon this place aside from that single ray of hopeless light.
Her mother sat still on the bed with no expression on her face. Leni didn't exactly view that as a good thing…
"Leni…" her mom said, voice cracking just slightly.
She opened her mouth to speak but no words would come forth. They stubbornly buried themselves deep inside her like scared little children hiding from monsters in the closet. It was then that she realized just how horrible this conversation would be. She should've turned around when she had the chance but now she was trapped and there was no escape, just like before…
"Leni, why di—" Rita took a deep breath before continuing. "Why didn't you tell us?"
It was as she had predicted—she waited too late. Now she was facing the, "Why did you never tell us?!" scenario she had wanted so much to avoid. Upon reflection, maybe a piece of paper wasn't as bad an idea as she originally thought…
"Leni," her mother pressed.
"H-Hm?" was about all she could manage.
"Why didn't you tell us what happened?"
It wasn't what one would call a quick, simple shrug—more like a terrified, twitchy one—but her body wouldn't respond the way she told it to.
She somehow overcame the block in her throat that had kept her from speaking and answered, "I didn't—" The block came back and she swore she felt her heart skip several beats.
"Didn't what?"
"Want. You. To know," she robotically finished.
"But why? We're your parents."
"I-I know. I'm…I'm sorry." That was a bit of a lie but anything to minimize the impending punishment. "I went… You and Dad told us not to… I just…"
She pulled the side of her dress down more. It had become a regular habit, trying her best to hide the stab wounds even if they were already hidden. She didn't even like Lori seeing them even though they were hardly wounds at this point. The only reason Lori still saw them was because standing up for too long started to make the wounds and her stomach sore, so as embarrassing as it was, she still needed help taking showers.
Rita sighed and said, "Leni, if you need to see someone—"
"No!" she shouted. "No."
The last thing she wanted or needed was to have another stranger know what happened, let alone one who was paid to pretend to care about her life.
She pulled a lock of her hair around to her front and started gently pulling down on it, one hand after another.
"I went… I know you always said not to but I went off with a stranger…" she confessed, looming thought of a therapist finally giving her the motivation she needed to speak up about what she'd done.
"Leni…"
"I-I know. It was wrong. But he said his mom was hurt a-and I couldn't just ignore that so I went with him away from the road and I-I didn't…" She tried to blink away a few tears and tried even harder to numb herself to the memory. "I-It was a trap and I didn't realize it until it was too late and there was this cloth a-and I can't… I c-c…" She sniffled and the tears weren't letting her simply blink them away. They accumulated and stung her eyes. "The next thing I know there's Lori and lights and blood and suddenly I'm in a hospital and…a-and that's all I know… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"
Rita gasped and rushed to hug her daughter. And although she didn't know it, she almost toppled Leni.
"No, sweetie, no, what are you sorry for? This isn't your fault."
Leni sniffled again and lost the fight between composure and tears.
"I didn't listen," she hiccuped. "I believed his lies. I didn't fight hard enough. I didn't get away."
Her mother ran a thumb over her cheek and kissed her forehead.
"You're still our baby girl, and we'll love you no matter what. Everything happens for a reason. I think that this will make you stronger, not weaker, not disappointing… Remember, there's a rainbow after a storm. You just can't see it yet."
A/N
I probably won't do very many notes on this story. Hopefully this will be the only one, in fact. Anyway it was pointed out to me that I wrote the previous two chapters with a major medical flaw. If this seemed long and kind of draggy, it's because I patched that up. So my apologies if I didn't manage to correct it in a more or less entertaining way.
On a side note, the reason it took me so long to update was because I had difficulty making amends. This story has a plan and only a few points are open for debate or leave any elbow room for lenience. So making this chapter as both a patch job and the conclusion to Leni's healing stage threw me off pretty bad and making adjustments to this led up to making adjustments to many other parts of the story. It had a bigger impact than I thought it would. So sorry about the wait but hopefully this is for the best and those changes will make the story awesome.
Ah! Last thing before I go! In here it's suggested that their dad isn't here and/or doesn't know. Lori did say to talk to their parents but only Rita knew about Leni. The dad wasn't there at the time and he doesn't know because Leni wanted as few people as possible to know. Which, hopefully, will imply that none of the siblings know either. They don't. Just to clarify any questions about that.
Okay, bye now! Hope you enjoyed it. :) Next update's on its way.