Classes had just finished, and Crabbe and Goyle went to take their daily afternoon shower when they saw a notice plastered on the door.
ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS:
DUE TO THE SEWAGE PIPES OVERFLOWING AND BURSTING – Crabbe and Goyle exchanged guilty glances – ONLY ONE SHOWER PER HOUSE IS AVAILABLE. PLEASE LIMITS YOUR SHOWERS TO TWO MINUTES EACH.
Crabbe and Goyle gasped in horror.
"Two minutes?" gaped Goyle. "But I need at least fifteen to get in between all my fat folds!"
Crabbe nodded. "Me too."
"Hey, Vincey?"
His eyes lit up. "Yes Greggy?"
"I have a great idea!"
For Goyle to get an idea was a seemingly very rare occasion, a great one at that was near to impossible. So Crabbe listened intently, almost doubting his own lover, but soon came to the conclusion that it was very great indeed.
"I know how we can make our showers longer!" exclaimed Goyle.
"How?"
"If we shower together!"
Crabbe gasped in excitement. "That is a truly great idea indeed. But Greggy..." he trailed off.
"Yes, Vincey?"
"I have an even better plan!"
A shiver went up Goyle's spine. The tone in which Crabbe had uttered those six words sent all wrong thoughts into his mind. He wished that they were in the Room of Requirement now, so that he would not have to mask his desires.
"Greggy? We can get even longer showers by finding as many Slytherins as possible to shower together! Let's make a sign up sheet now!"
The first person Crabbe and Goyle were to ask was Draco. They approached him in the Slytherin Common Room corner, confidently carrying their large scroll of parchment under a fat, sweaty arm.
"Hey Draco," said Crabbe. "Have you seen the news?"
"What news?" he asked.
"There's only one shower per house, and we only get two minutes each!" Goyle held up his and Crabbe's parchment, labelled up the top in messy writing: CRABBE AND GOYLE'S SINE UP SHIT. "We were wondering if you wanted to shower with us, then we could all have.. erm... what is two times three?"
Draco stared.
Then rolled his eyes.
Then stared some more.
The second person Crabbe and Goyle approached was Professor Snape. After Potions class had ended, Professor Snape had taken one look at the two boys, remembered the Day of the Poo Incident, and quietly tried to slink away before they could notice.
However, Crabbe and Goyle were very smart cookies. When they wanted something, they would get it.
"Professor Snape?" Crabbe asked in a sweet voice. Goyle felt incredibly aroused.
Snape stopped at the doorway and turned around to face them. "Yes?" he asked impatiently. His voice sounded nasal, as if he were blocking his nose to diminish the tantalising odour of Crabbe and Goyle.
Goyle cleared his throat and straightened his back importantly, shifting the large scroll of parchment to beneath his other arm. "Would you like to join us in the shower tonight?"
Snape blinked once and closed his mouth, pursing his lips. A grease droplet slid down his nose. "I... I beg your pardon, Mr Goyle?"
Goyle thrust the parchment under his long, hooked nose. Snape smirked slightly as he read their misspellings, but then shook his head.
"Please, Professor?" squeaked Crabbe.
Goyle loved it when Crabbe squeaked; it was the same type of squeak he did when he was reaching the climax of an orgasm. "Yeah, you could do something about your hair!"
Instead of deducting ten points from Slytherin for being insulting to a teacher, Snape hesitated in his breath. Hmmm. Yes. He did need to get rid of this hair problem. There was probably enough oil on his head to spill and intoxicate the ocean.
"Perhaps," he said slowly, "I will."
He remembered having a nightmare in Fifth Year. He and Lily were eating breakfast together in the Great Hall, when Lily had stood up violently from her seat, put her hands on her hips, and declared: "I won't talk to you anymore until you wash your hair."
Snape shuddered at the memory. "Yes," he repeated. "I certainly will."
"Good," Goyle said in a business-like manner. He thrust a chubby finger at the first line on the parchment. "We're conducting our sessions by popularity. So far, 8:30 to 8:40 pm has been the time block most in-demand. However, we can change it to suit your needs."
Snape pushed the parchment away and fixed his beady gaze on the two Slytherins. "That time will be fine," he replied stiffly. "Now please return to your Common Room."
By that night, it seemed almost the entire of Slytherin House had agreed and signed to Crabbe and Goyle's 'SINE UP SHIT.' After a scrumptious, six-course meal, they snuck down into the bathroom.
"How many people are sharing our shower?" asked Pansy Parkinson, who had just emerged.
Crabbe looked down at the parchment, and took four and a half minutes to count all the names, because he messed his order up after 'fifteen' the first time. "I think... fifty-seven," he said.
Pansy looked pleased. "Someone told me Professor Snape is going to join in too, is that true?"
Goyle nodded. "Yeah! We stole twenty-eight bottles of shampoo from Gryffindor for him."
Pancy wrinkled her nose in contemplation. "Hopefully that'll be enough," she said.
"What's the time?" Goyle asked.
"Seven thirty, I think."
"Vincey," Goyle muttered so that Pansy was unable to hear. "We have one and a half hours. It'll take us twenty minutes to take off our clothes and prepare for the shower, so that leaves us with forty five minutes to go to..."
"...the Room of Requirement!" Crabbe finished off with a triumphant glance. "Greggy, you are a genius!"
Goyle smiled. "I know."
Pansy had paled significantly as she realised what Crabbe and Goyle had been discussing. "Okay, I'll just... go now," she said in a high-pitched voice. She would try to find Draco so that he could kiss it all better. He would let her snuggle under his bed sheets and would tell her bedtime stories.
Crabbe and Goyle ignored her. They were too busy staring into each other's eyes.
"Let's go," said Goyle.
They skipped hand-in-hand down the corridors, extra sure to thump into the back of Ron Weasley when they happened to pass him.
They found the Room of Requirement within no time at all, happily obeying to their desperate needs. Crabbe and Goyle spent exactly forty minutes moaning and groaning and gasping in ecstasy, though Goyle almost suffocated when Crabbe's flabs fell over his mouth half way through.
In the last five minutes, they took each other hand-in-hand and skipped back up the corridors towards their climax of the very sexy day.
There was a long line to the Slytherin showers, but they managed to push their way to the front very quickly by smothering everyone with their fat folds.
"Make way! Make way!" Goyle boomed. "We are the leaders of this shower session!" They shoved their way through a very disgruntled Snape and Draco, who rolled his eyes.
Everyone was naked.
"Professor Snape!" Crabbe cried. "I didn't know yours was so small!"
"I think there's a potion to fix that," remarked Goyle.
Suddenly, the door opened with a loud bang and several people screamed. "MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY!" Hagrid boomed louder. "I HAVE COME TER JOIN!"
Everybody was too busy gawping at the hairy throbbing stick in between Hagrid's legs to turn his request down.
Especially Snape.
Crabbe was the first to break the silence. "Hagrid!" he cried again. "I didn't know yours was so big!"
"Yer," Hagrid grunted. "Weighs meh down the entire day! Hurts ter move it!"
"I think there's a potion to fix that," remarked Goyle again.
In the shower, it was quite a squeeze.
Quite frequently there would be a smelly breeze.
Twenty-eight shampoo bottles reduced down to none,
As Hagrid's hair simply had too much to be done.
So Snape's hair oil was denied its decrease,
And before too long everyone became covered in grease.
Then, suddenly, Colin Creevy walked in.
Everyone froze.
Colin made a choking sound, gaped, raised his camera.
Snapped a shot.
Everyone screamed, and he ran.
At breakfast the next morning…
"Harry, Harry!"
"Not now, Colin."
"No Harry, please!"
"Colin, I'm busy!"
"You'll really like it!"
"I said-"
Colin shoved the photo under Harry's nose. "SLYTHERIN HOUSE ORGY!"
But alas, it was too late.
Harry had fainted.