Before I start, all characters belong to Nintendo and its branches. I apologize for not putting one out yesterday.

Chapter 4: Samus

Mewtwo, Bowser, and Ganondorf were playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors" in the cramped auditorium. And it was obvious to everyone that Ganondorf was winning.

He chuckled as he beat his feline and reptilian adversaries once again by choosing paper.

Mewtwo groaned mentally then said You know, this would be much more fun if we had five fingers on each hand.

"Yeah!" Bowser agreed. "You're not being a very good sport about this, Ganondorf."

"You don't get to be the King of Evil from playing by the rules. This is why you two suck as villains."

Master Hand put his finger on the podium. "Alright, time to begin again. How about Samus this time?" She nodded then walked up as Master Hand pulled his glasses on.

A rather retro-looking Samus looked comfortably at the screen on the overhead. "This intergalactic bounty hunter's full name is Samus Aran. Clad in a Power Suit made by the Chozo race and infused with their enhanced blood, she-" Everyone gasped as Samus glared at Master Hand through her visor. "What? It had to be found out somehow, Samus... anyway! She cleared the planet Zebes of a Metroid infestation. Samus is an orphan, the sole survivor of a Space Pirate raid that destroyed an Earth colony named K-2L."

A more modern-appearing Samus crouched down and aimed her arm cannon at an unseen enemy. "Samus has an abundance of projectile weapons, making her a long-distance attack specialist. The most powerful weapon in her arsenal is her Charge Shot, but be warned: it can be reflected. Her missiles have homing capabilities, but when fired as Smash Attacks, they fly on a straight trajectory and have boosted power."

Then a purple Morph Ball Samus was unloading bombs. "While Samus's arsenal of missile weapons is indeed formidable, her enemies are in for a rude awakening if they guard against nothing else. Her Grappling Beam captures foes and latches on to walls, and the Screw Attack drags foes upwards in a series of spins that doubles as a recovery move. Samus can also use her Bombs to perform Bomb Jumps."

An awkward silence filled the room as Samus kept glaring at Master Hand. Then she sighed and faced the Smashers.

Samus: "..." [Okay, so I'm a girl. Big deal. It doesn't make me any less of a fighter than if I was a man.]

Mario: "I was-a the first person to find-a out. She's a good-a fighter and a good-a person... that happens-a to destroy a lotta things." They exchanged thumbs-ups.

Luigi: "She's so b-brave... W-well, everyone else is, but her especially!"

Peach: "Why didn't you tell us earlier? I could've given you so many makeovers that Zelda and Jigglypuff would look hideous in!" Samus smiled nervously behind her visor while Zelda crossed her arms and Jigglypuff puffed up.

Bowser: "Huh. No wonder you kicked my tail all over the place when you found out about me kidnapping Peach. Note to self: never kidnap Samus." Samus simply aimed her arm cannon at him to shut him up, which he complied with.

Dr. Mario: "I wish-a I coulda met you like my younger counterpart had. You seem-a to be a confident woman though."

Donkey Kong: He gave Samus a hug, who reciprocated, then said "Samus smell like bird a lot. D.K. know why now."

Yoshi: "You're a babysitter too? I knew that I liked you for some reason."

Link: "..." [We're both warriors, even though we fight in completely different ways.]

Zelda/Sheik: Zelda turned into Sheik, blushed a bit, then turned back. "Well, that was spontaneous. Anyway, I'm glad to have another woman with a good head on her shoulders in the Mansion."

Ganondorf: "I knew you were a woman all along." Samus tilted her head, her eyes wide. "I lived with a tribe of women in my very early years. You fight with the same ferocity as them." She shrugged then gave a barely visible thankful smile.

Young Link: He pointed to her helmet with a smile on his face, as if asking for it. After considering for a bit, she took off her helmet and gave it to Young Link, revealing herself to be a blonde, pale woman with blue eyes.

Ice Climbers: They looked up at Samus. "You will be instrumental to the End of Days." Unnerved, Samus said nothing more than she usually did.

Kirby: "How do you eat when you wear a helmet all the time?" Samus responded with a slight rasp. "Fasting. You wouldn't like it."

Fox: "You're a great sharpshooter and pilot. If you weren't a human, I would've recruited you."

Falco: "'Ey, not so fast, Fox. Ain't nobody a better pilot than me. But yeah, you're good at shootin'."

Captain Falcon: He seemed to be smitten with her. "Do you maybe wanna go out somet-" Samus shook her head then rolled her eyes.

Pikachu: He jumped up on her shoulder and nuzzled her cheek. "Best human ever!" She simply smiled then put him back down.

Jigglypuff: "You're always awake for my song, so thank you!" She hugged her. Samus didn't have the heart to tell her that she had built-in remote-control earplugs.

Mewtwo: I respect you more than most humans because, like myself, you have overcome many childhood trials. Samus nodded thankfully.

Pichu: "You're so stupid!" Samus crossed her arms at the young Pokemon. "And... uh... that's it!" He hid behind Bowser.

Marth: "{I can say with confidence that this sort of masquerade won't happen again.}"

Roy: "{You blow up planets for a living, which is cool! ...I mean dangerous, very dangerous.}"

Ness: "No, Roy, you're right. Blowing up planets is cool!"

Mr. Game And Watch: [You've got spunk for a shooter, I'll give you that.]

Master Hand sighed in relief. "That ended better than I thought."

Samus talked to Master Hand, a rarity. "When this is over, Hand, I will go on Classic and beat up both you for revealing my gender and your brother for keeping us captive. Got it?"

Master Hand sounded intimidated as he said "Uh-huh." Then he went back to his normal tone. "Intermission!"

Next time, Yoshi!