Updated 8/8/18
Chapter 3: Without A Doubt, Isshiki Iroha Is A Scary Girl
When I entered the club room the following day, Yukinoshita and, to my surprise, Yuigahama were already there. Apparently, she had chosen to ignore our advice from yesterday and was sitting on her usual chair, her cheeks slightly feverish. Immediately after she saw me, she uttered a startled sound and hastily made the rolled up tissues sticking out from her nose disappear. Desperately trying to be subtle about it, she was clumsily fumbling about in the process.
"...Morning." I said with a yawn, pretending not to notice the sad display in front of me.
"Y-yahallo, Hikki! What are you doing here already?"
"Well, sorry about that." I grumbled.
Wasn't I just criticized for being late yesterday? Make up your mind already.
"No, no, that's not what I was saying at all! Like, I was just surprised you're so early." Yuigahama said frantically. "But, I told Yukinon you'd definitely show up! She didn't think so, but Hikki promised, after all. Even Hikki likes the club, despite how he always is. Ehehe." She finished her rambling with a small smile.
I wouldn't go that far, really. And I kind of take offense at the last part, you airhead...
"Indeed, Yuigahama-san. Although I presume it has more to do with the fact that his family finally decided to disown him, your explanation could also be valid. Regardless of the reason, your prediction was accurate."
After complementing a beaming Yuigahama, Yukinoshita turned to me with the usual air of confidence around her. "Good morning to you, Hikigaya-kun. I am also quite surprised to see you up this early. The sun is usually very damaging to your kind, is it not? I expected you to still be in bed, reading one of your sleazy books."
"Give me a break, someday you must really tell me what kind of creature I'm supposed to be. The list of my attributes is getting weirder and weirder. Also, could you possibly stick to one insult at a time? How am I supposed to respond properly to three at once?"
"I apologize, Hikigaya-kun. I should have taken into consideration the effect that prolonged exposure to those books already had on your brain. I will try to verbalize less complex ideas from now on."
Hold on a second. With Yuigahama sitting utterly confused next to you, silently mouthing 'verbalize' to herself, should you really be saying something like that to me?
"Sorry, but you are wrong here, Yukinoshita. Scientific studies have shown that reading has a significant positive effect on brain development. It increases creativity, imaginative thinking and empathy, you know?" I proudly recited some facts I had randomly come across a couple of weeks ago, while reading through the comment section on nico.
Take that, Yukinoshita. What are you going to do now? Even you cannot compete with the support of scientific research [unsourced] behind me. Victory is mine!
Basking in the glory of a rare triumph over Yukinoshita, I nearly missed the smug look on her face. Suddenly, the elation I felt crumbled into nothing. "So you don't deny that they are sleazy books? Really Hikigaya-kun, you should not talk about dirty things in the presence of ladies."
"You brought them up in the first place! Ah! I mean, of course I deny it. No, I mean, I don't have something like that. Light novels! They are light novels. Light novels are one of the cornerstones of Japanese culture. They spread our glorious heritage across the world and help improve international relations. Surely you don't mean to trample on Japanese culture, Yukinoshita?" I put forward a valiant effort.
Whatever mood she had been in yesterday, Yukinoshita was clearly back to her usual, caustic self today. Weirdly enough, it filled me with a strange feeling of relief.
Am I slowly becoming a masochist, after all?
Not wanting to continue that particular line of conversation, I hastily turned to Yuigahama. "More importantly, what are you doing here, Yuigahama? Didn't we tell you to rest yesterday?"
"I meant to, I promise. But I was feeling waaay better this morning. Like, I can usually tell when a cold is almost over. It's like my special power." she answered proudly.
What a useless superpower. It's almost on one level with strengthening wooden sticks in 1% of all your attempts.
I shrugged. "Whatever you say. As long as you don't start whining later, I don't really care."
"Hikki, you jerk, I'm not a little kid! I'm not gonna whine." Yuigahama puffed out her red cheeks and started searching for a new tissue in her handbag.
Honestly, what is this girl doing? Being sick is an excellent opportunity to laze around without anybody giving you grief about it. When you give it your best to look as pathetic as possible, your little sister even serves you soup on the couch sometimes. I even recall that one special occasion when she had stayed with her Onii-chan for an entire afternoon, ignoring the danger of catching the cold herself. Sure, she had used that chance to steal all my manga, but when it comes down to it, my Komachi is still the best sister in the world. And here was Yuigahama, throwing away gift like that for the Service Club.
Maybe it is because she has no Komachi of her own? I'm so sorry to hear it, but you still can't have mine!
Meanwhile, Yukinoshita performed her usual tea serving ritual before she idly sat back down and reached for a thick, complicated looking book written in English. Yuigahama started tampering with her cell phone absentmindedly, while I read my newest light novel. After the conversation earlier, I tried to inconspicuously shield the rather unfortunately chosen cover picture from Yukinoshita's sight.
Occasionally, we would make conversation, like about things we had to get done or my ability to even scare away robbers in the dark I had previously known nothing about (Yukinoshita), or that cute new dress in that cute new store (Yuigahama). But mostly we just sat in comfortable silence.
Then, I heard the sound of energetic footsteps rushing towards the clubroom.
With a cold feeling of dread a premonition of annoying work in my near future came over me. It was confirmed when the door was slammed open without any delicacy whatsoever.
"Yahallo, Yukinoshita-senpai, Yui-senpai!" Isshiki greeted them enthusiastically, waving her entire arm around exaggeratedly. Almost as an afterthought she added "Ah, Senpai's here, too."
Just one second, we talked only yesterday, remember? You knew that I was going to be here, so why are you suddenly emanating disappointment?
"Good day, Isshiki-san."
"Yahallo, Iroha-chan! How is it going?"
"What do you want?"
After I completed my part of the complimentary greeting, three pairs of eyes were suddenly focused on me.
"Hikki, that was really rude." Yuigahama admonished me, trying to be stern.
"Senpai, so mean!" came from the supposed victim, crocodile tears in her eyes.
"Yes that is quite correct, Hikigaya-kun. I know you have difficulties holding in your vulgar attitude, but do try to restrain yourself a bit more."
Give me a break here, all of you. Besides, your attitude is definitely the most abrasive one, Yukinoshita-san.
I sighed heavily and turned back to my novel. "Sorry, sorry, I'll shut up now."
After my half-assed apology, there was silence for a moment. Then "So Isshiki-san, how can we be of service?"
Wasn't that exactly my question? It's okay, just because Yukinoshita put it a bit more politely? Everybody knows that politeness is just a superficial formality and useless waste of time. Why insist on it even in a circle of well-known acquaintances? Especially considering the abuse I regularly receive?
While I pondered the unjustness of it all, Isshiki answered. "Ah, don't worry, Yukinoshita-senpai. It's not a job for the Service Club or anything like that. Senpai just promised he would help with filling out some documents."
So you really did remember our conversation from yesterday; that makes your greeting even worse.
Belatedly realizing the real problematic part of her statement I replied "What promise?"
"Ugh, Senpai, I can't believe you. You said you'd help with the documents yesterday. Are you going back on your promise now? That's not a good trait for a man, you knooow~?"
"Eh? But I never explicitly agreed to-..." While I desperately tried to save myself from certain doom, Isshiki again focused her enormous eyes on me. But unlike the weak effort from earlier, this was the full powered version. Nearly rivaling my beloved Komachi's imouto beam, Isshiki had employed it on me successfully before.
Nice try you sly fox. That intensity is certainly impressive, but nothing holds the candle to the aura of a true imouto. You might have succeeded in the past, but only because I hadn't been prepared me for that fearsome technique of yours. Now that I've had time and the opportunity to build up a resistance, any further attempt to manipulate the greatest Onii-chan in the world will be in vain. Indeed, now I can finally focus solely on my cute Komachi aga- wait, why are you coming closer?! Stop leaning forward like that, I can almost see what's supposed to be carefully guarded from the wo-
"W-whatever, I'll help, okay? Get out of my face, already."
"I knew I could count on you, Senpai. Just let me get a chair." Isshiki smiled, shamelessly dropping the innocent and ditzy act without a second thought.
Across the table, two girls were staring at me with varying degrees of disappointment.
"Hikki, that was, like, really sad." Yuigahama said, her eyes blank.
"Hikigaya-kun, I'm surprised that you always manage to fall short of my already considerably low expectations of your character." Yukinoshita said, exuding disgust.
Please stop it, you two. I don't know if I can take anymore of this after that miserable defeat. You guys don't understand how scary Isshiki Iroha truly is!
3-2
As it turned out, the documents Isshiki needed help with weren't particularly difficult to deal with. Over the course of the next two hours, we worked through a number of the sheets, full of lists and numbers. Mostly, it was just balancing and checking the budget that was going to be distributed to the different clubs. I suspected Isshiki's problem with them had less to do with missing the skills necessary, and more with unwillingness to do her work in the first place. After thirty minutes or so of watching Isshiki and me rustling and scanning through the papers, Yukinoshita couldn't take it anymore and had grabbed a stack of papers for herself. Ignoring Isshiki's halfhearted remark that she didn't want to trouble her, she took out one of her favorite markers and started underlining and circling numbers on the sheets like she was possessed.
By the way, bothering me is not a problem according to your logic, Iroha-chan?
Soon, Yukinoshita started smiling unconsciously, while she went through the papers with increasing speed. When she eventually took out another marker to start color-coding her work, her patterns and notes becoming increasingly more like a work of art, I could only stare at her in disbelieve.
I long suspected that Yukinoshita got some sort of perverse pleasure out of paper work, but even so, isn't this way too much?!
Yuigahama, meanwhile, looked on helplessly with big question marks in her eyes, while occasionally sneezing into a tissue and scribbling on the one sheet we had given her. Was that a picture of a butterfly?
Don't worry about it, Gahama-chan. You're also doing your best and your presence alone is cheering us all on. But in what universe do 4056 and 2086 add up to 6137? Please stop it and just support us with your heartfelt feelings.
"Hikigaya-kun, your sums are wrong here, here and here. Please use your phone, if those calculations are too hard for you."
Whatever, nobody needs math in the real world.
When we were finally done, both Isshiki and I let out a relieved sigh. "Ah, is that everything already? Isshiki-san, if you have more, we could look over it quickly, too. There is still a bit of time left..." amazingly, Yukinoshita actually sounded vaguely disappointed.
"No, thank you, Yukinoshita-senpai. That was everything for now. I'm really grateful to you guys. I would probably still be sitting on this in a month without your help." Isshiki admitted unabashedly, "let me make it up to you soon."
"That's alright, Isshiki-san, we offered to help. This turned out to be an interesting and productive experience for all of us."
"I don't recall a happy scene like that." I muttered sullenly, but both of them ignored me.
"Well, I still owe you. For now, I should probably deliver those to the student council. I might even make it to the soccer club before it's time to go home." Just as Isshiki started collecting her paperwork, there was a knock on the door.
"Yes, come in." Yukinoshita said.
When the door opened, a male student entered, his eyes scanning the room. He was a bit taller than average and in good shape. Probably an athlete of some sort. When his eyes found Isshiki grabbing for the last sheets of paper, he spoke.
"Here you are, Iroha-san. I've been looking all over for you. Why are you in a place like this? I even had to ask Hiratsuka-sensei in order to find you." the student said, disapproval clear in his voice.
Isshiki almost looked embarrassed for a change. "Ah! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were looking for me, Eiji-senpai. What's the matter?"
"You are needed in the soccer club. There has been another quarrel." he said.
"Oh no, I'll be right there! I just need to leave these documents with the student council real quick."
"See that you do. Honestly, it will not do that a member has to search for the club manager all over the school. It might not be my place to say this, but if Iroha-san is overburdened with her duties as the student council president and the soccer club manager, maybe it would be better for everyb-..."
"Excuse me, don't you think you are being rude?" a voice, cold as ice, cut through the room. Yukinoshita was starring at the member of the soccer team with hard eyes.
Rattled, he turned to her. "Pardon?"
"You barge into this room and start lecturing your student council president about neglecting her work, without inquiring about the circumstances first. Without introducing yourself to the current inhabitants of said room and members of this club, I might add."
"I-...what? I mean...I'm sorry?" The student was virtually shaking at the full frontal assault by Soubou's Ice Queen, his demeanor from before all but blown away. Although I had been a victim of Yukinoshita's assaults before, I strangely didn't feel particularly sorry for him at all.
"Maybe you should start by introducing yourself?" Yuigahama supplied helpfully, always the peace maker.
"A-ah, yes. I'm Eiji Otonashi, Second Year at Soubou High and member of the soccer club. Best regards." he said stiffly. He leaned forward slightly, a gesture one could conceivably interpret as a bow.
"Yahallo, I'm Yuigahama Yui, a member of the Service Club. How are you doing?" Yuigahama said with practiced cheerfulness, while discretely trying to calm down a disgruntled Yukinoshita.
"Yo." I just inclined my head in his direction, but Yukinoshita still didn't give a sign of letting up her glare. After a few tense seconds, Isshiki timidly spoke up.
"Don't worry about it, Yukinoshita-senpai, it was my fault. Eiji-senpai is right; I need to fulfill my duties as a club manager, too. I'm sure he was just in a hurry and didn't mean to be rude. Right, Eiji-senpai?"
"Yes...that's right." he said after a quick look towards Isshiki.
Yukinoshita rigidly nodded. "Very well. My name is Yukinoshita from class 2J and that guy apparently incapable of human speech is called Hikigaya-kun."
"Oi! I can speak for myself. Don't look down on the third ranked in Japanese here" I replied to that unexpected jab.
Why are you already coming back to me, when you have just found a new toy, Yukinoshita?
"Hikigaya-kun, you do realize that…oi is not actually a word?"
"T-that is, I mean, of course it's a word! Just because you won't find it in any of those fancy dictionaries… I trailed off into silence, feverishly thinking about anything that could support my case.
I had almost forgotten the current situation, when Eiji Otonashi decided to speak up again. "It's good to make your acquaintance," he said with a face that clearly told otherwise, "but we really have to get going now, Iroha-san."
Isshiki was already finished with collecting her things and turned around to us. "Thanks again for your help. I'll see you around Yukinoshita-senpai, Yuigahama-senpai, Senpai." She bowed and left the room, the Eiji guy trailing behind her.
From the hall I could hear Isshiki asking "Was it a big argument, Eiji-senpai?"
"I don't know. Ouji-sama and the others were just getting started when I left." he said, barely concealed contempt leaking from his voice.
"Ah, I see..." Isshiki replied weakly.
Ouji-sama? Could he be referring to Hayato? A fellow club member speaking about him like that is kind of surprising, considering that he's usually getting along well with everybody. And this wasn't even the first argument that had broken out, apparently.
"What was all that about?" I asked into the silence. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama just shook their heads, seemingly as confused as I was.