Confusion Comes Far Too Easily
"IVARIUS BLACK!"
Mwahahahaha…
Really, he should've figured out by now I'm not above petty little pranks like this.
I raced through the busy corridors, neatly brushing past people and quite proud that I hadn't run into anyone yet. You see, I was being chased by an orange-haired git, also known as Lucius Malfoy.
This was far too amusing. Or – it was – until I found myself at the moving stairs.
Damn.
"Ivarius!"
Okay, he only calls me that when he's mad. So. I can either face him like a man, or try my luck on the stairs. Lucius…stairs….Lucius…stairs…
Oh, to hell with it. I'm not a man anyways. I bolted down the stairs only to run into –
"Miss Black."
"Pr…professor McGonagall," I greeted, panting faintly. She eyed my dirty attire – I'd fallen in a rather large pile of mud outside. By fallen I mean Lucius pushed me. Thus his vivid new hair colour.
"Clean yourself up, Miss Black." She said sternly before brushing past.Wow…that was it? Must be my lucky day.
I could hear Lucius coming and urgently opened the first door on my right before zooming in. I left it slightly ajar and peered through, watching the tall seventh year storm past, cursing under his breath.
"IVARIUS!"
Ha. You can run, I can flee, and you'll never catch me…
Little song I picked up.
Once I was sure he was gone, I relaxed. Ah…revenge. So –
"I-Ivy," a breathless voice behind me murmured.
I suddenly feel foreboding. Lots…and lots…of foreboding. Slowly I turned around and me fears were assured.
I'd walked in on a rather…private fiasco. Remus Lupin, whom I seemed to be seeing more and more of lately, had his hands on the hips of the girl who'd confronted me a few days ago. Her arms were around his neck and they both appeared rather breathless.
Now, some people may react to embarrasment by going red, or stuttering, or, you know, something normal like that. I, however, make an utter idiot of myself because when I'm nervous, I start laughing.
Laughed. My. Head. Off. I had to hold onto the wall to stand up straight. I felt so embarrassed to be laughing at a time like this.
"I'm s-sorry," I finally got out. "I'll leave now – sorry-,"
And I practically fell out the door.
"Let go!"
"Why?"
"Because! It's lunchtime…anyone could-,"
"See us?" Sirius scoffed at me. "You forget who you're talking to."
"...a lunatic…"
"Heard that."
I sighed. "Where are we going?" I muttered in defeat.
He grinned triumphantly. "I thought of somebody who can help us."
I stared at him as he continued to drag me down the hall. He was still stuck on that? Why the sudden interest in me, I must ask?
When Sirius stopped dragging me – and in the process successfully dislocating my arm – I looked up at a gargoyle guarding a spiral staircase.
"Oh no," I said quickly. I do not want to get expelled. "No. No no no no-,"
"Butterbeer," Sirius said to the gargoyle. It jumped out of the way. He dragged me up the steps. "Come on, will you stop that?"
"Not going to see him. No. Nope. No way."
"And why the bloody hell not?"
"I don't want to be expelled-,"
"Expelled? If I thought he was going to expel you, d'you think I would have brought you?"
"Well, I don't know, Sirius," I replied, glaring a little at him. "You haven't even glanced my way for the past seven years and suddenly you're always around-,"
"I'm not about to lose the last person that matters to me to that snake, am I?"
"Matter to you? Oh, I see. You run away from the people who matter to you and leave them to rot, eh?"
"Miss and Mr. Black," interrupted a soft voice. We both looked towards Dumbledore's closed door. "Perhaps you should come in?"
I hesitated, but Sirius had already sighed, moved past me and opened the door. And pushed me in.
Dumbledore was sitting in his desk. He was always there, every time I've ever been in his office. Sirius almost forced me into a chair but I sat down myself. Now that I was here there was no point moving.
Dumbledore steepled his fingers and smiled at us. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked pleasantly.
"It's about my sister, professor," Sirius began. "She…" he trailed of, as if it was difficult to form the words.
I met Dumbledore's gaze as he watched me with gentle eyes. "This is your…fifth year at Hogwart's, isn't it, Miss Black?"
I nodded. He nodded thoughtfully. "I believe I see your predicament, Miss Black. And I can understand your position on the subject," he added when I opened my mouth. He leant back in his chair, thoughtful.
Wait – he knows? He – he knows there are Death Eaters residing in his own school and he doesn't do anything about it?
"Hm. Sirius, what are your-?"
"I won't let her become one of them," he said heatedly. Oh, right. How's he going to stop me? "She doesn't have the heart to kill anyone – she doesn't believe in his bloody ideals, and I'll be damned if I lose another-,"
"Sirius," Dumbledore interrupted in soft rebuke. You tell him, Dumbledore. "I understand." He paused, looking between me and my brother. "However, Ivarius, I am sorry to say there is no way for you to avoid this."
I know. Sirius is the one who won't accept this. And, right on que, the Gryffindor stood up.
"No! I won't let her!"
Yes, that's right. Go on speaking like she isn't sitting right next to you. Git.
Dumbledore probably didn't have many students with the courage – or stupidity – to yell at him, but he didn't seem all that angry or even shaken. I don't think he blinked. I abruptly realised the complete and utter silence of the room, even from the pictures above us.
"You won't?" Dumbledore implored in so soft a voice I could barely hear it. "Do you want to sheild her so badly from the unfortunate crimes of this world that you would instead, perhaps, have her hidden for the rest of her life?"
His hands clenched. "No! I-,"
"We are in dangerous times, I'm sorry to say, Sirius," Dumbledore explained with patience. "And sadly enough there is little I can do. Ivarius has accepted her fate, as you will eventually. However…" he paused, looking from him to me. "…you are aware, perhaps, that Voldemort is a Legilimens?"
I nodded.
"Then you will understand that you cannot associate yourself with Sirius or any other 'blood traitors' and so on?"
…oh.
Dumbledore caught my expression but smiled just a little. "Yet, even though in my old age I seem to be losing a bit of my wit, I think I have given Voldemort the slip on one miniscule point."
Eh? What's he on about? I watched with curiousity as the old man reached into one of the lower drawers of his desk to pull out a tiny bottle.
"Miss Black, are you familiar with the term 'Pensieve'?"
They can't possibly think this will work.
I began banging my head unenthusiastically but repetetively against the beech tree. It was one of the last days that we wouldn't have snow, I think. October was halfway through. Maybe it'll snow for Hallowe'en?
Off subject. I need to stay on subject.
Well, I'm going to make my own Pensieve. In this little bottle, I'll store all the memories I don't want Voldemort to see. Memories that could be dangerous tidbits of information used against myself, my friends or the Order of the Phoenix. Yes, I know what the Order is. Regulus is always griping about it.
And then Sirius just decided to let slip that Mum trained us from youth about Occlumency, even though I very hardly use it.
And now they want me to use it when confronting other Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself! Do they actually think I could pull that off?
I sighed heavily, pulling up the sleeve of my cloak to look at my bare skin. No Dark Mark. Well – yet, anyways. I realise, however, after talking to Dumbledore, how dire the situation is. There is no getting out of it. There is no hope of not becoming a Death Eater.
I'm going to have to become a con artist. And a bloody good one if I want to live to graduate. And I have to be a good Death Eater. I have to become awesome at dueling, when right now I'm just, y'know, average.
Oh man.
Am I betraying my family?
I raked a hand through my hair. I'd taken a bath, and so had it down to let it dry…then again, that probably wasn't a good idea in this weather.
Next week would be Hallowe'en. I liked the decorations that Dumbledore put up in the Great Hall, though they wouldn't be there until Monday, I think.
Snap!
What was that? Huh? What? Where? I sat up quickly and looked around. Finding no source for the noise, I slowly slid back onto the grass and stared up at the full moon. Tilting my head, I looked over at the lake and watched the moonlight hit its surface. I really shouldn't be out late, but this is my favourite place to think.
Think…think…think…
All I'm worried about is being found out by the Dark Lord. And what I'll have to do as a Death Eater. Severus never lets Regulus tell me the exact details of their missions, but I know they use the Unforgivable Curses.
What's Severus' deal, anyways? He never lets me in when it comes to all his dark Death Eaterish doings. A lot of the time only he will be called for a meeting and/or mission, but he won't speak a word of it to me.
I started as I heard a long howl.
WHAT WAS THAT?
Alright, so I'm a jumpy person. I admit it. Fine. But what made that noise?
"Black?"
I sat up quickly and twisted around to see…
…Potter?
He was pale, and seemed momentarily rooted to the spot. I saw he was panting, as if just running a long distance.
Oh great. Did I run into him snogging, too?
"Bloody hell," James muttered. He looked completely unhinged. Another howl made him snap back into action.
"You shouldn't be here," he said quickly. He grabbed my arm and hauled me up.
"Hey!" I protested. "Wh – what are you-,"
"Just – shut up!" James commanded quickly, moving me almost as forcefully as Lupin had a month ago. Except he had gone with a different strategy by standing behind me and steering me by the shoulders to Hogwarts.
"But-," I shivered as another howl sounded, this time accompanied by barks. "But what's making that n-,"
He shoved me in the front doors of the school and slammed them shut. I stared at the beautifully handcrafted wood blankly for a second.
WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN?
I felt a hand clamp down on my shoulder in an iron grip.
Uh oh.
Slowly, I turned to find Severus standing there, his face white with anger.
"Out playing, were you?" he said in a voice so dangerously soft it made my insides squirm.
"Severus-,"
"Go to the common room." He said, still in that soft hiss. "I will be there soon."
I hesitated.
"Now!"
Okay! Going! Going! With a small squeak I walked as quickly as I could from him without running. Merlin, he was scary sometimes. And what was with Potter? Why did he shove me into the school? The Marauders must be making some sort of prank and he was afraid I'd set it off or something. Right?
But he did look awful scared. I wouldn't think James Potter would be that worried about one of his pranks…unless it was dangerous.
I walked into the common room. There were a few people here and there – I spotted Lucius sitting on the couch. I walked over andsat down with Salem, my new cat. There was a tiny silver bell around Salem's neck, strung in a dark green ribbon – Amber's idea. Narcissa, my cousin who's in Reggie's year, wanted to charm Salem's fur to shimmer silver, but I didn't want to hurt the poor cat's dignity.
The huge dog who delivered this kitten to me hasn't been back since, and I can't say it worries me. The thing was huge. It was very…intimidating. I don't think I'd be able to ward it off if it tried to chase me down.
I felt a hand on my head. "Sister, dear," Reggie greeted, taking a seat next to Lucius and slumping in it lazily. I was strongly reminded of Sirius.
"Shouldn't you two be with your girlfriends?" I asked.
They both made a face. "Girl's night."
Oh, that's right. Wednesday was Girl's Night. I wasn't that into it, but a bunch of Slytherin girls all got together and had some fun. Traded makeup concotions and love potions and discussed their latest snogs and shags with the men of the House. I'd sat in one time, but it wasn't really one of those things were I can just observe. They made me give my opinion on all these funny things I'd never really wondered over before, like what sort of Foundation Charm I used and if it was better than the one some other girl was using.
They mercilessly interrogated me that night, and I fear I shall never be the same.
Salem perked up when Severus entered through the potrait-hole and stalked over to us. I wonder – has Sev ever had a girlfriend? Definitely none that I can remember…poor Severus. No one, not even most of the other Slytherins, takes the time to get to know him. It's mostly because everyone knows he's the one that the Marauders love to bash in. I pity him, but there's nothing he'll let me do. I've tried. And he hexed me.
There was a sinking feeling in my stomach when he stopped infront of me. I sunk a little lower in my seat, even though I still didn't know why he was mad. I felt the temperatue of the room drop a few degrees as Lucius and Regulus fell silent.
Severus' dark eyes – which were actually brown, I'd stared at him really close once and nearly gave him a heart attack – narrowed on me.
"Never," he hissed. "Stay on the grounds after dark unless one of us are with you. Do you understand?"
I frowned. "No," I replied slowly.
Lucius looked from me to Severus. "What are you on about? It's-," he glanced out the window and froze for a second. His silver-grey eyes slowly turned to me. "You...were…outside…?"
What's wrong with everyone today? I've been outside after hours hundreds of times –
"Why are you treating me like a child?" I asked Severus, not comprehending what I'd done wrong.
"You are a child," he replied, fists very slowly clenching into fists. He was used to having a wand, I think, to point at someone when he's angry, but he wasn't about to attack me.
Not including my siblings, I don't have the kind of courage it takes to snap back at an angry person. Escpecially Severus, because unlike most people, his anger is as cold as dry ice – so cold it burns. Still, he wasn't saying anything else, and I knew the ball was in my court…
"I…just…don't…know…what I did…wrong…" I said timidly. Wow, I need to work on my confrontation skills.
For some reason, this just made him appear angrier. Yet somehow at the same time I got the feeling his anger was no longer directed entirely at me.
"Nothing," he spat before turning on his heel and sweeping up the boys' staircase to his dormitory.
I shuddered involuntarily. It's even worse than being at odds with McGonagall…
I realised Lucius was now standing over me. He stared down his nose with that surperior expression he liked to put on most of the time. "Don't fret, love," he smirked just slightly and the arrogance went up a notch. "Snape has his reasons. Won't last."
How…reassuring.
Oh…how I love Fridays.
Amber and my two other roomates, Kelly Smith and Kiera Durnsby, were all with their boyfriends. I shrugged off my robe so I was only in my skirt and shirt and loosened my tie a bit.
Ah…peace and quiet.
I walked over to my nightstand and opened the drawer, pulling out a Sugar Quill and sticking it in my mouth before grabbing a hair tie and bundling my hair up. It was pretty much dry by now, so I'm sure it'll be fine. It looks all stringy and stuff down, anyways.
Scritch scratch scratch.
I paused and glanced over at the door. It sounded as if someone was scratching on the other side. I walked over and opened it only to be pounced on by – not only Salem – but the huge black dog, too!
"Ah, get off," I groaned, trying to push the big brute off me and kick the door closed at the same time. He licked my face happily, tail wagging. Finally, I was able to sit up as Salem rubbed himself against my arm. I gave the dog a critical look and shook my head.
"Who'd let a dog in, anyways?" I muttered, adjusting my Sugar Quill, which had – miraculously – not fallen out of my mouth. Nor had I choked on it, which was a bonus.
He just sat there and yipped happily, stupid tail still wagging.
I must be out of my mind.
"Alright," I sighed finally, getting up. "You can stay. Just – don't attack me or anything."
Am I talking to an animal?
The dog trotted over and jumped right up on my bed as if he knew exactly where I slept. I dunno, maybe he can smell me on it or something. Salem followed his example and I rolled my eyes.
I must be insane. Yes. That's it. I'm crazy. It's all Lucius' fault for that time he pushed me down the stairs. McGonagall nearly had kittens.
"Well, then," I sighed. It's not like the dog and cat were conspiring against me or something. I could work on the charm Severus had assigned me.
See, he has new Potions books every year. And so he gave me his old ones, which have all these spells he's invented in them and stuff. Really helped me in Potion's class until Severus realised I was cheating my way through the class and promptly erased all Potions notes from the book.
That…had been low. Even for him.
No, I still won't give up that grudge.
Anyways, once in a while Severus will tell me to learn one of the harder tricks he left in the book. Reching under the mattress of my bed, I pulled out the Potions book and flipped to the page he'd assigned. Well…before he'd stopped talking to me.
Today was a transfiguration one that didn't look…too hard…
Maybe I should make some more alcoholic butterbeer. Actually, that sounded like a good idea.
I cast a sideways glance at the dog. For some reason, he made me feel very paranoid. Still watching him from the corner of my eye, I summoned a goblet of water from the kitchen. The house elves always kept one out for me, since I tended to get a very parched throat when I slept. I must sleep with my mouth open.
I stirred the water with my wand while reading the spell Severus gave me and sucking on my Suger Quill. Severus' narrow, cramped writing was simple enough to read:
'Wand not needed for spell. Wind unicorn hair around stem of flower. Hold stem of flower firmly between index finger and thumb. Let one drop of ox blood fall on petals. Incantation: Dragona minulsa.'
Wand not needed, huh? And what exactly does this spell create, anyways? Well, it's not like I could ask Severus at the moment, anyways. He still hasn't spoken to me since Wednesday.
I shrugged and tapped the glass in my hand. "Vinerum."
Ah…alcoholic butterbeer. Lucky Regulus doesn't know about this. I glanced at the dog again; it was watching me with its head cocked to the side and ears perked up.
"Not for you," I muttered, setting the goblet down. "That's forbidden in the school, that is. Don't touch."
Nonetheless he sniffed it as I opened the drawer and pulled out a vial of ox blood, a unicorn hair, and some seeds. I usually had a flower in the thin glass vase on my nightstand. I dropped the seed in the water and knocked once on the vase, still fumbling to close the desk.
"Florus."
And pop! Flowers. I picked one out and wound the unicorn hair securely around the stem of the flower before realising my canine companion was lapping up my butterbeer.
"Hey, no no," I pushed him forcefully back and glared at him. "Sorry, no drunk dogs on this floor."
I could have sworn he glowered at me.
I waited until he settled back with Salem before picking up the vial of blood. I held the flower between my thumb and index finger and poured just one drop of blood on it.
"Dragona minulsa."
Snap!
"Ah!" I dropped the cottonmouth snake that had suddenly snapped at my nose. The dog barked loudly and jumped right off the bed, pursuing the snake right under my bed. Salem jumped off and scurried under Amber's bed.
I, however, saw red.
"Severus Snape!" I yelled.
I stormed to the door and went right down the staircase. Surely enough, Severus was there at the bottom, looking sour.
"What?" he snapped.
I glared at him. Now, if he was mad at me, there was no way I would have gotten mad or even have had the will to retaliate. But if I get mad…
"Explain to me," I hissed through clenched teeth. "Why you didn't warn me that when I transfigure a flower, it turned into a snake. A venemous snake."
Snape's sneering face faulted for a second. He suddenly looked paler than usual.
"Where is it?" he asked, voice little above a whisper.
I pointed up the stairs to my dorm. To my surprise, it was then that the dog chose to trot down happily with the dead snake in his mouth and sit down nex to me, tail wagging.
Severus stared at the dog for a split second before his expression completely contorted into one of anger.
"What is that dog doing here?" He demanded of me.
I blinked. What the hell did it matter? "He just showed up from somewhere," I replied, anger melting a little into slight confusion. Did Severus not like dogs or something?
Severus' expression was nothing below livid. I paled when he drew his wand and pointed it at the dog.
"W-what are you doing?" I demanded. The dog began growling at Severus.
"It doesn't belong here," Severus hissed, lip curling.
I felt the dog's fur bristle. I was slightly infront of him, so while there was plenty of space for Severus to aim his wand properly, the dog couldn't get through. The growl got louder. I was shocked Severus wasn't scared of a dog that big.
Wait – he didn't mean –
"Avada-,"
"Stop!" I pushed him back, urgency making me take the initiative. Severus' cold eyes swept from the dog to me.
"Move, Ivarius," he snapped.
I felt myself falling into fear. "N-no," I refused, moving off the last step. That might have been a bad move, as we were now on level ground and he was far taller than me.
A cold fear gripped me as his eyes narrowed. What if he tries to hex me?
"You don't understand," he muttered. "Move."
"I won't let you kill the dog!"
"You're going to have to kill far worse than that!" My mouth snapped shut. Severus didn't yell often. He looked furious. His hands were clenched at his sides and he was white as chalk.
How…how dare he bring that up…
But it didn't stop there. He took a step forward. "Get used to it! You're worried about killing a mangy dog? You won't last a day under the Dark Lord's command unless you learn to shut up and let them die! Let the imbeciles scream, Ivarius!"
I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't know how to react. I've never heard him speak like that before…it was so…unlike him…
Severus was practically shaking in rage.
"You're just a child," he spat. "You don't understand."
The next thing I saw was the huge black dog leap forward and knock Severus to the ground.