Special thanks to Yumii for beta-reading and lots of help :D
edited 17/4/19
Chapter 4 Invisible Wall
Not a sound emitted from his throat when the clenching sensation was registered.
It occurred to him that his ability to respond was limited. His movement restricted, as well as his words. The rattle of the chains rang in his ear. This sensations he undertook almost a year ago was ingrained in his memory.
Kurapika's chain jail… was constricting him.
Unlike the boy's previous, countless threats and attempts to kill him, this time…he could…he would. The vicious contact was yelling that fact out loud. With the air supply cut from his lungs, his mind reeled on the 'why'.
'He looked so mellow and calm when he came back. What brought about this?' Kurapika had been acting weird. He was like himself, and not at the same time. 'The nightmare,' was Kuroro's reflexive assumption. It must have been his subconscious tuning him up for this. '...That bad? That he has to kill in his sleep?'
Eyes adjusting to the darkness, he could see the blond's face through his squinting eyes. Kurapika's eyes were vacant, emotionless.
Without Nen, struggling was futile. He knew Kurapika's strength better than anyone else. His Spider comrades were few doors away but none of them would have any idea about what was going on. It had been Kuroro himself who, after a few times of Nobunaga's barging in on them, had made it a rule not to bother them unless the situation really called for it.
And this had to happen. Just because when he was with the boy, it had become his unguarded moment, naturally.
Then again, even now, Kuroro had a feeling he still didn't want to be bothered.
Bu how could he get himself out of this?
He stared at the boy as his body sagged deeper into the cushion beneath him under Kurapika's assault.
"Die."
A word came out barely above a whisper, so soft and so broken. It silenced everything else around Kuroro. The boy's eyes now turned bright red in the dark, but his expression bore no hostility, unlike the brutal strangle applied on his throat.
Something wet fell onto Kuroro's cheek and the grip on his throat loosened, allowing him a moment to gasp for the air. He knew right away what it had been from the sensation. 'But… if consciously, Kurapika would never...' Then the boy leant in, weighting himself on his hands, forcing it down Kuroro's throat again. Once his face was near enough for Kuroro to see those eyes in the dim light, Kuroro's anticipation was confirmed.
Tears…
Though a vacant expression, Kuroro could see right through them. The pain tearing through the boy's feature. The pain that he'd always carried with him. Kuroro's attempt to struggle washed away. He was unable to look anywhere else but at those tearful eyes.
"…Because…of you…my family….my friend…everyone in my clan…I…I'm not supposed to…I'm…not."
Kuroro's 'why' was answered with that. He heard more than the rage and anger alone in his voice, he heard pain. His chest tightened not from the air cut from his lungs. When it came to Kurapika, it was beyond his control to disconnect himself from his feelings.
They were supposed to be an archenemies, not this. Although Kuroro didn't see it that way; that was all in Kurapika's head.
"Die…die…die…die…die…die," Kurapika repeated again and again.
Outside the window, rain, lightning and thunder went on, just as Kurapika's killing him was prolonged and painful. Having been on the verge of painful death for countless of times, he could hold on much longer than the average.
To him, death was merely sleep with another name. The Spiders could live on without him. Hence, he never feared death, and would in fact, welcome the day his heart stops beating. Not once, until Kurapika came along.
For this was the first time in the long time that he didn't want to die. He wanted to live…next to this last Kuruta, now more than ever when there would always be someone out there targeting Kurapika. He wanted to stand in a way of the boy and all sorts of threat lurking near him. No matter what Kurapika thought, that was his initial vow when he took Kurapika from his friends. But then he'd become attached to the boy's seemingly mutual feelings.
Seeing the boy all worked up had always amused him, but seeing him in such broken state… Knowing Kurapika carried such amount of sorrow on his small shoulder? Kuroro couldn't stand that.
He wanted to stop the boy's suffering, but found himself doing the opposite. The boy had always had that war fighting inside his head whenever they were together. When he struggled against it, it seemed to make it all the more painful. How many times had he seen Kurapika hit that emotional impasse?
There were times where Kuroro thought how much differences it would make had he not massacred the Kuruta clan. What was the chance of them meeting under preferred circumstances? Would Kurapika have paid him this amount of attention with his all? Would he have any interest in Kurapika at all had the boy not been so hell bent on his payback?
No.
Kuroro had a distinct feeling that this was supposed to happen.
As long as he breathed for another day, Kurapika would have to relive this pain and confusion over and over again.
He thought to he'd keep fixing it, whatever might come, but it appeared Kurapika has had enough. Sad to say, it had only been six months and he wanted more. Still, he'd rather let Kurapika have his way than Kurapika breaking down to the point where he was unable to come back. The time they had together had to be enough. The boy couldn't live the rest of his life with him living. If Kurapika's taking his life now would release him of that burden and pain, then…
'…so be it.'
His mind made up…he'd rather die by Kurapika's hands than the Judgment Chain. It was more up close and personal.
His last attempt to struggle given up, Kuroro relaxed his whole self as he gazed into the boy's eyes. His thoughts flipped between regret that he had not found the boy sooner and the bliss at the thought that his time had come by Kurapika's hands, before the remnants of his consciousness slowly slipped away.
To Kurapika, Kuroro gave his final smile.
'I'm all yours.'
…
Silence…even the rattling of the chains stopped.
…
The blackout that would follow when his brain was starved of oxygen Kuroro expected never came. Had it passed with him not realizing it?
…
Jet black eyes drew opened. The first thing he saw were those flame-colored eyes glowing in the dark. That meant he was still there with Kurapika straddling him and killing him. The face hovered above him were still blank with the touch of grief etched upon it. The tears…still fell.
But both Kurapika's hands and the chains that bound him loosened. He looked as if he was frozen in time.
Kuroro's instinct kicked in as he drew a sharp intake of breath. Kurapika's chain had slipped; he could get out of this. With a swipe of his hand, he could effortlessly end Kurapika or at least throw the boy off to save himself from this predicament. The previous thought was logical to him…as the Spider. Then the latter thought, throw the boy off, snap him to his senses... Simple and clean.
But he couldn't find it in himself to do either of those.
Instead, he reached out his hands to cup Kurapika's face. He felt the slightest stiffening under the contact and knew whatever the state of mind the boy was in, he was still Kurapika.
"Kill me," he urged.
Into the silence that followed came the sound of the rattling chains before Kurapika's face turned hostile and the brutal force was applied to Kuroro's throat once more. Kuroro let his eyes slipped closed, welcoming the sensation of death.
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To him, there was only one thing he should do…he had to do.
Kill Kuroro Lucifer, despite that resistance deep inside of him.
From somewhere faraway, Kurapika heard a distant voice of someone calling out to him.
…ka…op
That voice…
…stop…kura…-
Sounds familiar…Who?
Stop! Kurapika!
Eh?
KILL HIM!
…?
No, STOP!
…?
Kurapika! Is this what you really want!?
…What I want?
KILL Him!
I want to kill him…
No, you don't! Think for yourself.
Think for myself?
Yes. Please listen to us, think!
…us? Who?
You know us. Now think!
Think…about what?
Him and you. Don't let those voices prey on your mind!
Opportunity like this doesn't come easily,
Kill him, NOW.
For some reason, Kurapika chose to listen to the voice that was familiar to him.
Think?
About Kuroro... and me?
Countless things had happened between them, throwing him and even a rock-solid Kuroro out balance. But then they had managed to pull each other through. It was the hardest thing to swallow at first yet he had to live with the fact that somehow they were compatible to each other in more ways than one.
He'd thought his day in hell had just begun, when he was forced to work amongst the Ryodan on their killing phase. That aside, the intense comradeship they shared among them helped take the edge of his resentment off.
As for being with Kuroro alone? He'd hate to admit that it wasn't that bad… not anymore.
Kuroro Lucifer was not evil. Evil went right out just to make people suffer for their enjoyment; Kuroro was just ignorant. They were less evil of the two, at the very least. He'd seen it and he'd been trying so hard to keep that fact in his mind, convincing it was one reason he could live with the man.
'What's done is done, but we'll retrieve your brethren's eyes…together.'
Kill him…!
'Those two kids didn't want you to kill anyone, because you're their friends.'
Kill him…!
'Kurapika, I don't want you to go after them. Let's just focus on getting your brethren's eyes back.'
KILL him…!
'If you hear their cries, accusing you of getting along with him, it's all in your head. Your people would never want you to suffer. They'd want you to live and move on. Trust me on this, I got a dead friend too…thought he'd want me dead to be with him. Turned out that it was all in my head and the ghost of the real him wanted me to live and become a doctor like I've always wish to.'
Kill HIM…!
'For the last time, give it up. You'll gain nothing from revenge. The only thing that will be left is the emptiness and the bloodstains on your hands. You won't be able to carry the burden all the rest of your life.'
KILL HIM…!
… … …
For my people, I have to kill you.
'I won't lose you.
You're what I'm searching for.
I know you've been through a lot, but do try to keep calm for your own good.
If you get into trouble, the first person you're going to call is me, understood?
You're going to kill me in the end, yes? So don't die on me just yet. Hang in there.
Stay close to me. If you have to be far, then keep yourself alive and well. I'll come find you.'
'…'
There were times where he still didn't get it, for the life of him.
Why, if confronted with any potential threat, the first thing he'd see in the following seconds was Kuroro's back?
Kurapika just couldn't get it…or…
Did he refuse to get it?
But now, he wouldn't care….he just couldn't. This life of him was lived solely for revenge. For this purpose, he couldn't allow anything in the world to interfere with it.
KILL HIM…!
…Do I…really want to do this?
Stop…!
He told himself, 'kill him.' To ignore that voice inside and kill Kuroro Lucifer. In his line of vision, he was seeing red. Kuroro was under him, unable to move but striving to breathe. Under the direct contact, he could feel the man's pain. He could see that anxiety in the man's usual stoic eyes.
Good.
Suffer like what you did to my clan.
… … …
Soon after, the struggling stopped and he went still. The anxiety and the pain were gone from the man, instead replaced by a…smile?
He's…he's giving in? Why?
Why, why, why?
Did he think I'll stop if he gave in, again?
You know I won't stop.
Struggle! Suffer!
Die, as your atonement like you were supposed to.
….?
"Kill me."
...?
What….?
His face was touched by those hands that had always been so cold. They were still cold but they relieved the searing sensation from his rage. Deft fingers brushed his face and his vision became clearer. Was he in tears again?
Like the first time he cried in his sleep and Kuroro dried his eyes.
The burning inside of him dissolved into a comfortable warmth. Why did the man who left him in the world so cold since six years ago now was filling him up with all the feelings he never thought would feel again in this life?
Just because he came to care for you, you're going to turn your back on us?
What about the revenge that you swore in front of our graves?
We won't rest until you've reached your final goal and that is his death.
Now, KILL HIM.
… … …
Right.
That's what I'm supposed to do, for my people.
Kill.
Stop it, Kurapika-!
Ignoring the call of resistance, Kurapika's hands clenched the man's neck beneath him again.
"Die, Kuroro Lucifer."
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Explanation of format on Kurapika's POV:
Text on the left in italics are:
Kuroro's words;
Gon, Killua, leorio, Kurapika's nen master's words
Bold, italic text in italics are:
The ghosts.
.
Middle italic is Kurapika's thoughts.
Note: Another cliff-hanger? This time it won't be long! Critiques and feedbacks are welcomed as always! Thanks :D