*Be forewarned, I do use at least one choice word in this chapter. But this is rated M for a reason, right? LOL. Enjoy. =)

Still Here – Chapter 4

Why did they always play elevator music in waiting rooms? Beckett gave a shrug and lowered her brow, leaning back down into the slightly uncomfortable chair as she flipped through the magazine Fit Pregnancy. She thought she was pretty damn fit, but she wouldn't mind keeping it that way… especially with her new physical relationship with a certain ruggedly handsome author. And besides having tips of keeping fit during pregnancy, the magazine also had some articles for expectant mothers, which was actually of interest to the detective.

Despite their hot rendezvous in his office, and the quick bite that they had had afterwards at a local deli near his loft, they had actually arrived early at the doctor's office. So, Beckett was passing the time trying to concentrate on a magazine article, but she was finding it difficult to focus on it, even though she found it very interesting. To tell the truth, she was actually a little worried and nervous. After all, she had never heard of an eight week prenatal appointment—twelve, yes—but not eight.

She would have been more worried if it had not been for Castle. His presence in the chair next to hers was comforting, and she quietly relished the smell of his cologne as it drifted through the air-conditioned room. He was currently trying to distract himself as well, absently looking through a GQ magazine. Apparently, according to him, he had done an interview with them and it was supposed to be in this month's issue.

"We had a photo shoot and everything," he informed her, leaning over slightly, his shoulder briefly brushing against her, as his eyes still scanning through the pages. "It was awesome! I was very dapper… as always, looking very ruggedly handsome in this nice blue suit I had bought specifically for the shoot." Castle gave one of his signature smug smiles and winked. "Wait till you see it… You're going to just love it!"

Beckett gave a soft smile. She had actually already seen the article. She was, after all, his number one fan (rolling her eyes, she'd never admit it, even under torture). Pursing her lips together, she contemplated telling him that the photo they had put in with the article really wasn't that great. In fact, it really wasn't even that big. The interview itself had been squeezed in next another article about a much younger and—according to some—hotter author. Though, in Beckett's opinion, Castle was the better looking of the two. However, she had to admit, she was probably bias, especially considering the things Richard Castle could do to her body that left her numb and aching for more.

"WHAT!" Castle nearly jumped out of his seat, causing some of the other expectant couples to glance their way, not to mention the receptionist. The author immediately reddened, and slunk back down in the chair, embarrassed. He glanced over at Beckett. "Can you believe this?" he held up the magazine, showing her the article she had read last week.

"I know," she nodded. "He's so hot!"

"What!" he fumed, his eyebrows coming together in the most adorable little point. "He's just a kid… I mean, come one, Justin Bieber's cuter."

Beckett laughed lightly and shook her head. She moved her hand and serendipitously placed it on his cheek, bringing his attention to her. "Well, if it's any consolation," she spoke slow, lowering her voice. "I'd rather be here with you than on some tropical beach surrounded by oiled-up hunks with big muscles and washboard abs."

He raised his eyebrows, and before he could respond, Beckett leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips. It was quick and chaste, but she still blushed. She had never actually kissed him in public, except for their first real kiss in the breakroom a month ago. Taking a quick breath, Castle smiled lazily, his eyes looking at her in that way that made her heart skip. Dropping her hand, Beckett tried to cover up her blush by hiding behind the pages of the magazine. She bit her lower lip and smiled to herself, feeling as giddy as a schoolgirl. Yep. She was in love, there was no doubt about that. The question was... when were they actually going to say those words to each other.

Castle stared at her, like he always did, but now it was different, because she could really imagine what was going on in that head of his. Blushing even more, Beckett gave his shoulder a playful punch and inclined her head over to the other expectant parents.

"What?" Castle asked, pouting as he rubbed his shoulder.

"We're not alone, Castle," she spoke under her breath.

"Hey, you're the one who kissed me!" he objected with a smirk. He wiggled his eyebrows and shifted in his chair so he was half facing her. "About the article…"

"Yes?" she asked, trying to ignore him, but that was impossible. Always was with him.

"I think the spread would have been bigger if you had come," he said, nodding slightly. "Just saying."

She knitted her eyebrows together and her mouth to responded, but couldn't find the words. "What… what are you talking about?" she finally managed.

"Well," he gave her a lopsided grin and leaned over, slowly slipping a hand onto her thigh. She glowered at him. He quickly removed his hand. "Okay," he coughed. "Um… well, that photo and the entire article would have been bigger… not to mention much better, if you had come with me to the interview."

"Uh huh," she doubted that. She was just a detective, not some flashy model. Yeah, she knew she was good looking, but come on… a magazine. She'd done that one interview, and to be honest, she had not enjoyed it. Beckett preferred to remain out of the public eye.

"No, really, it would have," insisted Castle. "Imagine this, if you will…"

"I'll try," she bit her lower lip, secretly loving how excited he was getting with his own little world.

"Alright," he grinned. "So, as is customary, they have this white background. Place a stool in front of it. Yours truly sits on it…"

"Dressed in that very dapper blue suit, no doubt," she interjected, playing along.

"Of course," he wiggled his eyebrows. "But I'm not alone!"

"Your not?"

"No," he leaned close, invading her personal space. Her eyes flicked down to his lips, and she prayed to God that he hadn't noticed. "On my lap, is a certain very hot and sexy detective."

"Let me guess, Nikki Heat," she smirked.

"Wrong," Castle murmured softly, his breath moist and warm against her cheek. "Sitting on my lap, showing off gorgeous legs and a breathtaking body, is none other than NYPD's finest homicide detective—"

"Kevin Ryan," Beckett laughed, watching as Castle grimaced at the mental image she had just put in his head.

"Oh god, no…," Castle groaned.

Beckett sighed and fiddled with his tie. "All right, who's this sitting on your lap?"

"You," he wiggled his eyebrows. "Of course, that might not be a good idea."

"Why not?"

"I might start getting ideas," he replied.

She let go of his tie and gave him her famous glare, always secretly enjoying the playful banter they had. "In your dreams, Castle," she said, shaking her head and rolling her eyes as she turned back to her magazine.

"Oh, but why dream when I can have the real thing?" he inquired, sliding his hand back onto her thigh. She frowned, but let him have this round. Truth be told, she secretly loved the feel of his hand on her, and it was actually helping to distract her from why they were there.

The door opened and another couple arrived. By the size of the woman's swollen belly, Beckett guessed she was about five months along. She waddled over to one of the chairs and sat down as the husband went over to the receptionist to check in. Castle gave her leg a pat and inclined his head towards the couple as the husband rejoined the wife.

"The Thompsons," he said. "Nice couple. The wife's a fan." Castle tilted his head and looked at her from under his eyebrows in that adorable way he always does. "You know what? You should get to know the other parents as well."

"Let me guess," Beckett said, peering over the magazine cover at the couple. "You've already arranged for play dates between our kids."

Castle grinned. "Not yet. Though I'm working on it." He arched his neck and hollered across the room. "Hey Anita, Bill! How's it going?"

The husband, Bill, seemed to groan internally as his wife chirped up and smiled back, waving. "Mr. Castle… oh, it's so good to see you again! We're doing great! Just coming in for our five month appointment."

"Well, you're looking radiant, Anita," Castle smiled. Beckett could feel his fingers beginning to rub a pattern over her thigh. "Kate and I—"

"Kate!" Anita's eyes went wide as she took in the detective for the first time. "Kate Beckett… as in Detective Kate Beckett… as in the inspiration for Nikki Heat! Oh my god… are… are you two expecting?"

Oh god, no, Beckett paled. She pursed her lips and forced a smile out at the pair, before slowly turning her head on Castle. Lowering her brow and narrowing her eyes, she gave him one of her patented Beckett-glares. "Castle," she spoke, her voice soft with the hint of a warning.

He gulped, but luckily maintained his outwardly appearance of a man at ease, even though she knew he suspected he had most likely gotten himself in trouble and would be sleeping alone in his own bed tonight. Nah, she wouldn't punish herself because he was being… well, being Castle. However, it was his fault that Nikki Heat was somewhat inspired by her. Only somewhat, mind you. Unlike her fictional doppelganger, Beckett did not have a fuck buddy. When she slept with a man, it meant something to her. Opening herself like that was not done on a whim, with any man. That kind of intimacy was sacred to her. Which was why Beckett was still amazed she had taken advantaged of an intoxicated Castle two months ago. In retrospect, she guessed it proved just how much she had wanted him, both physically and emotionally.

Suddenly, Castle shifted, his hand moving off her leg and slinking over her shoulder. On reflex, Beckett tensed, not used to public displays of affection. Even though during their first month of dating, Castle had taken her out, they had always gone to places where no one knew them… well, except for those fancy upscale restaurants he had been treating her to, but the staffs were always discreet.

They had also gone out to movies, where it was easy to hide in the dark theaters, snuggling up next to Castle and enjoying one of Hollywood's latest cliché romantic comedies. They had also gone to their usual haunts, where it was not strange for people to see the two of them together, but Beckett had paid close attention not to be too touchy feely with Castle in those places. All in all, most of their time together was probably spent in private, the latest private place—as of last night—being her bed… and now—as of this morning—his office.

As Beckett observed the change in Castle's manner, she bit her bottom lip, a slight blush manifesting across her cheeks. He tilted his head ever so slightly, so he was gazing sidelong at her. Then, he turned towards Anita. "As a matter of fact, yes."

Whatever suppression or coping mechanism Beckett had had in place immediately disappeared. Her cheeks flushed bright pink with discomfort, and she instinctively tried to shrink back as she heard Anita squeal like a fangirl. The pregnant woman practically bounded up out of her chair, crossed the room in a flash, and surprising Beckett with an unexpected hug. The woman immediately came to her sense, and let go, her own cheeks blushing with embarrassment.

"Oh my, I'm so… so sorry," she squeaked out. "I didn't—"

"No… it's… um… it's all right," Beckett forced out, heaving in a deep breath, actually grateful for Castle's arm around her shoulder.

Anita eased down into a cushioned chair across from them, watching as her husband reluctantly got up and seated himself besides her. "See, I told you they were a couple," she whispered to him as he sat down. He gave a gruff nod and turned back to the sports magazine he was reading. Anita rolled her eyes and turned back to them.

"So… when did this happen?" she asked gesturing with her hands at the two of them, her eyes taking in the fact that Castle had his arm draped over her shoulder.

"Two months," Castle answered before Beckett could even open her mouth. She shot him a glare, but he ignored her. She sighed and bit the inside of her cheek, resigning herself to the fact that eventually they wouldn't be able to hide this. Especially when she gave birth. The hospital would probably make some big announcement to the media about how the famous author Richard Castle and his muse/girlfriend just welcomed a healthy baby.

"Look, Anita," he said softly. "We're trying to keep it on the QT."

"Oh, yes, I understand," she nodded. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

Beckett did an internal sigh of relief. "Thank you," she spoke softly, giving the woman a grateful nod. Unconsciously she found herself easing into Castle hold. As he started chatting away with the woman, her mind began to wonder.

For the first time, Beckett realized that she was in this... she was there. Sure, when she had been with Josh, she was with him, but she was never really there, never really invested. She had liked having a boyfriend, having someone who would hold her and make love to her, but with Josh it never did really move beyond the physical (at least for her). At one point she had thought it would, but the inconsistent meetings, the jumbled up appointments, never lent itself to the development of a stronger relationship. And to be honest, they never really had time for anything else besides sex. Sure it was great sex, but there was nothing in it besides that need for physical release, that need to just be with someone.

So when she glanced up and saw Castle still chatting idly away with the other expectant mother, Beckett knew it was more than about their physical compatibility. Sex with Castle was amazing, to be sure, and she would always be amazed at how great it was, even when it was just a rough quickie or something slow and tender. When she was with Castle, in the biblical sense, she was with him in everyway—mind, body, and heart. Beckett could not forget her heart. It was probably one of the most guarded parts of her entire being. Only two men had ever managed to break down her defenses and capture her heart, and both had broken it in one fashion or another.

Will Sorenson had been the first. She had fallen in love with the FBI agent, but—as Castle had observed—they were too much alike for it to work. They were both dedicated to their jobs, and, for them, the job always came first. Will had asked her to move with him when he got a promotion, but Beckett couldn't leave New York. New York was her home; it was where she grew up. And it where she would eventually find her mother's killer. So, she had broke up with Sorenson, breaking her heart and devastating her to the point where her love life basically went the way of the dodo.

Then Richard freaking Castle suddenly landed at her doorstep. At first, she was speechless and a little unnerved by the whole prospect, most of which stemmed from the fact that he was her favorite author, though she was determined he'd never find that out. Slowly, somehow, almost miraculously, he worked his way into her life and she began to develop genuine feelings for him. He had put down $100,000 of his own money (without batting an eye) to help her flush out Rathborne, the alias of the contract hitman who had killed her mother. And with Castle's help, she discovered that Dick Coonan had been Rathborne all along.

And when Coonan had taken Castle hostage, her heart had jumped in her throat. She was terrified she was going to lose Castle, just like she had lost her mother to murder, her father to alcoholism, and Will to the job. Her own desires to unravel the mystery of who was behind the murder of her mother took a sideline when Castle had been placed in harm's way. So, Beckett had taken the shot. And as much as it grieved her, she killed Dick Coonan. She cried over his body afterwards, not for him, but for the lead she had just lost in her mother's case. And Castle was there to comfort her.

Yes, Richard Castle, that nine-year-old on a sugar rush, stood by her side through it all.

But he had broken her heart, just like Will Sorenson, though he never knew it. She had ended her budding relationship with Tom Demming because, thanks to some prodding from her friends, she was ready to see if she and Castle could be more than just friends. And then Gina had walked in and Castle left for the summer with her, unknowingly tearing Beckett's heart out of her chest.

And even when she first started dating Josh, that hole in her chest remained empty. She liked Josh, maybe even cared a little about him, but she never invested much in the relationship. It was just that, a relationship for a relationship sakes. Beckett had grown sick and tired of being single, so she had thrown her hat in and had given up. She never expected anything much out of Josh. No love was going to come from that relationship; it was purely a one-way thing. And she liked it that way.

Then everything changed. Somehow, someway, Castle had managed to work his way back into her heart, and that empty place was becoming whole again. The more time she spent with Castle, the more it became obvious that she loved him. At first, when she realized it, she felt guilty. She was seeing Josh, but in love with another man. Hell, near the end, she had even started to fantasize about Castle when she slept with Josh. The guilt only permeated her more when that happened.

That's when that crazy unexpected night happened and, in a dark place emotionally, Beckett got Castle drunk and took advantage of the situation and slept with him. And once the consequences of that action became apparent, it was almost like the fates had finally stepped in, guiding her towards the man she was destined to be with. In a lot of ways, it made it easier to break up with Josh, and the break up was a lot more amicable than she had expected, seeing how Josh had always known she was never fully invested in their relationship, and had always suspected she was in love with Castle, just unwilling to admit it.

"Beckett!" came a voice, calling her out of her thoughts.

Blinking, she looked up to see a nurse with a clipboard. Castle turned to Anita and winked. "That's us," he smiled broadly, standing up and offering her a hand. Beckett could not help but smile up at him as she accepted his offered hand. However, her smile quickly evaporated when she remembered where they were, and her worry and concerned seized control. God, she hoped nothing was wrong. Numbly, lost in her own worries, Beckett followed the nurse through the door.

"And you are?" the nurse asked as Castle made a move to follow.

Beckett turned, her heart jumping in her throat. She couldn't go in alone. She needed Castle. Hell, she had always needed him. It had just taken her this long to realize that. Beckett quickly pushed past the nurse and grabbed Castle's hand. "My boyfriend," she declared out loud. "He's my boyfriend."

"Alright," the nurse gave a nod and raised a judgmental eyebrow. "Follow me then."

Sighing as he put his arm around her shoulder, Beckett eased into his hold as the nurse led them to the check-up room. "I'll say one thing," Castle said under his breath. "That woman is definitely not a fan."