Yay. This one took a while. I had a hard time thinking one up. I'm not even sure I got Falman's character correct. Ugh. Anyway, this one is different from the others so far...and, as I predicted, longer. Damn. Well, I guess it's kind of good for you guys.

Full Metal Alchemist is not mine.

Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes.

WARRANT OFFICER VATO FALMAN

PROLOGUE:

If there was one thing Vato Falman was absolutely sure about in this world of mysteries was that, though brothers, Ed and Al were quite different.

For example, they both approached him in their own ways about money.

"Excuse me sir," Al said politely one morning in the office. Falman glanced up and placed his pen down, listening. Al continued, "I was wondering if you could help me. Ed and I want to start earning money by ourselves so do you think you could –?"

Alphonse gave a cry when he was shoved away suddenly. Ed came bursting from behind the suit of armour exclaiming, "You're going to help us earn money and you're going to do it now!"

Falman really didn't have the authority to answer no.

EDWARD PART 1:

Edward Elric knew that, being a state alchemist, he had a specific amount of money dedicated to his research –which meant he could spend as much as he wanted on food when he and Al travelled. But Al had suggested, now that they were growing up, they should start becoming more independent and earn their own money.

Ed had disagreed at first, bringing up the military funding but then the Colonel had conveniently walked past. "Don't push him Al," he said smugly. "I've heard that short people make significantly less money than tall people."

Anyone could guess what happened next.

"…And that's why we're doing this," Ed finished his story to the Warrant Officer. "And, really, who thought that up? Why would tall people earn more than –?"

"–Well, I have actually heard of that," Falman murmured. "Apparently those who were tall when sixteen will earn more money when older because they were well accustomed to –"

"–that's bullshit!" Edward cried, violently kicking the door to the office open. Falman cringed and Ed then visibly relaxed, grumpily adding, "I better be tall by the time I'm sixteen."

Falman highly doubted it.

He flipped a switch and the office was flooded with light. Falman noticed Ed's confusion. "There's a loose mouse in the office," Falman explained.

Ed blinked then deflated, "And, let me guess, you want me to get it?"

"…Yeah."

"Dammit," Ed rubbed his temple tiredly before saying, "Fine. This shouldn't be hard. It's just a mouse."

Falman went to his desk and handled some files, "You won't be alone. I have to help out too."

"What about Al? Why isn't he here?"

Falman frowned and answered, "Well, Alphonse was keen about it until I mentioned the mouse…" Falman's voice trailed off when Ed began to snigger.

"Yeah, he hates them," Edward replied cheekily. "Why do you think he likes cats so much?"

Well that explained it.

"Right," Falman said shortly. "I'll get you sorted and then I have to meet Al downstairs. I'll be back before you know it. Understand?" As Ed murmured a "Yes," Falman pulled out from a bag, on his seat, a wooden mousetrap.

"Oh cool," Edward leaned forward, grinning madly at the object. "We get to snap its neck, right? Can I have it for an experiment afterwards?"

Falman stared at the state alchemist with a blank expression before he turned the other way and proceeded to set up the mousetrap without answering. Ed watched the process silently. "There," the Warrant Officer declared. "The mouse likes to hide under the Colonel's desk."

Ed smirked, most likely imaging a scenario of Mustang losing his toes from the trap. The boy then considered something and brought it up, "Do we want to test it? See if it works?"

"Oh, yeah sure. I'll get a pencil and –Ed!"

Before Falman got the chance to stop him, Ed placed his index finger onto the special spot, setting off the trap. It activated and snapped onto Ed's finger. "ED!" Falman yelled, his heart feeling as though it had exploded out of his chest and soared away.

"No! No! Wait!" Edward cried frantically. "It's fine! It's my automail hand, see?" He pushed his sleeve back to reveal the metal wrist of the automail limb.

Falman's hand clutched his chest. Taking huge gasps, he exclaimed, "Never do that to me again!"

"Got it," Edward mumbled. Then he shook his automail hand lightly, the mousetrap's jaw clinging tightly to his finger. "Uh, wanna free me?"

ALPHONSE PART 1:

"Right, this should be easy for a boy your age," Falman said certainly. He placed his hands on his hips and observed the scene before him. He had a feeling that few selected coworkers of his would probably snort at the sight.

It was quite interesting to see an extremely tall suit of armour…holding a leash connected to a small, black and white Shiba Inu puppy. Black Hayate's triangular ears flicked occasionally and he would rub his snout affectionately against Al's ankle, whining for a hug. Al refused for two specific reasons:

1. He didn't want to crush the poor thing, and...

2. …He honestly preferred cats far more than dogs.

…Why was he landed with the dog-walking chore? Ed was the one who liked dogs more…

"Alphonse," Riza Hawkeye happened to also be there, standing beside Falman. "You better take of him."

Al flinched, "Y-yes."

Falman sheepishly shrugged it off, "Don't worry Lieutenant. Al's a responsible kid, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"See?" Falman watched Hawkeye nervously as she contemplated the situation one last time. Obviously she was adding and subtracting all the pros and cons, cleverly pinpointing her decision. Her amber eyes narrowed, "Fine, but you go with him Falman."

It was times like these when the Warrant Officer wished he could say, "W-what was that? I didn't hear you," like Havoc did and then flee the scene. However, that was not the case as everyone knew his uncanny ability to pick up and remembering everything.

And considering this was Hawkeye and her dog, he wasn't willing to oppose. "Yes Lieutenant," he replied with a tight salute. Falman was also one to never disobey orders from his higher-ups so he wasn't likely to abandon Al like Breda would most definitely do...but… "Right," he turned to the suit of amour when Hawkeye was out of sight, "Al, can you walk Black Hayate to the cafeteria? It's about a ten minute walk. I just need to see how Ed's going."

"Uh…" Al wasn't really fine with it. But Black Hayate got up on his hind legs and placed his front paws on Al's leg, his tail wagging excitedly. "Yeah, sure."

EDWARD PART 2:

"THERE IT IS! GET IT! GET IT!"

"Edward you're supposed to be getting it."

"FINE!" Ed leaped from his spot and chased after the rodent. It squeaked in a tone that sounded like it was thinking, oh shit. The mouse scurried away so quickly it was as though a rocket was attached to its back. "NO, DAMMIT!"

The mouse skidded behind a cupboard. Ed slammed straight into it. Falman flinch.

"Are you alright?"

Edward peeled his face off and grumbled, "Yeah, oh yeah, I'm fine." He gave the cupboard a glare and turned to leave but delivered it a hard kick first, hoping to scare the mouse out of its hiding spot. "Get out dammit!"

"Mice –and all animals –are incapable of understanding human speech," Falman informed.

"I know that!" Ed snapped, gripping his golden locks in frustration. "This is ridiculous! The mouse completely avoided the trap. No, seriously! I saw it! The trap was there and the mouse came near it…and walked around it!"

"Did you put the cheese in?"

"Yes! And he got it too!"

"Right I –wait, pardon?"

"The mouse came back again and got the cheese. The trap didn't set off!"

"You're kidding," Falman sighed and bent down to the trap. He inspected it before he turned to Ed, "We're going to have to set it up again. Something went wrong."

"Dammit. I better be paid well."

ALPHONSE PART 2:

Alphonse had succeeded in guiding Black Hayate around the Command Centre. It was a tad difficult as so many officers wanted their daily dose of cuteness. Black Hayate was more than happy to comply as long as he was given pats and hugs.

Black Hayate stopped his walking suddenly and plopped right down.

"Er…," Al wasn't entirely sure what to do at first. "Um, come on Black Hayate." He tugged at the leash but the dog sniffed and laid down on his belly. "We need to get to the cafeteria. Come on," Al pulled the leash again but Black Hayate was quite stubborn. He growled slightly.

Nervous about missing Falman, Al scooped up Black Hayate in his hand and just simply walked on. The dog was quite surprised by the sudden change of heights but he settled soon enough. So much for walking the dog…

"Alphonse!"

The suit of armour was more than grateful when Falman came round the corner. In his hands were a dog bowl and a bottle of water. The two met up and Al soon discovered the reason behind Black Hayate's stubbornness. Falman poured the water into the bowl and the dog immediately began to drink it. Once Black Hayate was done with refreshing himself he yawned, showing off his sharp teeth. Falman offered to take the leash –which Al handed over without a second thought –and was about to continue to walk when another issue arose.

"Oh no," Al mumbled.

"Uh…" Falman wasn't entirely sure how to comment.

He knew what Havoc and Breda would be saying at the moment. They'd go: "I'm not picking up dog shit!" and force poor Fuery to do it. Falman decided there and then that he didn't have the strength to pick it up.

"Al," he said pleasantly. "You're the one earning the money; you've got to pick it up."

He didn't know that Alphonse was grumbling about the annoyance of dogs. Of course, cats would dig up a hole and then do its business. Not just…let it go! "B-but I don't…uh…I don't really want to…"

"Come on Al, there's no harm," Falman chose to ignore the voice in his head that was yelling, Hypocrite!

"But you don't know what that's stuffs made of!"

Falman faltered before he shrugged, "Well, if you really want to know: feces are about 75% water and the rest is dead bacteria that helps to digest food and –"

"–I really didn't need to know that!"

Both Al and Falman seethed when Black Hayate decided to do it again.

EDWARD PART 3:

Go back to check on Ed: what a perfect excuse!

By the time he got back, Al would have cracked and picked it up. "Ed, how's it –what have you done?"

The office…was a mess, to say the least. Cupboards were lying face down; desks were overturned, stationary was tossed about the place and the floor had a new layer made from paper. It's as though a tornado had flown past. Ed, naturally, stood in the centre of it, holding a broom like a sword. Falman's mouth had noticeably fallen.

The state alchemist saw the Warrant Officer and shouted, "CLOSE THE DOOR! IT CAN'T ESCAPE!"

Startled, Falman jumped and hurriedly closed the door. "Ed, the office…why did you…?"

"So the mouse can't hide! IDIOT!"

Falman was beginning to regret giving Ed this job. "Uh, I have to get back to Al."

"But you just got here –" The door shut.

The boy's grip on the broom tightened as he cursed the mouse a thousand deaths. He had been desperately chasing after this damn mouse for quite some time now. Well, it really hadn't being that long but this was Edward Elric and his patience was as small as his size.

But the thing is, to Ed, the mouse was taunting him! Every time it revealed itself it seemed to tease the golden boy with its awful squeaking. Damn, it wouldn't be so smug if a cat was here and –

Ed stopped and then grinned.

ALPHONSE PART 3:

Al had finally gathered up the courage to pick up the dog poo with a plastic bag wrapped around his hand. Al stared down at the small dog and huffed impatiently. It was happening again…one of those rare moments was occurring…Al was getting irritated.

But he did manage to keep it in, even when Warrant Officer Vato Falman came back. And, soon enough, the two had walked around the entire Command Centre. It was closing in on lunchtime and Falman's shoulder sagged when he remembered the mess Ed had created in the office. Mustang was going to throw a fit and probably have both of them clean it up.

"The Lieutenant should be here shortly," Falman stated. He and Alphonse ceased their walking. Black Hayate continued trotting along until the leash tugged him back. The dog whined and gave the humans a pleading look.

Neither of the two fell for it.

Desperate to relieve the boredom that had dropped in on Al like a bomb the twelve-year-old said, "So, when do you think the Lieutenant will be back?"

"She said she'll be here at twelve o'clock sharp. Considering this is Lieutenant Hawkeye, she will be here on time," Falman answered.

"Oh, okay." They had about five minutes to wait. Black Hayate was licking his paws vigorously, enthralled in the action of cleaning himself. Al couldn't help but think that cats looked so cute when they cleaned themselves but dogs just…ew.

Both Alphonse and Falman received quite a shock when an aggressive bark ripped from Black Hayate's throat. Before Al realised it, Black Hayate had gathered enough strength to escape Al's grasp. "NO!" both cried when the dog of Hawkeye bolted. What in God's name set of the…? Oh…

Falman promised himself he was never helping the boys earn money again.

Alphonse, along with Edward who had randomly come out of no where, chased after Black Hayate determined to save the white cat that was slinking across the Command Centre...

Later…

Edward grinned sheepishly at Warrant Officer Falman.

"You got a cat?"

"Yeah, I mean, they're good at catching mice, right?"

"Yes…how did you get the cat?"

"I found one in an alleyway," Ed shrugged light-heartedly.

"In the Command Centre?"

"No, outside. Duh."

"And the cat…you brought it into the office…it caught the mouse…and then it –"

"–Hawkeye came in and the cat got away! It wasn't my fault!"

…

"It wasn't! Don't give me that look!"

"This is how I always look."

"Shut up!"

EPILOGUE:

Falman was covered in scratches. He was forced to team up with the Elric Brothers to capture the cat. Hallways were a mess, soldiers were baffled, some were still hysterically laughing, and the brothers were in a state of embarrassment and frustration. Falman, however, believed that they had brought it upon themselves but there was no reason whatsoever for his torture! And, yet, he was the one in pain.

Hawkeye had scowled at him darkly before walking away with her beloved dog. Why? Al was the one who had let go of the leash! Not him! Havoc and Breda both grumbled at him about the office while Fuery whimpered over his destroyed work. Mustang had decided to burn Falman's recently-written-and-due-in-two-days-seven-thousand-word report.

Then, Falman and the brothers had to clean everything up.

By the end of the day, Falman's hair was dishevelled and his clothes ruffled. He stood to the side as Ed and Al sat in their own chair in front of Mustang's desk. The Colonel himself was left to rewarding the boys the money. Bitterly, he shuffled through his wallet for a bit before he pulled out five hundred cenz and handed it to Al.

The suit of armour kept telling himself that five hundred was perfectly fine! Totally worth all that trouble!

Then Mustang picked out a single one hundred cenz and smacked it onto Ed's open eager palm. Ed frowned at it, "Only one hundred cenz? What the hell?"

"Well," Mustang said dryly. "You did destroy my office –"

"–But I cleaned it up!"

Falman cleared his throat, "I believe we cleaned it up."

Appalled, Ed stared at his earned money and then Al's. Al was now thankful. Finally Ed went, "You gave Al more! Why don't I get –"

Mustang then allowed a smirk to make an appearance, "Why, Full Metal, didn't I tell you before? Short people earn less than –"

Falman fled the office.

AUTHORS'S NOTE:

-There was actually a report stating that tall people do actually earn more money. I didn't have it in there to piss Ed off. Apparently, it's true!

-I don't remember the money in Amestris. So...I just went with the dollar. EDIT: I've being told the currency is something called cenz (sometimes called cens) and it is like the Japanese yen. So five hundred = $5...I think. And one hundred = $1.

Up next...Riza Hawkeye!