So we wrote this on a very old and shitty computer because I can't use my laptop right now. We have absolutely no idea how many words this is so it might be very fucking short. Sorry in advance, but this was what we had planned for this chapter so even if we saw the word count we probably would have just posted it anyway.

As usual, please don't get offended by what we wrote. It's all for shits and giggles.

YOU HAVE CANCER

Clary sat in between Alec and Jace as they waited for their turn to see Dr. Bane, one of the most successful artificial insemination experts in the city. Alec sat slumped in his chair, scooched as far away from Clary as possible while playing Flappy Bird on his phone.

Clary sat awkwardly and quietly as Jace tried, for the seventh time, to engage in conversation.

"So… Are you excited to not have your period for nine months?"

Clary blushed a bright scarlet that made her complexion blend into her hair. "Uh, yeah I guess… Look, could we maybe just sit quietly while we wait? I'm a little nervous."

"Is this your first time being pregnant?" Jace asked, then realizing his question, shut his mouth and sat back in his chair.

A tall man with brown hair and a devilish smirk walked out of the doctor's office door with a clip board. "Clarissa Fray," he called, leaning away from the door to let the three pass. As Clary walked by, she looked at the man's name tag. Denis D. So this was not Dr. Bane. His assistant maybe?

Denis walked Clary and the boys into a large, tastefully decorated doctor's office, where he sat Clary down next to what looked like a dentists chair with leg braces on the sides. Clary was not at all anxious to get in that chair.

"Dr. Bane will be with you in a moment." Denis turned and picked up a magazine from the desk and handed it to Jace with a small glass cup. "Go to the end of the hall, third door on the right. If you need any help, just call," he said with a seductive wink.

Jace turned a hilarious shade of white, making Denis chuckle. "I'm just fucking with you. Go have some fun."

Jace stood up and quickly left the room without looking back at Denis. He practically ran to the end of the hall and flung the door open, slamming it behind him. He slumped down on the chair in the small room and tried to calm down as he started to flip through the magazine. Quickly he realized that, though they were all good looking, it was in fact filled with naked men in very compromising positions. Damn it, Jace thought, a little disappointed.

Jace dug his phone out of his pocket and started flipping through the pictures, hoping he had something better than buff men viciously anal fisting each other. After flipping through a few, he saw the picture of Clary he had saved from the interviews a few days before. Jace blushed, though he wasn't sure why. Yes, she was very pretty, but the whole reason he was going through this procedure was because he knew he didn't want to be tied down by something as repellant and restraining as being in a relationship. But never the less, he stared at the picture, wondering why he was so… excited about her.

This could work. Jace smiled.

OoOoOoO

A few moments after Jace left, Denis instructed Clary to change into a bland looking green hospital gown. Clary sent Alec to wait in the hall as she slipped out of her clothes and into the stiff fabric.

Soon after she was finished, Denis and Alec re-entered, followed by a tall, Asian looking man with high cheek bones and enough sparkling eye liner to hurt Clary's eyes. He wore a doctor's coat over a stylish outfit of tight black jeans and a fitted blue button-up shirt. Without looking up from his clipboard, he pointed at Clary, then the strange chair. "Sit down and spread your legs," he said kindly and not at all in a rappy way.

Clary hesitantly did as she was instructed, eyeing Alec as he turned away.

Once she was comfortable in her chair, Dr. Bane pulled up a stool and sat down in between Clary's legs. He held out his hand and Denis handed him a long, silver tool that made Clary cringe when she saw it.

"So when was your last check up?" Dr Bane asked casually as he fiddled and poked at Clary's private zone.

"Well, I've never really had one." Clary muttered, flinching at the touch of cold metal on somewhere that has never been touched by someone else before.

"Well that's strange, because your vagina is in perfect health."

"Uh, Dr Bane, could you maybe-"

"Oh sweetie, there's no need for formalities. I'm basically inside of you. Call me Magnus," He smiled at her from between her legs. He slipped off his gloves and put them on the tray of tools as he pushed away from Clary. "You can sit up now. We just need to wait for Mr. Herondale's… supplies."

Speak of the Devil and he shall appear. Just as Clary was about to close her legs, Jace opened the door, holding the small glass container. He looked up just in time to get a great view of Clary in all her glory.

Immediately he closed his eyes and blushed redder than Alec has ever seen. "Holy crap I'm so sorry I should have knocked I'm so sorry oh my god!"

"Oh calm down," said Magnus. "Haven't you ever seen a vagina before? They're quite lovely, really. Like a blooming rose, or a ham and cheese sandwich!"

Alec wondered why Jace was being so bashful and nervous, but decided not top worry about it.

Jace handed Denis the glass container and went to sit next to Alec in the corner of the room, bowing his head in what Alec would have assumed was shame if he didn't know Jace.

Clary, whose open legs would now be out of the boys view, sat back in the chair as Dr Bane put back on his glove.

"Denis, do the thing," he said. Denis pulled out a turkey baster and prepared Jace's juices for insertion. Once they were done, Clary stood up, a little wobbly, and took her small stack of clothes into the small room down the hall to change quickly.

When she returned, she sat down awkwardly next to Jace, who still wouldn't look at her.

"Alright, I have good news and bad news," said Magus, walking over to the small trio as he flipped through the pages on his clipboard. "The good news is, it should work. Clarissa, take a pregnancy test in about two weeks. If it's negative, wait another couple weeks before taking a test again. If it's positive, come back here and we'll have a look at you. The bad news is, you have cancer."

"What!?" said everyone, including Denis.

"Nah, I'm just fucking with you," he said, winking at Denis. "Everything was so awkward here that I thought I'd crack a joke to loosen the tension. You're fine. See you in a few weeks."

Magnus and Denis left the room to attend to other patients.

Alec stood up and cleared his throat. "So, we should get going now."

Clary and Jace stood up in unison, bumping into each other awkwardly as they walked through the door.

"Sorry about earlier," Clary whispered. "I know you're probably really uncomfortable with seeing that stuff."

"Well, on the bright side," Jace smiled down at her. "At least now I don't need to ask you if the carpet matches the drapes."

For that one person who asked for Magnus, here he fucking is. Happy? good. ;)

Please leave us your constructive criticism, ideas or whatever because we love to see what you have to say on how we can make this story and our writing in general better.

xoxo

-R & A