Fragile

[ fra-g-ile ]

1. Easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail

2. Vulnerably delicate, as in appearance

3. Lacking in substance or force

It means it can be easily broken and so it has to be handled with care.

Love. It was one of life's greatest mysteries and it certainly thwarted us many times. Every time we spoke about it we always wondered what it would be like and how would we know. For me I just knew. It wasn't like something big like Hollywood say it is; instead I just realised one day that I cared for you more than my own life.

Some days I still catch myself out and ask "Is this what it feels like? Waiting for the next move with a rushed heart beat; having to keep reminding myself to breath; watching you everywhere and smiling. Always smiling."

There were times where I felt like I wasn't enough for you. You were as fragile as a snow flake and instead of being the wind that drifted you on I became the three year old trying to catch you with grubby hands. But that was when you were alone; with other people you were fierce.

One snowflake is delicate yet many are a force to be reckoned with. A whole snow storm could ruin your day and with other people that was a possibility every time. But one snowflake was special and unique. It could be destroyed by the heat of your hands however if you let it be and closely observe you can see the one of a kind arrangement the ice crystals are positioned to make this tiny piece of magic.

You were exactly like a snowflake, though I would never admit it out loud.

And right now was one of those times where I felt like my hands were melting you. Your father's death shook you up even more than you expected and for what seemed like a long time I was the one carrying you around now, you depended on me and I had to be the leader. I had to be strong.

It made you uneasy for me to leave you alone even for a few seconds. You said it was because you didn't know where I was going or if I was going to come back. Because of this we always spent nights together either around mine or yours. I didn't mind and you were just happy to have me there, keeping you from breaking.

But eventually it was evident everyone had had enough. More people started showing that they thought you were being pathetic now but you didn't react as you would've before. I had to be the one with the sharp tongue now. It was weird for me as well. Before I always thought I needed our friendship more than you did but seeing you like this now I worried that one of the many thoughts swirling round in your brain was that one.

So I sat you down and told you all the things you needed to hear.

"Your father wouldn't want you moping around forever."

"People need time to grieve." You replied.

"Yes but not the rest of your life! He would want you to go on and do something of yourself, make him proud." You turned away and I waited silently for you to say something. Instead you just pulled me down and started kissing me. We hadn't kissed since before our argument so I was confused as to why you wanted to now but that didn't stop me kissing you back.

Suddenly I felt your hand on my leg and I knew what you wanted. I pushed you away and sat up at the end of the bed. You looked so hurt but I was mad. How could you?

"Brittany, what are-?" I stood up and tried to leave but you grabbed me again so I refused to look at you.

"Britt, where are you going? I need you right now. You're my best friend." Your voice broke at the end and I knew you were crying.

"Well maybe you need to re-think what that means." I turned around and glared. All I wanted to do was leave and hide but you refused to let me leave.

"Britt I thought you wanted this."

"No Santana. Not after every time you decide to hurt me and then crawl back, ignoring my pain all over again."

"You're over-reacting."

"That's the thing about love; makes you do crazy things." Your eyes widened and you fell back then.

"We ca-"

"Don't you dare say that we can't! The only reason that we can't is because you won't accept that you love me! More than you know," I could only muster up a whisper at the end, "So I can't keep staying when all that's left for me is more pain." You let me walk out then and I held my head high as the tears fell down. Before I left I heard one single sob escape your mouth and I swear it broke my heart into two then.

The only thing running through my head was something my dad use to tell me; It seems the people we trust the most, are the ones who always hurt us the most.

A few days later I received a text from you at dinner.

What are you doing Friday night?

I hesitated before slowly typing out my reply.

Nothing, why?

No reason. Just dress casual and make sure you're hungry.

Friday was tomorrow and the whole night I fretted about what you had planned. The next day you only smiled whenever I spoke to you and shrugged when I asked what we were doing. It seemed our whole ordeal had been forgotten. I promised myself I wouldn't let it be swept under the carpet for so long this time.

Friday night came and I was dressed in jeans and a plain shirt. My toes wiggled in my converses and I stared in my reflection longer than I wanted to. Was this too casual? Should I quickly grab my boots and throw on a lot of make up? Or am I going the wrong way and you just wanted to get a movie?

The doorbell rang and I grabbed my keys before opening it. You stood there in jeans and trainers too and I smiled in relief. You grabbed my hand and smiled back, walking me towards your car. It wasn't until I was strapped in and you started driving that you spoke.

"Ready for our first date?" It took me a minute to realise you weren't joking and I started squealing.

"Oh my, are you serious? We're definitely going on a date?" You nodded and I started smiling so big I was scared my face might break. You kept refusing to tell me where we were going and I kept talking about how happy I was. You laughed and smiled along with me but still wouldn't budge in revealing our destination.

"So what changed your mind?" I finally asked.

"I thought about what you said. A lot, actually. And I decided that you were right. No matter what my mum says or how much I'm scared I wanna do this. I wanna be with you in every way possible." My heart fluttered and I grabbed your hand as the car came to a stop. I looked up and saw our restaurant and smiled even more. We sat down and ordered as usual. Halfway through the meal you looked up at me; I could tell something was worrying you.

"Brittany, I just have one thing I want you to do for me."

"Anything." I promised.

"Can we keep this a secret? I don't think I'm ready for everyone to know." I nodded, getting you on this date was enough for me. We carried on eating and paid for the meal. I was expecting to go back home but you started driving us a different direction and I sat silently, waiting to see where we were going.

Then a few sparkling lights came in front of us and I saw a gigantic wheel above us. I instantly gasped and sat forward.

A funfair.

I always said I had wanted to go to one yet could never find where they were. I ran out of the car and you chased after me until we were standing in the queue for tickets. You grabbed my hand and I squeezed in delight. People around us didn't even give us a second look.

"Tonight's the last night it's here before they move to another town and I know you always wanted to go so I thought I'd take you." You smiled at me and I placed a small kiss on your cheek, enough to make you blush and look down. We paid our way in and immediately went towards the queue for the first roller coaster we saw.

After a few rides I was so excited and happy that I kept bouncing whenever I walked. You just laughed and held my hand. We decided to eat some cotton candy and I watched as a couple played the game where you have to knock over all the bottles to win a prize. The man won and his companion squealed when she received the stuffed bear. He turned round and I gasped when I recognised who it was. You grabbed my arm and stood next to me, angling your body so it was in front but not obviously so.

Max came over then when he saw us and you glanced at me when Shannon came as well. I didn't know they were dating.

"Hey guys, what brings you two here?" Max asked. He kept looking at me so I cleared my throat indicating to you I'd answer.

"We heard it was only here for one more night and decided to check it out." I smiled at him and watched as his face softened. Max was a nice guy; it was only when he was with his friends that he turned into an idiot.

"Shannon, how are you?" you asked. I knew you hadn't spoken to her since that day in school but I always told you to be more polite to people.

"I'm great. My boyfriend here just won me a prize. Isn't he adorable?" She smirked at me and I raised my eyebrow at how ridiculously obvious she was. That's not going to get me jealous. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he reluctantly held her. His eyes avoided my gaze and I sensed an awkward tension drifting about.

"Well we were about to go and try that game so we'll see you at school." I grabbed your hand again and smiled goodbye before running off. You had a frown etched onto your face so I decided to try and get rid of it. I paid for a go at the same stall we just saw Max and Shannon at and got ready to throw the balls.

I was never the best at this game but you started cheering for me and I wanted to get you that prize. I threw one ball and knocked down three bottles. You cheered and I felt my confidence rising. I hurled another but missed them. I had to get the last three with only one ball; suddenly I wasn't so confident.

Someone must've been looking down on me that day because I managed to push all three down with my final go and you screamed with joy and jumped on me. The man behind the stand chuckled and gestured at you to pick a toy. You pointed at the stuffed panda and after receiving it we decided to go on one more ride before heading home.

"Can we go on the Ferris wheel?" I asked and you nodded. We waited until a carriage became free and sat there in a comfortable silence. Once we reached the top and stopped for a minute I took your hand again and held onto it for my life.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked. I saw you glance down at all the people and realised how scared you were. You gently shook your head and even though I was disappointed I understood. You placed your legs on my lap and your head on my shoulder. We just laid there, wrapped up in each other until we reached the bottom again.

"Want to stay round mine?" You raised an eyebrow in question.

"I'd thought you never ask."

We drove back to your house and spent the whole night sleeping together in peace. It made me realise how much I missed you.