Last Time::::::

So,I have a Luuurve God boyfriend who is in Pizza-agogo- Land so I go on a date that's not really a date with an ex-snoggee who wants to just be mates. And Dave may or may not be my mate anymore, who I used to snog but anymore.

I mean, I know I shouldn't be grateful and all, having my health and a house to live in and food (sometimes) and a Luuuurve God to adore my great genroristy and beautosity, but ...why did I feel so torn up after Robbie left?

(Sunday, August 8th)

(10am)

Woke by the phone ringing.

Forced to drag myself out of my bed to go get it because my Olds selfishly stayed til past midnight farting and drinking vats of wine.

I know this because Grandad crashed into my room round 2am.

(10 Seconds Later, Kitchen)

I can hear the drunks snoring in bed and I'm all the way downstairs...with the door shut.

Bloody good parenting that is.

I picked up the phone "Hello what do you want?"

"Cia,this is Masimo?"

OhmyGodit'sMasimo.

I said to myself 'Pleasey please brain don't say anything stupid...

But of course it went right on without me.

"I bloody well hope not, it'd make going to the piddly piddly department in a skirt vair difficult." and I laughed, only it was mad heggy-heggy-ho Libby laughing.

Oh dear GOD.

"Is this...a bad timing?"

"No this is a fabby time. I'm just sitting round."

"Good, you have the missing me?"

"Oh loads."

"Then for why not you call?"

"Well I didn't know if it was my turn to call you, or should you call me, and if it is I don't want to seem to keen, which is bad and weedy,and if it is my turn and I don't call I don't want to appear like I don't fancy you, because I do, a LOT, and erm..."

Masimo said "You are the good girlfriend."

Ohhhhhh he called me his good girlfriend! I am a an Italiam Lurrrve God's good girlfriend !

Attention to brain: do NOT under any circumstances ask about the posibility about having a bad girlfriend !

I was going over this in my brain box and just barely missed from hearing Masimo saying "...and I am come back on the 10th."

OH MY GIDDY GOD that's only 2 days from now !

"Do you want, when I come for you, to go for a date ? "

"Is the pope a vicar?"

"Erm, no."

Oh dear God.

But then he said really low, in his Sex Goddy (hang on, no that's Robbie, why is he in this conversation? Back with thee, Sex God!) voice, he said 'I want to snog you within an inch of your cara." and he rang off.

Ohhhh I've got jelloid knees, and jelloid legs, and jelloid EVERYTHING.

I rang Rosie.

'Bonsoir mine petit fool!"

"Bonsoir, guess what guess what?"
"Your knickers are made out of strawberries"
"Er ,no."
"Mine are" and I heard Sven say "Ja mmmmmm baby !"

Oh gross, NORDIC porn.

I said "That is disgusting."

"No,it's BWA."

"How is eating strawberry knickers BWA?"
"I've still got them on."

OH dear God near I have that mental image stuck in my head.

To try to get my mind off it (LEAVE it...oh dear God is all think you of sex?) I said "Masimo rang me ! He'll be back the day after tomorrow and what's more he says he can't wait to snog me within an inch of my life!"

Rosie said 'Call me after and we can comparing Snogging Scale results." and she hung up on me.

Huh. Some mate she is.

I rang Jas but she was out on a ramble.

And Jools was with Rollo at the flicks.

How rude, to abandon me at my moment of glorynosity for a boy.

What ever happened to all for one and one for all and each for one of us, and so forth?

I'd say that but no one wants to talk to me.

Poo.

(2 Minutes Later)

Literally. Libby just came in "Ginger,Gingey,Angus did a big poo on your pillow."

(2 Minutes Later)

Ditto my duvet.

(3 Minute Later)

And my closet.

GOOD LORD what hasw Vati been feeding him, bran flakes ?!

(30 Minutes Later)

After much growling and spitting and pooing, I got Angus to his lead and tied him in Vati's DIY shed.

Let him poo in never goes in there anyways.

(2pm)

Doing massive amounts of orangutang gene checking for my Lurrrrve God (yes yes and thrice yes!) when I heard Vati at the front door 'I'm going fishing." and Mum call back "Bye love catch a big one."

He IS a big one...

(3 Minutes Later)

Oh no, Angus is with Vati's fishing rods !

Dashed down stairs but it was too late.

When I got down Angus had his claws sunk into Vati's massive arse. Vati was spinning round and round but that made Angus hang on tighter.

In the end Vati sat in Mrs Next-Doors fish pond. Angus HATES getting wet so he let go and dashed off across the street, probably to find Naomi, but not before biting Vati on the bum.

Vati was yelling '"Ow ow ow bloody bum biter!"

I said "Well stop having Uncle Eddie over "

which made Mum laugh but Vati just slammed off in the Clown Car at 1 kilometer per hour.

Ah,well, he who laughs last laughs the laughiest.

(1 Minute Later)

Who said that...? I think it was Shakespeare.

(25 Minutes Later)

No, it was Dave the Laugh,during one of his rare Un-Laugh moments,and I was telling about Robbie...

(19 Minutes Later)

Why does it always come to those two?

(34 Minutes Later)

Oh sod I am going to bed.

(9pm)

Lying in my bed of pain (literally...Angus has decided my nunga-nungas are a great place to nap) when I heard the Clow Car whirrr up.

I notised Vati had no fish.

Mutti came out and snogged him.

I said out the window sas loud as I could "Erlack."

Mutti looked up and round "Don't watch then" and Dad said something low to her which I couldn't hear which is probably good because Mutti giggled and hit him "Down big boy."

Oh, DISGUSTING.

I am SO glad Vati leaves tomorrow.

Monday, August 9th

(Teatime)

Vati left for Ethiopia today.

Uncle Eddie is taking him to the airport,because apparently, and I am trying not to think about it, there is a Baldy-O-Gram convention in London.

Really.

(2 Minutes Later)

I must admit,even I had a bit of a cry.

Part of it ,though,was because Libby whacked me round the kneecap with her newest 'fwend' : Slippy the soap on a rope.

Really.

I don't dare think of anywhere horrific Vati may have used it...urghhh...

At any rate after lots of hugs and snogs on Mutti and Vati's part and hissing on Angus' (I told Vati the missing piece of trousers would be how Angus remembers his scent, but I don't think Vati was having any of it) he got into the Baldy-O-Gram's van and they left for the airport.

Mutti was a bit quiet on the way home and as soon as we got in she went to her room.

I was thinking "Oh, she must realy miss him for some mad reason" but then she came back downstairs a few minutes later all tarted up in a black leather skirt and boots and a strappy top that barely contained her nunga nungas.

I raised an eyebrow at her "Meeting someone at the corner?"

She huffed at me "No I'm going out with the girls. I'll be out late so you'll have to make your own dinner. Be good to Libbs."

Honestly.

(7pm)

Jas FINALLY rang "What have you been up to?"
"Did you just finally notise your BEST mate existed? Or did Tom dump you for polliwogs again?"
Jas,of course,climbed into her Huffmobile for NO apparent reason.

"Look, there's no reason to be rude and stroppy just cause we've all got boyfriends here in England and yours is away and never calls-"

I interrupted her "Actually he HAS rung me and you are dating a RUTABAGA, not a boy."

And I did hung up on her before she could.

Ha.

That will teach her !