A/N: Merry day-after Christmas, everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, whatever it is that you celebrate this time of year. Sorry for the delay in my updates - I'm sure holiday craziness is something we've all been experiencing these last few weeks! This will likely be the last new chapter until after the new year, as I am going to visit family early next week, and probably won't have internet access for most of that five day trip. I'm taking my laptop with me, though, so hopefully I'll make good progress on some new chapters while I'm away!
In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this new chapter!
"So, my brother called," Samantha said, slumping down in a chair at the table in Stella's kitchen and gripping a mug of hot cocoa as the December snow fell heavily outside the building.
"That's good news, right?" Stella asked, taking a seat across the table from Samantha. "You've been wanting him to return your calls."
"I guess," Samantha agreed reluctantly. "I told him I'd like to see him, have a chance to talk to him face to face."
"What did he say?" Stella asked.
"He invited me to come home for Christmas," Samantha said. "Said he'd talk to Dad, get it all sorted out. He kinda sounded like he really wants me to come."
"Why wouldn't he?" Stella asked. "It's Christmas…you're supposed to be with your family at the holidays."
"We're not one of those families," Samantha said. "We don't do the whole family togetherness thing. The last time we were all together for the holidays…well, I guess it was the Christmas before my mom died, and that was fourteen years ago."
That's what Flack said, Stella thought to herself, sighing quietly to herself. The more she learned about Samantha, the harder it was getting for her to deny the possibility – no, the probability – that of the tens of thousands of people who attended A.A. meetings in New York City, she had somehow ended up sponsoring Don Flack's younger sister. She'd spent the better part of the last few weeks grappling with the implications of that revelation, and had finally decided that, although it certainly had the potential to make both relationships awkward at times, she'd grown too connected to Samantha in the two months they'd known one another for her to sever the relationship now.
"Maybe it's time you all got together again, then," Stella suggested. "It might be nice, especially if it's been so long."
"I don't think so," Samantha sighed. "I mean, yeah, it would be nice to see my brother and all my cousins and stuff, but there's a reason I haven't been home for Christmas since I was sixteen."
"What's that?" Stella asked.
"He'll be there," Samantha said. "Kevin will be there."
"What?" Stella asked in shock. "You mean, the same Kevin who raped you ten years ago? Why the hell would they let him come?"
"I never told anyone, remember?" Samantha said. "He was always like family to my brother, and he always comes for the holidays. That's why I don't go anymore…I just don't think I could stand bein' the same room with that man."
"Maybe if you…" Stella began.
"No," Samantha interrupted forcefully. "I am not telling anyone what happened. That counselor down at the women's center, she says I shouldn't tell anyone until I feel ready, and I'm not ready…I don't know if I'll ever be ready for my brother to know."
"Okay," Stella nodded. "So, did you ask your brother to meet you some other time?"
"Yeah," Samantha said sadly. "But he got all pissed off that I wouldn't come home for Christmas…he though it was 'cause I'm mad at Dad for cuttin' me off, and he told me I was bein' selfish and immature, holdin' a grudge like that. He just…there was nothing I could say to make him get it."
"Give him time," Stella said gently. "He's confused, Sam, same as you were when you first started this whole thing. He doesn't know what's going on with you…yeah, he shouldn't have reacted like that, but in some way, can you understand where he's coming from?"
"I think so," Samantha said. "It's not like I don't want to go…I miss my family so much, it hurts sometimes. But I just can't face all of that right now…I don't think I could handle it if my dad or my brother didn't believe me, if they…if they took his side over mine. I'm not strong enough yet, not for that."
"It's okay," Stella assured her. "It's only been two months, Sam, no one expects you to be strong enough yet…you've already made incredible progress, more than anyone ever could have expected. We're just going to take it one day at a time, alright?"
"One day at a time," Samantha repeated. "I can do that."
"Good," Stella smiled encouragingly. "So, what are you going to do for Christmas?"
"I don't know," Samantha shrugged. "Probably just hang out around my apartment or somethin'. I'm working Christmas morning, but it's only the five to eleven shift, so I'll still have the afternoon."
"Well, I usually work on Christmas," Stella said. "My boss wouldn't put me on the schedule this year, though. Something about working every Christmas of my career violating some sort of departmental policy. I think he just wanted me to actually take a holiday off for once. I talked him into letting me work the morning shift, but that was as much as I could get. So…any chance you'd like to come spend Christmas with me?"
"Really?" Samantha asked in surprise.
"I know it's not a big family gathering, but we could make do," Stella said. "You know, cook way too much food, stuff ourselves silly and pass out in front of the TV?"
"That sounds perfect," Samantha laughed. "I'll make the Christmas cookies, but you'll have to do dinner…I can bake, but I can't cook."
"So, I hear someone actually convinced you to take a few hours off on Christmas this year," Flack commented the next afternoon as he and Stella drove back to the lab after visiting a suspect's apartment.
"I will have you know, I am taking more than half the day off," Stella said proudly. "I'm only working five hours on Christmas."
"Most people in the department consider that something to be avoided entirely," Flack laughed. "I think you're one of only a handful of cops I've ever met who would actually volunteer to work Christmas."
"Am I at least in good company?" Stella asked playfully.
"Well, let's see," Flack paused for a moment. "I know Mac's volunteered the last few Christmases, and I guess he's a pretty good guy. McDonald down in Vice, he volunteers, and I like him well enough."
"Anyone else?" Stella asked.
"Well, I've never volunteered to work Christmas, if that's what you're gettin' at," Don said. "My old man, he volunteered for a few years."
"Oh?" Stella asked in surprise.
"The first three or four Christmases after my mom died…he always said he'd just been scheduled, but my sister and I knew better than that. It was just too hard for him," Don said sadly. "After my sister ran off, I think that was a wake-up call for him, though. He's been home every year since then."
"Why did your sister leave?" Stella asked, feeling fairly confident that she already knew the answer.
"Who knows?" Don scoffed. "Probably following some low-life boyfriend or somethin'. She never really talks about it, and I've never asked…I'm not sure I really want to know, honestly."
"Why not?" Stella asked.
"She ran away three months after her seventeenth birthday," Don said. "There was no note, no sign of where she might have gone…she just up and left, no warning whatsoever…we just woke up one morning and she was gone. The next time I saw her was probably two and a half years later…I was fresh out of the academy, working the armed robbery task force, and I get this call from the one-six that they'd picked up my sister for a drunk and disorderly, and did I want to come bail her out before they processed her?"
"And you did," Stella said knowingly.
"She's my baby sister," Don shrugged. "What was I supposed to do? Ever since then, she's been in and out of trouble, bouncing from job to job, partying and drinking, and I've been getting her out of trouble every time. She just never seems to grow up and I can't figure out why. Every time I think she's makin' progress, she proves me wrong."
"How's that?" Stella asked in confusion.
"She's been going to A.A.," Don said. "At least, I know she started a few months ago. She's been callin' me for a few weeks, wantin' to get together. I finally called her back a few days ago, invited her to come out to Dad's place with me for Christmas. I thought it might be nice for her, you know, a familiar environment, all our family's going to be there, plus some of our old friends from the neighborhood. She completely balked…she's so pissed off at Dad for cutting her off that she can't even set it aside for one night. Like I said, every time I think she's maturing, she goes and does something childish like that."
"Did she tell you that was why she didn't want to come?" Stella asked.
"Not exactly," Don said. "It don't take a genius to figure it out, though, Stella. Why else wouldn't she want to come home for Christmas?"
"I think that's a question you should ask her," Stella said. "She's been alone for a long time, Don. It's easy to forget how to trust people. Maybe she just wants a chance to ease back into the whole family thing."
"Baby steps or somethin'?" Don asked.
"Something like that, yeah," Stella said. "Just give her time to get to know you again. You might be surprised with the things you learn."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Don asked.
"You're missing two and a half years, Don," Stella said. "Those are probably the years that most shaped her life, too. Did you ever think about what happened to her? Why did she leave? Where did she go? How did she support herself? I mean, she was seventeen, Don. Try to put yourself in her shoes – think about what Samantha must have gone through."
"I guess," Don muttered, pulling his SUV up in front of the lab
"Well, I'll call you if we get anything off those fibers," Stella said, quickly slipping out of the car and shutting the door behind her.
Don shook his head and guided the car back out onto the city streets. He was nearly at his next stop when a frown crossed his face as it occurred to him that he had never actually told Stella his sister's first name.
"Okay, seriously, what's on your mind?" Samantha asked as she slipped in across from Stella at a booth in the back of the diner where she worked.
"What do you mean?" Stella asked in confusion.
"Come on, I've only got fifteen minutes of break time," Samantha said. "You've had your head up in the clouds about something all day, so you might as well tell me now. You're makin' up my tips if I have to sit here and force it out of you."
Stella sighed, knowing that once Samantha latched onto something, there was no way she was going to let it go.
"Your brother's a cop, isn't he?" Stella asked.
"He's a detective, yeah," Samantha said, confusion evident in her voice. "How'd you know that?"
"Did I ever tell you what I do for a living?" Stella asked.
"I don't think so," Samantha said. "That's part of the whole 'anonymous' thing, right? Don't talk about it unless it's relevant to the problem?"
"Yeah, it is," Stella nodded, silently reaching into her pocket, removing her badge and placing it on the table in front of Samantha.
"Shit," Samantha muttered when she saw the badge. "You work with Donnie, don't you?"
"I'm a crime scene investigator," Stella said. "We work pretty closely on some cases."
"This is…wow," Samantha sighed. "How'd you make the connection?"
"Just things you'd say, things he'd say," Stella said. "After a while, the coincidences just got to be a bit too much to ignore."
"So, now that we know, what do we do?" Samantha asked. "I mean, do I have to find a new sponsor or somethin'?"
"Officially, the program would probably say yes," Stella said. "Personally, I think it's really up to you. If you'd be more comfortable with a new sponsor, someone you were sure didn't know anyone that you did, I certainly understand."
"What if I don't want a new sponsor?" Samantha asked.
"Well, I don't have objection to keeping things the way they are," Stella said. "I just need you to be clear on the fact that everything you tell me is confidential – I'm not going to turn around and tell anyone, even your brother. If you think there might come a time where there's something you need to tell me, but you think you might hold back because of my connection to him, then you need to speak up now and we'll find you a new sponsor."
"It's a little late for that," Samantha said. "I've already told you things I've never told anyone, Stella. And I do trust that you're not going to tell Don…I don't know why, because I really don't trust people, but I do trust you."
"Alright then," Stella smiled. "So, we're still on for Christmas dinner tomorrow night?"
"I wouldn't miss it," Samantha said. "Can I ask you one thing, though?"
"Sure," Stella said.
"Does he know?" Samantha asked. "Does Donnie know that you're my sponsor?"
"No," Stella said. "As far as I know, he doesn't even know that I know you."
"But if he figured it out, do you think he'd make the connection?" Samantha asked. "That he'd figure out where we met?"
"I highly doubt it," Stella said.
"How can you be so sure?" Samantha asked.
"He doesn't know that I'm an alcoholic," Stella said. "No one that I work with does. It isn't exactly something the NYPD looks highly upon, so I keep it quiet."
"What about that relapse that you had a few years ago?" Samantha asked. "Didn't people notice?"
"I've always been what the program calls a high-functioning alcoholic," Stella said. "I was pretty good at keeping the drinking separate from my professional life. I'd been sober about eight months when I started at the academy, and I managed to stay that way almost ten years."
"What happened?" Samantha asked.
"Do you remember how I told that my boyfriend had attacked me?" Stella asked.
"Yeah," Samantha nodded.
"He trapped me in my apartment and tried to kill me," Stella said. "I had to kill him to get out alive. Everyone said I had to do it, I knew there was nothing I could have done, but it still ate me up inside. I started having a glass of wine after work every couple of nights…you know, just to take the edge off. I thought I could handle it, that I wouldn't fall into that trap again…I thought I was stronger, that I just need a little help to deal with everything."
"How long did that last?" Samantha asked knowingly.
"About a month and a half," Stella admitted. "I wasn't dealing with anything, not really, so when the next big thing hit, I fell hard. A woman who I'd worked with for years was murdered…it hit everyone on our team hard, but I just couldn't handle it. I was fine during the day, burying myself in my work, but as soon as I was off the clock, I was at the bar or uncorking a bottle at home."
"And no one ever suspected anything?" Samantha asked incredulously.
"For the first few months, I controlled it pretty well, so it rarely affected my work, and when it did, I was usually able to pass it off as me being tired from working too hard or something like that," Stella said. "Most people never noticed…actually, as far as I ever knew, only two people ever really picked up on anything, and even then, they only knew something was wrong, not what it was."
"Who noticed?" Samantha asked.
"My boss," Stella said. "He's also one of my best friends – we've worked together for years, so I guess it's only natural he noticed the changes. And don't get me wrong, there were changes – I wasn't as sharp with suspects, I was tired all the time, I was coming in late at least once a week…things that never would have happened if I hadn't been drinking."
"Who was the second person?" Samantha asked curiously.
"Your brother, actually," Stella said.
"Don?" Samantha asked in surprise. "Don doesn't notice anything, Stella."
"He did, though," Stella said. "He just thought it was mostly just stress held over from what happened with Frankie, though…Don was the first officer on the scene when the call went out; he rode with me in the ambulance; he stayed with me through all the statements and examinations at the hospital, even when his shift ended…he was actually really sweet about all of it."
"Don doesn't do sweet," Samantha said. "He must really like you, Stella."
"He's a good friend," Stella shrugged.
"Just a friend?" Samantha asked suspiciously.
"Yes, just a friend," Stella insisted. "Don't even think about it, Samantha…I'm your sponsor, you cannot set me up with your brother."
"Why not?" Samantha asked. "Seriously, Stella, I know I complain a lot about him, but when he pulls his head out of his ass, he's not a half-bad guy. You two would be a great looking couple, too."
"Samantha, it just wouldn't work," Stella said.
"Why, because you're still in love with Jimmy?" Samantha asked pointedly. "It's been, what? Twelve years since you guys broke up?"
"Thirteen years Friday," Stella said.
"He broke up with you the day after Christmas?" Samantha asked. "Damn, that's harsh."
"Technically, we broke up before Christmas, but we just didn't tell anyone until after," Stella said. "We didn't want to upset his family at the holidays, and I think he wanted to let me have one more Christmas with them, since they were really the only family I ever had."
"Well, I think it's high time you moved on," Samantha said. "I'm so going to set you and Donnie up someday."
"Aren't you supposed to be working?" Stella asked, glancing uncomfortably at her watch. "How long is this break of yours anyway?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," Samantha laughed. "See you tomorrow, Stel."