Ayaya... I haven't updated this in forever. Well, here's a random update for this low-profile fic. Have fun, guys!

– TOUHOU –

ZUUUU~N

"That's a wrap!" The young man lowered his camera. "Great job, everybody. I'll see you all tomorrow. Now come on, help me take down the set. We need to shoot the next scene, and I want the set prepared when we start!"

"Do we have to do it now, TC-hakase?" Darius wiped the sweat off his brow and threw aside his trench coat. "Honestly, you ask for the craziest things during those fight scenes."

The director sighed, taking off his fluffy beret and spinning it on a finger. "We've been over this, Darius-kun. We need to satisfy the audience! Of course, we could just have you actually use your powers instead of just running some CGI over it later… if that's what you want."

"Ehehe… never mind."

"Thank you." TC turned – and facepalmed, cursing under his breath. "Yukari-dono! Karin-san! For the last time, stop turning the set props into actual weapons!"

"But it's so fun!" Karin juggled five knives effortlessly, blades gleaming, before throwing them at Yukari. She responded by opening a gap, letting it eat up the knives and spit them back out at her feet. "It's not like we're hurting anyone!"

TC ducked as a stray dagger slammed into the wall behind him, quivering inches above his nose. "Keep it up, and pretty soon, we'll all end up in Eientei!"

"Killjoy," muttered Yukari. Even so, the knives clattered to the ground, blades now harmless, dull plastic.

"Having fun, I see."

He groaned, already knowing who it was. "Wildcard-sama…"

"Hello, TC-hakase."

"I realize you're pretty much all-powerful and the source of this story to boot, but seriously. Sod off."

The masked woman huffed. "Well, that's just rude. Even so, I suppose I'll take my leave. I'm also expecting that shipment of Anti-Sue material by the end of next week."

"I realize that. Just… please, go away." The director ran a hand through his messy black hair, running over the strip of red. Then he felt a tug on his sleeve. "What is it, Satorin?"

"First, don't call me that," the satori frowned. "Second, I believe you also swore to apply my appearance in a future publishing…"

"That?" He waved a hand. "Don't worry, I remember! Now, have you seen Koishi? I've been decked with a grade-A case of writer's block, I could really use a hand here – Damion-san! Alexa-san! What are you two doing!?"

"Trying to kill each other, obviously!" Alexa dropped to one knee, both hands firmly clenched around an I-beam. Atop the steel girder was Damion, fiercely trying to crush her with it. "I don't care how important he is, this man is a horrible person!"

"Well, what did you expect, babe!" The girder snapped, his raw power splitting even the hardened metal in half. Alexa rolled out of the way, Damion on her heels.

"Where did you get that girder from?" The director shouted at Alexa as she sprinted past.

"Look above you!" She yelled back in response.

He looked up – and barely flinched as the roof collapsed around him, throwing up a huge cloud of dust. When it settled, he brushed off his sleeves. "Thank you, Myouren-shishou."

The monk winced. "Enough honorifics… please."

TC chuckled. "Alright, Myouren."

"Myouren-nii! There you are!" Byakuren skidded to a halt, taking a moment to catch her breath. "Where have you been?"

"Helping to set up, mostly." He threw an arm around her shoulders. "How have you been?"

"Fine. Tired, but fine." She shot a pointed look at the innocently whistling director. "TC-hakase…!"

He sighed. "I know, I know. Don't worry, alright? You won't be in the middle of the conflict – or at least, not the Feral Wars."

"What do you mean?" Byakuren blinked as he shoved a copy of the script under her nose.

"Flip to page 108, you'll see."

"…" The longer she read, the flatter her expression became. "TC-hakase?"

Her brother and the director both took a step back. TC tried for "Y-yes, Byakuren-san?"

"Why would you make me do this?" Her scroll slipped out of her pocket, quickly powering up and floating into the air beside her. "I am so interested…"

"Myouren," TC hissed. "Please help me."

A sudden whirl of robes, and there was a suspiciously Myouren-shaped pocket of air next to him instead of the monk himself.

"… Fuck."

– TOUHOU –

The director groaned, cursing under his breath. "Okay guys, cut. Cut. Just… just take five for a little. Cirno, you're doing real nice with your acting, but your aura's making the equipment frost over. Can you do something about that?"

"Sorry."

"No problem, no problem." Sitting down at a table next to one of the many ripped green screens, he flipped open a sleek black laptop on top of it and began clicking away. "Darius-kun! Come over here for a second, could you?"

"Yeah?"

"Look, for this next scene, we're going to need a lot of different setups. Hopefully you won't mind acting out… these?"

As the small screen began to play, Darius watched it, nodding along. "… Yeah, I could get behind this."

"Great. Well, suit up and I'll get the oni to prepare the harness." As the gunslinger left, TC pulled back one of the curtains lining the walls. "Goukei! Suika! Stop throwing those beans at each other! Come on, you have a job to do here."

"Fuck your jobs." The ex-shinigami got up anyways, brushing off a particularly annoying scalding bean. "So, what now?"

"We're shooting the glass-breaking scene now," explained TC. "Suit up Darius-kun and get him in position. And no replacing the ropes this time!" Turning, he jogged down the wide-open space, tapping a certain gap youkai's shoulder. "Yukari-dono, I – oh what the fuck!?"

He stumbled back as Yukari turned, a writhing mass of tentacles replacing her face. He blinked, and then it was gone. "Oh, hello, TC."

He got up shakily, collecting his camera from the floor. "Seriously, stop with the Zalgo faces, they're disturbing. Anyways, can you get the props ready?"

"Maybe later."

TC sighed. "Just bring in box 284 when the camera starts rolling." As Yukari wandered off, he hopped on one of the tiny motorcycle-like hovercraft in the area, powering it up and quickly crossing the large expanses of their shooting set. Hopping back off, he winced as the hovercraft went careening into the wall, a plume of fire flashing into existence. "Crap, not again – Damion, for the last time, stop taking out the brakes!"

"You can't stop me!" The demon taunted as he swung from the ceiling beams.

TC rolled his eyes. "I hate my job sometimes." Putting away the camera, he raised his hand and focused.

Whoosh!

Darius tapped the ice block his doppelganger was now trapped in. "How long is he going to stay in there?"

"We can break him out when we start shooting." TC ignored the frozen Damion, dragging the gunslinger along by the hem of his coat. "Come on, we need to get the set ready."

"Why not CGI it? Why not CGI everything!?" Darius continued struggling to pull free.

"Because this way we get it to be fully authentic!" Plopping the gunslinger on the set, the director snapped his fingers again.

Bang!

"Careful with that sword, by the way," said TC as he watched Darius fumble and nearly drop the weapon. "It's made of 90% explodium."

"Wait, what?"

BOOM!

TC pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Reimu, can I get a hand here?"

As they patched Darius back up and swept up the disembodied body parts, TC assembled the others for the shot. "Alright, you guys know your jobs, right? Mokou-san, please don't torch the set yet."

The phoenix girl in question jerked to attention. "There's no dynamite hidden under the set," she said quickly.

"… Sure there isn't." Ignoring the frantic clawing as Mokou tried to dig up the explosives, he turned to the other girl there. "Alexa-san, can you help me with preparing the cameras?"

"Hm? Oh, of course…"

They mounted the ten cameras around the set, all on pivots or tripods of varying size. In his hands was his usual camera and a microphone attached to it. A flick of a switch, and the set lights came on. "Alright, everybody, in positions!"

Just as those words came out of his mouth, a gap opened above him, dumping a small mountain of prop knives and swords on him. Yukari fluttered down, picking one up. "Oops… my bad~"

"Dammit, Yukari…" Pulling himself up, he nonetheless nudged all the actors in their positions. "Alright, here we go. Three… two… Damion, what the fuck are you do – arrrrgh!"

SMASH!

"Another set!" TC cried in outrage. "That's five this week, Damion! That's it, I'm going to flay you alive and then we can shoot this scene! Take ten, everybody; I have a goddamned monster to kill!"

Damion cackled as he leapt up, pulling himself through one of the hatches leading to the ceiling. "Just try and catch me!"

As the director chased him, Darius sat down on one of the boxes on set. "Sometimes, I wonder how we get anything done here."

"Mmmf!"

The gunslinger got up in surprise. Glancing around quickly, he pulled open the box, removing the tape and opening the hinges to reveal… one tied-up Flandre.

"Mmmf!"

His eye twitched. "… What."

Barely moving, he heard the footsteps behind him as one bratty Celestial sauntered by with an angry ex-shinigami in tow. "Yeah, yeah, you go on about reaping my soul later. Did you even see what I did to that stupid little vampire…?"

"That would explain a lot…"

"Mmmf!"

"Oh, sorry, Flan! I'll untie you now…"

On the other side of the large room, TC pulled the rope a little tighter to make sure Damion wasn't going anywhere. "Alright, I guess we'll shoot this scene another time. For now, let's leave you here for a little bit, alright?"

"Fuck you!" Damion spat. "Just because you have author power doesn't mean you can just–"

TC blinked. "Wildcard-sama, where did he go?"

"Underground for a little bit," she said as she pulled up a chair made of vines from the ground.

"Do you mind not doing that? It's always a pain to repair the floor after."

"It's not that important," she waved it off. "More importantly, did you talk to JAW?"

"Yes, and I'm still miffed that you stole my scripts. Seriously, don't do that!"

"Of course, I could always just stop welding your train wreck of a story together…"

TC flinched. That was a pretty risky threat… if there was one thing they had in common, it was that they were both a delicious blend of insane and random – two great tastes that taste great together! "Alright, I give. But still, my point is valid."

"So it is." They watched as fifty knives, a war hammer, two claymores, and seven scythes whipped past at subsonic speed. "You might want to tell Yakumo-san to calm down. We have a multibillion budget and she's already destroyed a whole tenth of it."

The director turned his head slowly. "She already destroyed ten percent?"

"Yes. And accounting for radiation treatment for our extras, that's another six percent."

He just stared at her incredulously. "Radiation? We don't even have radioactive anything!"

"Reiuji," Wildcard pointed out.

"…"

"…"

"Oh." TC watched in silence as yet another Master Spark tore open the roof.

"Whoops! Sorry, my hand slipped, ze…"

His eye was twitching again. "I swear," he seethed. "If we don't get this shot done soon, I am going to cut someone."

Ding!

"Break time's over," said the masked woman. "You should probably get to work."

"I know," sighed the director. "These people are impossible… well, let's get back to it. Everyone in position? Hey!"

It took another twenty minutes to piece together the ruined set and dig Koishi out of the flooring (how did she get down there?) before they could finally shoot again. TC held up his megaphone. "Alright, people! I need some real emotion for this next scene! Remi-san, no touching the blood jars! They're just syrup and tomato juice."

The suspect vampire yelped and backed away from the offending jars.

"You all know your lines?" A collective murmur of agreement. "Good. In that case, let's do this. Aaa~aand… ACTION!"