Meanwhile back at the Time Bureau...
"So," Professor Microsoft narrowed her eyes. "What you're saying is... he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you pesky kids?"
"Not exactly," said Harry. "I'm telling you that I know who killed Louis XIV, and it wasn't Titus –"
"It was you!" exclaimed Professor Dettol.
"No!" Harry cried impatiently. "It was the Incredible Hulk!"
"The Incredible Hulk?!" cried the Principal and Senior Tutor of Brazeneck in unison. "Impossible! He's our star student.1 He would never commit an act like this – unless... unless... he were... angry." They looked at each other with ominous faces.
"I thought I was your star student!" Hermione was sunk into despair. All her hard work... rescuing Titus from the jaws of the dementors... she might as well have not bothered for all the recognition she was getting.
"Miss Granger – please, you know that you are number one. We were just so tired of having to add 'with the exception of Miss Granger' on to everything that we've come up with a more streamlined system of footnotes."
"Oh..." Hermione was only half pacified. "How can you tell that you've added a footnote in speech?"
"It's all in the tone of voice," Professor Dettol reassured her.
"So – Professor –" Harry cut in. "You said, the Hulk wouldn't do something like this, unless he were angry? So it's not impossible, that something, or someone, could have made him so?"
Professor Dettol stroked his chin. "Well... I suppose you're right... but something like this has not happened in this college since the Great Grumious Grondor of '47."
"Please, it can't be happening again!" Professor Microsoft covered her face with a handkerchief.
Harry blinked. There was a lull in the conversation, until Ron Weasley spoke:
"Are you going to ask The Hulk himself about it?"
Microsoft removed the handkerchief from her face and glanced at Professor Dettol. "I suppose that would be an idea."
The I. Hulk's room was one of the biggest sets on Old Quad, as necessity demanded. He took pains to keep it neat and tidy, anxious to prove wrong the common misconception that Hulks were by nature untidy creatures. When our heroes, trailing superfluously behind the Professors, entered, after knocking "WELL HARD" as the sign on the door recommended, they found Hulk at his studies, wearing thick black-rimmed glasses and cradling a book in his great hands which looked tiny by comparison to these marvellous appendages.
"Ah, Mr Hulk!" beamed Microsoft. "Studying hard as usual! You ought to give yourself a break sometimes, you know."
"Professor, I never feel like I need a break... I love the subject so much, reading around it is the greatest pleasure!" The Hulk gazed into Professor Microsoft's green eyes.
"Oh, The..." she said softly.
"Ugh," said Ron.
"Why, the little –" Hermione pushed her way to the front. "I know you're hiding something Hulk! Where were you on Friday?"
"Wh- why, I was here, in my room, studying!" The Hulk flushed under his green skin, giving him a slightly purple tinge. "I swear!"
"Then how do you explain this?!"
"What, my coffee percolator?"
"Indeed. This is just the sort of weapon you might use to... hurt someone, isn't it? Maybe even ... to kill them!"
"I swear I only use it to make coffee..."
"Mr Hulk, don't try to deceive me. You think you're so smart, don't you?" Hermione's face twisted into a grimace. "You think you can oust me from the top position? Don't think – I don't know – what you're trying to do..." She was gasping for breath.
"Hermione..."
"Not now, Ron. Louis XIV was killed by a blow to the head, and I'll bet if we went right now to examine the body, we would find that – "
"Hermione?"
"Ronald! Now is not the time! We would – we would find that the marks on the head match exactly the points of the corner of this coffee percolator –"
"Hermione!"
"What?! What?!" Our heroine roared.
"Hermione, I was only going to suggest... what about this club?"
"Club? No I don't think ..."
"Yes, I remember now!" exclaimed Harry. "He did use a club!"
"Can you explain why you have a club in your room, young man?" asked Professor Dettol.
"I've been framed!" cried The Hulk.
"Well... club or coffee percolator, the truth remains that you have no alibi for Friday night, do you?" Hermione said, coldly.
"I... I..."
"Oh, The, how could you?" Professor Microsoft sighed.
"The truth... the truth... if you want the truth, I'll give it to you. I can't actually remember what happened on Friday night. My mind is a total blank. It's the first time something like that has ever happened to me... I was scared, I didn't know what to make of it, but I didn't want to tell anyone, especially when I heard what happened. But, Professor," He looked straight at Microsoft. "I promise you, I wouldn't have done such a thing! I promise..." He broke down in tears.
"I'm sorry, Minotaura," said Dettol. "It must have been him."
Microsoft's eyes were filled with pity. "But he was so... he was always so good!"
"I know. I know. But we have to catch the criminal within the next day or two, because Louis's family are coming for the funeral, and we can't have him at large... It may put them in danger! ... Plus it'll reflect badly on the college if we don't get him."
"Yes," replied Microsoft. "You're right, Dionysus."
She watched sadly as her favourite student was bundled away into the police van by dementors. "It's always the one you least expect," offered the head Dementor, leaning casually against the side of the van. The principal sniffed in response.
"Right, lads, take her away!" And with that, the van, the dementors, and the Hulk disappeared on their way to Azkerbuns.
"Well... at least that's over with," said Professor Dettol. "Now, anyone for tea in my rooms?"
"Sounds good," said Micrsoft.
"Yes! Thank you, Professor," said Hermione.
"Wait – wait – everyone –" Ron cried.
"Do hurry up, Ronald!" cried Hermione from down the corridor.
"But... what about... Harry..." Ron sighed the last part of the sentence to himself, glancing down at the prone figure at his feet.
1WEMG