Indecent Proposals
This is the last of the reposted chapters...
Chapter Four [Repost]
She couldn't speak. Anguish tied her tongue and sent tremors of panic right down to her toes. Her mind raced with all the possible ways she could get out of this yet nothing seemed right. She felt as if she was about to faint. She hoped for it, in fact.
The one person, who she'd hoped would never find out, knew all about that traumatic time in her life. It seemed as if he'd known about it for some time. The anger she could sense emanating from him seemed as if it had been festering for years.
Then John spoke, almost as if to himself.
"I need to get out of here." Taking a room key out of his pocket, he dropped it on the table. "I have a promo to do after my match tomorrow but be in the hotel room by seven. We'll go out for dinner."
And then he left. So suddenly that it took her some time to realise he'd actually gone. That was it. Not another word.
Leaning against the wall, Raz buried her face in her hands, slipping down until she found the floor. How was she going to face up to this one? What would he say the next time he decided to bring up the subject? Just how much did he know?
XxXxX
Raz stayed up most of the night, packing. Sleep was impossible when her body seemed to physically ache with worry and anxiety. When the last bag was packed, she stood up and looked around her tiny apartment. Three suitcases and a few cardboard boxes wasn't much to show for her 28 years, but she had enough internal baggage to sink the Titanic without needing to hit an iceberg. Although, it appeared as though John was determined to be the iceberg in her life anyway.
She watched as the sun rose and collected her thoughts. This was the first day of the rest of her life. No matter what happened after all this, she knew nothing would or could ever be the same.
John had reopened all her wounds and nothing would be able to tie them together again. She almost hated him for the cruel way he was doing all this. Almost, but not quite. She knew she could never hate him completely no matter what he did. She felt too guilty.
She spent some time at the office apparently sorting her stuff yet there was nothing that needed sorting. She was just filling in time before she had to turn up at John's hotel room.
Chynna walked into her office, took one look at her shadowed eyes and whistled.
"The Champ giving you a hard time then?"
"You could say that. From tonight, I'm going to be living with him in the house in Miami." Raz spoke with such resignation, it made Chynna frown.
"Is he forcing you?"
"Oh, I had a choice. Sort of. You know, the lesser of two evils."
Chynna dropped her eyes and spoke quietly.
"I'm sorry, Raz. This is my entire fault. It's not fair that you're being forced to pay the price."
"It's not entirely your fault, C, I do own half of this business as well. I'll get through it, don't worry about me." She took a deep breath. "Besides, John will get bored eventually when I don't conceive."
"Raz, I remember how much he hurt you before. Be careful that it doesn't happen again." Raz said nothing. "Look, maybe you should tell him the truth. The whole truth. He might be more understanding than you think once he knows."
Raz smiled. If only she could be as hopeful as Chynna.
"John won't understand, C. How can he? I mean, he's got his huge family at home who never have too much love to give, his friends who are always around and there for him and on top of that, he's the WWE Champ. His life is, and always will be, perfect."
Chynna studied her friend's face. "Do you still care for him? Or are you just resentful because of the way your mother treated you?"
Raz looked up at her. "I honestly don't know what I feel. I've switched off my feelings for so long, I can't quite find the on switch any more."
Chynna walked over and put her arm around Raz. "It'll come back, babe. You just need to give it some time. Let the dust from the past settle, you know. See how things go. I'm always here for you, you know that."
"You should've been a counsellor, C. You've got all the answers."
"No, I haven't. I just know what the questions are, that's all. And maybe it's time that John knew what the questions were as well."
XxXxX
Raz spent half an hour in the hotel room alone. At first, she'd been grateful for the time it gave her to prepare herself mentally but now she wished he'd already been here when she arrived. Luckily, she hadn't seen anybody she recognised.
The waiting was killing her. When she was left alone with nothing to do, she tended to think. In her current situation, she had no desire to think. At all.
Finally, she heard the doorknob turn. Turning away from the window to face the door, she waited for him to speak first. Would he bring up the subject of her pregnancy?
"Oh, you're here already. Sorry I was late."
"It's fine." She saw him look at her luggage and grimaced.
"Is that all of it or have you already unpacked some stuff?"
"Nope, that's it," she said quietly.
"Ok, we'll be going to Miami tomorrow so there's no point in unpacking all of it." He started walking towards the bathroom. "Let me just take a quick shower and then we can go."
John went into the bathroom, leaving Raz alone with her thoughts again. This time, however, her thoughts consisted solely on John in the shower. Instead, she took the opportunity to apply some more mascara and lip gloss. She didn't know where they were going but she had a feeling she would need every ounce of self-confidence she could get.
XxXxX
Almost twenty minutes after they left the hotel, they were being seated in a posh, marina restaurant not far from the hotel. They had a cosy, little table in a quiet corner, by the window and Raz began to wonder if John would be fooled by a fake migraine and take her back to the hotel room. This little table looked far too private and intimate for her liking and she doubted whether she would be able to handle it.
While they were waiting for their drinks and the first course to arrive, Raz became aware of an uneasy silence surrounding them. She could sense there was something John wanted to say and she wished he'd break the silence it and say it. Or not.
Slowly, she lifted her eyes and looked at him only to find that he'd been watching her and quickly, she averted her eyes to look at the sailboat going past.
"You look tired, are you hungry?"
"Not really, no." She continued to stare at the bright lights of the boat as it floated further away.
"Did you sleep well last night?"
"Did you expect me to?" she shot back.
John sighed. "Why do you try to fight me every step of the way?" He waited for her to reply, but when no answer came, he carried on. "I just want to get to know you, Z. The you that you've become over the last seven years and possibly even the you that I never knew back then."
"You don't need to get to know me. Your aim is to get me pregnant, remember? You don't need to know me at all to do that?"
John didn't reply. Her face showed her emotions plainly and he didn't want to make things worse. Raz took a deep breath before she spoke.
"Can we go back to the hotel? I suddenly don't feel hungry at all."
"Sure." He handed her the car keys. "Why don't you go sit in the car and I'll be out in a sec."
She took the keys without a word and left the restaurant.
XxXxX
All the way back to the hotel, Raz refused to speak or look at him. When they got up to the room, she went straight towards the bathroom, stopping when she heard him call her name.
"It won't help things between us if you keep casting me in the role of the big bad wolf."
Without turning around, she answered him. "You put yourself in that role. I'm just the one dancing to your tune."
"Well, surprise surprise, you haven't got any of the steps right so far."
That did it. Raz turned around and glared at him. "What do want me to do? Grovel at your feet in gratitude for this big favour you're doing for me?"
"No, I didn't m-"
"You've got some nerve, John Cena." She started walking towards him as she built up steam. "You think you're so clever, calling all the shots. I bet you feel so powerful knowing you've got me stuck under your thumb. Well, let me tell you something, John, I will never bend to your will, no matter how much you try to manipulate me. You can force me to do anything you like but at the end of the day, you'll have to accept that I didn't come to you willingly. Can you live with that?"
"Yes." Her face blanched.
"Excuse me?"
"Yes, I can live with that."
It wasn't the answer she'd been expecting and it'd completely stumped her.
She looked at him with disgust in her eyes and said, "You make me sick," before retreating into the bathroom.
John heard the lock click, meaning she didn't want to continue their conversation and instantly regretted his words. He went over to the bathroom door, sat down on the floor and spoke to her.
"Look, Raz, I know that you are determined to make this seem as horrible as possible but I'm just as determined to break through your defences. You've been hiding for too long and I think it's time you faced life head-on."
John heard the bathroom door open and stood up. Raz looked at him with anger in her eyes.
"Do you really believe that I give a fuck what you think? You, with your perfect family and a silver spoon shoved down your throat since you were born. What the hell would you know about life?"
Tears suddenly blurred her vision and she turned away from his penetrating gaze.
"I know enough to see that you're carrying around far too much baggage for a woman your age." He continued in a gentler tone. "But you won't let anyone close enough to help you."
"Leave me alone, John." She brushed at the tears rolling down her face. He was too close to the truth. "I need some time alone."
Raz felt his hand on her shoulder, but she flinched away from it. She heard him sigh as he turned and left the hotel room. The second the door clicked shut, Raz broke out in tears. Why did he know her so well? She had no idea what was going through his mind yet he had her completely sussed out.
XxXxX
John sat at the bar and stared at his drink without really seeing it. His thoughts were speeding around his head at lightning speed.
He hadn't realised just how much Raz's feelings would affect him. He hadn't taken into account the impact it would have on her fragile emotions, when he'd engineered things to get his way.
He'd had a goal in mind and he'd set out to achieve it at any cost. He hadn't allowed for her feelings at all. Now he thought about it, he'd never really appreciated the differences between them.
There he was with his big, more-than-financially-stable, and taken-for-granted family and her childhood had been the complete opposite of that. Why had none of this ever occurred to him before?
He sat at the bar for half an hour before he went back up to the room with a speech prepared. However, the sight of her curled up in a ball on one side of the bed threw him off guard and the words died in his throat.
He could still see the signs of tears on her face: pink cheeks, puffy eyes and dried tear tracks down her face. John felt like the biggest bastard ever. He'd hurt her and he'd hurt her bad. She was miserable and it was because of him. This was not how he'd wanted her to feel.
Quietly as he could, he undressed and got into bed, switching off the light as he did.
Not the most brilliant ending to a chapter but it was getting too long and I wanted to be finished with the reposts before I started typing up/editing my ideas for the next chapter.
Warning: Just because I'm working on this story, it doesn't mean that my updates will be regular unfortunately...I rarely get enough time to use the computer, especially not enough to write up an entire chapter...
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SherbetStick