Love, Pain And The Whole Crazy Thing
Chapter 4 – More pain, Confuses and not so Mistakes
Three weeks had past since their break up and they had been separated since then, Derek had moved back in temporarily with his parents and Addison still lived in the house with the kids. Derek would drop by every day during lunch, much to Addison's dismay. She loved how he still spend much time with their kids, who were of course still utterly confused about the whole situation, but it only hurt her more to see him every day.
The door bell rang, it was Derek. He waited for somebody to come open the door, it was weird for him to ring the door bell of his own house since he still had the key, but it was the right thing to do. Soon the door was opened by Addison. ''Hi.'' Addison wiped her hands on her dress, gosh kids were messy. She took a short breath and moved to the side so he could walk in, not wanting to look at him. "Hey." Derek made a small smile, gosh this was awkward. He walked further into the room. Without saying anything else she walked back into the kitchen, barely able to stand in one room with him. Derek made his way to the living room, smiling widely as he saw his kids. ''Daddy!'' Justin grinned widely, running over to his father. "Daddy!" Hailey yelled and followed Justin. "Hey." Derek smiled at the warm welcome. Justin held out his arms, wanting to be picked up. His father picked him up and hugged him tight. "How's my little boy?"
''I miss you.'' The two year old looked at his father sadly. "I miss you too, both of you very very much." Derek sat down on the floor so that Hailey could climb onto his lap.
''Why don't you come back?'' He pouted. He had to think about it for several seconds before answering. "It's best for mommy and daddy that daddy lives elsewhere."
''Why?''
"It's just best for everybody sweetie." He ran a hand through Justin's curly hair.
''But why?''
"It's complicated."
''Are you mad at momma?''
"No, what makes you think that?" He shook his head.
''Or are you mad at me? Is that why you left?'' He looked up shocked.
"No." He said quickly. "It's not your fault that daddy had to go." He placed a small kiss on his nose.
''Then why did you go?''
"Sweetie, I can't explain it." Derek shook his head, he couldn't possibly tell his son the reason.
''Can't you come back?'' He asked but Derek shook his head. ''What if you come back and mommy leaves?''
Derek let out a small laugh, shaking his head. "It doesn't work that way..."
''Will you ever come back?''
Derek shook his head and gave his son a sad smile. He looked at his father and tears started to well up in his eyes. ''Why don't you want live with us anymore?''
"I do want to." Derek brushed Justin's cheek lightly.
''Then why don't you?'' He started sobbing just as his mother walked into the living room, wearing an apron and carrying plates with sandwiches. ''What's going on?'' She asked concerned but could already guess what was wrong. Derek pulled Justin closer and hugged him tight. "I do want to..." He looked up to Addison, giving her a sad look. Hailey's eyes started welling up.
Addison sighed and put down the plates on the coffee table as she bent down, stroking Justin's hair who just pushed her away angrily. ''Don't touch me!'' He yelled, slapping her arm. "Justin!" Derek yelped, surprised by his actions. Hailey started crying and put her arms around her father. Addison rubbed her arm. Justin had particularly been quite aggressive since Derek moved out and she couldn't blame the little boy. "Sandwiches are on the table.'' She said quietly, getting up and made her way back into the kitchen. "Thank you." Derek said in a sad voice, pulling his crying kids closer to him.
''Stupid momma!'' Justin crossed his arms, putting on an angry face.
"Justin, don't you talk about your mother like that."
''It's her fault!'' He cried out as the doorbell rang.
"It's not sweetie." Derek shook his head, hoping that Addison would open the door.
A few seconds later the door opened and Addison was surprised to see a broadly smiling Theresa standing on the doormat.
"Addison." She greeted happily.
''Hi.'' She answered, confusion visible in her voice. ''I didn't know you were coming, I thought you'd stop by Tuesday, did I mess up the dates again?''
"Nah, it's Monday, I just thought I could drop by..." She smiled. "Can I come in?"
''Yeah of course.'' She stepped aside. ''Derek is here.''
Theresa stepped in, smiling widely. "Oh okay."
''But you're still coming tomorrow right? Because I really wanted to go back to school for at least once a week.''
"Yes yes, of course I'm coming."
''Okay thanks.'' She gave Theresa a thankful smile and walked further into the house.
Theresa gave her a smile back, following Addison. "So I was thinking that I could maybe take the kids for a walk..?" She started.
''Yeah but better wait until Derek leaves again.''
"I kind of have plans for later." Theresa gave her a sad smile.
''Oh well...you should ask Derek then.''
"I'll do that." Theresa smiled widely, stepping into the living room. ''Hey sweethearts.'' She looked at her son who was playing with his children.
"Hey mom." Derek smiled widely at her.
"Nana!" Hailey yelled and ran to her direction.
''Hey sweetheart.'' She bent down on one knee to hug her grand daughter and then looked at her grandson who was still pouting. ''Aaah little one, what's that angry face for?''
"Daddy won't come home." Hailey said with a sad voice.
''Oh.'' Theresa gave her a sad smile. ''How about nana takes you and Jussie to the playground to cheer you up a little?'' She asked. She just wanted Derek and Addison to be alone.
"Yay!" Hailey smiled excitedly.
"That's a good idea, don't you think so Jussie?" Derek asked, looking at his son.
''Okay.'' He nodded and smiled a little, he really did love the playground.
''Well let's get your coats and go.'' Theresa said smiling, getting up again.
''Daddy will you be here when we go back?''
"I don't know sweetie..." Derek smiled.
"He will be." His mother gave him a look before turning back to the children. "Now chop chop, grandma isn't going to live forever."
"Okay I'll be here." Derek shook his head laughing. "Now go both of you, spend some time with your Nana."
''Okay!'' Justin said excitedly, wrapping his arms around his father. ''But don't go!''
"I'll be here when you get back." He hugged his son. "Bye."
''Bye dadda!'' Justin followed his grandmother who walked towards the hallway when Addison quickly entered the living room. ''Take the sandwiches with you.''
"Bye!" Hailey flew her arms around his father and hugged him for several moments before pulling back and running into the hall. Theresa was talking to Addison and rolled her eyes but finally accepted the sandwiches and walked out of the door, leaving them in an awkward silence.
"How you been?" He asked after a while of silence, he wasn't feeling good, not even fine.
''Fine.'' She lied. ''You?''
"I'm good." He lied as well.
''Good.'' She bit her bottom lip. ''Would you like something for lunch?''
"Umm yeah if you don't mind." He gave her a small smile.
''Of course not. What would you like?''
"Anything." He smiled and followed her into the kitchen.
''Okay.'' She took a small breath in, opening the fridge. He smiled and sat on a chair.
''What do you want to drink?''
"Umm, water is fine." He got up and walked towards the sink.
''Okay.'' She closed the fridge while moving to the sink as she didn't notice him, making them bump into each other.
Derek gasped as they touched, not loudly but she could still hear it. She was breathing heavily, looking at his lips. His smile fade and he looked at her lips for moment before their lips crashed together. She kissed him hungrily, pushing his hard body against her own. He wrapped his arms around her hips and kissed her roughly. She moved her hands to the hem of his shirt, pushing it over his head. As soon as the shirt hit the floor he fused their lips together, his hands lifting the bottom of her shirt. Addison pushed him back against the table, not able to control herself anymore as she began to undo his belt. He smiled against her lips, pulling the shirt over her head. She pulled down his pants and unzipped her own skirt, pushing him back against the table as she climbed on top of him. He kissed her passionately, feeling his erection growing. She breathed heavily against his lips, running her fingers over the bulge in his boxers. He let a deep moan escape his lips, moving his lips to her neck, sucking hungrily. She closed her eyes, letting out a moan as she pulled down his boxers. He pulled down her panties, not able to wait any longer.
Addison kicked off her heels, letting him kiss up and down her neck as she slid herself over him. He let out a low moan and took off his shoes. She pushed him back so his back touched the wood, moving her hips so he entered her. "Oh god." He moaned out, letting her adjust. She threw her head back, beginning to move her hips on and off of his. He started move his hips upwards to meet hers in a slow pace. She let out throaty moans, rocking her hips faster. His moans became louder by every move they made, he lifted his hips even higher, going deeper. She let out a loud moan, clenching her muscles around him, she had forgotten how good he could make her feel. Moving his hips with even faster pace he let out a loud moan.
''Derek!'' She moaned out, throwing her hair over her shoulder as she felt herself on the edge. "Oh my god!" He was almost yelling, arching his back slightly as he felt himself nearing the edge. She let out another series of loud moans as they alternated between long and deep thrusts to quick and short strokes, feeling herself going over the edge she moaned out his name loudly. Few thrusts later he joined her, moaning loudly, not able to think of anything at the moment. She collapsed against his chest, breathing heavily. "That was..." He started, catching his breath. "Amazing." She didn't reply, slowly catching her breath as she moved off of him.
He looked at her direction, smiling happily, not understanding what this meant and what they had just done. ''This was a mistake.'' She shook her head, looking around for her underwear. Then it hit him. "Oh god." He started looking for his clothes. She got dressed as quickly as she could. ''I think you should go.'' He nodded in respond when he was fully dressed. ''Gosh...'' She hit her head, realizing they didn't even use protection. "What?" He furrowed his eyebrows together, seeing that something was obviously wrong. ''Nothing it's just...this was stupid and a huge mistake and on top of that, we didn't even do it safe.'' His face fell. "Oh."
''Oh?''
He blinked his eyes. "What does this mean?"
''Nothing. We made a mistake.''
"Yeah." He ran a hand through his hair.
''Let's just pretend it didn't happen okay?''
"Okay." He shrugged, he was confused, the break-up and now the sex...
''Okay.'' She simply said, wanted to cry and breakdown for him acting so casually, not even bothering to say something to her...fight for her...
He closed his eyes for few moments before looking at her again and biting on his lower lip, gosh she looked hot with that messy hair.
''You should just really go now, I'll tell the kids it was important and you had to leave.'' She looked at him and sighed. ''Then I'll see you on Friday when we meet our lawyers.''
"Yeah, Friday..." He looked away from her for a moment, biting harder on his lip.
''I was thinking we could do joined custody over the kids, I'll have them from Monday to Friday and you can have them for the weekend.''
"Oh." Derek said, he was still confused about their situation, he possibly couldn't let her go. He loved her, still, although he wasn't supposed to anymore… No, he possibly couldn't let her go, no. He had to, it's what she wanted. "That's fine and uhm... if you ever need help… I'm here for you."
''Thanks.'' She gave him a small smile. ''Oh and just to let you know, I'm going back to school at least one time a week and a maximum of four times.''
"Okay, I guess every now and then I could take a day off and take the kids, if that's okay with you..?" He suggested, raising his eyebrows. She looked at him a little shock, he always wanted to attend as much classes as he could and he would most definitely not take a day off. ''Okay...''
"Good." He made a weak smile, looking down to the floor.
''Hey Derek?'' She looked at him.
"Yeah?" He raised his head and looked into her eyes.
''I'm glad we can still be civil. Maybe we could like...try being friends?''
"Addie, I don't know if I can... you know, think of you as a friend. You're the love of my life, I just can't think of you as my friend." He shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment before looking back at her again.
She felt her heart clench at his words. ''We have to try...for Jussie and our Bug.''
"Addie, it's not that easy when I'm madly in love with you!" He almost yelled out the last words.
''You're not madly in love with me.'' She whispered, wrapping her arms around herself in a protective manner.
"I am!" He said staring into her eyes. "Why the hell can't you just accept that?"
''Because I won't!'' She yelled and then sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. ''Please don't make this any harder."
"Oh dear god." He shook his head.
''What?''
"You still don't see it, do you? I love you and that thing, it wont change."
''It already has.''
"It didn't." He ran a hand through his hair.
''Yes, you did. You sure as hell aren't the same Derek I married!''
He shook his head. "I'm sorry I didn't see you." His voice was barely over a whisper.
''I told you, it's too late to apologize.''
He shook his head. "It can't be!"
''It is.''
He closed his eyes and shook his head. "No."
''Derek you know it's over, accept it.'' She sighed. ''All I want to do now is talk to you about the kids, the house and the rest of our stuff so we won't have to fight over it in front of the lawyers.''
He shook his head but sat down on a chair. "What do we do about the house?" He hated to do this.
''You can have it. All I want are the kids.''
''You don't have the time for them.''
"You're in med school as well." He ran a hand through his hair.
''Barely.''
Derek raised his eyebrows at the comment. "What?"
''I haven't been there for more than 4 classes over the whole month.''
"Okay fine." He shook his head, he just wanted this to be over.
''Fine?'' She rose her eyebrow.
"You want the kids 5 days a week?" He sighed, ignoring her expression.
''Yes.''
"And I get them for the weekends?"
''Yes.''
"What about the house? You and kids need a place to live but so do I."
''You can take the house, we'll look for another place.''
"This house is huge Addison, I would be here all alone. It would be better if you stayed here and I look for place."
''No.'' She shook her head. ''I need a fresh, clean start.''
Derek's face fell, that had really hurt. A clean start. She was already thinking about moving on?
''So I think it's better you stay here.'' She tried to ignore the broken look on his face.
"Okay." He said quietly, his voice barely over a whisper.
''As for the car, it's yours.''
"Well yeah, I bought it but still, don't you need it?"
''Derek you clearly forgot about my last name.'' She hated bragging about her money but it was true. Derek rolled his yes. "Right."
She bit her lip and looked at him. Even now they were making it final he didn't see the reason to fight for her. He got up from the chair and sighed. "So are we done with this?"
''Yeah I guess.'' She felt her heart break.
"Okay." He looked into her eyes, trying to control his feelings, it was best for them. She looked down at her hands. Derek started walking out of the room, as he walked past Addison they touched. It sent shivers through his spine, it was wrong and he knew it but he couldn't help it. She bit down on her lip hard, keeping the tears from leaving her eyes. His hand grabbed hers and he spun her around, kissing her. She felt her knees weaken and kissed him back but then suddenly pulled back, tears pouring down her cheeks as she shook her head at him.
"We shouldn't." He shook his head as well, feeling his eyes welling up.
''It's over.'' She sobbed. ''You should go.''
"Yeah." He said quietly, letting go of her hand. She felt his hand slipping out of hers. It really was over. He turned around, he had tried. He had tried many times, it was over. There was nothing he could do anymore. She wrapped her arms around herself, not able to control her sobs anymore. Derek looked at her over his shoulder, feeling his heart breaking from the sight. He bit on his bottom lip, exiting the room. Derek looked at her over his shoulder, feeling his heart breaking because of the sight. He bit on his bottom lip, exiting the room. After a few seconds Addison heard the front door shut. She felt her knees getting week and she slid to the floor, crying unstoppably.
An hour later the door bell was rang by Theresa and the kids. Addison got up from the floor, holding onto the table as she tried to wipe away her tears and smoothed out her dress, still looking like a train wreck as she opened the door. Theresa looked at her with her eyes wide open. This is not how she had planned this to go. She wiped her nose and bent down so she was on the same level as the twins. ''Hey you two had fun with grams?''
"YES!" Hailey smiled widely, giving her mother a tight hug.
''That's good.'' She forced a smile on her face, hugging her daughter back.
''Momma did you cry?'' Justin asked unsure.
''No of course not.'' Addison lied.
"Let's go inside, you need to wash your hands." Theresa tried to change the subject, hoping that Addison would tell her what happened.
She gave Justin a quick hug and picked him up as she held Hailey's hand. Theresa made a quick smile and they stepped into the house. She walked into the kitchen, washing their hands. Theresa sat on a chair, waiting for them to finish. She dried their hands as they almost immediately ran back into the living room to play.
"Sit down." Theresa ordered and pointed to the chair opposite to her. Addison sighed and sat down. She already knew what was coming.
"What happened Addison?" She asked, looking worried.
''What are you talking about?'' Addison decided to play dumb.
"About you and your red and puffy eyes."
''There's nothing to talk about.''
"Addison." She raised her voice. "What happened between you two?"
''Nothing...we just talked about the divorce.''
"Really?" Theresa raised her eyebrows, she didn't believe her.
''Yes really...''
"Then why do I have this feeling that you're lying?"
''I don't know.'' She shrugged. Should she tell her mother-in-law what really happened or not?
"Addison, I've known you since you were 15. I know when you're lying."
''Fine. Then maybe something did happen.''
"Go on." She ordered.
''I'm not gonna tell.'' She shook her head.
Theresa raised her eyebrows. "Addison, you know you can tell me anything."
''It's stupid and embarrassing.''
"I bet it's not."
''It is and it was a big mistake.''
Theresa soon understood what this 'mistake' meant. "You had sex."
''Yeah.'' She looked down at her hands.
"...And?"
''And it was unsafe...''
Theresa's eyes widened. "What?" She asked in unbelief.
''I wasn't thinking...'' She shrugged, only feeling guiltier by the second.
"Addison..." She shook her head, this is not how she planned this would go.
''Yes?''
"What are you going to do?"
''Nothing. The divorce is still going to happen, we both agreed this was a mistake.''
"Did he say so?" Theresa knew his son and that's not what he was like.
''Mom, it's over between the two of us, please accept that.''
"Okay." She raised her hands as a sign she gave up.
''Thank you.''
"Welcome."