Spider's Web
I was sulking in the privacy of my own home, every now and then taking selfies and deleting them just to show how much I hated my new look; it reminded me of the guy I hate most of all my nation buddies, that neko-eared, yaoi-reading, otaku kid. (I can't believe I didn't leave him to starve in the woods, aru.) Whenever I saw my reflecion in the window , a cup, a doorknob or the screen of my turned-off phone, I missed my ponytail so much, aru! After 4000 years of the same hairstyle you get rather atteached to it, aru.
Then I remembered that I was supposed to 'meet' everyone else on Book-Face, pardon me aru, I mean Facebook. I quickly popped my laptop open and turned it on. I no longer have any trouble with the Start Button, ever since Russia invited me over on pretext of dinner and instead made me push the start button again and gain until I got the hng of it, aru. But never mind the sorrows of the past – back to my story, aru.
The screen turned blue and read 'Windows Starting'. Soon I heard a weird little noise and I saw the desktop background that Taiwan chose for me, aru – it's an old photo of me hugging panda in the morning, when I'd just woken up. He's licking my cheek and I'm laughing, still in my pjs. Japan thought it was cute, so he took a photograph, and Taiwan thought that was cute. So now I see it whenever someone forces me to use this technological abomination, aru.
Somehow I remembered how to log onto the internet, due to the same form of extreme training that Russia provided me with. The screen was white now, with little squares suggesting different sites. Taiwan had been kind enough to leave Facebook on one of those squares, so I awkwardly clicked on it.
From there it was easy enough; it showed me exactly where to type my email 'adress' and password. (Thank you, Korea, for setting up a gmail account for me five years ago!)
Then I logged on. The first thing I saw was my profile picture next to a box that read 'What's on your mind?' So I typed "Facebook is a stupid site invented by western whippersnappers for boring and bland young people who don't have the guts to communicate face to face with their 'friends', aru."
What, aru? It wanted me to type what was on my mind, so I did!
Suddenly, a little square popped up in the bottom-right corner of my screen, with th name 'Elisabeta Hedervary' on the top.
Elisabeta Hedervary is writing...
Elisabeta Hedervary: yo, yao! here you are! dude, im making a facebook page for ur reunion. I'll invite you, join it so we can chat
Yao Wang: whats a facebook page?
(You see, I had no idea why she was suddenly typing without any capital letters or apostrophes so I figured it was just another thing you had to do. I therefore followed her example.)
Elisabeta Hedervary: *sighs* ok yao, ill phone u & xplain
Seen 4:32 p.m.
So I closed the square by pressing the x in the corner.
While I waited for that panda-covered plastic contraption to ring, I looked at the various ads on the left-hand side of the page. One read, "Earn 50000 yen a month from home without working!" So I clicked on it – I want 50000 yen month without working, aru!
But the internet is a scary and dishonest spider's web of immortality, aru – it did not send me 50000 yen!
It took me to a site where...where...you can hire prostitutes!
AIYAAA!