A/N: I'm dedicating this chapter to 'Superior Tennyson' who gave me an idea about what to write Nega Ben's chapter on. Like Bad Ben, Nega Ben has very little to go off on, except that his universe is "like the most hipster parts of Seattle or Portland". I have never been to Seattle or Portland and I have only a very basic idea of what a hipster is. So with that in mind, on with the chapter!
Expectations are both beneficial and deficient, especially when it comes to shaping someone's very being. Other expecting you to live up to their ideals and to never fall short less you disappoint them. Nega Ben knew from the moment the Omnitrix jumped onto his wrist that he had many expectations from many people (and aliens) placed upon him. He did his best to live up to them.
His family, especially Grandpa Max, expected him to listen and obey their every command, no matter how stupid. His friends saw and expected him to be the perfect little hero who would save them if they so much as got stuck in a tree. The other Plumbers he'd met and Azmuth saw him as a mere child so expected him to stay out of their way.
Ben knew these expectations, and tried to live up to them. He listened to his family's every word, obeying them if they gave decent plans. He saved his friends whenever they got into trouble. He stayed out of the way of the other Plumbers and Azmuth as much as possible. He played up to what they thought he should be, moulding his personality to suit it.
This could only go on for so long.
It started slow. Every few months or so he would be hit by overwhelming feeling of uselessness that would require him to stay in bed for a day. At first, it wasn't too bad, the feeling could be driven away simply by playing his favourite video games. Then video games, even Sumo Slammers, weren't enough. He lost interest in them, and the feeling increased in frequency and magnitude until only beating up bad guys could starve it off, if only for a few hours.
It took nearly a year for anyone to notice that he wasn't the same. Unsurprisingly, it was Gwen who noticed first and insisted he see a psychologist. Ben refused, stating that he no time. Everyone was expecting him to continue fighting no matter what it took. And besides, the fighting gave him relief, however temporary it was.
Soon, even fighting couldn't help. It took weeks for Gwen to convince him to see a psychologist, months to get a proper diagnosis that wasn't just speculation. It came on a normal rainy day. The kind of day where you would just sit by the window watching the clouds cry. (Or, at least, that's what Ben did. The feeling was back and it refused to let him do anything else.) He was downstairs the moment his mother called him. The feeling at least let him to do that. The letter was waiting for him to open it. He took it to his room to open. He didn't want any prying eyes. It was there, in plain black and white, an answer.
He had depression.
He didn't care. The feeling didn't leave when he knew. It didn't give him time to swallow what information he had. There was nothing, not emptiness or numbness, just nothing. He put the letter in his bedside table and left. Gwen could help. She always helped.
She didn't help. There was concern that the antidepressants would affect his ability to fight, and he didn't have time to attend therapy sessions even if Dr Borges offered to be his therapist. The safety of the universe came before his mental health. He, like always, obeyed.
Life went on. Nothing changed. He didn't expect it to. Some days were better than others. Those days were the ones where he could break a smile towards Rook and enjoy some chili fries. Others were worse. Those days were the ones where he would just stare into nothingness and contemplate nothing. A few days were worse than worse. Those days were the ones where he would obey anyone and everyone to the syllable of what they asked. Even enemies, if they were smart enough to understand. Eventually, the Plumbers learnt to just send him home on those days so he could roll into bed where he wasn't in danger. Rook would be given a temporary partner to help him on his rounds.
It was on one of those days that Eon arrived. He didn't ask Ben to join him. He ordered Ben to join him. He, like always, obeyed. From ambushing No Watch Ben, to the battle, to being wiped from existence, to being sent home, everything was a blur of orders and nothing. The feeling persisted. When Ben returned home, he went to bed and slept until morning. It was only when he was woken by the dull light of the next day, when the feeling had lifted enough for him to somewhat think properly that the realisation of what he'd done came washing over him.
He had nearly killed someone. Worse, he had nearly killed several someones. He had endangered the Bens of so many universes. What would have happened if he had succeeded in what Eon had told him to do? To kill good Bens, Bens that were the protectors of their universes. If he had succeeded, he would have effectively single-handedly destroyed the lives of so many people. So many would have died, because of him. If somebody got control of him again, he would be a danger. No, he was a danger. He was a danger to the multiverse. He was a danger to those he protected. He was a danger to his universe.
He had to go.
It was easy, really. Much too easy. The Plumbers must have realised how much of a danger he was to the universe, since they had been the ones to insist that he keep a knife in his bedroom. (Ben pushed down the feeling that they had insisted on it in case the Omnitrix malfunctioned again.) He didn't want to create too much of a mess. It was expected of him to clean up his messes and he couldn't if he was dead. He put several towels on his bed to avoid the mess his mother would have to clean up, aimed for his brachial artery, and pushed down.
It took less than a minute. Ben was found by Rook who immediately called an ambulance. He was declared dead for three hours before he had been found.
Expectations are both beneficial and deficient, especially when it comes to shaping someone's very being. Other expecting you to live up to their ideals and to never fall short less you disappoint them. Nega Ben knew these expectations and tried to live to them. So much so that he neglected to live up his own expectations, namely of living at all.
A/N: These instalments are getting progressively darker. First we have Mad Ben's descent into insanity, then Bad Ben's revenge scheme, and now Nega Ben's death… Here's hoping I make happier chapters in the future. On a hopefully happier note, I'm not planning on ending with Benzarro. At the very least I'm doing No Watch Ben, Ultimate Ben, plus a couple of my own creations, so you have those to look forward to!