Author's Notes: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It's really appreciated. If you're wondering where I got the title for this chapter, The Evil Midnight Bomber (What Bombs At Midnight!), it's a super villain from "The Tick." It's an old comedy show and I love it to death. And yes, that's the villain's full name. By the way, sorry for the late update. I've been in Florida for a week. XP. Hope you like this chapter, regardless of it's ultra-super lateness!
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Title: Dear Annie
Rating: T (or PG-13)
Summary: SasuSaku Sakura is excellent about giving others advice about their love life, but she is absolutely clueless when it comes to her own!
Pairings: SasuSaku, NaruHina, NejiTen, ShikaIno
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but the plot is mine!
Chapter 4: The Evil Midnight Bomber (What Bombs At Midnight!)
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Dear Annie,
I love my boyfriend to death, really, I do. It's just that he can be so possessive sometimes! For instance, I had a night out with some of my friends, all of them girls, and he's treating me like I need protecting! He got suspicious when I painted my nails, for goodness sake! It's not just that, but when I get off the phone he goes into this "twenty question" mode. He drives me insane sometimes! What can I do so he won't be like that anymore?
Irritated
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Dear Irritated,
Most guys are possessive and that either means one of two things. One, is that you're such a good girlfriend that he wants to keep you all to himself. Or two, it means that he doesn't trust you enough and thinks you could be two-timing him. This is a simple problem to fix. Go up to him and tell him that you aren't going to be cheating on him anytime soon. Then tell him that while he thinks what he's doing is for the best, you need some breathing room. If he doesn't back off, you're going to have to get harsher with him. Hopefully this helps.
Your Friend,
Annie
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10:54
"Foolish little brother…"
Said brother glared.
Itachi hid a laugh behind his hand. At first, he had been mad when he got the call from the police department on his cell phone. He had an important meeting tomorrow morning, and was just climbing into bed when it happened. Luckily, Sasuke's punishment wasn't that harsh, because they recognized him as an Uchiha. The clan was the one that had founded this very department, after all.
"Would you please tell me why we have gotten a bill to replace the Haruno's front door?"
Glare. "We're innocent." The three others in the cell weren't speaking at all. They just kind of stared at the wall with their eyebrows furrowed. Except for Neji, who had his eyes closed with a visible tic developing.
"Okay then, would you like to know what charges they're attempting to pin you with?" The older Uchiha pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. "Trespassing, breaking and entering, reckless endangerment, and…" his eyes squinted at the paper. "Molestation? You're joking me."
"The hell!" Naruto was the one that jumped up; meanwhile he had all the other's attentions. Naruto leaned against the bars as far as he could, "We did not molest them! It's all LIES!"
"So the fact that the officers found you holding them, very close to your person, I might add, and threatening them are lies?" He flicked the blonde's head to make him go away, and then leaned back against the opposite wall.
Sasuke narrowed his eyes, "We never threatened them."
His brother rolled his eyes, "Well then, that makes it all better." He crossed his arms. "You know that all of your parent's have been contacted. They agree that you should at least stay in there for the night." He gestured to their holding cell.
"Ha! You have nothing on me!" Naruto yelled.
"Don't worry, Iruka was contacted. He wasn't to happy about it." That shut him up. "Neither was your uncle, or your mother, come to think of it." He said to Neji and Shikamaru. "Nor was I, Sasuke." He looked at his little brother.
"Hn."
"You are lucky that our Mother and Father are in meetings right now in Paris, I just can't imagine how furious their going to be when I tell them."
Narrowing of the eyes. "You wouldn't."
"There goes your precious Aston Martin."
Sasuke loved his sports cars. All fourteen of them.
"But since I am such a loving and generous brother, I'm willing to bail you all out just this once." They all kind of blinked at him in a shocked manner. Itachi motioned for someone to unlock the door, and they were out of that cell quicker than he could say, "You're free to go."
"You owe me." Itachi said to the younger version of himself. He was rewarded with a, "Hn." With that, he went to his car and left them all in the dust. He smirked. He had…other reasons for letting them out. Miss Haruno's plan wouldn't work if they were in a cell.
Loving and generous brother my foot!
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11:05
Neji rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Hiashi's not going to like this."
Shikamaru was mumbling about troublesome women, and Naruto was going on and on about "erasers" and "dust" and "snot-nosed-two-faced little Academy brats."
Sasuke wanted to laugh at them but thought otherwise, thinking about their situations. Last time he had gotten in trouble with Hiashi or Mrs. Nara, he barely escaped with his life. "Look, you can all stay at my house for tonight."
They all agreed rather quickly.
Which is how they all found themselves in his room lying on beanbags, playing Halo 2 on Sasuke's Xbox Live. In fact, he was proud to say, his 55-inch plasma screen TV was showing the battle with excellent quality.
It was easy since they were all on the same team. Everyone in the room was excellent at these kind of games, which was a big improvement for Naruto. He spent the first fifteen minutes spinning around in circles, and now, forty-five minutes later, he was blasting everything in his path. The man was a killing machine. They had to stifle the laugh when the other team had muttered a few choice words when he took out the entire squadron in one fell swoop. But seriously, think about it. You've got:
Sasuke and Neji: The two genius prodigies.
Shikamaru: The strategist.
And Naruto: The quote: Killing machine that was gonna rip out your intestines through your ass and force feed them down your throat! Unquote.
The team was invincible.
It was getting to about ten till midnight, and the maids had brought all the things they could possibly need to survive, and were dismissed for the night. Which, for Naruto, included all the instant ramen he could possibly eat. However, if Sasuke saw one more maid peek her head in the door, he was going to throw a shuriken at them, girl or not. Five minutes passed. Nothing…thank goodness!
Finally, some peace.
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12:00
There was a rumbling throughout the Uchiha estate. The boys paused the game and looked at each other questioningly.
"Earthquake?" Sasuke asked.
"Stampede?" Naruto guessed.
Neji activated his Byakugan and searched the house. His eyes widened. His mouth opened to curse, but the door was harshly opened and hundreds of people came into the room. For once, Naruto was right.
"Sasuke-kun! I love you!"
"Neji! Can I bear your children?"
"You're so adorable Naruto-kun!"
"Marry me, Shika-kun!"
Their eyes widened in pure, unadulterated horror.
"AAAHHHHH! FANGIRLS!"
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Itachi heard them all scream and downright laughed. Sakura Haruno was an ingenious person. He could definitely like someone like her, even if he had to replace her door.
"Kudos to the mastermind."
And then he fell asleep and dreamed of kittens and bunnies. His dream-self looked down and felt a kunai in his hand. He smiled.
"Oh goodie! Target practice!"
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The phone rang at Sakura's. The movie had been switched to a more comedic one, since they were very happy at the current moment. She giggled at a funny part before picking it up.
"Hello?"
(Muffled noises…rather like someone trying to talk while his face was in a breast-age region)
She laughed.
"When I get my hands on you, you're going to—"
"Get a restraining order?" She interrupted him. "Yeah, probably."
She could hear him growling, despite the female voices in the background.
"Sweet dreams, darling." She laughed before hanging up.
"Who was that?" Ino asked her.
"Oh, it was Sasuke." They quirked eyebrows at her. "He couldn't talk long, though, he was a little…busy."
They cackled evilly before returning to the movie.
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To: Aburame, Shino
From: Haruno, Sakura
Subject: Just a teensy, weensy little favor…
Shino, remember that itty, bitty favor you owe me? When I bailed you out in middle school from the…well I'm sure you remember. I'd like to call in that favor now, if that's not too much of a problem…
Sakura.
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To: Haruno, Sakura
From: Aburame, Shino
Subject: What do you want?
Yes, I remember. What is it?
Shino
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To: Aburame, Shino
From: Haruno, Sakura
Subject: It's nothing much…
Attachment: Important Article (dot) doc
It's not really all that much, but could you put the attached document in Monday's paper? Please?
Sakura
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To: Haruno, Sakura
From: Aburame, Shino
Subject: You must be joking
I can't put that in the paper! I'll be fired.
…
…
…
Fine. I'll do it.
Shino
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In one day, he had been sent for tampons, arrested, and molested by what seemed to be hundreds of girls. Neji confirmed the statement, and managed to count the number of girls that had come barreling into his room and hung themselves all over the boys.
498 women.
Ranging from, Neji informed again, ten-year-old girls to thirty-year-old women with babies. Thankfully, there was only one senior. They had to call in ANBU, high-ranking government law enforcement, to come and disperse the crowd. It had taken two hours for Hiashi to call, thirty minutes for Iruka to call, and five seconds for Mrs. Nara, screaming for all the world that her "damn troublesome son" better get his ass back to the house before he caused a riot.
And all of this was before she learned of his arrest earlier in the evening.
Sasuke's cell phone rang, and he picked it up without looking at the number.
"Hello?"
"Sasuke? Are you all right?" It was his mother.
"Mom, really…"
"I heard about what happened."
"Nothing bad happened…" Per se.
"Don't worry, Sasuke dear. When I get back home we can pile drive them into the ground okay?" Her voice sounded far too happy. "Shut up, Fugaku! If he wasn't so good-looking we wouldn't be having this problem!" Ah…so his father was there with her. "After all," he heard the smirk in her voice, "he is my son, of course he's incredibly handsome!" No, she wasn't conceited at all. "Actually, why didn't the guards stop them? They were on their rounds, right? Or why didn't the maids call the police?"
"I suggest you consult your other son." Sasuke told her flatly.
She was talking to her husband once more. "You had better call your son," she hissed at him. "And tell him that I love him and miss him and that if he ever tries a stunt like this again, I will disown him and give him to a hobo with naught but the clothes on his back." The only one that dared ever go against Uchiha Itachi—perfect student, master of their bloodline limit, ANBU captain—was Uchiha Mikoto.
Which must have been why Sasuke was closer with his mother. Who knew?
Seconds later he smirked as yells were heard in the background. Threatening yells that took away allowance, cars, and put up a curfew except when he was on missions. All of this, directed at Itachi. Life was good…
He shivered in his bedroom, alone because everyone else had been summoned home, and looked around. Was that a dark, evil aura settling itself around the house? No, that was silly. It was probably just his imagination.
But no sooner had he said his goodbyes to his mother and hung up, his door opened and slammed against the opposite wall. In the doorframe, stood Itachi, stark mad, breathing smoke, kunai in hand, and Sharingan activated.
Uh oh…
In one day he had been sent for tampons, arrested, molested, and beaten up by his own flesh and blood. This really was not his day.
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Private Chat Room 83
Troublesome99 has signed on.
ByakuganHyuuga03 has signed on.
ILoveRamen10 has signed on.
PrinceofDarkness has signed on.
ByakuganHyuuga03: So…? What's the damage?
ILoveRamen10: Iruka found out about me getting arrested. No ramen for two days.
ILoveRamen10: I THINK I'M GONNA DIIIIEEEEEEE!
Troublesome99: I'm on house arrest for the rest of my life.
PrinceofDarkness: Ouch.
Troublesome99: Nah, she'll probably cancel it by tomorrow afternoon.
ByakuganHyuuga03: Hiashi found out about the arrest, too. He didn't mind that so much as why I didn't give the fangirls the 64 hands of Hakke.
PrinceofDarkness: Actually…I got of easily.
ILoveRamen10: NO FAIR!
PrinceofDarkness: Mom called and offered to pile drive the girls into the ground when she got back. Then she learned that Itachi was behind the whole thing.
PrinceofDarkness: Itachi has been punished. And he sought revenge. Which is why I have abandoned the house for the night.
Troublesome99: …So where are you now?
PrinceofDarkness: International Strip Club.
ILoveRamen10: YOU PERV! That's disgusting!
ByakuganHyuuga03: You lie. You're at that coffee place near the school.
PrinceofDarkness: Sigh…Caught me.
ILoveRamen10: …
ILoveRamen10: That wasn't funny.
PrinceofDarkness: It had you fooled, didn't it?
ILoveRamen10: HA! I knew the truth all along!
ByakuganHyuuga03: Then why are you beet red with embarrassment?
ILoveRamen10: Hey! Quit using your Byakugan on me!
ByakuganHyuuga03: I wasn't. I just guessed.
Troublesome99: You really did fall for it…
Troublesome99: Stupid…
ILoveRamen10: Hey!
PrinceofDarkness: I've got to go. I think I'm about to be mauled again. Women are staring…
Troublesome99: Now that you mention it…my mom has been threatening to break the door down for about five minutes.
Troublesome99: How troublesome…
ByakuganHyuuga03: I'm supposed to be meditating.
PrinceofDarkness has signed off.
Troublesome99 has signed off.
ByakuganHyuuga03 has signed off.
ILoveRamen10: BAAAHHH! I'M ALL ALONE!
ILoveRamen10: I need ramen…now.
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Sasuke walked into school Monday morning, feeling worse than he had in a long time. Stupid Itachi. It was all his fault. He was going to get his revenge! Just you wait!
He saw the others standing by his locker, obviously waiting for him to get there, Shikamaru clutching the Konoha High Tribune, the school newspaper. They had strange looks on their faces and, he noticed, more girls were coming up to him and asking for dates than usual. After the little incident on Saturday, he didn't want to be around any girl asking him out for another month!
"What is it?" He asked them. Shikamaru handed him the paper.
Neji, rubbing the bridge of his nose, spoke, "Read the front page."
And there, the cover story of the century stood out at him.
School Playboys on Dating Market
Article by Haruno Sakura
Girls, are you tired of having previously been turned down by the school's resident playboys? Well then, you'll be disappointed no more! This reporter has just recently learned that Hyuuga Neji, Nara Shikamaru, Uchiha Sasuke, and Uzumaki Naruto have decided to get themselves long-term girlfriends that will be loyal and faithful to them no matter what. What are their standards? "Well, tall, but not taller than me, someone with a good heart and not after money. Someone who loves ramen and isn't afraid to have a good time!" Uzumaki Naruto told the Konoha High Tribune. They will be having interviews during lunch everyday until each and every one of them finds the right girl. "Don't be intimidated. We don't bite." Uzumaki added as a last remark. Another source that chose to remain anonymous had this to say: "If the relationship lasts long enough, and is a serious one, marriage might even be possible in the future." Well, what are you waiting for? Go on and ask them, before someone else gets the guy of your dreams!
Sasuke stared blankly at the paper. What. The. Hell.
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Author's Notes: The joy of every fanfiction writer is to torture their victims—I mean characters. Riiight…characters. Please review. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.