Infidelity to Fidelity
Dovesary
Disclaimer:I do not own Naruto.
Chapter Four: Until
This is how it works:
You're young until your not,
You live until you don't,
You try until you can't,
You laugh until you cry,
You cry until you laugh,
And everyone must breathe,
Until their dying breath.
I hit her.
I actually hit her.
The scene replayed itself in his mind over and over again. Guilt crept up upon him, squeezing his heart in an unrelenting, vice-like grip. Then came the anger. Anger at himself for losing his hard-won control, anger at her for cheating, anger at the guilt for making him feel like he was in the wrong…
Sasuke ran a shaking hand over his face. He was tired, now. Completely and utterly exhausted. Whether it was from the fight and the shock of striking Sakura or from the uncovered secret, he wasn't sure. Perhaps it was both of the situations that made his muscles go limp and his knees give out so that he ended up slumped on floor, his back resting against the front door. The same door you held her captive against as you interrogated her…
He shook his head to erase the thought. She was the one who cheated! She was the antagonist of this story, not him! Sakura was the one who went behind her partners back and fucked their old teacher! Resentment climbed its way in beside anger and guilt and made itself at home there, resting next to his heart. But, underneath those pushy emotions, hiding in fear of being shoved completely away, was something akin love. He still harbored feelings for Sakura. Even an event such as cheating couldn't erase the feelings he had for her. Yes, he was mad at her (and Kakashi, of course. He couldn't forget him) but that didn't make him love (is that what it was? He wasn't sure if he was capable of feeling that for anyone ever again) her any less. The trust factor had diminished quite a bit, he admitted, but not love.
At first, when he realized that she had cheated on him, he was beyond rational thought. Fury overtook him and yet, now, he still couldn't force himself to completely hate her for it. It had made his thinking irrational and crazy. At least, that's what he told himself.
He sighed heavily and leaned his head back, resting it on the door. He brought a hand up and laced the fingers through his hair, closing them tightly over the strands, feeling the satisfactory pull. He closed his eyes tightly as they began to sting. Sasuke sat there for a long time, thinking over the life-altering events that had taken place that night. No one had betrayed him like this since Itachi…
He wasn't sure if he could ever forgive her.
The first heavy breath was his undoing. Proud, stoic Sasuke finally let go; a decade of restricted emotion being set free.
For the first time in a long, long time, Sasuke Uchiha cried. Tears for her, yes, but mostly tears for himself, for what he had lost in one lifetime.
Moonlight filtered weakly, creeping in from slanted blinds, brightening and darkening corners. Wings fluttered gently, lightly stirring the air currents in the room. Colorful dusts particles floated away from the moth's slow-moving wings, glittering in the moonlit rays. Furred legs rotated carefully as the moth turned, facing the room's occupants.
Mismatched eyes blinked. That long, slow blink that Sakura knew Kakashi did whenever he was trying to comprehend something that seemed to be completely illogical and couldn't compute in his vast mind. The hands squeezing her arms loosened and then slid away fully to rest in his lap.
"Kakashi...," Sakura's hands trembled as she reached for him, but they stopped short when her eyes took in his tensing muscles. A strange, painful tightness filled her chest and caused tears to fall anew from her swollen and raw tear ducts. Her vision blurred as she slowly stood and headed for his bedroom, deciding to give him some time to take in all she had told him. With one last sad look towards Kakashi, she shut his bedroom door with a click.
The sound startled Kakashi and he sent a glance its way before his eyes moved back to the hands in his lap. All in all, he was…unfeeling. His ninja instincts automatically kicked in and his brain fogged over, as it normally did when striking information was told to him. But this….he didn't know how to handle this situation so his callous side came out, freezing any and all unwanted or strange emotions from stirring and disrupting his thought process.
Baby…
Baby…
Through the haze clouding his mind one word kept repeating itself over and over.
Baby…
Baby…
I may have a kid...Shock shoved its way through the mist and blew it all away. The numbness disappeared and emotions crashed all at once into him. Happiness, distraught, sadness, panic, bliss, anger…but most all, fear.
Kakashi Hatake was afraid.
Naruto was freezing his ass off. His orange sweatshirt and faded jeans did nothing to alleviate the cold. Thank god Hinata had forced him to wear gloves and a scarf.
He shivered and pulled his hands from the pocket attached to the front of his hoodie, walking stride shifting into a run as he gathered chakra into his feet so that he could leap roof top to roof top until he reached the apartment Sakura shared with Sasuke.
The aforementioned male occupant of the apartment had called Naruto, telling him nothing except that he needed to see him. Naruto asked what was wrong and Sasuke responded with nothing…which always meant something for the brooding boy. He was much like a girl in that aspect. Naruto guffawed silently at the thought of such a man's man being like a woman at all.
Still lightly giggling, Naruto knocked loudly on the door.
"Sasuke!" He called, his voice anything but soft. "Sasuke, answer the damn door. My balls are frozen…well, at least I think they are. They might've fallen off already…," he looked down at his crotch and his hand twitched, needing to feel to be sure. Just as he was about to, Sasuke answered the door.
The black-haired boys stare was impassive.
"What are you doing?" Disgust laced his tones, seeing his friends hand mere centimeters from his groin.
"Ah ha ha...," was the only response Naruto could come up with. He grinned sheepishly, fingers scratching nervously at the base of his neck.
His cerulean eyes sobered up the minute they locked onto onyx ones.
Sasuke was always known for his unemotional looks. Forever was he pokerfaced. But now…Naruto saw something hiding, lying in the background of his eyes; trying to cover itself up so that it would be safe from any and all harm that might befall it and tests it barriers forces. Beyond the normal detachedness was something akin to sadness, and a hurting so strong Naruto's stomach clenched in pain.
"God, Sasuke….what happened?" He reached out a hand to rest on Sasuke's shoulder, but his friend jerked out of his reach and finally opened the door the rest of the way so that Naruto could feel the rush of heat on his face as he stepped inside.
When both men were seated on the couch, Naruto once again asked what had happened.
All at once, Sasuke's mask crumbled and he broke down. Never shedding a tear but telling the whole story—Sakura's pregnancy, her affair, how he'd struck her—in a truly wounded tone. When he finished, his hands were shaking, and his body was trembling, and Sasuke wasn't sure if he could handle the way his heart was aching, and cracking, and breaking open forcefully. Raw emotions weren't something he was accustomed to and the surge became overwhelming.
A dry sob worked its way out from his throat and before he knew it, he was being crushed in a bear hug. Naruto didn't say any comforting words at the moment, but Sasuke didn't care. In a very out-of-character move, he clung back to Naruto, thanking whatever forces were up in heaven that they had given him Naruto, a guy who didn't care how you acted, and someone who would try to be your friend before becoming your foe.
A guy who thought anything was possible if you would just 'believe it!'.
She lay on her side, back facing the door, hair in a rats nest and really not caring. Her hands cradled her muscled-toned stomach, knowing that soon it would begin to bulge as a little life began to form in her womb. She curled herself up tighter, creating a ball. She wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her forehead against them. Before she knew it, her eyes were closing and a blessed darkness was taking her over and making her busy mind blank and empty.
She wasn't sure how long she was asleep for—2 minutes, 2 hours—before she heard the bedroom door creeping open. Nearly silent footsteps padded across the hardwood floor. Clothes slithered over skin and then met the floor with a soft noise. The bed dipped and creaked as Kakashi slipped in behind her, pushing down the covers and gently shoving his feet beneath them. Her ball position loosened as he spooned his body to hers.
A hand came to rest up on her belly and stayed there. The other pushed the hair on her neck away so that soft lips could graze the surface.
"A baby," Kakashi whispered into her ear. "Our baby…" Sakura felt his smile against the shell of her, and she herself had to smile.
His breathing became deep and even soon after and she herself was almost asleep before his words registered in her mind.
Our baby…
Worry clouded her mind.
There was a 50/50 chance that the baby wasn't his. She couldn't help but wonder if he would be as happy when he realized that.
End.
Revised as of March 14, 2008.