Fosters playlist Chapter 4: Love lives on, a fosters fanfic

I reached for you this morning, woke up with empty arms. Once again it's sinkin in how far away you are. I still pour two cups of coffee, and tell you all about my dreams. This kitchen's way to quiet. You should still be here with me.

Stef stretched in the early morning light. Instinctively she reached out, pulling the warm body to her. It took half a second to realize the body was that of her youngest child, "Mommy?"

"Good morning, Baby Girl," Stef smiled as 3-year-old Frankie snuggled into her side, the tight curls tickling the bare skin of Stef's neck. Stef smoothed hair down, kissing Frankie's forehead.

In the kitchen she had set the table for herself, Jude, and Frankie and started on pancakes. "No coffee, Jude-i-corn!" the demanding voice of Frankie pulled Stef out of where she had been watching bubbles form in the pancakes. Turning her head she saw Jude putting a purple coffee mug in the sink.

"No coffee," Jude smiled, picking up his baby sister and setting her on the counter, "Mommy was being silly. She poured herself two cups to drink." Stef stared past the stove in front of her, blanking out. "You're burning that, Mom." Jude said, hugging her with one arm.

"Blackened pancakes, like blackened chicken," Stef shot back quickly in defense, dumping the ruined pancake in the garbage.

"Blueberry and candied walnut pancakes with real maple syrup. Birthday pancakes," Jude commented, looking at the batter, "Momma's birthday pancakes."

"Everyone likes them," Stef defended.

"My favorite," Jude agreed with a smile.

"Hey, Jude? Mom?" Jude and Stef turned to see Callie walking in the house.

"Sissy!"

"Hi Cute Stuff," Callie grinned when Frankie threw herself in Callie's arms.

"What are you doing home?" Stef asked Callie as she hugged her. Callie went to school about an hour's drive away.

"For those," Callie said, pointing to the pancakes. "I E-mailed my psych prof last night. I haven't been feeling well. He said it was fine."

"And driving here is helping?" Stef asked.

"Yes," Callie said, kissing Stef's cheek, "Mmm, Can I have that?" Callie asked, grabbing the cup of coffee.

"It's already sweetened," Stef warned. Callie shrugged, taking a sip.

"Sweeter than you usually drink. You must have known I was coming," Callie smiled.

And even though I cry like crazy, even though it hurts so bad. I'm thankful for the time God gave me. Even though we couldn't make it last. I'm learning how to live without you. Even though I don't want to. And even if you're gone. Love lives on.

"She put it in Momma's favorite mug," Jude whispered to Callie when she set a glass of orange juice in front of Jude and on Frankie's highchair. Callie smiled sadly, kissing the top of his head.

"I know."

'6 months ago principle of Anchor Beach Charter school was shot and killed by Joe Metzger, father of a teenager who was expelled and sent to juvie for arson. Today Lena would have been 47 years old. She leaves behind six children. 20 year olds Callie and Brandon, 18 year olds Jesus and Mariana, 16 year old Jude, and three year old Fransesca. She also left behind her wife, Sargent of the San Diago police force, Stefanie Adams-Foster.' Callie looked over at Stef who had froze. 'Metzger lost his trial yesterday and was sentenced to life without parole. Our hearts go out to her family and all who knew her." Grabbing her Ipod from her pocket, Callie loaded it into the ipod dock and turning on the first thing that came up.

"I'm going to go get dressed," Stef said, setting the pancakes on the table before walking up the stairs. Once Conner had picked Jude up, Callie cleaned Frankie's face and hands before starting on the dishes.

I still call your mom on Sundays. Yeah it's good to hear her voice. She always tells me that same story, about her stuborn little boy. And I've kept your favorite t-shirt. You know the one I used to hate. Ain't it funny how, it's the one thing now. I just can't throw away.

"Babykini!" Frankie stomped her foot, holding up her swimsuit.

"No, Love, we have stuff to do today, we need to put clothes on. Do you want your dress or jeans?" Stef asked, holding up two outfits.

"Babykini!" Frankie screamed and started to cry. Stef tried not to pull her hair out when the phone rang.

"Hi Honey," Stef swallowed at the sound of her father-in-law's voice.

"Hi Stewart, how are you?" Stef asked as cheerfully as she could muster.

"Good, I thought I would check to see how my Frankie is doing."

"At the moment she's throwing a fit because she doesn't get to wear her Dora swimsuit for the 110th day in a row."

Stef listened as Stewart went off on a story about Lena at three, insisting to wear a tutu everyday. "Are you and Dana doing alright?" Stef asked 10 minutes later when he had finished the story.

"We're hanging in there, Hun. Just working to keep busy today. How are you guys?"

"Callie took the day off to come up. Frankie's doing fine. All the other kids are at school. The twins and B called last night. Jude is struggling the most outwardly." Stewart didn't comment on the fact that Stef didn't mention how she was doing.

"I have a client here, I have to run. Call me if anyone needs anything."

Stef said goodbye and rangled Frankie into a sundress before throwing on a faded pair of jeans. Riffling through her drawers her eyes halted on a pale blue sweatshirt. The picture of the Effle Tower faded. It used to make her jealous, that Lena kept a sweatshirt Gretchen bought her 15 years ago. But now, it was like Lena penetrated it over the years. The fibers help small pieces of her wife.

She comes with me on your birthday, little flowers in her hand. She's always known there's something missing, but too young to understand. And some days she's gonna aske me, what kind of man you were. I'll tell her all the ways I loved you. And all the you I see in her.

Stef and Frankie walked through the cemetery; Frankie carried a few pink and purple flowers she'd chosen at the flower shop. Stef carried what she had been buying for 15 years, a dozen roses, half red, half yellow.

"Momma?" Frankie asked as they came to her gravestone. Embedded in it was a photograph of Lena that Callie had taken last Christmas.

"Yeah, that's Momma's picture," Stef smiled, kissing Frankie's cheek. It was obvious her older child had already made a trip this morning. Orange flowers, a picture of their 6 children, and an envelope addressed "Momma" laid by the sat with Frankie as long as the little girl would sit still before standing, Frankie kipping ahead of her.

"We can watch her for a while, if you want," Stef turned to see Callie and Jude sitting on a bench, both red eyed. Stef sat between her children and wrapped her arms around Jude who cried against her chest. She shushed and rocked him until he sat silently in her embrace. Stef watched Frankie follow a butterfly. It wasn't the first time she noticed the similarities between her youngest child and her wife. And only Lena could have given her the total love for nature.