Charms Homework- For Real!
Author's Note/Disclaimer:
My lawyers have informed me that if I keep claiming to own the characters, I may be lynched, drawn and quartered, made to walk the plank, tickled, and, eventually sued. Seeing as I prefer suing people to being sued by them, I will give credit where credit is due.
J. K. Rowling… is the true maker-upper of the characters. I'm simply manipulating them to my awesome, random plots.
PS- minor language, theatric elements, and lack of comic mischief.
Credit where Credit is Due
Third Year, Three AM
SB- James! James, wake up!
JP- Sirius? What the hell is wrong with you? It's night! And why are we writing notes?
SB- I don't want to wake up Remus or Pete. Have you noticed anything unusual about Remus?
JP- He likes homework?
SB- Yes, but besides that. The fact that once a month, his mother gets sick? And he has to visit her?
JP- So? And actually, last week he said that he has the flu.
SB- Do you remember a couple days ago, when in Astronomy we learned the cycles of the moon?
JP- Yeah, s- Wait. Are you suggesting…?
SB- I've worked it out. Every time, it's full moon his mum gets ill.
JP-His mum's a werewolf?
SB- Honestly, usually I'm the stupid one. Am I this frustrating?
JP- Sirius, it's late. AndI'm tired. And yes.
SB- Wow. Anyway, no, his mum's just his excuse. I think that Remus is a werewolf!
JP- But he seems so normal!
SB- I think that he is. He's just got a… monthly problem.
JP- A furry problem. His furry little problem. I've got to remember that.
SB- FOCUS! We've got to tell him that we know.
JP- What about Pete?
SB- Remus can decide about that. We should leave that up to him, at least.
JP- OK. Wake him up, ok?
RL- Wha-? Why are we writing? At three AM? As in, before morning?
SB- Remus, we don't want to wake up Peter. But you should probably tell him.
RL- Tell him what?
JP- About your Furry Little Problem.
RL- My…? Oh God. You know? Both of you?
SB- It's not like we'll tell, not anyone. But we think that Peter deserves to know.
RL- I guess I'll ask Dumbledore for a room change in the morning.
JP- WHY? In case you haven't noticed Moony, we still like you. We haven't run screaming in fear of your evil bite. Plus, Dumbledore would never let you come if you were dangerous all the time.
RL- Moony?
JP- Your new nickname.
SB- So, are you gonna tell Pete about you-know-what?
JP- I hate hyphens. Let's call it his Little Furry Problem.
RL- I'll tell Peter right now, and I don't care what you call it, as long as no one else finds out.
SB- OK! Now, there's been something that I've been meaning to do for a while anyway, but you just gave me an excuse, Moon.
JP- MOONY! With a y!
SB- Chill! So, I was looking up stuff on werewolves, and they can't hurt animals. In fact, some Healers who are also Animagus will transform to safely observe a werewolf's transformation. Sadly for us, you have to take a three week class and be at least twenty-one before you can transform.
JP- What are you saying?
RL- And, more importantly, is it legal?
JP- I dislike to think that your question takes precedence over mine, Moony.
RL- I get the feeling that I'll never be called Remus by any of you again.
SB- Yup. Anyway, yes it's slightly illegal. But not too bad. I propose that we learn to become Animagus and keep Moony company on full moons!
RL- Are you even more out of your skull then usual? I could hurt you! You could do the transformations wrong! I could kill one of you! And then, I'd have to live with it. Even if it was an accident, or just a goof up with one step in the Transformation, it'd be my fault. I really appreciate the thought, Sirius, but I don't want any of my friends dead. Ever.
JP- Well, we have to have a full Marauder vote. Moony, do we wake up Peter?
RL- Alright. But I still think that it's stupid, dangerous, and irrational.
PP- Huh? Why are we writing? What TIME is it?
RL- Um… I think that it's about four thirty. AM.
PP- WHAT! I'm going back to sleep. This is dumb.
JP- Actually, this is really important.
RL- I should have told you this earlier. Peter, I'm a werewolf. And the genius who figured it out wants to become an illegal Animagus to play with me on full moons.
PP- Oh, pull the other leg.
SB- He's dead serious, and this is so serious that I won't make any jokes about my name.
JP- Can I?
RL- NO!
PP- I've just read the rest of the note. And I only have one question. When do we start?
SB- As soon as possible.
RL- On one condition. I help you the whole way through, and if anything bad happens, we stop, go to Dumbledore, and beg for mercy and help.
JP- It's a deal. And don't worry so much. Have you no faith in our skills?
RL- I will recall the time that you tried to woe Evens' heart by painting yourself pink and following her, calling her 'Lovey-Dovey' for twenty-four hours on Valentine's Day. In other words, no, I don't think you even have any skills.
JP- That hurt. I at least got her to notice me!
SB- I liked it when she cursed your hair to fall out in patches, then grow back, then fall out, then-
JP- We get it.
RL- HOLY CRAP! Look at the time! We have classes! GO TO SLEEP!