77: I will not get Levi drunk.
nothing and no-one was safe of Levi's drunken affectionate hugs.
78: I will not tie Eren naked to Mikasa's bed.
his hands were cuffed behind his back, so even Eren's titan shift couldn't save him from the rape that took place that night.
"MIKASA! DON'T PUT THAT IN THERE! GET YOUR FINGER OUTTA THERE! AAAAAAHHHHHH!"
the other men didn't know wether to be jealous of the man, or to pity him.
79: I will not say that I ship petraxtree in front of Levi.
Levi proceeded to kick the holy hell out of berthold for joking about this. he is still in rehabilitation to relearn walking.
80: I will not set up a betting pool on when Arrmin will come out of the closet.
"HORSEFACE!"
Arrmin's scream of unrelenting fury was heard for miles. no-one noticed that hanji's titans were 'extra happy' that day.
81: I will not hand Levi an oversized lollipop and start singing "we represent the lollipop guild" every time he walks by.
who knew that you could use a lollipop a a deadly weapon. connie sure as hell didn't.
82: I will not send out invites to the wedding of Sasha and Eren.
Mikasa chased Sasha with a kitchen knife for four hours while Reiner and Jean decided to hide for survival.
83: I will not attempt to use Eren's titan form as my wingman.
it was not one of Reiner's better idea's, as the titan either proceeded to accidentally flatten any girl under his feet. or the girls just ran away for the massive beast.
84: I will not convert to jashinism.
"Mike what the hell are you doing?" Levi asked the tall man as said man dragged a corpse through the base. Mike just grinned and licked the blood off of his blades, deeply disturbing the others.
85: I will not pet Levi's undercut.
Aaaand there went Connie's last finger. you'd think he would've learnt from the 'poking incident'
86: I will not put ice down the back of Levi's shirt
"YEAGERRRRRR!" Eren hung upside down by his 3dmg behind him, grinning like a jack-O-lantern
"nin-nin."
he zipped away with a screeching Levi close behind.
87: I will not have hanji teach sex ed to the girls.
Hanji went a bit too deep into her own first time, mentally scarring the poor girls.
"believe me girls, the first time hurts like a bitch, and you'll bleed like a runt."
Sasha, Ymir and Krista vowed eternal maidenhood that night.
88: I will not have Levi teach sex ed to the guys.
"just think of your thing as your blade, and their... hole as the neck of a titan. you plunge it in and pull it back out. and in... and out... and in, and out and-"
the rest inched away from the soldier as he adopted a demented grin, thinking about mutilating a titan's neck.
89: I will not attempt to set Hannah up with someone new.
both Jean and Hannah punched Eren in the face for trying to set them up.
90: I will not start a dancing competition.
Eren stole the first prize with his sick breakdancing skills, and broke the minds of several lower soldiers.
91: I will not go up to a ranked officer and say in an official tone: "we got a code 3 at wall sina" and see what happens.
when Connie did this, the cental district was under lockdown for three months.
"how should I have known that code 3 meant a zombie pandemic?!"
92: I will not put a doll on the table, hide behind a corner and whisper "I know where you live" to random people.
Krista hoped to scare some grunts, but was stupefied when Levi screamed like a little girl before running to his room like the devil was on his heels.
93: I will not walk up to someone and whisper "I know your little secret".
Armin dropped to his knees while crying.
"OKAY! I ADMIT IT! I AM THE ONE THAT PUT LAXATIVES IN JEAN'S COFFEE!"
Jean spat his coffee all over the table, before running off to the bathroom.
94: I will not release three of Hanji's titans with 1, 2 and 4 painted on their backs.
the rivaille squad was looking for number 3 for four days straight. not noticing Mike's snickering in the background.