Three years ago, 2013
"Honey, I'm home!" Edward exclaimed, followed by the clicking of the front door as it closed behind him.
"In the living room!" I said distractedly. I'm still perched on the floor. Actually, I've been sitting at the same spot on the floor for the last two hours.
I heard his footsteps along the hallway, and I scrambled up to clean as much as possible of the mess I made while sorting through the files and documents handed to me earlier.
"Hi, love." Edward bent down to my level to caress my face and to give me a sweet little kiss on the lips as a greeting.
I closed my eyes, and sighed deeply.
The heavy feeling in my heart dropped to my stomach.
"What's wrong?" Edward asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.
I tried to shake my head to say that nothing's wrong, but from the look he gave me, I knew immediately that Edward has caught on to my mood. I looked away from his eyes, afraid to see the realization dawn on him.
"Let's have dinner first, okay?" I asked him, trying to convey with my eyes for him to let it go for the moment.
"Okay." He stood up first, then held his hand out to help me up.
Together, we walked hand in hand to the short distance between the living room and the dining area.
Our apartment wasn't huge by any means, but it has enough space for the two of us. It has two bedrooms, two bathrooms, the kitchen, living room, and the dining area. The apartment is in Seattle, a few hours away from Forks but was close enough to be able to regularly see our friends and families, and also distant enough that we can have each other all to ourselves when we feel like it.
Edward and I both went to Seattle for college. We were accepted into the University of Washington, with Edward going for medicine while I studied English literature. On our freshman year, we have decided to try the dorms first, the both of us wanting to experience college in all its glory.
But when sophomore year rolled around, we were really determined to move in together. The dorms didn't turn out to be a wonderful experience for us, at all. The moment we realized this, we've scouted for apartments outside the campus, and when we have finally decided to settle in one, we hurriedly moved in. We have been living together ever since, and we've already created our own routine these past years.
But tonight, dinner was an awkward, quiet affair. Edward kept on looking at me, and I've been persistent on ignoring his eyes, instead I focused on the plate of lasagna in front of me.
We've been dating for five years now. And I'm pretty sure he's the one. But nothing has felt more awkward than tonight. It's like we both knew that something big will happen tonight, but the two of us were trying to ignore it.
I'm afraid of what will happen if I break the silence.
The sound of utensils scraping against our ceramic plates is already grating on my nerves, but I refuse to break the silence.
After a few minutes, Edward suddenly cleared his throat and I was startled out of my mind. I looked up at him and see that he's done with his dinner. He has his hands folded in front of him, and he's looking directly at me.
I swallowed the piece I had been chewing, and set my fork down. I looked around the room, before settling on his dear face.
My breath hitched, the same way it always does whenever I look at him.
He's utterly beautiful. And he's mine.
I gulped down a lungful of air, and tried to settle my nerves.
"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward asked, his face full of concern.
"I got a job offer today." I whispered.
"That's great, baby!" I see a smile forming on his lips, but faltered when he saw how serious I looked.
"It's in New York." I whispered.
I waited with bated breath, looking at Edward intently. I think I know when Edward has collected his thoughts and I waited for him to voice it out.
"That's a great opportunity but I'm just starting my residency here-"
"I accepted it." I whispered. I looked back down, afraid to see his reaction.
"What?" Edward asked, sounding bewildered.
"I said, I accepted it." I said, finally looking up at him. I can see the exact moment my words have sunk in.
"Why?" he asked under his breath. He looked down, breaking our eye contact.
"You know how I've always wanted to go to New York." I reasoned.
"But you know I can't go now. I'm just starting my residency here, and you know how I can't turn down this opportunity." He looked into my eyes, pleading for me to back down.
"I'm not expecting you to turn it down." I said, staring back at him, willing him to see that I'm serious.
"But you know I can't let you go alone-"
"Jacob's going with me." I muttered under my breath, bracing for the reaction I knew I'll get.
At the exact moment I've uttered those words, I saw Edward's expression quickly transition from dejected and undecided to a cold hard glare. Jacob has always been a cause of rift between us. Edward has always insisted that Jacob liked me, and I decide to just always let it slide. I mean, Jacob is only a colleague and friend. He's my boss, and eventually my friend. And that's it, he was only a friend. But Edward couldn't, wouldn't, see it that way. For him, Jacob will always be competition.
Edward's crazy for thinking that. There won't ever be competition for my heart. It will always be his.
"Okay, I see. Jacob's going with you." Edward suddenly stood up, the glasses on the table shaking due to the force behind the action.
I remained seated, looking up at him, trying to form words, trying to assure him that I can never even think of replacing him.
Doesn't he know that he's my whole world?
Edward was pacing in front of me now, muttering words under his breath. I can't understand what he's saying, he's too agitated and volatile now. But I know that he'll never hurt me.
I slowly stood up, not wanting to startle him now. I walked carefully to stand in front of him and gently held his hands in mine.
"Edward-"
"Why, Bella?" he sounded worn down, as if he's lost a battle.
"I just… I need to do this for myself. I can't let it pass me. I want to stand up on my own, discover myself." I'm close to tears now, but I won't let them fall. I want Edward to see that I'm capable of doing this, for myself.
"But you're going to New York. With Jacob." Edward sneered, as if Jacob's name has brought a disgusting dog smell to his senses.
"Edward," I started, "it's not like that. He's my boss, and he's the one who offered me this job. And I'm pretty sure we'll have separate lives in New York." I said, trying to placate Edward.
He nodded, as if trying to comprehend what I just said.
"What about me? Bella, you're leaving. You're planning to fly to New York and live your life." His voice seemed to be on edge, like a volcano counting down for an eruption.
"I'm sure, when we have the time, I can fly down to visit you. Or vice versa. I mean, we can always figure something out." I suggested, thinking and knowing that this will be the best solution for the moment.
"So, what? The five years we've been together is dwindled down to town visits?" Edward boomed, "What, Bella? What will happen to us?"
I remained silent, on the edge of tears. I opened my mouth several times, but no sound would come out. I slowly shook my head, preparing my heart for the battle.
"I can't turn this down." I whispered.
"Okay, I see where this is going. You're choosing New York over us." Edward said, turning for the door.
"I'll be at Emmett's." He stormed, banging the front door loudly on his way out.
I watched him walk away from me, leaving me in the dining area with tears in my eyes.
I've expected Edward to come home later that night, but he never did. As the night turned into days, I knew he won't come home until I've left for New York.
So when the day arrived, I have already packed all my belongings that I'd intended to take with me, and those I've decided to leave were sent to Charlie's. I've called Edward several times, but he never picked up the phone. I've reached out to Alice and Jasper, but they told me to get my shit together before I come looking for Edward.
I called Rosie, and she listened to me. I told her that I want to go out on my own, to find myself. I want to be sure of myself before I settled with Edward. She knew that I never doubted what Edward meant to me. She knew that Edward was the only thing in my life that I'm sure of.
It is with myself I'm having doubts with. I thought that I had to prove my worth to be deserving of Edward.
Rosalie knew how betrayed and undeserving I felt when Renee left Charlie and I. This feeling was passed onto my relationship with Edward.
I've always thought that he's too perfect, too beautiful for me. And somehow, by earning my keep, I'd be able to have him.
But my biggest fear, the one I haven't told Rosie, is that I thought we're too young and too in love. I'm terrified of the thought that I'd ruin this relationship to the point of no turning back.
Before I've boarded the plane to New York, I called Edward. He never answered his phone, even when I said that I have to tell him something urgent.
A few days later, as I lie awake in my too empty apartment, I reached for my phone on the bedside table and dialed his number. It rung a few times before I was directed to his voicemail.
I told him how sorry I was. How I thought that I have to be deserving to be able to keep him.
I told him how I wish that he's here with me, experiencing New York with me, like I've always dreamed of.
I told him how Jake met a girl a few hours into our flight, and how their connection was instant.
I told him that he's the only one, that he'll always be the one.
I cried into my pillow, the phone clutched to my ear as I tell him I'm sorry for a thousand times.
And when my voice is hoarse from all the crying, I said the most important words to ever pass my lips.
"I love you, Edward."
But not once did Edward ever picked up the phone and called me back.
AN: Thank you for reading!