Flashback

When she turned 15, she began to understand what was happening. But she never knew why.

Lizzy had seen her daddy get drunk several times. But when he used drugs it was even worse.. It terrified her. She would never admit it, but it terrified her. Her once so sweet daddy would turn into a complete different person —he'd yell and curse at everything, including her. Or worse; he'd invite his stupid junk friends to come over and they would literally laugh at everything. Not to mention, some of them would harass her, and not in a good way. However, when she told her dad, he'd command her to shut up and go to her room. She'd obey her father since she didn't want to piss him off. Sometimes she would hear her uncle downstairs, and he'd come to her room to keep her company until her dad's friends would either leave or pass out on the couch.

It never really escalated. However, one night, it did. It had been the first time when Lizzy actually became mad at her own father.

It was prom time, and her best friend had asked her to go with him. Lizzy didn't want to go at all—she thought prom was stupid and a waste of time. She was a true Dixon on that matter; she'd rather go hunting with her daddy and uncle, instead of shopping for stupid girls clothing al all that shit. But her friend eventually managed to convince Lizzy anyhow.

She was all dressed up, and she even managed to buy a cheap mascara the day before. Though she still felt weird and uncomfortable in the tight blue dress. When she went downstairs, her daddy was sitting on the couch with a bottle of Walker clenched in his hand. The small TV was on and he was watching some kind of show about motorcycles. His daughter stepped forward, until she was standing right in front of him. Merle looked up, with a blank face, until he realised what she was wearing. "Da fuck, Liz." He grumbled, causing Lizzy to bite her lip. "Wha' kin' of joke 's this, girl? Ya tryin' to fool ya ol' man?" his eyes were different, Lizzy noticed. The once so warm and comforting blue eyes were changed into a harsh and cruel look. This wasn't daddy. He snorted the damn coke, she said to herself, while looking at him. "Ya goin' ta answer me?!" he attempted to stand up, but he was struggling to keep his balance. He pointed at her dress. "Somethin' ya wann' tell me, hm?"

Lizzy sighed. "I'm jus' goin' to ta prom, daddy." she said quietly. Her father scowled and towered himself over her. "With who?" he said with a tone that gave Lizzy shivers. "Jack. My bes' friend." She explained as she returned his gaze, trying to prove that she wasn't afraid. But she was. There was nothing more scarier than her father being high on drugs.

Sometimes Lizzy would hear him yell at her uncle Daryl, about how nobody loved him and nobody ever would, except for Merle himself. About their father and youth. Lizzy wanted to leave her room to scream at her father so badly when things like that happened, but she didn't have the balls to do so. One day she had asked her uncle about it, but he simply forced her to stay out of it, saying it was something between him and his brother.

"Ya best friend, huh? Well, he's got a dick, so he ain' ya friend. Boys only want one thang, doll. Now go t' ya room, tha' blue piece of shit ya wearin' is hurtin' mah eyes." her father rasped, while letting himself fall down on the couch. Lizzy stared at her dad in disbelief. Did he really jist say that t' me? She desperately wished that her uncle Daryl was here, so he could try to talk him out of it. But Lizzy decided it was time to step up for herself. And so she did.

She snorted and straightened her back, trying to make herself look taller. "I'm goin'," she stated firmly. Her dad opened his eyes to look at her. "Ya 'ave 2 minutes ta go ta ya room, sugar. I ain' tellin' ya again. 'F I see that guy 'ere, I will break his fuckin' legs."

Lizzy tried to swallow the lump in her throat and she feared she would might choke to death. But she shook her head. "Daddy, please, stop. Jus' let me go—ain' nothin' gonna happen. I can call Daryl t' come pick me up afterwards. Please." she whispered pleadingly, afraid to make her daddy mad. But when she let the words sink in, she wanted to punch herself. Goddamnit, Liz, tha plan was ta look threatening.

"2 minutes." He repeated with a growl, while he sat up straight to look at her with a cautionary look on his face. Lizzy shook her head again. Her dad stood up and dashed towards her and grabbed her wrist. "Ya startin' ta piss me off, girly. Ya gotta do as I say so. Fuckin' listen ta me. Ya gon' go to ya room, go read a fuckin' book or somethin'. I swear ta God Elizabeth Dixon, if I notice ya tryin' to leave tha house t' go somewhere with that horny horse, you'll regret it." His grip was tightening and her hand was throbbing. "Stop it, daddy! Ya hurtin' me!" she bit her lower lip to fight back the stinging liquid behind her eyes. "Please!*" she yelled, looking into her father's eyes.

Something in his glance changed and he released her quickly. He almost seemed to feel guilty. Lizzy touched her wrist that was now turning red. She looked at it for a brief moment and looked at her father again. "I hate you," she whispered, before scampering outside the house to go to the prom.

When she arrived at the prom with her friend, she was happy, but also quite sad about what happened home. I hate you. The words were still burning on her lips. Did she really hate her dad?

He had taught her how to hunt, how to skin, how to make a fire and how to ride a fucking bike. He took her with him on his motorcycle and they would go fishing or get ice cream. But sometimes, he would go to the pub and he would force her to go with him. Most of the times, he went there to get drugs. Lizzy had tried to convince him not to use it, she begged him even, but after he snarled at her to mind her own business she decided it was pointless.

Sure, her daddy could be an ass, but only if he were high or drunk. She could remember her own mother just a little, and she had been way worse; her momma would leave her alone while she would get laid and spent her money on drugs. Sometimes she'd leave Lizzy alone for days, with only a few cookies, some slices of bread and chocolatemilk to live from. Lizzy would cry herself to sleep, because she was afraid of the darkness (still is) and the 4 year old would pray to God to rescue her. The next day was the day her daddy had come for her. When he told her to stop crying, she never cried again since then.

She loved him, despite his use of drugs and alcohol. Maybe one day he'll stop, she thought hopefully.

"Fuck,—" she said, gripping her hair. The prom was over and she didn't have a ride home. Her school was about 45 minutes away from her home, and since they lived in the woods, she would have to pass through the woods herself. Fear took over when she noticed how dark it was.

She had forgotten her mobile phone during the argument between her and her dad. "Christ!" she yelled. There was no other option than to walk home.

It took her 1 hour to get home. By the time she reached the doorstep, her blue dress was ragged and her hair was tangled. She found the spare key hidden under a wooden figure that had belonged to her granddad. She opened the door as quietly as possible, and tiptoed her way into the house.

She found the empty living room, but when she looked at the floor, she saw the empty bottle of whiskey and several empty beer cans. Her heart jumped in her throat. "D-daddy?"

Her legs seemed to carry itself when she ran upstairs to his bedroom. Nothing. Did he leave?

She heaved a sigh and walked to the bathroom so she could wash off the stupid make up. But when she turned on the light, she jumped out of shock. Her dad was lying in the bath tub with his eyes closed and his mouth open. He looked pale and there were 2 empty cans of beer resting on his stomach. There was a sour, disgusting smell in the air and Lizzy saw the goo stinging on his shirt. She ran over to him and patted his shoulder. "Daddy?!" she screamed in panic, not knowing what to do. This was your fault, she thought bitterly. If you wouldn't have been so stupid, maybe this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

Her dad wasn't responding to anything, no matter how hard she screamed at him. She stood up again and rushed to her room to grab her mobile. She immediately called her uncle. "Lis? What's up? You—" "Please, ya gotta come. It's daddy—he drank way too much 'n I think he did drugs. Please hurry, 'm afraid, I dunnea what t' do." "Calm down. 'M on mah way. Talk t' him or somethin', alrigh'? Jus' keep tryin', I'll be there as soon 's I can."

Her uncle hung up and Lis rushed her way back to the bathroom again. Her dad was still lying there, unconscious. She turned the shower on and let the water pour over his shirt to get the puke off.

His eyes slowly opened.

"Liz?"

His voice sounded raw and raspy and she realised he was back again. Lizzy offered her father a slight smile. "How ya feelin'?" she asked softly, while turning off the shower. Her dad grinned. "Prol'ly the same as how I look." he replied. Lis smirked, but suddenly her dad's expression changed. He looked.. surprised? "Shit," he muttured, taking in the sight of his daughter. "Ya wearin' a dress? Wha' for?"

Lis heaved a sigh and gazed at her hands, remembering everything that had happened before the prom. He probably wouldn't remember. "Yeah, jus' forget it." she replied briefly, dearly hoping he wouldn't press the matter any further.

"Ya.. look beautiful."

The words startled her, but she smiled back at him anyway. She grabbed a towel and gave it over to her dad, who slowly got out of the tub. Lizzy stood before him, in case he would fall down. She was slightly happy about the fact that her dad probably forgot everything that happened between them earlier. A voice in the back of her mind was telling her that he would probably feel guilty if he would know the truth.

"Ya really hate me?"

The words were piercing through her like a bullet. Fuck. She looked up at him, afraid to meet his eyes. But she forced herself to look back at him. "No," she simply said. Her father nodded.

Suddenly, the door slammed open. Daryl appeared in the doorstep, out of breath and with even messier hair than he usually had. He looked at Lizzy but then his gaze lingered on his older brother. "Tha fuck 'appened?" he growled while stepping forward. He pushed Lizzy roughly away so he could stand in front of him. "Nothin'," Merle grumbled back to him. Daryl punched the nearest wall. "Bullshit! 'Nothin' my ass. Now, tell me."

Merle was taken aback by the outburst from his baby brother. Usually he would be the one in charge.

"Jist 'ad me some powder 'n booze, 's all. Get th' stick outta yer arse, Darylina."

Lizzy gasped for air, feeling like her heart was getting wrenched out of her chest. She noticed how Daryl tensed up next to her, but it seemed like he didn't want to go into further discussion. "Help me ta get 'im to 'is bedroom," he mumbled to Lizzy. She nodded and they both held Merle at one side as they walked him to his bedroom. "I ain' a fuckin' cripple, can take care 'o myself." her dad growled, trying to yank his arms away from them.

Daryl and Lizzy were in the living room. He was sitting on the couch opposite of her. Lizzy hadn't said anything to him yet. "Why ya wearin' tha dress?" Daryl wondered. Lizzy rolled her eyes. "Is it tha' big 'f a deal when 'm wearin' a dress?" she snapped back to him, causing Daryl to chuckle. "Well, kinda is. Ya hate dresses."

She folded her hands in her lap. "I went ta prom." she said quietly. Her uncle's eyes grew wide. "With a guy? 'N ya ain' thought of introducin' him ta us?"

Lizzy fell silent. It took a while for him to understand what she was trying to tell him. "Christ," he mumbled under his breath. He shook his head. "That bad huh?" he asked after a long silence. Lizzy sighed. "I told him I hated him," she explained, not daring to look into his eyes. "Fuck, Liz. Ya know that ain' the solution to all 'o this."

Lizzy jumped up on her feet, feeling the anger rush through her veins at the sudden. "He was bein' unreasonable! He started it, bein' high 'n all that crap!" she yelled while clenching her fists. Daryl seemed to regret his words, but Liz held her hands up. "I'm going ta sleep." she growled before he could say anything. Daryl nodded and Lizzy walked to her bedroom.

When she was lying in bed, she couldn't stop the memories from replaying itself inside her head. She dearly wished her dad would just quit the drugs. Why did he need them anyway? she thought desperately. Ain't he happy without them? She always wondered how he and her mother had been; were they just a one night thing, or were they actually together? The idea of her being their 'mistake' made her feel sick and she thought she was going to throw up. She quickly banished the horrible thoughts out of her mind and squeezed her eyes shut, hoping she'd drift off into a dreamless sleep.

But even that was too much to ask for.

The nightmares were filling her head. Dreams of her uncle dying, her father overdosing and dying and herself dying while she attempted to rescue them. She was crying in her sleep; she knew it for sure. The warm, salty-tasting liquid was running down her cheeks and she was unable to wake herself up. Captured in her own diseased imagination. But the nightmare faded away when she felt the warm lips pressed on her temple, and a familiar voice soothe her by saying "I love you" with a raspy tone.

* = He was basically immune to Lizzy's pleading thanks to the drugs.

However, when Lizzy said "please", Merle suddenly had a flashback of when he left Daryl. Merle was leaving him again, god knows where, while Daryl was crying at the front door and begged ("please") Merle not to go because he didn't want to be left alone with their father