The Hokage's Exodus

Chapter Four: You're, well, about as much use as a duck.

By Falling Skywards.

Authors Notes: Sorry it took so long, AGAIN, life sucks, I'll get over it, on with the show! Also, expect re-writes in the previous chapters, so if I tell you to, you better read them.

P.S. Due to the extravagantly long break between chapters, expect this one to suck a little.

Wave village, the small, no longer misty village, was one currently of growing beauty. With the great, amazing, mind-bogglingly large bridge crossing beautiful emerald and azure water, and the entire island surrounded by water, it was difficult to picture it anywhere less than perfect. Seagulls flew, cawing at whatever took their fancy; people swam enjoying the nice weather; shops and stalls were filled with people, beginning their days with a bit of fresh fish there, some ramen here, some rice with that, and so on. It was a much different image to what team 7 had seen months earlier: it was a much happier, lively one.

Naruto, however, did not share that liveliness.

"Nnng…" he groaned from his bed, the incessant poking from Shizune finally drawing a reaction.

"Naruto-kun!" she exclaimed, happy to know at least that he wasn't dead. He lifted a drowsy hand and swatted at her, aiming to maim. Thankfully, as he lacked most of his conscious, his hand failed to even connect. He then rolled onto his face and began to snore.

Shizune giggled. The boy was oh-so-cute when he slept like this, his little night cap doing nothing to make him seem manlier. If only Hinata could have seen him now. Sadly for her she was out training with Tsunade, going through some advanced genin kata to improve her taijutsu outside of Jyuuken. There were, of course, a few styles that could best Jyuuken, but most of those involved bloodlines that could ignore her chakra nullifying techniques. And if their new team had a single weakness they could be certain that Konoha would exploit it as soon as possible. Hell, it was a wonder they hadn't sent anyone after the four yet.

Panting hard, Hinata bowed towards the sannin, who smiled. The girl was much better than she let on. Tsunade could literally SEE where she was, by choice, not throwing her everything into what she did. And she could also see there was a small part of her that fought it; probably connected to her love of Naruto or some crap like that. Tsunade saw that part, and, being a teacher that thought nothing of being kind to her student, decided that it was time for a serious fight.

"Alright Hinata! Activate your Byakugan, it's time for a spar. Ready?"

Hinata turned hers eyes even milkier, veins popping out of her perfect skin as Hinata nodded that she was ready, albeit a little nervous.

Tsunade flew at her new, female apprentice Hinata, chakra blazing in what could be described as by an onlooker as pure, unadulterated rage. Her blond hair flew behind her as she repeatedly attempted to pounce on the poor Hyuuga, of who's pale, milky eyes were filled with desperation and fear.

The last thing she knew was that she had been told to activate her Byakugan as they were going to do some 'light' training. Apparently, the word 'light' meant something completely different to the sannin than it did to her. Quick parry to the right! Duck under the round-house kick! Although, if they had actually trained 'lightly' it would have been pointless. In real-life combat situations, of which Hinata had been in very few, the enemy was not going to go easy on you. They wanted you – dodge the boulder! – Dead, and they wouldn't stop until you were. But Tsunade was her friend, and teacher, and she didn't want to hurt her. The Jyuuken style was unsafe for practice against anyone else. So she simply – parry, parry, jump over low kick, dodge, feign a strike-back! – was content in this fight to use this spar as dodging practice.

Tsunade didn't like that.

"Alright Hinata, listen up. You're clearly far too timid and shy and 'well-meaning' to hurt anyone at all – perhaps even an enemy – and that's not something that I really want in my team. So unless you start fighting to your top potential, and that means Jyuuken," she glared "Then you are temporarily off the team in any combat situation. Understand?"

Hinata 'eep-d'. If she couldn't take part in a combat situation than how on earth was she ever going to help?! Still…she wasn't that good of a fighter, certainly no Neji…, but at least she was some use? Better than a kick in the face, and that was something she could help prevent, neh? So if that meant that she had to injure her teacher then so…no. She wouldn't go all out…that would just be too much. So she'd throw in a hit every time Tsunade came at her, and not attempt to be aggressive. Why should she?

Hinata had all but forgotten that she was up against a sannin, which was probably a good thing as it inadvertently gave her a teeny weeny bit more confidence in herself, which would, in later days, show up in all things while around Tsunade, or the rest of the group. But that's for another time.

Tsunade charged yet again, preparing to land a blow that would knock Hinata out for a few seconds. Short enough to not affect her, long enough to make her a little bit scared of her teacher. Tsunade worked with fear. Forgetting all about her defense, simply wanting to take control of this shy, afraid girl, she left herself wide open in a random charge. It would have done Naruto proud, seeing his teacher spam someone else with their body.

Hinata quickly raised her hands in defense, Jyuuken at the ready and then….

Connected with both of Tsunade's arms, completely shutting off any chakra she could use.

Tsunade's incoming flick to the side of the head was just that: a flick. With none of her quickly fired chakra to back it up, it was like being hit by an old lady. Which is exactly what happened, that's right, Hinata got hit, by a granny.

Tsunade hissed, knowing what had happened. Although, sub-consciously, she was pleased that the girl had been able to defend herself and had landed a very good blow on her, she had still wanted to smash her. And she had no idea why.

Hinata, on the other hand, was starting to get more than a little scared, although somehow still kind of enjoying the challenge. Though only a little. She could feel herself improving, slowly getting more and more familiar with having an enemy swipe at you repeatedly, someone that seemed to actually want to hurt you attempting to injure you. And it wasn't as scary as she had imagined. She had someone (read: Naruto) that she imagined she was fighting for, protecting him against the angry lady that wanted him for her own. Her eyes tightened in a glare. She had imagined doing this many times, although had never expected that Naruto was actually ever going to rely on her.

Suddenly, leaving the village felt a whole lot better.

Smiling, just a little, Hinata steeled herself against the oncoming attack from the sannin.

Naruto rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he made his way down the unusually familiar stairs. The last thing he recalled was falling back to sleep after a history lesson the night before from that Kaiten guy. Apparently, he was an ONLY CHILD (In case you missed the authors notes, check them NOW- FS) from Whirlpool village which had been destroyed in the last ninja war. And he was pretty stuck up too.

After that he remembered drifting off on the floor.

And now he had no idea where he was, except that he knew Shizune, Tsunade and Hinata were there with him, and they were okay; which meant he was okay.

Naruto breathed in a familiar scent of breakfast and suddenly he knew exactly where he was.

"Tsunani-chan!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Naruto-kun!" Tsunami replied, running towards him with a sizzling frying pan in hand.

It was a painful meeting.

Shizune sat up in the guest room, skimming over scrolls, looking for something with which to train Naruto in this morning. Of course, she'd be testing how many shadow clones he could make and explain, further, the use of them to excel his training, but she wanted to do something special with him this morning. She just wasn't sure what.

'Poisons? Nah,' she thought 'he'll cover those in his medic training.'

She picked up another scroll.

'Elemental Basics, the five different masteries? Definitely!'

But still, that wasn't enough. He needed something he could be recognized for beyond being one of the world's greatest ninja. Tsunade was a world class medic; Orochimaru was an evil git; Kakashi had the Sharingan even though he wasn't even closely related to the Uchiha; Itachi was a genius that had become an ANBU leader very young; the Yondaime had his teleportation and was a seal expert; Jiraiya was a seal expert and summoner; Kisa- Hang on.

Both the Yondaime, Naruto's obvious father – although she had no hard facts – and Jiraiya were sealing experts. And both had close relationships to the boy.

Why not start him on sealing? He'd be perfect for it, what with imagination that out ran Rock Lee and chakra that would put the three sannin to shame; it made sense that he would learn it. Hell, it was practically a crime against the development of all things ninja if he didn't! Chances are, his ideas would revolutionise the world. Shizune was sure of that and he hadn't even begun making basic storage seals.

And suddenly she heard Naruto scream in pain from down the stairs.

Jiraiya stood, uncomfortable in his ceremonial robes, before the people of Konoha. A bald buxom Buddhist priest stood before him, chanting away about how his duties to the village would require huge amounts of sacrifice. A drop of sweat ran down the side of his face from his brow, as he rigidly stood there, glancing at the crowd. It was difficult to keep his anti-wart genjutsu activated under so much pressure. This was his first public appearance in a long time and he wanted to impress the ladies of Konoha. It had been a long time since he had spent much time here, and now that he was the figure head of the village, he'd soon be coming into close contact with every member of Konoha and its outlying villages. Especially the women.

"Jiraiya, do you accept that this will not be an easy road and that you will have to lead this village in our time of dire need?"

Jiraiya quickly hid his smirk by changing it into a grin. HA! Lead this village he would, but not for long. He'd gather a few people that would be willing to leave with him and before anyone knew it he'd be long gone; a hopefully ruined village left behind.

"Indeed I do. I think all who know me well will vouch for exactly how I run this village," he left his response unfinished, making it true. In fact, the people who knew him well, which were Tsunade and Naruto as everyone else was dead, knew exactly, or at least hoped, about how he would run the village: straight into the ground.

Suddenly he felt a strange creeping feeling on the back of his neck. Glancing behind him, he saw a creepy looking clown honking its nose at him. Jiraiya, having spent a little bit of time checking out the genjutsu that had actually sealed onto the man by one the leaving ninja, he knew that the man was probably just attempting to scratch his nose.

Danzo...he was a threat. Things would have to be done to take care of the obvious influence of 'root' in Konoha. Jiraiya could already see plans formulating in his mind of how to ruin that annoying war-hawk's plans before they started. Although, in truth, Danzo probably had much more fatal plans for him.

Sitting in his newly refurbished office, Jiraiya stared at the accursed amount of paperwork in front of him, pouting. Stupid bitchy Tsunade had to leave as much as possible...bitch. On top of the three days of untouched work she didn't do, there was the stuff that he had to take care of thanks to her decrees, AND the two days that there was no official Kage. He remembered that Sarutobi, a genius, had trouble keeping on top of his work. Tsunade had had an assistant...Uh. At least, if he was going to do this, he was going to have 'fun' while doing it. His type of fun.

With a lecherous grin, Jiraiya picked up the report he had set to the side after sifting through and looking for the stuff a Kage really had to be aware of and not the drivel the Council thought to pander his way to keep him busy while they tried to work out their own plots. It was about an unknown ninja who took up residence in the recently liberated country of Wave and was said to have unreal abilities; creating a frozen tundra to fight on, controlling frozen demons crafted to look like his enemies and even an odd penchant for trying to sweet talk kunoichi for so long they eventually beat a hasty retreat, never turning their backs on him.

If he weren't such a proud man, he would be forced to go and shake the unknown ninja's hand.

Instead, he devised a plan so cunning, so dastardly brilliant and so incredible he was sure only the mind of a world class author could come up with it. Too bad he was more a perverted lecher.

"ANBU!" He hollered, getting an instant response as two hidden ANBU entered from the shadows. "It's time for Operation Kunoichi Gone Wild Five!"

The ANBU on the right immediately turned and left to gather the kunoichi needed for the operation, having heard the new Hokage talk about it for years and already knowing the man's list by heart and rote while the ANBU on the left cocked his head to the side.

"Hokage-sama? What about Kunoichi Gone Wild One through Four?" He asked, honestly curious. It didn't seem like his revered author to just start at a random number.

Jiraiya had the grace to flush while he grinned even wider. "That's why I'm not allowed in Iwa or Taki without a constant guard."

Kurenai Yuuhi had been summoned to the Hokage's office before, but never had the escort that was provided ever seemed to smile so much! By the time the ANBU who led her to the office knocked on the door to announce her, he was practically bouncing on his heels. That certainly wasn't the way a Konoha ANBU was meant to act! Especially not with the crisis the village was in!

She entered and saw Jiraiya, their new Hokage of all things, hastily moving about and setting up a series of cameras and lights in front of a white backdrop for maximum lighting exposure and had to calm her flight reflexes. "You wished to see me, Hokage-sama?"

Jiraiya quickly stood up straight and tried to hide a large light that was half as tall as he was behind his body and adopt an expression of 'oops, caught!' that didn't help calm her fears. Remembering he was Hokage and, thus, every single one of the ninja, 'and kunoichi!' he amended gleefully, he nodded and adopted a serious expression. "Yes, Kurenai-san. I do. Please, have a seat; have a cookie, sake?"

The Hokage slowly pulled the alcohol away as the Genjutsu Mistress of Konoha glared at him with sufficient killer intent to make him sweat. "Yes, well. I have received reports of an unknown man with suspected ninja-like capabilities who has taken up refuge in Wave," he said, sliding the folder to the red-eyed beauty and wishing she had taken the sake. It would have been so much easier to convince her of this. "He is apparently able to use Hyoton-like abilities, take on large groups of ninja single-handedly and come out unscathed and, when he fights, there's an icy howl that is supposed to be heard before he attacks to kill."

Kurenai frowned at the folder's paperwork and narrowed her eyes at Jiraiya. "It also appears he is a bit of a womanizer. I suppose you need a kunoichi's ... experience?" She asked with only a hint of disdain. It was well known kunoichi were oft times used for the ease in which they could get close to their male targets. They were so easily swayed by their lower members that it was almost too easy, unless you got a hold of one who expected to get directly to the action. She had been lucky enough to not get any such mission, but it appeared her luck ran out.

"Well, not quite. He's not really interested in the girls themselves, so much as the chase," he said, pointing to a section he had hastily added in the margin of the paper on she was looking at that had obviously been a plant. It was only her knowledge that he was her superior that kept her from killing the pervert.

"I don't understand, Hokage-sama," she asked, honestly confused. She had expected this to turn into some perverted conversation. All of the kunoichi, Chuunin and up, had been wagering to see when he would start calling them together to pose for his smut. Ninety percent of them lost out the first day.

Grinning like a loon, Jiraiya pointed at the photo screen he had just set up. "We need to take pictures of you and compare them to the other kunoichi to see who can appear the most alluring." He thought he was doing a good job maintaining a straight face, but it was nearly split in two.

Face set in muted horror, Kurenai looked to the elaborate set-up and then back to Jiraiya as he giggled madly, holding up a bikini that would not have been out of place on a child's doll. "Oh shit," she mumbled without even realizing it.

Jiraiya couldn't help himself. He giggled like a little girl on a sugar rush as multiple cameras captured Kurenai's voluptuous form posing this way and that. While he would be the first to admit that his mind could think up hundreds of different scenarios for the nude bodies he spied upon at the bath houses, the women never really did anything, though they did like to talk about their exploits just as candidly amongst themselves as men did. They just weren't quite as obvious or public about it. But all of that time was usually to encode his thoughts and what his spies, usually women, told him while under the guise of bathing.

They just got paid a lot more for the constant threat of being in his dirty novels as they couldn't exactly bathe with a towel on. It was another reason he chose women.

Still, he was the Hokage now! These kunoichi, whose bodies were the envy of the female realm, took orders from him! So, he naturally used that to get long-term pictures of the goddesses of Konoha to peruse at his leisure.

It was a shame the woman advised him, in the most clear method possible, that she had no need to remove all of her clothing, but he felt it a small compromise for keeping his danglies intact. It only took three threats, too!

As he finished the seventh roll of film, he sighed and realized he couldn't allow himself to become overwhelmed with her jiggling glory. Jiraiya finally motioned for Kurenai to get dressed and swore to himself the woman shunshin'd into her clothing.

"You were absolutely brilliant, Kurenai-san! You know," he grinned lecherously, "you could make a killing if you ever wanted to go into the professional movie mark-"

CRACK!

Kurenai panted heavily as she came to her senses and realized she just landed a hay-maker on her leader's face and landed him implanted into the wall.

"Okay," Jiraiya's voice slurred, muffled by the plaster. "Guards, send in Yugao, please."

The swordsmistress set the folder the Hokage had given her back on his desk and asked the one question that was obviously at the fore of her mind. "What do you want my help with, Hokage-sama?"

The twinkle in Jiraiya's eye returned as a slow and creepy grin spread across his face as he shamelessly pointed at the same series of cameras and lights Kurenai had been ordered into posing in front of not but twenty minutes ago. He was seriously considering making a calendar. "I need," he paused a moment to let a small, excited giggle escape, "you to show yourself as alluringly as possible so that I can photograph it and see which kunoichi will be best-suited for an infiltration mission."

"What," she hissed out through clenched teeth and gripped the hilt of her sword tightly. "If this is some perverted excuse to take pictures of me...," she trailed off threateningly.

Jiraiya was sure he felt her killer intent grip his throat and squeeze. "I really am sending out a kunoichi for infiltration," he whimpered. "This is purely for research!"

Wrong thing to say.

Jiraiya squawked as a sword was driven through his pants, between his danglies and his leg, and then through the chair to the point of the hilt keeping it from going any further as an angry kunoichi crowded into his personal space.

"N-n-now Yugao, you can't hurt your leader," Jiraiya said with a nearly straight face. He nearly sighed in relief as she pulled back slightly and finally nodded in acceptance.

"This is on the level, then?" She asked. "This isn't one of your perverted larks to see me naked?"

Jiraiya shook his head rapidly like a kid who denied getting caught putting a frog in a little girl's bed. "It is."

Yugao let out a sigh and nodded in anguish. Somehow, she knew there was another motive for this. Grimacing, but deciding to treat this like a bandage and just to get it over with, she took her clothes off quickly, stepping out of everything but her bandages and panties.

Jiraiya had to make a concerted effort to keep himself from leaving his pants through the hole just recently created as the woman cut away the bandages with a blindingly fast swipe of her sword and two great beasts fell and swung freely in the air. He had always known kunoichi had to bind their chests with wrappings while they worked because nothing could support them as they needed, he also knew it was painful and they rarely did it any tighter than needed. This swordsmistress apparently had no qualms against it! He would have bet, normally with a frightening precision, that she had a high B-cup a moment ago, but now! Now this beauty had just gained two levels to a C-cup!

Unbidden, a tear leaked out from the sheer beauty of such a magnificent transformation.

His initial instinct was to walk over and show her the many techniques he had learned to make her enjoy the experience, but it was the stranglehold she obviously still had on that sword that kept him well out of reach.

"Take your pictures, Hokage-sama, so that I can forget this humiliating experience ever happened," Yugao bit out through clenched teeth. She knew this was something that may be asked of her one day, but she honestly had not expected it to be any time soon, or in front of the most infamous pervert in Konoha. The truth of the matter was, these kinds of pictures were actually in all Kunoichi dossier files once they were to the point of being eligible for such missions. They just weren't created for looking alluring, just nude photos and measurements for when needed and very bland.

As the first flash of light erupted, she silently made a vow to get him back for this. She was sure there was some other reason for this. Just to be sure, she made sure her sword glinted brightly with every single picture snapped.

Hana Inuzuka, thanks to her clan's incredible senses, could hear two of her best female friends in the distance, yelling about one thing or another, though the word 'pervert' could be heard clear as a bell, usually just before or just after a long series of curse words that even she had yet to use. But it put her on the defensive.

"Did you need me, Hokage-sama?" She asked with a cool tone, not even bothering to sit as Jiraiya giggled and loaded film into a camera. Oh hell no! Her hackles rose and she was ready to castrate the man. He even had the audacity to put a hole in his pants! Just what the hell did he think he was going to get away with!

Jiraiya, oblivious to the building rage in the woman behind him as her experienced eye took in the heavy amount of chakra in the atmosphere, cameras, hole right in front of his crotch (and wondering why he thought he would need one in the back as well,) and tying it all into the man's perverted nature, giggled like a school girl on a sugar rush. So far, things had been far less dangerous than his peeping!

Hana growled in the back of her throat as she realized she was getting ignored and cleared her throat, finally gaining the man's attention and causing him to look up at her and blink owlishly. There was another woman in the room!

"Ah, Inuzuka Hana! Great to see you!" The perverted Sannin said magnanimously. "Take a seat. I've got a folder I'd like you to read regarding an infiltration mission." Hana warily grabbed the folder and began to read, keeping the pervert in her sights.

Minutes later, Jiraiya was showing her to the grouping of cameras, talking about infiltration missions, a need of the most beautiful kunoichi Konoha could use (which she really appreciated,) and her clan's closeness to their canines and how he could only hope that she could pretend to be in heat as well as their doggy companions.

"Wait, what?" She asked as his last words trailed through her mind. Surely he wouldn't say something like that!

"Er...," he said, looking like a man who was just caught peeping on Tsunade, by Tsunade. "Well, really, you guys have that doggy inclination and, well, it's all about putting on a show and- URK!"

The two ANBU stationed outside the door heard a high-pitched, girlish scream through the door to the Hokage's office and looked at each other and winced. They knew that sound. It had been happening pretty often, as of late. Just before they were to open the door, it was thrown open and Jiraiya ran through holding the tatters of his clothes that appeared to have been savaged and ripped from his body with several claw marks bleeding lightly around his body, oddly centered around his waist.

They blinked in muted shock as a swirling mass of feminine fury came from the door and crashed into him, the Inuzuka's techniques giving the seriously pissed off woman a near feral appearance as she dragged their Hokage back into his office, clawing at the floor furiously as he attempted to escape her clutches.

They peeked in to watch as Hana, a very pretty and nearly naked Hana, thrashed their Hokage while getting her picture taken and listened to the man's screams as he continued to try and claw his way to an escape.

"Should we help him?" The ANBU to the left asked nervously. That was a lot of vicious woman.

"Hell no," the ANBU to the right said forcefully. "If he didn't want this, then he would call us in. He's always getting hurt at the bath houses, after all. So he is probably enjoying it."

The ANBU to the left winced as the handle of the kunoichi's kunai seemed to find the man's rectum, all the while, the Inuzuka heiress maintained perfect poise and grace to make the pictures come out looking absolutely gorgeous. "I can't say that I respect that, but I envy his drive to dedication."

As Jiraiya's pained and terrified screams filled their ears, followed by what would be heart-wrenching sobs if they knew he didn't enjoy it, the ANBU on the right nodded and saluted his leader. "The man is an inspiration to us all."

Anko nearly broke her cold exterior and asked her broken and jittery Hokage if he was alright, but continued to read and finish the folder given to him.. He sat before her in his seat, his clothes held together with masses of tape and covered in cuts, scratches, bruises, bandages and both eyes blackened with his nose stuffed to the brim with tissues. He looked absolutely horrible!

And why in the world was he sitting on a pile of pillows?

"Alright. So you want me to find this Kaiten guy, get close and kill him or what?" She asked, thrilled to finally get out of the village! Those idiots in the council distrusted her because of her previous status as Orochimaru's apprentice and never allowed her anything but suicide missions and things that were boring as all hell. Thank KAMI that the Sandaime Hokage had trusted in her to control the Second Stage of the Chuunin Exams! That had been a high point on her rather boring mission life.

Normally, Jiraiya was a master with words. He could think of dozens of ways to say something to make you take it in almost the same number of ways so you got from it what he wanted you to get. However, after having been beaten mercilessly and doped up on pain killers so he would be capable of sitting, he failed to think his response through and simply said what he wanted without any flashy or carefully planned words.

"I want you to strip naked so that I can photograph you decide who I'm going to send to this Kaiten guy since he is so interested in chasing women and so I have them to look at whenever I want for inspiration," he slurred with hooded eyes. However, he come instantly awake as a blast of killer intent flooded his senses and his self preservation instincts kicked in, only to see the purple-haired kunoichi crouching on his desk and glaring into his terrified eyes with two dangerous-looking snakes waving from the arms to her trenchcoat and, inadvertently as she was so used to doing so anyway, giving the super pervert a direct look into her ample cleavage.

"You want to what?" She hissed, sounding suspiciously like the snakes that flicked their tongues, smelling his fear.

Jiraiya wanted to look her in the eyes and tell her he had misspoken. He wanted to get out of this safely. However, he was a super pervert, first and foremost, who was used to getting beaten in exchange for some of the smaller benefits of peeking. His traitorous hands had found their way up to her ample cleavage, somehow not being noticed by the pissed kunoichi, or her two slithering pets and squeezed twice, following suit with something no man who was in his right mind would ever do if sane, sober and not looking to commit suicide.

"Honk, honk!"

The two ANBU standing guard let out what was quickly becoming a standard girlish squeal as Jiraiya broke through his door, not even bothering to open it this time, screaming like a banshee and immediately followed by a snake that was as big around as he was tall and ten times longer, slithering like a scaled bolt of lightning and following the man, its poisonous fangs nipping at the Hokage's bandaged bum.

Silently they looked at each other, then back through the door where they saw Anko Mitarashi Anko quivering in rage as more, smaller snakes fell from her sleeves in droves and followed their larger brethren. Looking back at one another, they simply stood back on either side of what was left of the door and stood at attention, silently agreeing to never bring up what they just saw.

Looking the photos of the various girls, ranging from Anko to Hana, Jiraiya sighed happily. The young females had been such a treat for him, especially with such a difficult task ahead of him. It made it worth it already; like some kind of welcoming gift to himself.

Damn...Kurenai looked good...

Ooh...Look at how Anko was...

Were those Yuugao's legs?

Jiraiya whistled. Konoha was pretty set in the female department. If only he had never left he might know these women so much better...

Leaving Konoha had really been a bad idea. He had missed out on so much, failed so many people. Many of friends would probably be alive if he hadn't gone on that crazy chase after Orochimaru. He could have stopped so many unnecessary deaths, he could have brought back Tsunade, Naruto could have had a proper upbringing!

The poor boy was his godson and yet he had completely ignored him. It was time to be serious. He'd get through sending these girls off, and then find out where his 'family' had gotten off to. He couldn't very well leave the village without knowing where on earth he was heading to.

Quickly scanning through the photos, he had his mind made up. Kurenai would be the gal for the job. Her red eyes made her by far the most alluring, and her curves made her simply divine.

"Alright, Mr. ANBU, go get Kurenai. She's the lady for the job."

"Right away, Hokage-sama!" Said the ANBU, more than happy to go and see one of those sexy girls again.

Jiraiya smiled as he could see the man practically jumping for joy as he ran out of the room.

"Alright Naruto, let's get down to training. We'll start off with a spar, because I want to see just how incorrect the reports on you have been."

Naruto looked back at Shizune confused.

"What do you mean incorrect reports? I know back in the academy they tried to screw me over, I figured that one out a while ago. But Kakashi should have changed that, right?"

"Well, in all honesty, neither the third, fourth or fifth Hokage has ever received a written report from the man. As far as we know, he didn't even provide verbal reports, although being friends with the fourth and respectful of the third meant that that probably was a regular occurrence, with the respective kage's filing them in their own names. This results in with us not knowing your actual skill levels. Nor does anyone in Konoha know Sasuke's or Sakura's; this means the prior, Sasuke, has his strengths probably exaggerated quite far due to rumors and such by his fangirls and fanboys."

Naruto simply blinked in response, unable to handle so much information at once. Thinking for a moment, Naruto finally registered everything she had said.

"So...if I understand you correctly...no one has any idea how strong I am? No wonder Iruka was so upset about me taking part in the Chunin Exams!"

She paused for a moment, suddenly deciding to get Naruto started on reading, right away. It was a good thing she had thought to bring some of the scrolls and textbooks from the academy. Naruto would need those.

"Yes, Naruto that was probably it. Anyway, make a few clones that can go study with one of my shadow clones and we'll get started."

Complying, Naruto summoned about four hundred clones and sent them on their merry way to begin a new chapter in Naruto's life: one of learning.

His learning was quickly interrupted by Shizune's head, which just so happened to connect to the side of his head.

"Good Hinata! You're improving! But I still feel like you could do more. In fact, I KNOW you're holding back. Remember my promise? It still stands."

Hinata's face soured. She had been trying so hard! And someone as shy as her could only be pushed to go out of her comfort zone to such a level! It wasn't fair. If she went any further she risked actually hurting the sannin, or embarrassing herself when her very best wasn't good enough.

What she failed to realize, that not doing her best was what Tsunade found not good enough, NOT that she had any level of skill, be it good or bad. And to be honest, she was actually pretty good. Quite close to Tsunade's level of skill in fact, if you're not including her super strength technique that she relied on so much.

Tsunade knew she couldn't use it in battle, especially not against one as frail as a. She could shatter the poor girl's entire frame with a single punch! That just could not happen. Chances are, Naruto would never forgive her for that.

And all in all, it was a good thing that Hinata was nearly as good as her. It meant she could put up a good fight, as well as showing Tsunade that she wasn't a good as she used to be. And that wasn't even taking her slightly older body into account. Begrudgingly, Tsunade accepted that information knowing that it would be far wiser for her to go on a path of improving herself, rather than spend a while moping about being nowhere near as strong as she liked and end up getting killed. That's what happened to Uchiha's, not Senju's!

"But this is my best skill level!" Cried Hinata, desperately wanting to be able to help Naruto and the others when, and not if, they were attacked by the countless forces now out for their blood, ranging from Konoha to Orochimaru. It was lucky that the girl had no idea about Akatsuki or she would be far more afraid than she already was.

"Fine then. I guess I'll just have to force your hand. Take a breather while I go and get something."

Hinata's eyes followed after Tsunade as she stormed off, more than a little worried as to what exactly the plans of her kage and leader were. Knowing the old ladies violent tendencies, she could guess that they would be very bad for her.

"Hey, Naruto!"

Tsunade cringed as over a hundred heads turned to look at her, before they cried a deafening "What do you want, obaa-chan?"

Bloody clones.

"Where's the real one of you?" She replied with a malicious glint in her eye, warning the other clones that they should, at all costs, protect the real Naruto.

"Uh..." was their combined response before one cried "Sleeping!"

This would have saved the real Naruto if it weren't for another clone shouting "Eating!", while another shouted "Fishing!"

All in all about a hundred different answers were given until Shizune, shaking her head in disappointment, came up to her sensei and pointed her towards the ongoing spar between the two. Even from a distance Tsunade could see the two were going easy on each other.

She smiled at her loving little 'family', before Shunshin-ing right next to Naruto, getting him in a head lock and quickly explaining to Shizune that 'he deserved it, bye', before shunshin-ing back to Hinata.

She quickly made a mud clone, switched places with it, and grabbed Hinata's attention. The young kunoichi gasped when she saw Naruto, painfully held around the neck in Tsunade's arms.

"What the hell are you doing Tsunade? Let me go!" He flailed, attempting to break her hold.

Quickly raising its hand, the bunshin smacked Naruto upside the head. He stopped struggling, to say the least.

"Now, Hinata, for every hit I see you deliberately not take against me, my arm get's tighter around Naruto's neck. Naturally, with my super strength, it'll begin to hurt him. So unless you show me your full, utmost potential, your 'Naruto-kun' may be suffering a lot of pain very soon.

It was all Hinata could do not to go and try to kill Tsunade. NO ONE touched her Naruto! Tapping into her chakra pools, she pounced straight at the sannin, hands extended like claws.

Tsunade smiled, and prepared for the fight.

Ker-done.

I wanna give a HUGE, WHOPPING, AMAZING thanks to Paladeus, who not only helped me write this chapter, but gave me the inspiration to get from the 500 words that had been glaring at me from my desktop for the past two months into the now 6800. You guys should really go check out his works. Well written, as well as quite a few cool new ideas. Both Harry Potter AND Naruto.

Oh! And to those who read that thing about Naruto's relative last chapter, forget it. It was a little too good for Naruto and I regret putting it in. The two are NO LONGER RELATED. That means Naruto does NOT have that bloodline. And to all the new readers, I'm talking about something that you shall never know, as it will never again creep back into this story. Okay intarwebs? Cool.