A.N. I've decided that the rest of the chapters will be from Megan's POV, as my plan for this story has changed drastically since I started it. I'd also like to thank Moonlight Lantern and Guest reviewers Kate and Guest for their reviews.

"Do I really have to do this?" I groaned.

"Yes, you do," said Draco. "For Hogwarts, and for your own sanity."

I sighed grumpily. "Fine!" I said. "Wish me luck, because I'll sure as Hell need it."

Draco and I had decided to put our plan into action. But to do that, we needed to bring out the big guns. We had to . . . be nice to the Sue.

*cue dramatic piano music*

I spun on my heel and trudged over to Amber. To my dismay, I saw that her hair was purple and sparkly again - this one was stronger than I thought! She was sharing her cliched tragic backstory with some Ravenclaw first years who just looked like they wanted to get the Hell out of there (A Sue's allure only lasts for so long, y'see. After a while, the other characters start to realise just how annoying the Mary-Sue truly is.)

" . . . When the men invaded, they killed all of my people," Amber was saying cheerfully. For someone who had such a tragic past, she sure was an upbeat little shit. "But I was, like, really hot, so they kept me as a sex slave."

"Weren't you six?" asked one of the Ravenclaw kids.

"They kept me for two years and constantly raped and abused me," Amber continued as if she hadn't heard him. "I finally managed to escape when I made a wand out of a bit of driftwood and made them explode."

"There's no exploding curse!" the other Ravenclaw kid said indignantly.

"I made it up myself," Amber said.

". . .Right," said the Ravenclaw kid sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Because all eight year old girls can do that."

I sighed. I had heard enough! I forced a cheery grin onto my face and tapped Amber on her slim brown shoulder. She was very skinny for someone with such a huge chest. Skinny enough to be anorexic, in fact, but by some fanfiction miracle, it didn't look ridiculous.

"Hi, Amber!" I said loudly, cringing by the cheeriness in my voice.

"Oh, hello, Megan!" Amber cheered, getting up and hugging me. I let out a hissing noise and tried to pull away, but Amber was somehow able to hold on, despite her skinny, unmuscled arms. The Ravenclaw kids mouthed a "Thank-You" at me, before running away as fast as their legs could carry them.

Little twerps, not even bothering to SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL!

"Amber," I said through gritted teeth, "Your hair. It's purple again."

"I know!" Amber said cheerfully, her sugar-sweet voice enough to give a person diabetes. "It went, like, really weird, but now it's not weird any more! HURRAY!"

". . . yay?" I said weakly. I decided to press forward with my plan - I had to escape, NOW!

"ListenAmberI'msorryIwassorudetoyouI'dlikeitifwecouldstartoverandbefriends!" I said, before sucking in a large gasp of breath. I prayed I'd never have to say anything that revolting ever again.

"OF COURSE!" cheered Amber loudly, earning us some stares and giggles. "I need all the friends I can get, now! Everyone's avoiding me for some reason. LOUD EXCLAMATION! Maybe I should be even PRETTIER and HAPPIER! That'll make people LOVE ME AGAIN!"

"Yeah . . . you do that . . ." I said. "KillmenowkillmenowkillmenowkillmeRIGHTNOW!" I thought. "Let's meet up tonight! Meet me and my friend Draco in the astronomy tower tonight, OK?"

"SURE!" said Amber as she went off to harass some more Ravenclaws. I put my head in my hands.

"Dear God, what have I done?!"