It was late into the afternoon, faint traces of sunlight peeked thru the heavy cloud cover as snow fell over the city. Each snowflake shimmered with light, giving the scene thru the window an almost movie-esque quality. With such a spectacle, Desmond had gotten Alex to move the couch to face the large windows in the living room instead of staring at the TV. Now they just sat there in an enjoyable silence; Alex slouched against the soft cushions, Desmond laying down with his head resting on his thigh. A pale hand brushed gently thru short chestnut hair, almost subconsciously so; the other dozing as he recovered from earlier events.
It had taken Alex almost an hour to clean off both of them in the small tub of their apartment, washing away any unwanted fluids from their bodies and leaving them clean. After helping Desmond dress into a pair of shorts and a shirt, he set off to clean the crimson-stained tiles. After another hour, he was done.
He walked into the living room, wary as he slipped a shirt on to go with his jeans. He found Desmond at the window, curtains drawn as he gaped at the sight thru the glass. And there they sat, nothing but their soft breathing breaking the silence. Alex felt the other shift, then a loud growl had his lips turning upwards at the corners,
"Hungry?" he asked, unable to hide the smirk on his face. Desmond smiled sheepishly, a faint blush on his cheeks as he shifted into a sitting position.
"Maybe a little...I think I'll cook us something to eat." he said, "How about soup?" He got to his feet, wavering a little before his legs gave out and he fell back into Alex's lap with a yelp. He groaned, rubbing his lower back,
"Fuuuck...dammit am I sore." he muttered, gripping at Alex's thighs like they were chair arms, "Help me up, please?" The older man nodded with an amused smile playing on his lips. After helping the other steady himself on his feet, they went into the small kitchen. Alex had to smile wickedly at the bad hobble the other was sporting, knowing he had caused it.
"Next time, think before you tell me to fuck you like that. You do know how I love to please." he said, his tone smug as a grin spread over his features. Desmond blushed, pursing his lips as he glared at Alex before smiling a little. He then took the other's hands and guided them to his hips, making sure the other had a good grip.
"Yeah, ok. I asked for it, I know." he said with a roll of his eyes, "But now, just hold on to me, alright? I don't think I can stand on my own..." they stood in front of the stove, the soup packet already out along with a pot filled with water. Desmond poured the contents of the packet into the pot, stirring it while adding some other things to the broth. Alex pulled himself close to the other; resting his chin on a tan shoulder as his hands curled around his middle. Looking at the now simmering pot, he furrowed his brow,
"Shouldn't you eat something a bit more...I don't know, filling? I could go out and buy you something, if you want..." he muttered, but was met with a light chuckle,
"No, this is fine. If I eat anything too heavy it might irritate my ulcer...and I don't want to throw up blood again." he said with a smile, before slipping some seasonings into the pot. Alex's brows furrowed deeper,
"Ulcer? I thought all you had was the pancreatitis and the ruptured duct..." Desmond smiled sadly,
"The doctor told me that if I move too much or too aggressively I could develop an ulcer because of the rupture. It let some acid get loose outside my stomach, which explains the blood...But it's nothing serious, I promise." he said, kissing Alex's cheek softly. The paler man was silent for a while before speaking, his voice laced with disbelief,
"So...I caused the ulcer?...Why didn't you tell me that could happen?" he said, eyes narrowed as he pulled away slightly. Desmond frowned as he worried his lip,
"Because I knew you'd treat me differently. I'm not made out of glass, Alex." He turned off the stove and removed the now simmering pot off the hotplate, pulling away completely from the other with some difficulty. Alex was about to say something when a knock on the door made him start and turn. He looked back at Desmond, but the man had his back to him as he served the soup. The virus made his way to the door, not bothering to look thru the peephole and opened it. He jumped as someone wrapped their arms around his torso,
"What the...Dana? What are you doing here?" he asked, waiting until his sister pried herself from him and looked at him with a sad look. She cocked a brow,
"Any luck? Did you find him?" she asked, wringing her hands worryingly. Alex mentally kicked himself; he hadn't called her and told her. He grimaced; even he was scared of her sometimes,
"Um...yeah. I did find him...yesterday." she looked at him for a moment, a look of mild surprise on her face. Then a dark shadow passed over her features as she snarled angrily,
"You bastard! Why didn't you call me?" she hissed, trying to shove past into the apartment when a crash had them both running in. Desmond was on his hands and knees, trembling as he muttered curses at the now shattered porcelain bowl and spilled soup all over the floor. He bit his lip as angry tears gathered in his eyes,
"Fuckfuckfuck...I'm fucking useless...a fucking cripple dammit...!" he muttered, his hands forming shaking fists on the tile floor. Dana went to help but Alex stopped her, shaking his head. She frowned,
"Is he alright?" Alex looked at her sadly before going to his side,
"No, he's not. Look, I'll explain in a minute alright?" he snapped before his tone softened, "Des, can you stand?"
Desmond shot him a warning glance, eyes teary as he smiled bitterly,
"What do you think?...Just take me back to bed." he sniffed, wiping at his eyes as he was helped to his feet. Alex wrapped his arm around Desmond's waist, holding him up as the other gripped his shirt with shaking fingers. They side-stepped the mess on the floor; Desmond growling low in his throat as he was lead to the bedroom then set down on the edge of the mattress. His eyes were on the floor,
"I'm not a burden for you, am I?" he asked quietly, hands clutching the sheets beneath him. Alex frowned, shaking his head.
"Of course not! I love you, how can that be a burden?" he said, tilting the other's chin up to seal their lips together. Pulling away after a moment, he gave him a small smile before leaving the room. Closing the door behind him, he leaned against it taking a deep breath. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard; why would he think that? He'd never been a burden, more like a blessing; especially to a guy like him.
"Alex?" He turned to his sister, finding her on the floor fishing out the shattered pieces of bowl from amid the soup. Dana was looking at him; he knew he had to tell her but how? He was silent, grabbing paper towels and getting to work on cleaning the lukewarm liquid off the floor. He avoided her gaze, feeling ice blue eyes boring holes in his back; his heart was in his throat as he tossed the last of the soiled papers in the trash and sat on the nearby couch.
"Alex, why are you ignoring me? What's wrong?" she asked, worry clear in her voice as she took a seat next to him. He sighed, trying very hard not to get a lump in his throat.
"Look, Dana...I don't know how to say this. It happened so fast, I can barely believe it myself." he muttered, fighting the emotions that seemed to bubble in his chest, "Desmond's not...he's not gonna make it." Dana's eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, her eyes going over her brother's face in an attempt to understand,
"Wh-what are you saying? I don't- I don't understand what are you...?" Alex could feel his chest constrict, his eyes begin to water; he couldn't break in front of her, he couldn't!
"Dana...Des is- is sick. Something happened and he...he's dying." he whispered, looking into almost identical eyes. Dana gasped, face contorting with sadness,
"O-oh no...It- it can't be...Alex, I'm so sorry..." she said, wrapping her brother in a warm and comforting embrace. He fell into the hug, resting his head on her shoulder and returning the embrace. She pulled away after a moment,
"Alex...how long before...?" she asked quietly, her shoes beginning to get more and more interesting as time wore on. Alex rubbed the back of his neck,
"A...few more days." Dana made a noise, eyes back on her brother. Alex could see the gears turning in her head, almost like she was debating what she wanted to say. Biting her lip she made her decision.
"If you ever need anything...any help or anything...Just know, I'm here for the both of you." she said, clasping her hands around his. He looked in to her eyes, a small smile on his lips as he nodded.
"Could you stay here for a bit? Let me go out real quick and get something for us to eat, and I'll give you the whole situation ok?" Dana nodded, a determined look on her face as he grabbed his jacket. He came up to her and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, a look of thanks in his eyes before he ran out the door. Dana smiled sadly, feeling her eyes prickle with tears; Desmond was like another big brother to her, how could this be happening to him?
Wiping the tears from her eyes, she took a deep breath and walked to the bedroom door. Putting a smile on her face, Dana walked in and greeted Desmond like nothing was wrong; even if her heart was breaking.
Desmond sat on the mattress for what seemed like hours, his mind wandering about as he thought of the things he should do before his time came. It was still so unbelievable; he was going to die in the next few days, and he didn't want to accept it but the reality had struck. He couldn't stand without help, his stomach hurt constantly, it was harder for him to concentrate without feeling exhausted; his body was failing him already. He fell back against the pillows with a thump, feeling his eyes prickle for what seemed like the hundredth time this week. As the tears crawled down his cheeks, he thought of the people he would say goodbye to.
Oh god, Mom. She's gonna cry a freaking river...Bill? No, he'd probably try to fix it with that thing. Not gonna give him the chance...Oh, what about...? No. I doubt they even want to hear my voice. Not after...Lucy. But...I want them to at least know.
Desmond snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of footsteps heading toward the door; wiping the tears from his face, he put up a straight face as Dana walked in. He could tell her smile was forced, but he was glad she wasn't crying. He'd caused enough pain already. He smiled back as she took a seat on the mattress,
"So...I'm guessing Alex told you already?" he asked, eyes falling to his lap. Dana nodded,
"Yeah...but not completely. He just said you were sick and you didn't have much time..." she said, eyes on him. Desmond sighed; he really didn't want to say anything but she deserved to know, she was like a sister to him.
"I, uh, had a moment of insanity a few days ago. Um...I didn't know where I was or how I had gotten there, I just knew there so many voices...piercing thru my mind that I just couldn't take it. I just wanted them gone, so I chugged some pills I had gotten my hands on. Then everything went black." he said, wringing the sheets in his hands, "After that...I woke up at St. Paul's. The doctors told me I had been found unconscious in Battery Park. Then they explained what was wrong with me...I-I have acute pancreatitis and a, uh, ruptured bile duct. Basically, my insides are fucked and...so am I." he muttered, feeling like he had just killed himself. He pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to stop the tears that were building; he didn't want to cry dammit.
"I'm sorry...I really am. I-I didn't want any of this to happen it just did and I..." the lump in his throat stopped him from continuing, dragging a sob out of him in the process. Dana felt her chest constrict; he was trying so hard to be strong...Had he had any time to actually morn?
"Desmond...It's not your fault. Come here." she said softly, pulling him close for a warm and comforting hug, "Let it all out...its ok." she whispered, rubbing soothing circles on his back. Desmond bit his lip hard; how can she be like this? So...so calm in the face of his inevitable death? He wrapped his arms around her securely; hands clenching to her jacket as if it was the only thing keeping him there, and cried. He didn't care about not looking strong, all he wanted to do was make this go away; the self-loathing, the pain, the endless regret that had been stewing inside him this whole time. For the first time since this had happened, Desmond was...content. Content to have this family to call his own and actually love him no matter what he'd done. And he sobbed as he realized this; smiling thru the tears even if he knew he could leave them at any moment.