Chapter Four: Absence Makes the Heart...

Harry followed the solicitor into a dark paneled office and sat opposite the large desk. He had a fleeting feeling of déjà vu as the closest experience he had ever had with such a formal meeting were the times he had met with Dumbledore in his office.

"Mr. Potter would you like a cup of tea?"

"Er… I don't want to be rude sir, especially since you're helping me and everything but will this take very long? I just don't want to keep Remus and Professor McGonagall waiting for me," Harry inquired nervously, the offer of tea seemed to indicate a lengthy affair.

Tisdale smiled, the first genuine one that he had had all day. "No worries there mate, it won't take long. I just thought you might use this as a minute to catch your breath. You seem to have a lot of pressure from a lot of people. Perhaps some chamomile? I can only imagine how difficult a day this has been for you."

Harry looked at him in surprise at the observation but the solicitor only smiled again causing Harry to chuckle.

"In that case, thank you for the tea Mr. Tisdale."

"You can call me Martin," he continued, passing Harry a cup of tea which Harry took with gratitude. A moment to think for himself sounded wonderful. "I didn't want to make this knowledge too public but I knew Sirius. Your Dad as well for that matter. We weren't very close," Martin was quick to quantify, "but I knew them both well enough that Sirius felt that he could trust me to help you out a bit."

Harry raised his eyebrow, it was not lost on him that he had just inherited quite a bit of money and it seemed awfully convenient that he now had this mysterious 'long lost friend' to help him. "Sirius never mentioned you to me," he said warily, eyes narrowed. He now realized what had been off about the Australian accent, it was one that had been adopted over time, not one that was native and- as most accents were wont to do- the more Tisdale spoke with proper British speakers the more his native voice was heard.

Martin smiled again, "Sirius wasn't lying when he said that you had Lily's brains. James was the bloody nicest guy in the world but a bit trusting…" Martin cleared his throat uncomfortably, clearly realizing the tactlessness of such a statement. The comparison momentarily surprised Harry, he had never heard Sirius say anything about him reminding his godfather of his mother, they had usually only talked about James.

"I don't want to talk about money, Harry. That's for you to decide. If you honestly have questions I would be glad to help, or recommend someone for you to talk to if you prefer- and between you and me that's probably the smarter route. I'm not a financial planner or an investor. And I was not being modest when I said that I was not close with your parents or with Sirius. I was a few years older than them in school so naturally didn't always run in the same circles despite being in the same House, but... Sirius and James had a way of making a reputation for themselves wherever they went. People wanted to know them, and they were surprisingly good at remembering people. After I graduated..." Tisdale looked down, red spreading his cheeks at the coming admission. Harry could see that he was ashamed.

"It was the worst of the war and I didn't want any part of it. I'm muggleborn. My parents had no idea of the danger they were in, I had no real obligation to stay. I moved to Australia that summer. I've been there ever since." Harry pursed his lips, staying silent but disapproving. He tried to sympathize, understand that it was a scary time and not everyone felt that they needed to fight but to Harry the concept of doing nothing in the war was alien to him. He had made his decision to stand up against Voldemort at the age of eleven and had never waivered in his commitment. The fact that the Wizarding World was currently looking to him to stop the darkest wizard in centuries was bad enough but when he heard about people like Martin Tisdale that were more concerned with saving their own lives than with standing up and doing what was right, unwilling to fight even in the background while Harry was on the frontlines, it gnawed at him.

Despite the fact that Harry kept his face expressionless there must have been some note of disapproval in his eyes because Tisdale winced apologetically before charging forward. "Technically I still live there, but I came back for some business with the Ministry and it's been a very complicated matter. I probably shouldn't mention anything, it's all confidential after all, but as you know I primarily deal with probate matters. Nicholas Flamel and his wife passed away nearly three years ago. An estate like theirs..."

Tisdale shook his head, he had the look of someone who was tired of discussing a project that he had been discussing at length for a very long time. Harry blinked in surprise.

"Didn't they plan what they wanted to happen? I thought they made their wishes clear." Harry couldn't help but ask. A little over four years ago, at the end of his First Year, Dumbledore had told him that Nicholas and his wife had enough Elixir left to 'put their affairs in order', it seemed odd that the Estate was still being fought over after all this time.

Tisdale looked surprised himself that Harry would think to ask this. "Ah well...as I said most of this is highly confidential but due to the very long life that they have both enjoyed, the hereditary line is a bit...unusual. Wizards are of course used to having generally longer life expectancies than our muggle contemporaries and it not unheard to have four or even five generations included in will readings but in the case of the Flamels..." Tisdale sighed. "Not to mention the contention of passing down some artifacts that have since been declared illegal but had never been confiscated or destroyed due to 'grandfather clauses' intended for the original owners.

"Add to that the normal factions that occur in any large family and you can imagine the problems. However," and here Tisdale gave a rather dramatic sigh. "This was not at all what I wanted to discuss with you. My point was that I have been in the country to a certain extent much more that I originally intended and it was during that time that I eventually heard from Sirius again. As to your question, the reason that Sirius probably never mentioned me to you is that I very much doubt that he would have had the opportunity. As you know…Sirius was in a hard predicament."

"Understatement," Harry muttered.

"Cheers to that. But in the weeks leading up to his death he was… dissatisfied with some of the choices being made by the people around him. I don't know all of the details Harry. I'm not a member of Dumbledore's group- the Phoenixes or whatever they are- but it seems that Sirius was having a bit of a falling out with them about a month before his death."

Harry blinked, surprised by this revelation. He knew, of course, that Sirius had been desperately unhappy locked up in Grimmauld Place, unable to really contribute to the Order but he had never guessed that he had been close to splitting with them. "What exactly do you mean by 'falling out'? Was he trying to get out?"

Martin shook his head, "As I said, I don't know all of the details. We were only able to meet once after he managed to contact me in a way that convinced me to actually see him in the first place, and he was scant on real details. As you can imagine... well I'm sorry to say that it wasn't easy for Sirius to contact anyone that would have been real help to him. Of course despite whatever the Prophet was trying to tell us there were still quite a lot of us that knew something wasn't right after that dreadful business at the school last year." Harry nodded and thankfully Tisdale felt no need to go into further detail regarding the Tournament or Cedric Diggory's death.

"When Fudge started trying to blame the mass Azkaban breakout on Sirius as well, I think most of us knew that something bigger was happening. As I said, I knew Sirius and James- they were still in Second Year when I was a Prefect but we still got on fairly well. They had a way of making people laugh." Tisdale smiled at the memory of simpler times and Harry found himself returning the smile, feeling more comfortable in spite of some of the reservations he still had about the man and his motives.

"For the record, I do know that Sirius had no intention of betraying Dumbledore or his group, but he did seem to disagree with some of their decisions, particularly when it came to you. I think he was waiting to see how much he could trust me before telling me the finer details but he wanted to make sure that your interests were safe. He worked it out so that I am officially on retainer as your personal solicitor until you are either emancipated or turn 17 and decide that you no longer require my services, of course if you decide otherwise I would be happy to continue."

Harry had to take a breath, shocked at the way the meeting had turned. Gaining his own personal solicitor was the very last thing that he had expected out of this meeting. "What exactly does that mean? I thought you said that you only handled wills and probate and things like that."

Harry wondered if Sirius thought that Harry was going to be killed by Voldemort or his Death Eaters and needed to put his affairs in order. Tisdale, however, only smiled. "I said that I primarily deal with probate law. I am however well versed in all other forms as well. Probably a bit better versed than a lot of people would think, truth be told." And the smile that Tisdale shot Harry was very reminiscent of the mischievous looks that the twins would give before doing something impossibly devious, which made Harry wonder. "You're going to make sure that I get emancipated after all?"

Martin hedged slightly, "if it's something that you really want to pursue I can absolutely help you but I wasn't putting on a show out there, Harry. I find it very unlikely that the Ministry would be comfortable giving you the rights of a full legal adult before they have to. They've gotten away with a lot in the past because of your age, and now that they not only have to make up for their public image but, judging from Prophet articles that have been running non-stop, they also feel that you are in fact the best way to defeat You-Know-Who. They want you in a position where they have the control," Martin shrugged.

Harry nodded his understanding, still angry at the hypocrisy of it all.

"However, don't forget there are advantages for you still being underage, and even better- underestimated." Martin smiled and Harry returned it with only slight reluctance this time. He could see why Sirius approved of Martin, he had an easy confidence that lacked all condescension when speaking to him.

"What I'm really here for is to give you advice or help without the bias that some of the other… influences of your life come with. Sirius…" Martin smiled at Harry and there was a fondness that did not seem to stem from the deceased man directly. "He spoke very highly of you Harry. We were only able to speak a couple of times before… well, you know more anyone that Sirius' time was cut short but despite what a lot of others may think he did not spend his last few months completely idle. He was concerned about the direction a lot of things were going…I know I sound vague I apologize. The truth is, Sirius either didn't have time or simply didn't trust me enough to give me all of the details but he was very explicit in his trust in you as well as his desire for me to help you if you ever feel that you need it. As your solicitor, my loyalty and advice are for you alone- you don't need to trust me, you only need to know that I really have no other loyalties, if you understand my meaning."

Harry nodded, thinking over everything that was being said. He had always known that Sirius had looked out for his interests above anyone else's but for the first time he could see how much Sirius had seemed to fight with the Order over where his interests lay. He had learned the contents of the prophesy only after Sirius' death, and for the first time he was wondering if there was even more that he should have been told. It seemed to him that his godfather had been going to an awful lot of trouble to make sure that Harry did not need to rely on the Order any more than necessary- a sentiment he had been echoing in his own thoughts recently and he couldn't help but wonder if his godfather's endorsement made it better or worse.

"Thank you Mr. –er Martin. I think I have one question. You said in the reading that the Malfoys and... and the Tonks filled complaints about the will. Are you sure they can't do anything about changing it? What were they upset about?" It was easy to guess that the Malfoys would fight tooth and nail for both the money and prestige of the former Black family, but he couldn't help but be surprised that the Tonks' had also tried to go against what Sirius wanted. Harry could care less that he had been left the majority of the Estate. He hated Grimmauld Place and he had no need for more money, but the idea of them deliberately disregarding Sirius' last wishes made him angry. All anyone had ever done to Sirius was take things away from him in his life, the fact that they were trying to do it again in death felt like a slap in the face.

"Don't worry Harry, Sirius knew what he was doing. If there was one thing all Blacks are taught from an early age it's how to get what you want and how to keep ahold of what you have. Sirius might not have listened to anything else his parents had to say but he learned enough to make sure that they couldn't take what was his. Or should I say, what is now yours. The Black name comes with a certain weight in our world, a weight that Sirius never had the chance to wield and, were I to guess, never wanted to in the first place. I believe that both Narcissa Malfoy and Andromeda Black were expressing concern over the ability of a man that has not reached the age of majority to handle so much responsibility.

"What kind of responsibility?" Harry asked sharply. The will had said nothing about anything outside of monetary assets and suddenly Harry wondered what exactly Sirius had left him.

"Mostly voting proxies in elections and financial command of the Black House. You could use your status to attempt to get a seat in the Wizengamot when you turn of age. Although again Mr. Potter, I don't think I am telling you anything that you don't already know when I tell you that you wield more than influence in your own right without having to rely on Pureblood prestige- either from the Blacks or the Potters. As to your responsibilities to the estate, nothing particularly onerous."

Harry nodded, frowning in thought. He still had another year before he would be an adult, there was little that he could do now but already the Prophet and other newspapers were asking his opinion, seeking his influence. The idea of having so much power made him nervous and slightly sick.

Harry took a deep breath and decided that he could worry about all of that later. For the moment, directing the masses of the Wizarding World was Future Harry's problem and he was intent on letting him have it.

"Thank you Martin. I can honestly say I don't think I need your help at the moment but… well if you know anything about me I can't claim that that will last." Harry flashed him a weak smile and Martin chuckled at Harry before clearing his throat.

"I do, however, have something else that Sirius wanted you to have. Technically I could have given it to you during the Reading but I rather thought you might appreciate a more private setting." Martin pulled out a square box. It wasn't particularly big, perhaps a foot in each direction and Harry felt his heart pick up. This is what he had truly wanted out of today. He did not need Sirius' money and he dreaded owning Grimmauld Place which Sirius had hated with a passion, but he felt honored that Sirius would leave him something that was for his eyes only.

Martin did not hand him the box right away. "This actually isn't from Sirius Harry, it's from Lily and James." Harry reared back as though he had been slapped.

"Wha…how is that even possible?"

The solicitor smiled sadly, "as you know, your parents were well aware of the fate that might meet them and therefore they had put their affairs very carefully in order. This was meant to be given to you when Sirius felt it appropriate. I believe that he had been waiting for either the right moment or else for you to turn of age," he explained at Harry's rather livid look at being kept from this for so long. "There's nothing of real monetary value in there of course, but I'd wager you'll find it valuable. There are letters and journals from your parents. I believe a few pictures as well."

Harry took the box carefully, filled with emotion that he was not sure that he could explain, but did not open it. He wouldn't do it here. He would wait. Savor each piece slowly.

After that rather dramatic reveal the rest of the meeting was mundane. Harry had a few papers to sign, he received Martin Tisdale's contact information with the explicit instructions to contact him if the need should arise. Less than an hour later Harry was meeting back up with his professor and Remus Lupin so that they could make their way quickly back to the Leaky Cauldron, thankfully with much less excitement than their journey into the bank had provided. The journalists had surprisingly seemed to lose interest.

Harry was quiet on the way back, letting the events of the day take hold of him properly. He sensed that Remus at least wanted to say something to him and vaguely Harry wondered if it had anything to do with the odd message that Sirius had left in the will about forgiving the last Marauder. He didn't ask, as much because he didn't feel that he had a right to pry as because he was too concerned with the contents of the box his parents had left him to worry about any other long held mysteries.

Mostly Harry was just grateful that night had fallen and he was able to keep his promise to the Dursleys, no one saw him return and he was able to return to them like the shameful secret that they found him to be. But tonight none of that bothered him. Concealed in a bag with an undetectable extension charm, he had brought back his box. For the first time in fifteen lonely years at Privet Drive he was going to hear from someone that had loved him.

It wasn't until Harry was in the safety of his own room that he opened the wooden box of mementos from his parents. He took a moment to appreciate the fine craftsmanship of the box itself. It was of an older design, one that would have been used during the 1700s perhaps and Harry wondered if his father had given him something that had been passed down in the family. Perhaps generations of Potters had opened this box, holding on to its treasures for the owner until it was passed down the line. The idea of a having something other than the cloak from his family was almost as great as what awaited him inside.

He let out a shaky breath, his hands trembling slightly as he used both of them to pry open the lid, noticing that the hinge of the box was stiff. Age had rusted it a bit and Harry had to move carefully for fear of breaking the precious relic of his past.

The first thing on top was a letter in familiar handwriting. It was a letter not from his parents but yet another from Sirius. As Harry thought about how much Sirius had had go through in order to insure that he was properly remembered in his will, a long held sob bubbled from his chest and a few tears rolled from cheeks. He was alone now and there was no need to feel ashamed of his crushing grief. He allowed himself a moment for his emotions to escape unchecked. Allowing the tears and sorrow that he had been holding at bay all day to be released, knowing that it was better to feel it now when he was able to lose a bit of control.

When he knew that he was not in danger of having any stray tears damage the papers he carefully pulled out the letter from his godfather.

15 June 1996

Dear Harry,

This box is full of letters from your mum and dad. They were forced into hiding about 8 months before their death and they knew that there was every chance that they might not survive. Lily in particular couldn't bear the thought of you never hearing from her. James wasn't much of a writer so don't take the small amount of letters personally. Trust me, the fact that he wrote anything at all means that he loved you like crazy. Bloody prat used to send me about two letters each summer.

I'm sorry that I never gave you this box when I had the chance. My plan is to give it to you this summer but I learned a long time ago that our best laid plans ever work out the way we anticipate. This may sound morbid (but I suppose if you're reading this not inaccurate) but for the past few weeks I cannot seem to shake the feeling that something bad is coming. The last time I had a feeling such as this it was in the final days of the war and Voldemort was closer than ever to finding your parents. I knew something was coming and it was with that feeling in mind James and I decided to do what we had been planning for quite some time- switching the secret keeper to Pettigrew. As you well know the decision was wrong but the feeling still had merit. I wish I could tell you that I knew what I was doing- that I was old enough or smart enough to figure out how to make things right and that I was writing to you with a surefire plan for victory. The only thing that Azkaban taught me for 12 years is that I'm not nearly as smart as I used to think that I was.

There is much that even now I don't understand about the last year of the war. It was scary time Harry. Dark days with no end in sight. Uncertainty is a scary thing. I think that almost anything can be endured if you know that it's going to end. And preferably WHEN it's going to end. I suppose you can understand this better than a lot of people Harry. For years you wanted to escape the Dursleys- do you think it would have given you some comfort when you were 8 years old if you had known that you only had 3 more years until you were able to leave, even for a little while? It helped me with my parents, I know that. We had no such assurances. The darkness seemed to stretch out forever and so I guess looking back I can understand a lot better the decisions that were being made at the time. For me, it was the decisions after the fact that I have trouble forgiving.

I am a man that has a made a lot of mistakes in their life Harry. I somehow managed to be arrogant and insecure at the same time. I was too reckless when I was young. Too angry and bitter when I was older. I hope that you learn from my mistakes, I hope that I have given you that much. It hurts me that the only thing I have to offer you is examples of failure and what not to do. If you're reading this now, I never got to say a great many things to you. Things I have wanted to say for 15 years. You are the son that I never even knew that I wanted Harry. I was never like James- never the type to settle down and start a family. I know you were disappointed in your dad when you saw Snape's memories but you're only looking at one event in a long line of them. Trust me... few people could hold their own against your father or myself for that matter but (and if you ever admit this to him I WILL return from the grave to haunt you) Severus was one them. You also seemed to think that Lily and James weren't happy together and I can promise you that they were. James loved Lily from about the first day of Third Year, maybe before that. She was it for him. I agreed with James on just about anything but I have to admit that I never quite understood how he could love one person that much. How he was so sure that he would care about her for the rest of his life when it seemed like that would be such a long time. But one look in your green eyes when you were a baby and I knew that I would never care about anyone the way I cared about you.

That's why I need you to know that no matter what has happened to me, know that I am proud of you. You are great wizard Harry but the thing that constantly surprises and amazes me is the fact that you are truly a good man. Perhaps the best I have ever known. So I write this letter to tell you that I'm sorry for my failures but also to tell you that I have faith in you. I'm trying to put some things in place so that you have more freedom to act but more importantly the right information to act on. Dumbledore has treated you unfairly Harry and unfortunately he's a man that is not only unused to acknowledging his own mistakes but a man that the rest of the Order believes is almost infallible. I think this is a dangerous idea. Dumbledore is a wise man- mostly certainly the smartest man that I know. His knowledge of magic is unparalleled and Voldemort has every reason to fear him. His opinion should always be given weight. But that doesn't mean that it shouldn't be weighed.

You are a much stronger person than most of the Order. They're followers Harry and will look for someone to tell them what to do. You're a leader. James was the same way. We would follow him before we even realized that it felt natural to do so. I wish more than anything that you weren't in this position, or you could have at least enjoyed a childhood before it was thrust on you as it was, but sooner or later Voldemort is going to be forced out into open and once that happens the Wizarding World is going to be in a lot of trouble. The Ministry waited too long to act, and the Order was too busy fixing its mistakes and keeping you out of a fight that you had every right to be a part of to do any real harm to Voldemort or his Death Eaters. I don't want you to think that I expect you to fix all the mistakes that we made, or to have all of the answers that we didn't but a lot of people in the coming months are going to give you a lot of advice and I didn't want you to wonder what I would have said to you.

So my advice to you godson is: Trust your instincts. Do what you think is right and trust that your friends will stay by your side. You chose your friends well Harry and Ron and Hermione will choose you over just about anything else.

There is a lot I have to tell you, things that you should know about the Order. Things you should know about the First War and the one that is only just starting. My next letter will explain more but I wanted to make sure that I at least got say the most important things first.

I hope that I get to tear this letter up and tell you all this person but I guess if you're reading it now, the worst has happened. I have one final request: for your dearly departed Godfather, please be sure to prank Snivellus at least once in the honor of a true Marauder.

Good luck Harry,

Yours, Sirius

Harry's hand shook with emotion but this time his eyes were clear. There was a burning in his chest, but it wasn't painful. It was warmth and determination and a furious pride that his godfather had respected him as much as he had. There was no second letter and looking at the date at the top Harr realized that the letter had only been written two days before his death. Sirius had intended to write more but had never had the chance. The incompleteness of the gesture left Harry feeling raw and he struggled against another wave of emotion.

He glanced through the rest of the contents in the box, not reading the words on the letters but just getting a feel for what he could expect. His mother had written him about a dozen letters, James only three but of a decent length.

He knew that he couldn't read them all that night. He was overwhelmed with emotion and he wouldn't cheapen the experience of reading his parents words in a rush or when he was distracted. He wanted to be sure that when he read them he was able to give them his full and undivided attention. As he came to the decision to wait, he further decided that he would spread out the reading of the letters for as long a period of time as he could. Saving them for when he felt that he needed them.

While he knew that he could always re-read them, he knew that the first time would always have the most meaning and he wanted to draw out his parents words as much as possible. Happy with the plan that he had created he looked at the last few items in the box. There seemed to be some letters that James and Lily had exchanged over the years along with five books. The first two were Lily's Sixth and Seventh Year potions texts. Harry idly flipped through them, surprised that they would be included and saw to his surprise that his mother had annotated nearly every page

The third book was journal of his mother's that appeared to mostly contain potion's notes but seemed to also serve as an intermittent diary. She had not written her personal thoughts often but occasionally as he read through it she taken the time to write about her frustrations with school, the escalating war and slowly…her developing feelings for a certain James Potter. The journal and her letters meant more to Harry than anything he had ever owned. In spite of his pledge to make the items last he couldn't help but at least look through the books with her writing. He had never before had something so tangible of his mother's words and feelings. For the first time he felt like he actually knew her. He studied each line, each turn of phrase. The way she was sarcastic even in her writing or the fact that she made her 'g's the same way that he did.

The fourth was the only book that had apparently belonged his father. It was an advanced Transfiguration text, well above Harry's level, with notes and tips along the margins. His father seemed to have no trouble with the difficult spells of the book and instead had offered ideas here and there of how to combine the knowledge with either Charms or Potions so that the effects were either more intense or longer lasting. Harry knew that he would never have come with the idea that his father seemed to jot down with idle consideration.

The last book was the strangest addition of the lot, it looked as though it hadn't even belonged to his mother or his father and he wondered which one of them had included the item in the box. It had come after his father's book so perhaps it was from him. The fifth book was yet another copy of the Sixth Year text and was similarly annotated but in a very different style than his mother's. After a quick look through some of the notes, Harry had seen that his mother had added helpful hints, possible suggestions or else reminders of how they related to other potions. Here and there, Lily had included thoughts about related topics as though she had been brainstorming in class, or else answering a professor's questions without saying them out loud (something Harry occasionally did as he had always hated raising his hand voluntarily).

The other person had almost completely re-written half the instructions. While James had seemingly written idle thoughts and musings, the pages equally littered with doodles or games of tic tac toe with Sirius, these notes seemed to have an exactitude to them. A precision that both James and Harry inherently lacked. Harry wondered who the book could belong to. Sirius was not nearly so precise. Remus Lupin had confessed more than once to lacking in Potion's skills- it was the reason he had needed Snape to make the wolfbane's potion. Certainly not Peter.

The inside cover merely read 'property of HBP'. Harry wasn't quite sure why the book had been included with the others but he supposed that whoever HBP stood for, he must have either been a friend of one of his parents or else one of them had gotten hold of the book somehow from a former student and used it to study. The spine of the book was in much worse condition than her own books making it look as though it were older than the twenty years of his mother's texts. The only thing that he was sure about was that whoever it was, the man was a wicked genius. Along with the re-written potions, there were notes on spells that seemed to be of the man's own invention. He couldn't imagine a Sixth Year student knowing a better way to do just about every single potion but this person apparently had. Harry knew that he had almost no chance of making it into NEWT potions' class this year and yet he couldn't help himself from reading over both his mother's notes, as well as HBP's. He could quickly see that he could learn more from this one book than he had after five years of lessons with Snape.

It was very late indeed when Harry was finally able to even think about going to sleep. The long events of the day, whirling around his mind. He wasn't sure what to make of everything yet but he knew for certain that in spite of Sirius' untimely death, his godfather had made sure to leave his mark on Harry in his own way.

Interlude: Hermione

Hermione had returned from her summer holiday with a mixture of excitement and dread. The three weeks that she and her parents had spent in America had done her a world of good. She had not felt so calm and at peace in over a year. Ever since that moment when Harry had appeared outside of the maze clutching Cedric's lifeless body, and for a heart-stopping moment looking far too still himself, Hermione had felt a constant weight of dread in her stomach. From that day on, there had always been so much to worry about. Where was Voldemort? What was he planning? How many followers had he managed to get? When was the Ministry finally going to see reason and finally do something to stop him? Would Harry be alright? Would she, as a muggleborn, be safe? Would her parents? Was Harry going to go off and do something irrevocably stupid?

She had not told her parents the full extent of what was going on in the Wizarding World so as not to worry them when there was nothing that either of them could do. But when she had been seriously injured during the attack at the Ministry, the school had had no choice but to inform her parents- both of the injuries and the reasons for them.

Hermione had never seen her father so angry or her mother so disappointed. They could see absolutely no reason for why a group of teenagers had left school and gone hundreds of miles away without getting the help of a teacher. And then for them to learn that she had left to put herself intentionally in harm's way against trained criminals that wouldn't hesitate to kill her was considered unconscionable. The worst of it was that her parents seemed to place Harry fully responsible for putting her in undue danger and had spent the first week of her return from school continually disparaging her friendship with such a 'recklessly dangerous influence.'

Hermione had always spent more time talking about her studies than her friends but she had quickly discovered that when stating the facts of Harry's life baldly- he was not seen in a good light. Her father saw him as a blatant troublemaker whereas her mother was more inclined to see an orphaned child as a troubled youth that was 'acting out'.

Hermione was more than aware that part of the appeal of taking not only an extended holiday this summer but taking it across an entire ocean was to remove her away from Harry and, to a lesser extent, Ron's influence. She was so far away that even owl post couldn't reach them. At first this kind of behavior had enraged her simply due to its sheer condescension, did either of her parents believe that she would stop being friends with Ron or Harry just because she was forced away from them for a month? It made her think less of the both of them to discover that they seemed to think that friendships could end so easily.

However, once she had gotten there she had quickly gotten over her anger. There had been so much to see and do. They had travelled by car down the east coast of the states, stopping at the muggle major cities like New York, Charleston and even Disney World but also traveling to the Wizarding settlements in Salem and New Orleans, which had such a vibrant and colorful culture in both the muggle and Wizarding worlds that Hermione didn't think she could ever remember having more fun away from Hogwarts. Even the driving itself had been fun, with her parents alternating between listening to Audio books on the car stereo about the local history or else reading out loud from guidebooks. As much as Hermione loved learning about the Wizarding World and magic she often wondered if she was limiting herself by neglecting her muggle education. The magical world had no understanding of science or literature and it was nice to expose herself to this other world.

For three glorious weeks Hermione felt like an ordinary teenager and it was a feeling that she had not even noticed had become both foreign and welcome to her. She would not trade Harry's friendship for anything in the world but there was no denying that at times it was difficult being so close to someone in his position and all the stresses and worries that came with it.

As she entered her room for the first time she saw several letters on her bed almost all from Ron and only two from Harry. She wondered if that was a bad sign, of the two of them Harry had always been the more consistent correspondent, his isolation at the Dursleys made him rely on letters more than most students during the holidays. But she had only received one letter in the ten days she had been home before her trip and it had been the most unsatisfying letter she had ever received from him, and that included the time he had sent her a single line telling her that he had been attacked by dementors and might be expelled. It had simply read. 'Thanks for writing, I'm fine at the Dursleys. Hope you and your parents have a great trip, sounds like it will be fun. Be sure to tell me all about it when you get back. Speaking of, I better get back to things here. Have a good holiday. Harry

His unspoken hurt and discontent could be read easily between the lines and Hermione hated feeling so helpless, therefore it was not without a bit trepidation that she started on the bottom of the pile. The first letter was from Ron.

Dear Hermione,

Hope this gets to you before you leave on your big trip. Did you say that you were flying there? Are you sure that's safe? It's just that you know how crazy Dad is about muggles but he told me that he's never figured out how arrow-plains manage to stay up there. But I guess you would know better than me. Things are alright here. Mum and Dad's friends have had to find a new place to hang out since they lost their last place, but I guess I shouldn't say any more about it. Fred and George have been doing really well with their shop and I think Mum's finally coming around on them not working for the Ministry.

Have you heard from Harry? Mum and Dad said that he's supposed to go to Sirius' Will reading. I'm a bit…[here there were a few cross outs] well do you think he's alright?

See you later,

Ron

Hermione frowned at Ron's tentative broach of his fears about their friend. Neither Ron or Harry were ever eager to discuss their feelings, consequences of being a teenage boy, Hermione supposed, but when push came to shove Ron was ultimately more adept at relating his fears and insecurities than Harry. Harry had developed a way of constantly looking out for other people while steadfastly insisting that he needed help from no one. When she stopped to consider how her best friend had grown up- so alone and surrounded by the rudest people that Hermione had ever encountered, she was constantly surprised that Harry had grown into the kind, compassionate person that he was. He had a peculiar blend of self-assurance in himself and his abilities, and a constant shadow of inadequacy. Against all odds her friend had carved out a life for himself and made himself into a person that people could really admire.

Somehow Harry had more tact than she or Ron possessed, both of them had a tendency to shoot off at the hip. She had gotten better with age but she knew that there were times when her curiosity or need to be right outweighed someone's feelings. It had taken her awhile to understand it, but she had a feeling that Harry was generally cautious about offending his friends because he had grown up so isolated when he was younger. There was this small but persistent fear that the people that he cared about would leave him if he made things too difficult for them, therefore it was only when Harry really lost his temper that he let anything out. And when that happened it was if there was a small explosion of emotion. Hermione supposed it was a consequence of that fact that, as a rule, Harry rarely displayed his feelings.

He rarely spoke of the Dursleys but the comments he had made over the years had painted an ugly picture in her mind. Harry never sought comfort because he was used to going without it and he rarely talked about his feelings because he was used to no one listening. Hermione was terrified that someday Harry would reach a point where he no longer knew how to bottle up his emotions and he wouldn't think to go to anyone for help.

Sure enough Harry's letter was next. As she broke the seal she noticed that her hand was shaking.

Dear Hermione,

I'm sorry I haven't written to you properly. I know that you must have read my last letter and started pacing back and forth thinking about what kind of books you should read so that you would know what to say to me about 'grief' or something. I know that you are worried about me and I'm sorry that I've been such a bad friend to you this past year. I was angry about so many things- Voldemort, the Ministry even Cedric I guess, and I took it out on you more than I should have. I could make excuses but really I guess I should just say that I'm sorry. You and Ron are not only my best friends but the best friends that anyone could have and even though I've always thought that, it's finally occurred to me that I've never actually said it. I always thought that people just know these things but Sirius left me a letter in his Will and I realized that sometimes you need to hear from the people that you care about, that you matter to them.

I guess you know from my last letter that I really wasn't doing very well. 'Fine' seems to cover a very wide range of emotions, doesn't it? But I really am doing better now. I've been keeping busy. I've been looking over the Defense books that Sirius got me last year for Christmas, do you remember? I was so busy studying for OWLs (and pretty much being a prat most of the time) that I never really looked that closely at them. Sirius wrote a ton of notes and advice in the margins and even though it's sometimes hard to think about him, it's nice having something of him left behind. You should really be pleased Hermione, I've never enjoyed studying this much before.

Anyway, I know you must be away on holiday and I don't really expect you to get this letter or respond to it but I guess I needed to talk to you even more than I really needed you to read what I had to say. Does that make sense? I think I've been spending too much time with you, you've made me go soft. By the time you read this I hope you had a great holiday. Don't worry about me Hermione. If there's one thing I'm good at its pushing forward and moving on. If you see Ron before I do- don't you dare tell him that I've writing about my feelings, I'll never live it down!

Harry

Hermione only noticed that she was crying when one of the tears rolled off her chin. Just when she had been absolutely positive that Harry was going to send another short note with empty reassurances that he was fine, he goes and sends her the most heartfelt letter that's he's ever written. She had not expected him to apologize. She and Ron had both been on the receiving end of Harry's outbursts and temper and there had been times when both of them had been tired of it. They had tried hard to be supportive but it was hard to be understanding when she was getting alternately yelled at for caring or else ignored so that he could brood. And yet in spite of the difficult moments, Harry had handled the stress of the year remarkably well.

She couldn't imagine how he had handled so many different problems at once. The newspapers calling him either a liar or insane. The whispers at school. The pain in his scar that Hermione knew occurred far more than he told them about. Umbridge. The fact that Professor Dumbledore had not only left him in the dark when it had come to information but also had seemingly abandoned him when Harry had needed him most. The fact that there had always been the worry that Sirius would be caught and either thrown back in Azkaban or Kissed.

And there was still the events of the Tournament and seeing Cedric die. Of all things in the letter Hermione was most surprised that Harry had brought up Cedric's death. For the past year, Cedric's murder had been a strictly forbidden topic of conversation. Personally Hermione had been a little surprised that someone hadn't talked to Harry about it more. She would have thought that someone from the school would have made him talk about seeing something so traumatic, she knew that a muggle school would have done. She had tentatively tried to broach the topic several times and Harry had been more receptive to talk to her and Ron than with anyone else but he would only talk about the facts of what happened that night, flat out refusing to discuss how he felt or the impact it had had on him.

After reading Harry's letter a knot of anxiety in her chest seemed to loosen somewhat as she reached for the next letter. The next few were unexciting. Ron had seen Harry at Sirius' will reading and had confirmed what the letter had shown, he seemed to be doing much better. Ron appeared to be trying to restrain his excitement at receiving such a large sum of money and informed her Sirius had included her as a beneficiary as well. Ron was obviously conflicted about finally getting the wealth he had wanted for so long but at the cost of his best friend's godfather and a man that they had all cared about.

From vague hints and references Hermione had gleamed that the temporary Headquarters for the Order was the Burrow. Fred and George had been inducted into the Order against seemingly violent protests from Mrs. Weasley. Percy was still refusing to speak to anyone in the family and Ron and his siblings were still furious with him. Ron seemed to have found some sort of project to occupy most of his time but he was very tight-lipped about what it involved and Hermione could only guess that he didn't think he could write about it freely.

It wasn't until the last letter in the stack that there was the terrible shock.

Hermione-

I'm sorry if you're still not home but you have to know about this as soon as you can. Harry's muggle relative's house burned down last night. I don't know all the details, They're being really secretive. I'm sure your guesses are much better than mine anyway. I do know that Harry is alright but his Aunt is in hospital and there was some kind of problem with his uncle (you can probably guess what). Harry's been sent off somewhere but I don't know where. Mum and Dad said that he could stay here of course but for some reason the Ministry or Dumbledore or both want him in this top secret location. I wanted to let you know because apparently he's not allowed any post. Bloody unfair if you ask me but no one ever does. Don't worry too much if you don't hear from him or if you see something in the paper.

Anyway, I think you should be getting home in a few days and then you can finally write me back since I've started to feel like I'm writing to an imaginary friend!

See you soon!

Ron

Hermione's mind raced over the possibilities, careful not to make assumptions when none should be made. It definitely sounded like an attack but that should have been impossible, there was supposed to be some kind of protection on Harry's house that kept him safe there. Harry had told them on the train that Dumbledore had finally explained about the 'blood protection' that kept him safe with his aunt. Of course Hermione had learned long ago that Harry had impossible things happen to him all the time. And more to the point if the protection that Harry was supposed to receive was in any way reliant on his relatives actually caring about his wellbeing than she could see immediately why it would fall.

But on the other hand, if it was an attack, how did Harry make it out safe? The Order. Hermione remembered. They were still watching the house and would have come if there had been attack. She was fairly sure that Ron had capitalized 'They' in the letter on purpose but with Ron it was hard to tell. Harry was much more secretive when it came to codes in his writings. Despite Ron's gift for strategy, he was ultimately too honest and straight-forward a person for subterfuge. More answers led to more questions about just what had happened but Hermione struggled to concentrate on what she did know instead.

Harry was safe. He was also probably miserable being stuck at some unknown location with no hope of hearing from anyone.

Hermione's thoughts and worries were interrupted by an unfamiliar owl carrying an envelope. She recognized the Ministry seal and immediately felt a flutter of anticipation. These must be OWL results. She accepted the letter and eagerly ripped it open only to realize that her assumption had been wrong.

Dear Miss Hermione Granger,

Due to recent events the Ministry is doing everything in its power to help ensure the safety of every Witch and Wizard in the Magical Community. It has come to our attention that due to circumstances beyond the Ministry's control the instruction in Defense Against the Dark Arts has been fragmented and well below acceptable standards. It is with that thought in mind that the Ministry is offering a training course on Advanced Defensive techniques that will be available to all Fifth Year students and above for the nominal fee of 15 Galleons. We are also offering to waive this fee for all current and incoming prefects with the understanding that this training will benefit those students tasked with the responsibility of protecting the school in these difficult times. If you would like to participate in this course please complete the attached form, which will require parent permission, and return it no later than July 31st. Transportation to the Ministry for all students will be arranged.

Thank you and have a nice day,

Tilda Mathis

Senior Secretary of Educational Training

Ministry of Magic

Hermione was slightly stunned by the turnaround of the Ministry. Of course Fudge was going to be desperate to hold on to office, she had been prepared for any number of political maneuvering for him to maintain his constituents, but somehow the idea of Fudge actually training students- seemingly his worst nightmare a mere month ago- had not crossed her mind.

She wondered if part of the reason Harry's location was being kept so secret was because he was also training. She hoped so. Harry was by far the best in the year, probably the whole of Hogwarts, at Defense but in all honesty that wasn't saying much at all. Their first two years at Hogwarts had given them almost no knowledge at all, Lupin had had been a brilliant teacher but had largely taught them how to identify and combat magical creatures which was useful to an extent but not the primary skill they needed for a war. Umbridge was obviously the worst. Oddly the one teacher that had taught them the most had been the Death Eater Crouch disguised as Moody, but even he had largely done theory based lessons rather than practical ones. Other than a few class demonstrations, notably the lesson about the Unforgivable Curses, they had done very little actual magic.

Everything they had learned they had had to learn themselves, and no one had had harsher lessons than Harry himself. Hermione hoped that finally someone was going to give him the opportunity to learn from someone with experience. Someone that could show him how to do things properly because whether any of the adults wanted to admit it or not, Harry was going to be involved in the war sooner or later and personally she would rather have someone teach her friend how to fight than watch him run head long into danger with only his natural talent and luck to save him. Because she was starting to think Harry's luck was running out.

A/N: Thanks again for reading. I had someone point out that there seems be a lot taking without a lot of actual action or progression and I just wanted to promise you all that action will be in the next chapter- you can probably see that considering the letter Hermione just received. If anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate hearing them, this is the first story I've ever published and I could use the (constructive please) criticism.