Title: The Three Feathers
Rating: T
Pairings: implied Zoro/Luffy (I couldn't help myself! xD)
Warning: Copious amounts of swearing from Sanji.
Summary: The king has decided to retire and spend time with his lovely ladies instead, and decides to set some tasks to his three sons to see who will inherit the throne. Usopp makes another appearance as main character!
Disclaimer: One Piece and The Three Feathers belong to Eiichiro Oda and the Brothers Grimm respectively. Nothing is mine, except maybe the horrendous twists I may or may not put into the story. The theme song for Sogeking also doesn't belong to me. xD

Once upon a time, there was a king named Sanji who had three sons. None of his sons were particularly intelligent, each of them less intelligent than the last. The youngest was such a chronic liar that he was named Usopp.

When King Sanji reflected on the total hours of the day he had to spend with the ladies, he realized that due to all the responsibilities the crown held, he had not nearly enough time. So he decided to set his three sons some difficult task and award his kingdom to the winner.

One morning, Sanji took his three sons outside the castle and told them he would award his kingdom to the one who could bring him the most exotic animal in the world. Then he blew three feathers into the air. One feather flew to the east, and Sanji told his eldest son, Luffy, to follow it. One feather flew to the west, and Sanji told his second son, Brook, to follow it. But the third feather merely dropped down to the floor. This was Usopp's feather, and he could hardly hide his disappointment.

In fact, he did not hide it at all.

"Oi, Sanji! My feather didn't go anywhere! Sanji!"

Sanji ignored his youngest son in favour of twirling and singing praises to the ladies that surrounded him ("Mellorine! Mellorine!"). Usopp glared at Sanji, and then stared forlornly at his feather, muttering to himself. As he stared at it, he realized it was lying on top of a trap door. He grasped the iron ring and raised the door. Seeing that the steps led downwards into the darkness, he quickly ran back to the castle for a lantern.

"Ahh, I can feel my I-can't-go-down-this-tunnel-or-I'll-die disease acting up." Usopp paced around the entrance, alternately peering down the steps and backing away. "There might be a giant mole down there that will suddenly tunnel out and attack me. Or a vicious man-eating rabbit. I'll die down there without anyone knowing, and there will be stories — what a brave young man he was, how sad he died so young — they'll say." Usopp paused to peer down into the darkness again, his lantern lighting only the top steps. "How can I be afraid of such a small tunnel? Hahaha…I've been on greater adventures! I once defeated a giant bear on my own! I am the Great Sogeking! I am not afraid of anything!"

On the Island of Snipers I was born,
100 shots, 100 hits,
Lu lu la la lu~

Usopp started down the steps, softly singing, lantern swinging, knees definitely not quivering, despite the knocking sounds.

On a mouse's eyeball LOCK ON
On your heart LOCK ON!

The wall to his right quivered, and something burst forth, clawing at him. "Stop that hideous noise! Stop it, you baka! You baka! You ba! Ba!"

Usopp screamed, swinging his lantern in terror at what he perceived to be the creature's face (honestly, all he could see was a mass of red fur, and more importantly, very, very long claws). The creature disappeared back into the giant hole it made, screaming half formed obscenities.

He stared at the hole in the wall. Turning stiffly away, he resumed singing, albeit shakily, resolutely aiming his lantern away from the hole.

It wasn't too long before he came to a door. Knocking gently (not fearfully, gently), Usopp was astonished to hear a voice speaking as if to a servant, bidding her to open the door. He waited fearful—patiently, until the door opened and revealed a huge Den Den Mushi sitting in the middle of a room surrounded by numerous smaller Den Den Mushi.

"Was that you making all that racket earlier?" asked the huge Den Den Mushi irritably. "Why did you come down here?"

"I seek the most exotic animal in the world," said Usopp, with a bow. He felt it safer to be most polite with what he was sure the queen of the Den Den Mushi. "I doubt I will find it here." When the Den Den Mushi Queen did not answer, he got down on his knees so that she could hear him more easily.

This seemed to please the Queen. "Very well, I am Queen Nami." She ordered one of the small Den Den Mushi attendants to fetch her a box. Usopp waited patiently and silently until the little Den Den Mushi came back. Queen Nami opened the box and withdrew a small fish tank, in which contained what seemed like a mass of clouds.

Usopp took the tank hesitantly and thanked the Den Den Mushi queen profusely. As he turned to go back to the castle, the queen spoke again.

"Wait. You have to pay for that."

"It's not free?"

"Of course not!" Queen Nami looked shocked. "That is a very rare sky fish!"

Stammering, Usopp promised to repay the queen for her help, and left to show King Sanji his exotic animal. When he entered the throne room, he found his two brothers proudly showing off the exotic animals they had acquired.

"Look! Isn't he interesting? It's a box-man-animal!" Luffy grinned, dancing around his 'animal'. The man in the box danced with him, his stubby arms and feet waving, his green afro bobbing.

"You shitty idiot, that's not even an animal!" Sanji delivered a roundhouse kick that sent both of them skidding out into the courtyard.

"Yohohoho! This is Laboon!"

"Uuooohhhh!!"

"Yohohoho!"

Sanji sent a withering stare at the two of them before turning to Usopp. "And? What have you brought?"

Usopp brought out his fish tank and fished out a curiously flat, blue fish. Sanji was amazed at its shape and light weight.

"My crown and kingdom are yours!" he exclaimed.

"Not fair!" Luffy cried, bounding up the stairs. "Give us another task!"

Sanji agreed at last, and he took them outside, and as before, blew three feathers into the air. And Usopp's feather fell, as before, onto the trap door.

Luffy cheered and made to race off in the direction of his feather. Sanji snagged the back of his shirt. "Shitty rubber idiot — I want the most exotic vehicle in the world!"

Usopp quickly fetched an intricately designed crown and a gold sceptre inlaid with rubies and diamonds before running down the steps to find the Den Den Mushi queen.

"Here to pay back your debt?" Queen Nami asked sweetly.

"Err, n-not exactly. I need the most exotic vehicle in the world!" Usopp blurted. He placed the crown and sceptre before the Den Den Mushi queen.

She examined both closely before sending for her big box. She took out what appeared to be a one-person scooter, with a white horse's head mounted on the handlebars. "This is Shiro Mokuba I, a waver, and the most exotic vehicle in the world." She placed it back in the box. "But you can't have it. Due to interest, your debt has risen – "In the matter of minutes?!" Usopp squawked – and this crown and sceptre cannot pay for both the fish and the waver. You can however, afford the Karasumaru." Nami took out a 2-person boat, with a black crow's head at the front, and a pink umbrella shading the seats.

When Usopp presented his Breath Dial powered boat, King Sanji had no doubts his was the most exotic in the world. But his elder sons disagreed.

"Mine is amazing! It has a shark's face painted on it!"

"It's just the head of a train, you shitty rubber idiot!" Luffy was sent skidding out into the courtyard again.

"Yohoho! Sanji, what about mine?"

"Yours is just a paddleboat with a sheep's head on the front!" Brook followed Luffy.

Unfazed, the two of them jumped back up and demanded a third task. They then promised to put their whole hearts into the task. Weary of the whole ordeal, Sanji agreed and blew three more feathers into the air.

"You shitty bastards better get it right this time. Bring me the most exotic woman in the world!"

"Ahh, I wonder if Queen Nami can help me this time?" Usopp wondered as he hurried down the steps to see her.

"You still have debt remaining," Nami told Usopp.

Usopp thumped his head against the wall. "But I need the most exotic woman in the world!"

Nami raised a brow. She lifted a cyan-coloured Den Den Mushi and paced it on a long red carrot harnessed to six brown mice. "This is your most exotic girl in the world." Nami ignored the indignant screech from the small Den Den Mushi. "You can have her for free, as a gift. Go above ground and wait for her there. She will follow you."

Usopp glanced suspiciously at the little blue Den Den Mushi before leaving. To his astonishment, a beautiful red and gold coach drawn by six fine horses awaited him. The door of the coach slammed open to reveal what was definitely a man, dressed in an open Hawaiian shirt and blue speedos.

"Yo, Long Nose-bro!"

"You—What—But—!!"

"That's why it was free of charge, Long Nose-bro. Come on; let's go up to the castle."

Usopp returned to find Sanji fighting with a green-haired man.

"Luffy! What part of his shitty marimo looks like a woman to you?!"

"But I promised to put my whole heart into it, and Zoro was more interesting than the others I saw!"

"Yohohoho! Maybe Robin here is more to your liking?"

"Ahh, Robin-chwan! Your beauty is a balm to my soul!"

"Yo, San—ah, no, King-bro! I'm Franky! SUUPAH!"

"For god's sake, make your man put on some pants, Usopp!"

"He's not my man! The only thing he is, is my mistake!"

"Illegitimate child?" Robin enquired, smiling.

"Like hell!"

The door to the throne room banged open, and a slim, orange-haired girl strode in. "Hi! I'm so sorry I'm late. I am who Usopp was supposed to bring back. I'm Nami!"

"Q-Qu—Nami?!"

"Nee-chan?!"

"Aaa~ahh! Nami-swan! You brighten the room like no other! You are my sun, like Robin-chwan is my moon!"

"Yohoho! May I perhaps see your panties?"

"Sanji-kun, I'm a little weary from my travels."

"A chair for you! Usopp! How could you let a lady travel alone? And Luffy!" Sanji kicked a table into the couple in the corner, knocking them apart. "Go to your room to do that!"

"Curly brow!" Zoro growled, springing up.

"Shitty marimo!"

Franky patted Usopp's shoulder comfortingly. "Nee-chan says you still owe her 300,000 beli for the use of the coach and horses."

A/N: I just realized – why are none of the girls who are supposed to marry the prince actually girls? Also, a number of other characters also made an unexpected appearance in here. -laughs- See if you can name all of them! Also, if anyone is interested in the original ending (because mine ends differently), just Google "The Three Feathers Grimm".