Disclaimer: All characters belong to Ms Stephanie Meyer.

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Chapter Four.

The flight to Phoenix gave me ample time to reflect. Although sadness still consumed me, and it felt as though my heart was a dead weight in my chest, I almost felt a lightness settle over me.

Relief maybe?

I did need this. I needed to put a distance between myself and the supernatural, take a step back and evaluate my life.

Now that I had graduated, what would I do?

A few days ago, a human future held no attraction to me, I was going to be immortal, have my eternity beside Edward.

Now however, I was second guessing myself. Being a vampire no longer held the same novelty.

Being with Edward forever no longer held the same novelty.

Staying human however, was starting to look extremely appealing.

The cause of this change…..easy…..Jacob.

Guilt. What had I done?

More importantly, what was I going to do?

Could I ever right my wrongs?

On landing in Phoenix, I was met by an extremely exuberant Renee, and a much calmer Phil, who was injured at the moment, hence the home rest. My mother had not changed one ounce, talking non stop and filling me in with all her plans for me in the next few weeks. Torture being my opinion when the words spa and beautician were mentioned! I simply did not have the heart to tell her I'd love nothing less than to have some quiet time, however, I was certain she would eventually tire of our excursions, and actually, her excitement and enjoyment of life was quite catching!

For the next few days I quietly complied to her whims and plans, and on the fourth day of my stay Phil had stepped in and rescued me, stating he was taking Renee out for some couple time.

This was how I found myself on the beach, covered in sun block with my battered copy of Wuthering Heights resting on my knee.

Perfect.

This is what I needed. The last few nights had brought dreams and nightmares, either of the imposing vampire royalty or a huge russet wolf, who intermittently changed from animal to man.

The one person who had not visited my dreams however was Edward.

This in itself was surprising. I did not miss him, at all. I guess I was a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for, and being thousands of miles away from home, I knew that I did not need him to lean on, to protect me from myself, or to love me.

He was, and always would be my first love, but again I found myself wondering if I was actually 'in love' with him, and the resounding answer in my heart was 'NO'.

I did not need love to exist, other than the love of my parents, I could survive without Edward, quite easily in fact, as his controlling mannerisms had begun to annoy me somewhat.

What I did yearn for however, was the love which could only be given by one special person.

Jacob.

Guilt.

I had messed up. A lot. And there was no taking it back.

Jacob had fought for me.

I had let him down

Not once.

Not twice.

Too many times.

I had used him, and handed his heart back to him on a silver platter.

Nice going Bella.

This was something I did not dream could ever be repaired, and how I wished I could go back in time.

I couldn't though, and so I would live with my stupidity.

I could however, make a fresh start in life, without anyone to lean on.

Live life for Jacob.

He fought so hard for my humanity, so surely I could live my life, for my sun.

Firstly though, I had to finish things with Edward.

It wasn't appropriate to end things with a telephone conversation, but I did not wish to face him, he would try to dazzle me and talk me out of my descision. Besides, I had given him fair warning, hadn't I?

I had made it a habit to call Charlie each evening, not out of duty, but because I really did miss him. I think it surprised the hell out of him too, but he was chatty enough, and sounded grateful for my constant contact.

I hadn't asked about Jacob in our calls, and he hadn't mentioned him.

I was dying to ask, but at the same time, didn't want to put Charlie in an uncomfortable position, so I left the subject closed.

By the time I had mulled everything over, the Edward part of things crystal clear to me now when there was so much distance between us, I resolved to call him as soon as I reached home. If I had to analyse my change of heart, my feelings towards him had changed after he had left me. Then to witness the atrocities of the Volturi first hand, and to watch Edward decimate Victoria so easily, the initial awe and wonder I had of these graceful creatures had waned.

Another reason why my feelings towards Edward had changed, albeit slowly, was of course Jacob.

During my zombie phase, Jacob had unwittingly worked his way into my heart and soul, warming me from the inside out, and healing my broken heart.

Resolved to get this over with, I determinedly trudged my way back to Renee's.

Taking a deep breath, I dialled Edward's number.

"Bella my love", the musical voice chimed in my ear.

"Edward, how are you?" I asked, deciding to be as pleasant as possible.

"I am missing you of course. The family is moving, Esme is packing the house up as we speak, and they are moving to Alaska. How are you finding Phoenix?"

"Phoenix is great. Why are you moving Edward?" I was surprised at this turn in events, and a little suspicious.

"The family is moving. I am not travelling with them. The people here are beginning to notice, and we are arousing suspicion amongst them, so it is time to move on. When do you plan on returning to Forks?"

Deciding to ignore his last question I replied, "Where are you going Edward?"

"Wherever you go my love. The world holds no interest to me without you by my side, so I shall travel to Phoenix to be with you."

"What! NO! Edward, I specifically asked you for time apart, and I did not ask you to join me here. It would defeat the purpose of having a break if you travelled here. No Edward. I don't want you here with me."

"Isabella, my life holds no meaning without you. I have to protect you from all elements, including yourself."

OH HELL NO! He DID NOT just imply that I was a helpless little girl! Enraged, I snapped, "Listen Edward, and listen good. I have changed. My feelings for you have changed. I am not that same little helpless girl who you abandoned in the woods. I've grown, I've gotten stronger, and I don't need your protection.

You are making this conversation extremely easy for me. I have reached a decision Edward. Although I would like you to remain in my life as a friend, I no longer have the same feelings towards you.

I guess I'm saying I'm finishing our relationship.

I'm sorry, but I simply can't pretend anymore. You have been smothering and controlling me since Italy, and I…I….just don't want it anymore. I'm sorry."

I heard him gasp. "Bella my love, why? You love me, you chose me? What of the Volturi?"

"Edward, I will always love you in a sense. You were my first love, but as I've grown, my feelings have changed. Yes, I did choose you, but at what cost? I broke Jacob's heart, and I lost my best friend. As for the Volturi, both you and Alice put me in that very position, you can get me out of it. If they catch up with me, then it shall be my punishment for being foolish enough to firstly entangle myself in your world, and secondly for stupidly travelling to Italy."

"Does this change of heart have anything to do with the mutt?"

"Edward, stop belittling Jacob please. No, my change of heart regarding us has nothing to do with Jacob. Jacob will never welcome me again, and it's my fault, but I will live with it. He saved me Edward. When you left, he put me back together. He is completely selfless, and I broke his heart. I shall carry that guilt with me forever.

I guess I've just grown up, and I want to live life."

Edward was very quiet during my outburst, and my tears were threatening to spill over, but I had come this far, and I chanted to myself over and over, 'Be strong, be strong be strong'.

"My life is no longer worth living without you Bella. As you wish I shall leave you to live your life, but I will always be watching over you. You cannot deny me this. With the threat of the Volturi, and you being the danger magnet which you undoubtedly are, I promise that Alice and I shall both keep watch.

I love you, I have waited for you for a hundred years, and I can wait longer. Remember my love, I am only a phone call away."

When I heard the line go dead, I hung up and slipped down the wall onto the floor. Tears came and they flowed. I hadn't expected to feel so sad, so empty, so utterly desolate. But I had done the right thing, hadn't I?

Yes I had. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet, be strong and live. Without having to lean on anyone. Make my own mistakes, and rectify them myself. Make both Charlie and Renee proud of me.

But most of all,

Keep my heart beating for Jacob.

I tidied myself up before Renee and Phil arrived home, making dinner for the three of us.

When they returned, Renee full of chatter about their 'date', and Phil rolling his eyes at her, we all sat down to dinner.

"Mom, I wanted to ask your thoughts on what I should do now I've graduated?"

Renee, even although very flighty and spontaneous, was extremely clever, and a kindergarten teacher.

"Bella, I honestly think you should follow your heart. What do you see yourself doing?"

Do I tell her, pregnant and bare footed in a little red house. No, maybe better not!

Wait! Where did that thought come from?

Shaking my head at my inner thoughts, whilst blushing bright red, I replied, "I always presumed I'd follow in your footsteps mom, I'd love to teach English, but I don't think I would make it into any of the Universities now, I've left it too late."

I didn't let her know that I had been planning to go to Alaska (all on false pretences), but now, anything cold, be it a person or climate had little to appeal to me.

"Let me make some calls sweetie. Your mom knows some people in high places in the University of Phoenix, considering of course that you'd want to stay here?"

I mulled that over. This could be my chance. Work hard, make something of my life. The down side to this was of course Charlie. He could visit couldn't he?

I could meet him halfway?

I just couldn't bear to go back to Forks, it would be too close to La Push, and I would be spotted sooner or later, and I just did not have the audacity to show my face to anyone who was close to Jacob.

What the heck. If Renee could get me a placement starting next month, I would do it. I had nothing left to lose anyway.

Renee had taken my silence to mean I didn't want to stay.

"Oh sweetie, it's ok if you don't want to stay here, I mean I will miss you, but I can see you on holidays right?"

"No mom, if you could get me in here, I would love to study here. I kind of finished things with Edward, and I think the change of scenery and a fresh start might just be what I need."

"Bella, why didn't you tell me? Are you okay? You know I didn't want to sway your opinion, but you were too young for something so intense.

Okay, okay, enough with the questions. I'll just go make that call."

As I cleaned up the kitchen, I pondered.

Yes, I could do this.

I would have to stay on campus though.

Yes, I could do this.

I would do it for Jacob.

Renee swept back into the room jumping with absolute joy.

"You are in baby! My baby is going to University, here, where I can see you all the time! I'm so excited! Phil…..Phil….wait till I tell you the news…."

And off my childlike mother flounced.

This was it then.

Staying in Phoenix.

Beginning the next chapter of my life.

Without Jacob.

Guilt.

It consumed me.

After four days confined indoors, my wolf was trying to burst out of my skin, making me cagey, unsettled, and completely ready to bite the head off of anyone who spoke to me.

Irrational I know, but I had almost a week of never ending thoughts consuming me, drowning me, and visions of a brown eyed girl constantly on repeat.

I needed to shut that shit down before I phased again.

To keep up appearances, I had to hobble around with damn crutches which I was ready to break over Quil's head.

He meant well, but jeez he was annoying the hell out of me.

Embry stayed by my side, and I was thankful for his quiet and understanding nature.

"Em, I'm gonna phase. I can't stand bein cooped up any longer."

"If you're sure Jake, I'm with you man."

We both carefully made our way out back to the tree line, I didn't want any of the unsuspecting neighbours seeing my miraculous recovery.

We both stripped down, and I embraced the phase. It felt fantastic to set my wolf free. He had be caged up, and shut down for too long, and he was desperate to run.

Embry ran alongside me as we tore through the forest, and in the recess of my mind I picked up that Quil and Paul were patrolling, though thankfully Quil was too interested in watching Paul's latest conquest through the porn channel of the pack mind, to bother me.

As Quil patrolled near the treaty line, he stopped quickly with a low growl. Through Quil's eyes I saw Edward fucking Cullen leaning against a tree, examining his fingernails.

"I wish to speak to Jacob mutt. Kindly tell him to meet me here at his earliest convenience."

Quil glared at him, and growled low, "Yeah, I'll tell him you pompous sparkly prick."

Edward only rolled his eyes, and went back to examining his nails, whilst I abruptly changed course and thundered towards the invisible line.

"Goddamn asshole! What the hell does he want with Jake?" asked Embry, flanking me all the way.

"Fucked if I know Em. Me an Paul will hang back a bit, in case you need back up."

"Thanks Quil, stay hidden."

"Will do Jake, an it's good to see you back dude, I'm freakin sick of doin your patrols!"

I ignored Quil's last comment, and focused fully on Deadward. What did the freak want with me?

Possibly to flaunt Bella's choice in my face?

If he did, I swore he would lose a limb, like I said before, treaty be damned.

All too soon, Embry and I made it to our side of the line.

"Ah Jacob, fully recovered I see."

To hell with the pleasantries.

"What do you want" I bit out, choosing to stay in wolf form, as I knew the son of a bitch would pick through my brain anyway.

"I wondered if you had heard from Isabella?"

I noticed that he wasn't his usual designer coiffed self, looking a bit rough round the edges.

"You would know. She chose you, didn't she. Come to brag have you? Well guess what asshole, I'm not interested. Not in you or your family of freaks. Doctor Drac said you were leaving, why the fuck are you still here?"

"Uncouth as ever I see dog, I cannot comprehend what on earth Isabella sees in you vile creatures.

Contrary to your thoughts, I have not come to brag.

The rest of my family have left for Alaska already. I shall join them at some point, after making a trip of my own.

I asked about Bella, as I am confident she shall return here soon.

She is going through one of her uncertain phases at the moment and has requested some time alone."

"Well news flash you son of a bitch. I haven't heard from her. Nor am I likely to. So why don't you fuck off back to your coffin before I rip one of your limbs off for the sake of it!"

He sighed, like he freaking needed to.

"Very well dog. I shall be leaving today. But know this. You shall do well to remember that Isabella belongs to me, regardless of whether or not she returns to you."

I could not believe the arrogant asshole, but I wanted to be the better man, so I stood to my full height and ground out in my mind "Fuck. Off."

Embry and I turned and headed for home. Thankfully he kept his thoughts to himself. Quil and Paul kept quiet. They could feel my anger through our bond, and wisely switched back immediately to Paul's inner porn channel.

Back at the tree line, I quickly phased back, grabbed the damn crutches and made it to the house.

Striding past Billy, I threw my bedroom door open and collapsed in my bed.

Why did he tell me?

Was Bella coming home?

Had Bella finished her Romeo and Juliet shit with him?

Was Bella staying human?

These thoughts ran rampant through my head, never stopping, on a repeat, driving me crazy.

Oh Bella.

A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read.