4

And Tears Shall Fall

Cas did not feel the swamp was neither threat or concern. The air did not have a malevolent feel, but it felt heavy, but in the heart and soul. All around them was a dense fog, and muted light, so they couldn't see no more than a couple yards in front of them. The paths were mostly dry, if moist, and bordered by tall reeds or calm brackish water that were like mirrors. Will-o'-the-wisp were seen, flickering their green ghostly light. The soft sound of muted crying was ever present, but the source was never to be seen.

"Dean, I think we crossed into a demons domain," he said as he tightened his grip on Dean's hand. This was not like the open areas in hell, there was a definite influence here, something was creating this swamp.

Dean just nodded, keeping alert. There were hundreds to demon princes, lords and leaders. Some were content to just punish the souls they happen to ensnare. Others had functions, such as Crowley's old job as King of the Crossroads. There was sudden chill in the wind, and it made him shiver. "It's all right Cas, stay close." He knew though Dean felt it too because his also shivered as well.

The somber atmosphere did not let up all the time they walked, which had become difficult. The compass they had pointed them in the right direction, but sometimes they had to double back to take another path because they didn't dare step into the water. It was frustrating, but there was something in the water, calling to them. If they stepped in, they had no clue on what would happen. It wasn't until they happened upon the first soul did they find out would happen.

It was young woman in a white dress who came through the mist. She was following something only she could hear or see, but by her face, they could tell she was enraptured by whatever it was. She then sat down beside the water and gazed curiously into the still water. Slowly, they saw the color drain from her face and tears began to fall from her eyes into the water. The lost look of despair was written all over her and her tears never stopped. Soft laments came from her barely moving lips. She never moved after that, only her tears and mournful sounds indicated that she was even there.

Now they knew what would happen, and what the place was. These were the Swamps of Sadness, domain of Anderiel, demon of sorrow. She feeds off the hopelessness and grief while she drinks the salty tears of the souls that come to her. She is old, powerful and respected. "We need to get out of her quickly Dean, the longer we stay, we'll eventually fall into despair."

"Cas…I think you better take the lead." He did not like the sound of Dean's voice and turned to face him. He can see that Dean already had an ashen complexion, and his eyes were filling with sorrow. "I don't think I can go on." Dean almost turned to look at the water, but he grabbed Dean's face and made him look at him.

"Fight it Dean, fight it…please." He wouldn't lose Dean here, not this way. He pulled at Dean to follow him, and Dean begrudgingly did so. "Don' t look at the water…concentrate on me," he kept on saying behind him, as he in vain sought out an exit. He didn't bother to look at the compass, all that mattered was getting out. Not only for Dean, but for himself as well as he also felt his memories of his saddest moments being forced to the surface. How long he could keep it down before he succumbed as well was impossible to tell. There was already a pull in him to look at the water. To reflect on his failures, mistakes and shortcomings. To just…give up.

"Cas…" Dean called out softly as he stopped, halting him as well. He turned around to see that Dean had already had some tear streaks on his check. "I can't…move." There was a strain on his face that showed that he wanted to, but didn't have the strength to resist. "I'm sorry…for everything Cas. For being a jerk, not loving you the way you deserve. For failing Sammy so many times. Being a disappointing son, a con, a sellout….I don't deserve…of God, Cas. Forgive me."

Desperate, he did the only thing that came to mind. He kissed Dean suddenly and without warning while he grabbed him to keep him from moving. He poured every happy moment that he had into that kiss, his first flight, hamburgers, the first time they kissed. Everything.

But he still felt the tears coming down from Dean against his own check. Releasing his lips, he looked at Dean, who still had the look of despair…but also hope in his green eyes. Not thinking, he motioned Dean into piggybacking him. The kiss was enough to break the hold a little bit, but he knew that it was only temporary. He was tempted to cradle Dean and cry into each other's arms for all eternity. Using what will he had left, he lifted himself and Dean and began walking as best he could.

"Tell me Dean….tell me what makes you sad…and I'll tell you what makes me happy." Maybe if they vocalized their feelings, they can attempt to stay afloat.

"I'm a horrible son, even though I did everything dad asked me too, I knew he favored Sam over me. I'm a worthless sack of shit that has no real skills…."

"And I'm a recently fallen angel that has yet to have any skills either Dean. But what makes me happy is the thought we can learn something new together."

Dean slightly tightened his grip on him before he responded, "If it wasn't for me, you would still be an angel."

"If it weren't for you, I would still have a stick up my ass and be another angel dick." He got a small chuckle, sad still, but a chuckle nonethless out of that one. "Your hamburgers make me happy," he added.

He felt Dean slump a tad bit, "I never really learned to cook because I never had a home."

"But you do now…complete with family. I'm happy that you included me in your family."

"Robbie is never going to have a mother because I couldn't save her. He's going to hate me when he learns the truth." Dean rested his head against his neck. His muscles were straining at Dean's weight, and he couldn't hold out much longer. This last revelation, he couldn't think of an appropriate happy memory to counter it.

"Dean…we can't predict how things will be in the future. But…you saved him. Do remember the first time you say his face, held him on your hands?" He was grasping at this one, hoping one would stick.

He felt Dean sigh, and looking ahead, he thought he say the mist begin to lift a bit. "Or how about the time your father gave you the Impala? Driving her down the highway, volume at unreasonable levels, singing?"

His knees began to buckle, but the fog was lifting now, and he was walking on solid rock now. He continued his thoughts of happiness, "remember the time we went to Santa Fe and I made you try the nopales? The face you made was priceless, but took another couple of bites. Or what about the stripper bar?"

There was no way for him to see it, but he could feel Dean smiling. He knew they were out of danger when Dean kissed him on the back of the neck. "Yeah, I remember the whole 'den of iniquity' thing. Hadn't laughed like that in ages."

Sighing in relief, he let Dean go for him to stand on his own feet. "Dean, you're going on a diet when we get back home."

"Pfft, I work out. But…thanks Cas. For getting us out." Dean placed his hand on his shoulder and gently turned him. "Let's get out of here." Nodding, he let Dean take the lead again where they encountered a small stone wall with stairs leading up. Once they were up, they saw that ahead of them was a dark mountain range that jutted up like jagged teeth abruptly from the blackened earth. Looking back, they could see that swamp that very nearly claimed them both.

Now that they were above the fog layer, they saw it stretched for a long ways. In the middle was a small tower that from the top spewed forth the mist the blanketed the place. He figured that must be Anderiels keep.

"Damn, almost ended up like Artax there."

"We're free from it now Dean."

Dean turned to him, "no, not really Cas. Those feelings are inside me…and I do feel like that sometimes and I really do fear Robbie won't forgive me."

"Dean, I know. I know how you feel, even now. And I feel them too. I almost wanted to give up in there too. But the thought of us, stuck there in our own misery when there is hope. I wouldn't allow it. Yes, you have a lot of guilt Dean, but so do I. I'll work on mine if you work on yours?"

Nodding, Dean agreed, "deal." Looking back to the mountains, "I wonder what fun waits for us next."