Dear all,

My apologies for the lack of updates, it's just that life has been really... intense lately.

If you have any suggestions for what will happen in the next chapters, please tell me as I'm running out of inspiration. Do you think Snape would serve alcohol to students or not? I'm not sure; please give me your opinions on this.

Hope you're all having a wonderful summer,

Andrea xxx

Harry kept going over and over why his friends would still refuse to so much as look at him. Luna was still the only one to greet him. For the first time he felt like he was seeing Hogwarts from an outsider's eyes. Everything seemed to be the same as it always was, apart from the fact that he barely existed in any of the students' eyes. To Harry, it felt like time was passing the way it always had, but that he wasn't moving with it. It was as though he was standing still in a room where everyone else was moving.

Despite the feelings of solitude, Harry tried his best to maintain a normal life. He had his meals in the Hall with everyone else and made sure he ate enough. He sat on his usual spot at the Gryffindor Table as he was sure he would attract more attention had he sat alone at the end. He put more effort into school than he ever had before which resulted in him receiving more than decent grades in most of his subjects on the few essays that they had handed in so far.

However, if one looked a bit closer it was fairly obvious that everything was not the way it was supposed to be. He didn't talk to anyone, not at meals, nor during lessons nor in the corridors. He always looked at everyone else's plates at meals, as if he wanted to make sure that he ate as much or as little as everyone else. He always went to the library to borrow books for his homework but he never did his homework there, with his fellow students. He had quit Quidditch even though his Head of House had offered him to the post of the Captain. If one looked even closer, one could find him taking walks around the lake in the afternoon and on aimless wanderings in the castle at night.

Harry did, however, still cry himself to sleep every night when he felt the sense of loneliness take over him. Sleep did not come easily to him which often resulted in him roaming the corridors at night, mostly undetected as he had started to learn the teacher's patterns. On the whole, he felt empty which is why he found the tears strangely disturbing. He no longer felt sad for what had happened, instead he felt nothing. The sense of numbness was strangely comforting. He thought of Snape's offer more than once but decided that he would not take the man up on it as he did not want to bother the man more than he already had.

At the end of the first three weeks of school he was called to the Headmaster's office. Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk as he entered and offered him the usual selection of sweets and teas, which he politely declined.

"So, Harry, my boy, how have your first three weeks of school been?" The Headmaster asked and leaned forward, eyeing the boy carefully, with twinkling eyes.

Harry decided that it was best to reply with a mixture of truth and falsehood, in order to make the Headmaster believe him. He therefore replied, with as much sincerity in his voice as he could muster, "they've been alright, Sir. Most people are still not used to me being back but I'm sure it will get easier with time," he said and gave the old man a small smile. "I had a nice long chat with Ron and Hermione yesterday and it seems as though things should be back to normal quite soon", he added and smiled brightly, making sure his eyes smiled as well. The last sentence was one big lie but he was fairly certain that he had managed to convince the Headmaster.

"I am glad to hear that, my boy. Just keep trying, I am sure everyone will be back to normal soon, just be patient".

Harry smiled inwardly, pleased that the Headmaster had swallowed his lies. They discussed random things that lacked importance for the remainder of the conversation and Harry left the Headmaster's office feeling strangely relieved. Apparently he must have managed to play the part of his own life quite well, he thought.

Three days later, close to curfew, Harry was out walking by the lake. He took of his cloak, under which he was wearing nothing more than a plain t-shirt. It was not a particularly warm night but Harry enjoyed the wind on his bare arms. He sat down next to a tree and looked out over the lake, which was strangely serene. For the first time in weeks, he almost felt at peace with himself. He allowed himself to forget everything for just a few moments and relished the sensation. Harry was so caught up in himself that he did not notice that it had begun to rain.

"Mr Potter, out in the dark, I see", Snape drawled as he approached the startled Gryffindor.

Harry looked up in confusion and met the older man's eyes.

The Slytherin extended a hand, which the younger man took, and he was shocked at how cold the boy was. "Here, take this", he said and unfastened his cloak and gave it to the boy.

Harry put the cloak on gratefully, as he realised how cold he was. "Thanks".

"Come with me, Potter", Snape ordered and turned to walk up to the castle.

The Gryffindor quickly picked up his own, now soaked, cloak off the ground and followed his teacher into the castle. He was not surprised when he was led to the dungeons. They entered the Potions Master's office and the teacher stopped for a moment.

"Speak of this to anyone and you will regret it", the Slytherin said warningly as he walked up to one of the bookcases. He tapped two books with his wand and the bookcase swung open, like a door. Snape gestured for Harry to enter before him and then followed him into the other room.

Harry tried his best not to look around too much when he entered his teacher's personal quarters. The room they had entered was a large, well-decorated sitting room. There were two couches in the middle of the room, with a table in between, with chairs on each side. There was a thick, cosy rug which covered most of the floor. Along each wall there were bookcases, filled with thousands of volumes. In one of the corners there was a large fireplace. There were also random magical objects which Harry did not recognise on small tables all over the room. There was also a large cupboard, built in one of the bookcases. The room was fairly well-lit but Harry could not see a single lamp or candle. There were three more doors on the other side of the room. The room was decorated in dark, rich colours, mostly blue and brown, something Harry found very soothing. He took an instant liking to the room.

"Curious, I see", Snape said and smirked. He looked quite amused as he watched the Gryffindor's eyes wander across the room.

"It's a beautiful room, Sir," Harry said softly and gave the other man a small smile.

"I take it this is your first time in a teacher's personal quarters, Potter?" Snape inquired and, after a moment or two, added, "Correct me if I'm wrong".

"No, you're right, Sir", the Gryffindor replied and blushed slightly.

"I thought so. Have a seat, Potter", Snape offered and sat down on one of the couches. "Would you like a drink?"

"No, thank you, Sir", Harry replied and sat down on the couch opposite to Snape.

The Slytherin stood up and walked across the room to the cupboard, where he retrieved a bottle of brandy and a glass. He walked back to the couch, sat down and poured himself some brandy.

Harry watched him, feeling quite unsure as to why he was there. He really didn't know why his professor had asked him down to his personal quarters. He was suddenly reminded of how cold he was as he felt his body shiver.

Snape noticed the boy tremble and cast a drying-spell on the boy's clothes.

"Thank you, Sir. And thank you for lending me your cloak", Harry said and took it off. He hung the cloak over the back of the couch.

The Slytherin just nodded and took a sip of his brandy. The two men sat in silence for quite some time, just thinking. It was the older man that first spoke up.

"Would you allow me to express my point of view on your situation?" Snape asked, his eyes strictly focused on the younger man's.

Harry hesitated for a second, as he feared what his teacher was going to say about him, before he replied. "Go on".

"You feel more and more isolated; you have started to feel void. Yet you are trying harder than ever to look normal and you are terrified of slipping up. You don't want to attract anyone's attention to how you feel; hence you pretend everything is alright. You find it hard to see a meaning with anything. You find it hard to go to sleep as your thoughts keep you awake. You are not depressed; you just don't feel much of anything. Am I correct?" Snape inquired and looked at the boy expectantly.

Harry had been looking at the floor since the end of the first sentence of the Potions Master's small speech. His words had described his state perfectly and this scared the Gryffindor to no end. He had absolutely no idea how to respond which was why he stared at the floor.

"Potter, look at me", Snape urged and placed his glass on the table in front of him.

"Why is it that you can read me like an open book?" Harry said, exasperated and looked up at his professor. "I don't know what I feel, for Merlin's sake; I just know that I don't like it!"

Snape just sat there in silence and watched the young man. He knew the boy had to get some things out of his system and he was going to let him do just that.

"I don't want to feel this way, but what is there for me to do? No one wants to talk to me. I'm literally untouchable. If I just try to lead a normal life as much as possible, then maybe they'll want to talk to me in the end. Though I bet this serves me right for screwing up so badly. It's my own bloody fault, isn't it? I screwed up and this is my punishment. The only thing that would make them talk to me is telling them where I went and that's something I can't, it's too embarrassing!" Harry rambled on, hardly breathing.

"Potter", Snape cut in. "Have you already forgotten what I told you before? What happened was not your fault; I was there so I know. The reason you run away is obvious; you have got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of there. And yes, everyone is struggling with you being back, but that is not your fault".

"Ron tried to kill himself because of me, how can that not be my fault?" Harry almost shouted.

"What happened that night at the boarding school was a big deal, Potter. No one blames you for reacting the way you did. You could not possibly have known how Mr Weasley would react to you running away. You did what you thought was best, full stop", Snape said sternly and stared into the younger man's eyes. "However, if you allow yourself to fall into the darkness, that is your fault. You have obviously not been feeling well these past weeks, yet you have not talked to anyone, despite my offer. You blatantly lied to the Headmaster and you..." Snape stopped as he realised the boy had pulled up his legs and were now hugging them as he buried his face in his lap.

"Don't you get it? It's embarrassing!" Harry said and looked up as a single tear fell down his cheek. He quickly wiped it off with the back of his hand.

"Potter, I know. Trust me on this", Snape said slowly. "I do know. I have been a drug addict. There was a time when I had to have alcohol before breakfast. There was a time when I had absolutely no one to talk to. There was a time when I was suicidal, not that you are suicidal of course", he said when Harry looked up with a shocked look on his face. "I merely wanted to point out that you are not the only one to go through something like this. My point is, I wasted five years of my life before I got back up and I do not wish for anyone to do the same. Life is precious, Potter. You should know that better than anyone seeing as you have come close to losing it on more than one occasion", Snape declared and raised one eyebrow.

Harry did not know how to respond to his teacher's honest talk. He was embarrassed by the fact that he had been so weak lately. Hence he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Please could I have a glass of brandy?" he asked and shifted back to sitting normally.

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