The pressure of Dean sitting next to me was nice as I surfaced from sleep. I was surprised to find him still beside me, I expected him to leave as soon as possible, but he was here, sitting beside me, alert. I must have drifted off again because when I woke for the second time, Dean was gone. I panicked at being alone and in my hurry to get up I fell off the couch and landed on the floor. Hard. I groaned slightly as I pushed myself up into sitting position, noticing Dean was right beside me, helping me, asking if I was okay. I vaguely remember mumbling a response along the line of 'I'm fine Dean.'

Dean grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet, then set me back on the couch. I pulled my knees back up to my chin and turned away from Dean, slightly embarrassed. My eyes drifted across to the table and stuck on the knife that was sitting on it. I stared at it for a few seconds before the realisation of where I had seen it previously struck me. It was the knife I had used on my arm, which Dean had so carefully patched up. I felt Dean's eyes on the back of my head, before he suddenly moved and snatched the knife off the table moments later, slipping it into his pocket.

I watched as Dean walked back towards the poor excuse for a kitchen, then Sam announced that he was going back to bed. I observed the brother's non-verbal interactions as Sam moved past Dean, and, if I wasn't mistaken, I was sure Sam winked at Dean as he went past. I was puzzled. My eyes followed Dean as he moved around the kitchen, but I quickly dropped my gaze as he began to walk toward me with a tub of food in hand. He was going to try and make me eat again. Great.

I felt his weight shift the couch cushions as he sat down and wordlessly held out the containers to me. I ignored them. Or tried to. I looked at them but didn't take them.

'I don't need to eat Dean'

The gnawing sensation in the pit of my stomach said otherwise.

'Yes you damn well do,' came Dean's quick response, 'Your human now so you need to eat something.'

I sighed deeply, turning away from Dean, back into the corner of the couch, willing him to go away.

'I'm not hungry.'

I was still ignoring all my senses telling me to eat.

'Bullshit Cas, that's a load of rubbish and you know it.'

So he picked up on my lies. Surprise.

By now it was quite apparent to me that Dean wasn't going to give up trying to make me eat until I ate a bit, but I wasn't going to give in without a fight. I furrowed my brow, thinking.

'Why does it matter if I eat or not Dean?'

That may have come across harsher than I was intending but if it gets Dean to leave me alone…

'Because it does. Now eat'

I caved in. I supposed if I ate a few mouthfuls that might satisfy him for a while. I took the food that was still being offered to me and took a few tentative mouthfuls.

'I'm full Dean, I don't want anymore'

He didn't say anything, he just sat there watching me until I caved again and kept eating. He watched me until the entire lot of food was gone.

After I finished eating I decided that I wanted a wash.

'Dean, I think I want some form of cleaning. This human form seems to gather dirt easier.'

'Why don't you take a shower then Cas?'

I looked at him curiously, so he lead me into the bathroom and showed me how to use taps and get the right temperature, the concept of a shower and he also gave me a disposable razor and showed me how to shave. That was another thing I had noticed, I kept growing hair on my face.

Dean left on a supply run, leaving me alone. Finally.

I coated my face with shaving cream and followed Dean's instructions, being careful not to nick the skin, I removed most of the hair from my face. I cut myself accidentally a few times though. After I finished shaving, I rinsed out the razor and sat down on the floor with it, pulling the handle off and twisting the plastic base until the actual blade fell out. I stripped off, sitting down on the floor of the shower, pressing the blade into my thigh, dragging it trough the skin again and again, thinking of nothing but my brothers and the pain I had caused Dean.

I stood up and turned on the shower, watching the bloody water swirl down the drain imagining the disappointment in Dean's eyes if he knew. Just another mistake to add to the list. Eventually I turned the taps off, noting that most of the cuts had stopped bleeding, stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I didn't have any clothes so I went to Dean's bag and hoped he wouldn't mind if I borrowed something.

I selected a pair of jeans and a simple T-shirt from the bag, as well as clean underwear. Sliding the clothes on quickly, I noticed the jeans were a bit to long so I folded them up until they were the right length. I dried my hair out a little with the towel but left it pretty damp and went to sit back on the couch and wait for Dean to return.

I woke some time later to Sam moving around the small hotel room. Cas was still asleep, curled up with his head resting on my shoulder. So as not to wake him, I gently lifted his head and laid him down on the couch as I got up. Sam smirked at me as he stirred sugar into his coffee and I scratched my jaw absentmindedly as I walked over.

'How ya doing?'

'I could ask you the same.' The slightest flash of laughter passing across his exhausted face and weary eyes.

I started to glare at him, then sighed.

'How long have you been up?'

I decided against telling Sam about Cas' current predicament.

'Not to long. I feel a bit better than I did yesterday.'

'the day before,' I corrected him, 'you've been out two days.'

Sam's eyebrows wrinkled slightly in surprise, but the expression quickly dropped from his tired face.

'Well, whatever, I still feel like hell.'

I noticed Sam was avoiding my eyes a little, probably after all he had said after I stopped him curing Crowley, he didn't want to talk to me very much.

I began to think out loud,

'I think we're gonna stay here for a few days, or should we go back to the bunker?'

It wasn't really directed at Sam but he began to answer anyway

'Well, maybe…'

Sam was cut off by a loud crash from the other side of the room, I spun around, drawing a small knife from my pocket as I went. The hand holding the knife dropped to my side as I realised that it was just Cas that had made the sound. He had fallen of the couch, resulting in quite a bit of flailing and probably a bruised butt.

I slammed the knife down onto the table and immediately went to Cas' side to help him up.

As I pulled Cas up by his arm and set him back on the couch, I asked if he was OK. He mumbled something about being fine before curling up in the corner of the couch again, facing away from me. I stood for a second before following his gaze to the table and saw that his eyes were fixed on the knife I had set down there. It took me another second to remember the significance of the knife. I had quietly scooped it up and slipped it into my pocket the night I had found Cas. I knew he remembered it too, so I hurried over to the table, snatching it up and stashing it away quickly, cursing at myself.

By the time I had finished checking that Cas was Ok, Sam had nearly polished off his share of last night's takeout. At least he was eating, which is more than I could say for Cas. One less thing to worry about. Just as long as he kept it down I was happy.

He yawned widely, 'well, I'm going to crash again. You two have fun,' he said, winking at me.

I rolled my eyes at him as we passed each other, but I could see real worry and exhaustion behind his happy demeanor.

I went to look in the fridge. We still had some of last night's leftovers in the fridge. That would do Cas. I could do a supply run later. I picked up the plastic containers and went over to the couch, plonking myself down next to Cas, determined to make him eat this time. I wouldn't be satisfied until he ate the entire container of food.

Cas was still curled in the corner of the couch. I had noticed his eyes following me as I moved around the room, but as soon as I looked at him, his eyes flitted away from me.

I wordlessly held the food out to him, Cas looked from it to me blankly.

'I don't need to eat Dean'

Dammit. This was going to be difficult.

'Yes you damn well do. Your human now, so you have to eat something.'

Cas sighed and looked away.

'I'm not hungry'

The guy was seriously pulling that one on me?

'Bullshit'

Cas frowned

'Why does it matter to you if I eat or not Dean?'

I didn't really have a good response, so whatever came out of my mouth sounded good.

'Because it does. Now eat'

Cas relented and took the food offered to him. He tentatively began to eat a little of it. After about ten mouthfuls, he declared that he was full and didn't want anymore. I raised my eyebrows at him and he took another mouthful.

I sat there for the best part of an hour, preventing Cas from moving until he had finished every last bite.

When he had finished (finally) he announced that he wanted 'some form of cleaning' as he put it.

I suggested he take a shower. He quite obviously didn't understand, so I led him to the bathroom, showed him the taps and how to use them, gave him a disposable razor and explained shaving to him and then left him to it.

I went out to buy food for the next few days, I wasn't sure how long we were going to be there, so best to stock up. The entire time I was thinking of what Cas would like to try and what foods I wanted to share with him. I worked hard on the menu and hoped that he would appreciate it. I drove back to the hotel feeling rather pleased with myself.