Chapter 4

Why Do You Love Him?

"He really loves him, doesn't he?" James said quietly. He was in a slightly melancholic mood although he was playing such an action-packed game like Exploding Snap with Peter, Chris and Alex.

"Who loves who?" Chris said distractedly while causing the pack of cards to explode when it was James' turn.

"James!" Alex exclaimed in exasperation. "You lost again! Do you want to play or not?!"

"Sirius, I mean," James clarified sadly without taking his eyes from the two figures reading together on Sirius' bed. "He even reads with him to make him happy."

"From what it looks like, Sirius really enjoys reading," Peter said, dealing the cards anew.

"Nonsense, he doesn't enjoy the reading," Alex said. "He only reads with him because it gives him the perfect opportunity to grope Lupin."

"But why Lupin, though?" James muttered, deep in thought.

"Because he loves him?" Peter suggested.

"Yes! But why! Why does he love him? Why does he want to grope him? I mean, it's not like Lupin's good-looking or anything." What's so special about Lupin that Sirius rather wants to read with him than playing Exploding Snap with us?

"He's just nice," Peter said, shrugged and nudged James in the ribs because it was his turn in their game. Bored, James took the cards and mixed them.

"But being nice is not a reason to fall in love with someone," he said sullenly.

"Could you finally deal the cards?" Chris complained. "Forget them. Sirius has totally lost it since he's been dating Lupin. If you ask me, he only chose Lupin because, well, do you see any other gay guys at our school?"

"Why, are there other gay people at Hogwarts?" Peter asked curiously.

"Of course not," Chris said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"How can you be sure?" Alex said. "Maybe they just haven't come out yet?"

"Oh yes, sure, Hogwarts is full of gay people," James said morosely. "Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised anymore if, tomorrow at breakfast, Dumbledore climbed on the teacher's table and declared he's gay."

The others snickered loudly. "I always thought Filch was gay," Peter said thoughtfully. "Has anyone ever seen him with a girl?"

"Obviously not," Chris said. "Who would want to date him? Whether Filch is gay or not doesn't make much of a difference - no one would ever want to be with him anyway."

"Filch is in love with his cat," Alex argued. "It's so obvious, don't you see all the secret looks they share and how they touch each other in all the improper places?"

"Urgh." Chris pulled a face. "That's sick, Alex."

"And then, Voldemort decides to come out of the closet, too," James expanded the tale, "because he thinks people will be even more scared of him if he's gay."

"Will you come off it!" Chris said, suddenly angry now and not in a joking mood anymore. "Please stop with your sick fantasies and don't say his name!"

After that, none of them felt like continuing to play Exploding Snap anymore.

-------

The next day found James in the library. That in itself was unusual enough. Everyone who had heard that James Potter was in the library not to check on nasty hexes for Slytherins but working for school there, would have certainly advised you to be very careful because surely James Potter was planning something. The truth was, James was really trying to work for school. He was so utterly bored that he could not think of a better thing to do. Besides, he really needed to catch up with stuff if he did not want to annoy McGonagall. He did not put it past her to make him repeat the sixth class.

Sighing deeply, James skimmed through another utterly boring book to look up the different types of vampires.

"Hello. Do you mind if I sit down here?"

Grateful for the distraction, James looked up to see Lupin, who was carrying two thick books, standing in front of him. Oh, wow, James thought sarcastically, he can even move on his own without Sirius being there all the time.

"Where's Sirius?" he voiced his thoughts.

"He has Muggle Studies now," Lupin explained, sat down at the table and spread his books, quill and parchment.

James frowned. He had not even given Lupin permission to sit here yet. "How do you get through this hard time? Do you write each other love letters?"

Lupin grinned wryly. "Telepathy."

James almost gaped in shock but just in time he realised that Lupin was joking. "Very funny," he said sourly.

Lupin bit his lip in uncertainty and tried to be very busy with his schoolwork. He was different without Sirius being there, James observed. When Lupin was together with Sirius, he behaved in a confident, relaxed way; but on his own, he seemed strained, always trying so hard to please.

Upon realising that James was watching him, Lupin looked up from his book again, smiled briefly and said, "So what are you reading? Ah, Bloodsuckers Worldwide, that's for Defence Against the Dark Arts, isn't it? That's quite a good book."

"It's the most boring thing I've ever read," James contradicted him.

"Yes, but it is… informative. All the information is correct and --"

"It's still boring."

"Yes, I guess. You have a lot to catch up with, don't you?" Lupin tried to sound sympathetic.

"Yes, just imagine."

"I could give you the notes I took in class, then you don't have to look everything up," Lupin offered. "I suppose Sirius' notes aren't always such great help." He grinned knowingly at James as if it was some sort of private joke. As if he knew Sirius just as well as James did. It annoyed James even more. Lupin did not have the right to speak about Sirius like that.

"Sirius' notes are perfectly okay, thank you very much," James said coldly.

"Oh, right." Lupin smiled one of his infuriating smiles again. "Just, if you need help, you can borrow my notes."

"Didn't I make myself very plain that I don't want your help?" James snapped at him.

Lupin flinched slightly and quickly pretended to be reading hard again. James observed him a few more minutes and then decided it was time to focus on Arctic Vampires again. He had to admit the prospect of borrowing Lupin's or someone else's notes instead of reading these tedious books was very inviting. As much as he hated to acknowledge it, neither Sirius' nor Peter's notes were much help. Lupin's notes, however, would certainly be helpful because Lupin was... a nerd. James was glad he had found another reason for disliking Lupin. Naturally, James would not ask him for help. He was definitely not dependent on a nerdy, gay werewolf.

About one hour later, Lupin left the library. Probably because Muggle Studies was over now and the two love-struck boys needed to celebrate their reunion. But when, half an hour later, James went back into the Gryffindor common room, he found Sirius sitting alone on a window sill, staring outside with a sullen expression.

"Hey," James addressed him. "Could you lend me all the notes you took last year?"

"Sure." Sirius slid down from the window sill and went into the dormitory to search for his notes. James followed him.

"Where's Lupin, by the way?" he asked casually. Had the werewolf dumped Sirius and that was the reason for Sirius' bad mood?

"Full moon," Sirius mumbled and handed James several tattered pieces of parchment.

"Oh. So where's he now? In the Forbidden Forest?"

"Nonsense. Too dangerous. Dumbledore has a shack built for him where he can transform safely without endangering anyone." Sirius dived under his bed to look for more notes in his trunk.

James examined the parchments Sirius had given him so far. "Er, Sirius, you gave me some notes from Muggle Studies - I don't take that subject, remember? And here are some notes from fifth year. And this… this is a letter from your cousin Andromeda."

"Yeah, you know I don't arrange my notes." A thoroughly dusty Sirius arrived from under the bed with another stack of parchment. "Here, I don't know what's useful of all this rubbish…"

James sighed. Finding what he needed in Sirius' more than a little chaotic notes seemed almost more complicated than looking things up in the library.

"It's not complete, of course," Sirius said unperturbedly. "I don't think I ever took notes in Defence Against the Dark Arts or Herbology. Why don't you ask Remus for his notes? He's much more neat with that kind of things."

"He's a nerd."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I wish you'd at least make an effort to get to know him. And I'm sure his notes will be really helpful."

"I just don't get it!" James burst out. He had to ask it now, he needed to understand. "Why him? Why him of all people?"

"What do you mean, why him?" Sirius asked in confusion.

"Why do you love him?"

"Oh. Dunno. He's really nice and we became good friends and, well, being with him feels… nice."

"That's not a good reason," James protested. "You could have simply stayed normal friends. Why -? I mean, he's not even good-looking!"

Sirius frowned slightly. "That's not really surprising coming from you. I know you think everyone who's not Evans can't be good-looking."

James' eyes almost popped out of his head. "What the -- See, I'm not saying this because he's a boy. You, for example, are quite good-looking. For a boy, I mean. That doesn't mean I'm interested in you or something like that, of course, I would never -- And he's just normal, boring-looking, nothing special at all."

"He's not normal," Sirius argued. "I think he's very special and maybe you simply haven't looked closely enough."

"Merlin's pants, you really are blinded by love. Don't you see he's just a boring nerd? He's not like a Marauder at all. He just always tries to behave very nicely and never contradicts anyone and is always polite and he studies hard and takes proper notes and all the teachers like him because he's so well-behaved --"

"Well, tell me a teacher who doesn't like Lily Evans," Sirius said superiorly.

James felt completely caught off-guard. "What has Evans got to do with this?" he said defensively.

"Oh, no idea -- Why are you in love with Evans?" Sirius mimicked him. "She's so boring and rule-abiding, she studies hard - that makes her practically a nerd, and she doesn't play pranks but is always helpful, and, worst of all, she's a prefect." He smirked knowingly at James.

"But she's good-looking." James helplessly tried to come up with more reasons why Lily was so much more worthy to fall in love with than Lupin. "And she fights back if you confront her. Lupin just backs down. He's a weakling but Lily's a fighter."

Meanwhile, the smirk had vanished from Sirius' face. He glared coldly at James. "Have you any idea why he doesn't pick fights? You know what would happen if he fought back and hexed you or even only insulted you? There would immediately be people who'd say, 'Ah, he's aggressive because he's a werewolf, so we'd better lock him away from other humans.' He can't just attack someone for the fun of it."

"I… I thought no one knew he was a werewolf," James said feebly, feeling much more guilty than he wanted to.

"Well, the Werewolf Registry does. Maybe they're keeping an eye on him. You can never know. Some healers from St. Mungo's know, too. Maybe they informed the Ministry."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I called him a weakling," James said awkwardly. "I didn't know that. But you can't deny that Lupin is a nerd."

"Why can't you simply call him 'Remus'?" Sirius asked, still a bit annoyed with James but not as angry anymore as before.

"Come on, don't read into anything I say or do that I hate him. Why can't I call him 'Lupin'? I call Evans by her last name, too, and you never complained about that."

"Hm, should I be worried now because you only call the people you love by their last name?"

"That was a low shot, Black!" James protested and aimed a hex at Sirius, which the latter ducked easily. I'm really out of practice, James concluded when he found himself hanging upside-down in the air half a second later.

-------

James did not know why he had let Sirius convince him to visit Lupin in the hospital wing after the full moon. He had no idea why he was sitting here to watch Sirius and Peter mother a thoroughly exhausted-looking Lupin. James had not said a word so far and stared sullenly at the bloody wrapping around Lupin's left wrist and Sirius' fingers curled loosely around it.

Peter and Sirius were babbling all kind of nonsense. They told Lupin everything that had happened while he had not been there - and they really told him everything. Did they really think Lupin was interested in scrambled eggs in Hagrid's beard or Peter's broken quill in Transfiguration? James felt more and more tired by such unimportant talk (although Sirius and Peter tried their best to exaggerate so everything sounded extremely funny). Judging by Lupin's eyelids that fell shut again and again, he was equally affected like James by it.

"Would you like something to drink?" Sirius asked and offered Lupin the glass of water which stood on his bedside table.

"We also brought you strawberry toffee," Peter said, "the sort you liked so much - from Honeydukes."

Lupin smiled weakly. "Thanks a lot," he said in a hoarse voice. "But you don't have to get me sweets every month."

"It's the least we can do," Sirius said softly, lifted Lupin's injured hand to his lips and placed a light kiss on it.

James grimaced. If you continue like this, I'm going to puke and then I can keep Lupin company here.

"Here's the essay for Charms." Peter pulled a parchment out of his bag and placed it next to the sweets on the bedside table. "You probably want to read it again and check if it's okay. We also brought you the book from the library which we used to write the essay, in case you want to check it, too." And another book appeared on the growing pile on the table.

James shook his head. "Guys, why don't you let the poor boy sleep for an hour?" he finally spoke up. "Mind you, he really looks like he could use it." Lupin gave him a tired but earnest smile. James scowled back at him.

"Are you tired, Remus?" Sirius asked immediately, sounding a lot like James' mother when he had fallen from his broomstick once again. "Do you want us to leave you alone so you can rest?"

"I guess I could use some sleep. Besides, Madam Pomfrey is going to throw you out of here in a minute anyway."

"Okay." Sirius examined him critically. "Is there anything else you need? Are you hungry? And if one of your wounds is infected, tell Madam Pomfrey at once, okay? And --"

"Merlin, Sirius!" James groaned. "I wonder how he's going to survive the holidays without you being there."

Sirius grinned widely. "No need to worry. I'm going to spend the holidays at Remus' place. His parents have allowed me to stay with them."

"What?!" Without realising what he was doing, James had jumped up from his chair. "But you said - we always said you'd spend the holidays at my place!"

"But I already promised Remus a few weeks ago --"

"But you promised me already several months ago!" James protested furiously. "You can't just change your mind like that! I've already planned so many things we could do during the holidays!"

"You don't have to --" Lupin tried to intervene but his voice was still too hoarse and weak to be heard among James' and Sirius' loud voices.

"What kind of a lousy friend are you?" James angrily accused Sirius. "Now you've fallen in love, you have completely forgotten everyone else! It's only ever Remus, Remus, Remus. But your friends have become totally unimportant to you."

"That's not true, James!" Sirius protested, just as angry. "Besides, Remus is my friend, too!"

"I wonder why you told me all those lies in your letters," James said, feeling thoroughly downcast and betrayed. "You never told me you were gay and then you asked if you could spend the holidays at my place. Tell me, why did you say it? Did you hope I would stay at the Academy so you could spend the holidays with him? Did you just say it to keep me happy and unsuspecting of your gayness? You know what? I've got enough of this dragonshit." Turning on his heels, he left the hospital wing in a hurry. It was so unfair, so unfair! Oh, how now he wished he had stayed at the Quidditch Academy! Then he would have stayed oblivious to all this dragonshit.

As he met no Slytherins to hex and release his anger, he decided to take out his broomstick and fly again. But flying without team-mates and opponents became boring after some time. Afterwards, he went into the library to look for something to make Lupin's werewolf transformations less painful. He saw relatively quickly that finding a solution was not going to be very easy. Nevertheless, he had to do it to prove Sirius, who thought it was impossible, wrong.

He was glad Lupin spent the rest of the day in the hospital wing. Though Sirius and James did not talk much, it was better if Sirius sent him angry glares. Being glared at was better than having to witness all the loving looks Sirius sent his lover. Trying to play peacemaker, Peter suggested they all go to Diagon Alley together in the holidays. James simply ignored that suggestion. They had always gone there together to buy their school supplies. James did not want to see Sirius for only one day during the whole holidays. Besides, he already had the disturbing mental image of Sirius and Lupin walking down Diagon Alley holding hands and sharing a cone.

"Remus said I could maybe spend one month at his place and the other month at yours," Sirius finally said.

"Tell me, if Lupin suggested you jump down the Astronomy Tower, would you do it?" James said moodily.

"I'd definitely make sure to take you down with me and rid the world of your thick head," Sirius retorted.

"Ouch." Then the three of them burst into loud laughter, and maybe Lupin's suggestion was not that bad after all.

"I have a new plan what we should do," James said excitedly. "You know, yesterday I took the wrong staircase on my way to Potions. Suddenly I was in front of the Owlery and so I thought, 'You need a map of Hogwarts.' And you know who will create said map?"

"But it's said to be impossible to draw a map of Hogwarts," Peter objected.

"Aaaaah, but it's not impossible for Marauders," James said, grinning widely.

"And what about the moving staircases?" Peter asked.

"Well, we'll have to sort of record their presence on the map so it always shows where they are."

"That's a good idea," Sirius said thoughtfully, "but how does it work?"

"Uh, well, I haven't figured that out yet," James admitted.

Sirius chuckled. "You really thought it through, didn't you? But, hey, the idea is good. And, James," he added as an afterthought, "I promised Remus to come with him because his parents don't know yet that he's gay and I said we should go there together and tell them."

"Wait a moment, the whole school knows he's gay but his parents don't know?" James said incredulously.

"Yeah…" Sirius gave him a sheepish look. "They don't know for the same reason that you didn't know."

"Ah. And that reason is -?"

"The reason is that it's not nice if people who are your best friends or your parents hate you if they find out about it."

"Oh, come on, I never said I hated you because of it," James said embarrassedly. .

"Well, it's bad enough if they're disgusted."

"So what are you gonna do if Lupin's parents are not happy with it? Hex them?"

Sirius grinned. "Probably."

-------

The remaining days before the holidays were not the best James had ever had at Hogwarts. He did not spend much time with Sirius, Peter and Lupin. Sure, they always asked him to come along but he often declined because he felt like the odd one out. So he spent more time with Chris and Alex and other boys - people with whom you could wonderfully slag Lupin off. It was refreshing to have people around you who laughed about the special names James had come up with for Lupin: Loopy Lupin, Loony Lupin, Moony Lupin, Morony Lupin, Poofy Lupin, Goofy Lupin... The list went on and on. James was very creative with names.

Lupin obviously was not very popular among his classmates, especially among the older boys. Most of the younger students (girls in particular) thought he was so nice and helpful. But many boys from the older classes did not like Lupin because he was gay, he was a nerd, he was well-behaved, the teachers liked him and he did not wear the clothes you had to wear nowadays. Five very good reasons to dislike someone and to run someone down.

At first, James had been relieved that someone shared his dislike for Lupin but then, more and more often, he felt guilty for talking that badly about Lupin. He could not help but remember the pale person in the hospital wing who had given him a weak smile - despite everything. Despite the thick bandages all over his body and the blood clotted in his hair, and despite James' rather unfriendly attitude towards him. Sometimes it was hard to hate Lupin.

-------

The journey with the Hogwarts Express was better than Sirius had expected. He had been worried James would sulk because Sirius was going to spend the first month at Remus' place but James was unusually good-natured. Probably because he and Sirius had won ten games of Exploding Snap in a row against Remus and Peter.

"Oh, I'm giving up," Remus said dramatically when once more the stack of cards had exploded right into his face. Sirius would have liked to ruffle Remus' hair, which was thoroughly disheveled by the explosion, but he restrained himself for James' sake.

"You can't give up," Peter pleaded with Remus, "there's no way I can win against them on my own."

"We can't win against them either if we play together," Remus objected and slumped back in his seat.

"Come on, we've only just begun," Sirius tried to convince him.

"Only just begun? We've been playing this game for almost three hours now."

"I thought werewolves had more stamina than that," James said.

Idiot, Sirius thought angrily. Did you have to kill the good mood?! He was just about to rant at James when Remus said completely unperturbedly, "Only if they're fed regularly." Thunderstruck, Sirius gaped at Remus. Normally, Remus felt quickly offended if someone addressed his lycanthropy but now his eyes were sparkling mischievously.

"Ah, now I see the werewolf in you," James joked back. "You try to blackmail us, don't you? Either chocolate or you don't play with us anymore?"

"False," Remus replied. "Either chocolate or your blood."

"If you try to bite me, I'm going to throw Sickles at you," James said in a mock-threatening voice.

"Oh Merlin, now I'm afraid." Remus cowered in his seat.

James slightly nudged a still stunned Sirius in the ribs. "What's wrong with you? I'm surprised you haven't run yet to comfort the little wolf."

Sirius did not need to be told twice. He almost jumped at Remus and tried to kiss and tickle him at the same time. That was probably why neither of it really worked. Furthermore, Remus was writhing so much to avoid Sirius' clutches that they almost landed in Peter's lap. The latter did not seem too happy with that situation.

"Hey, okay guys, stop it!" James shouted. "I didn't mean it literally -- Okay, okay, a chocolate frog for everyone if you stop. Now!"

Finally, Sirius released Remus. Grinning broadly, Remus accepted the chocolate frog from James and shoved Sirius out of his lap. "Alright then. One more game. But only one more game."

"Yes," James cheered. "And you know what? You're going to lose that one, too."

"Merlin's Beard." Peter rolled his eyes and tried to nick another chocolate frog from James. "They should write a warning on the packet of Exploding Snap: Playing this game for a very long time may cause hopelessly silly behaviour."

He was probably right with his observation. And, of course, they played longer than only one more game. Thus, all four boys were thoroughly exhausted when they arrived at King's Cross at long last. The usual chaos of telling your friends goodbye, shoving other people out of the way to look for your parents and searching for anything you had forgotten in the train (or more likely in Hogwarts) followed.

"That's my Dad over there," Remus said excitedly, stood on tiptoes and waved enthusiastically over the heads of the crowd. It did not have the desired effect, however, because practically everyone else did that as well.

Sirius followed Remus through the throng of people until finally Mr. Lupin noticed them. A wide beam lit his face and in no time at all, he had moved through the crowd and embraced Remus in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hey, how was your first Hogwarts year?"

"Great," Remus replied and he was beaming, too, when his father finally released his tight hold on him. "Why did you never tell me about all the secret passageways?"

"But I told you about the one behind the portrait of Gina the Gorgeous."

"Come on, Dad, everyone knows that passageway. You can't really call it secret."

"Well, it was still a secret during my time at Hogwarts," Mr. Lupin said in amusement. It probably really had been a long time that Remus' father had gone to Hogwarts. His hair was already almost completely grey and there were bags under his eyes. He then turned to Sirius to address him. "Hello. You are Sirius Black?"

"Yes, Mr. Lupin. I'm pleased to meet you," Sirius said politely and they shook hands.

"Well, let's go then. Your mother has already cooked something delicious."

"Great. What?" Remus asked in anticipation.

"Your favourite meal, I'm sure," Mr. Lupin said and his eyes were twinkling.

"Cauldron lasagna?"

"Maybe."

As Sirius and Remus had learned how to apparate lately, they were in front of the Lupin's house half a second later. Remus had already told him they lived quite secluded, so Sirius was not too surprised when there was nothing but vast and empty moorland around the little house.

"We like to live in the nature," Mr. Lupin explained to Sirius. "It's wonderfully quiet here and you don't have to be so cautious with your magic because there are no Muggles around to witness anything."

"That's true," Sirius said noncommittally although he was sure living here would be too boring to him.

"The next village is behind that hill over there," Mr. Lupin explained. "It's near enough to walk there by foot if you want to buy something. Only Muggles live there."

"I see." Sirius felt a bit unsure. He did not know what he was expected to say. "It's lovely here."

"Yes, isn't it?" Mr. Lupin smiled gratefully at him and Sirius smiled awkwardly back.

When they entered the house, they were met by a delicious smell of food that made Sirius realise just how hungry he was. They had eaten nothing but huge amounts of chocolate frogs, licorice wands and sugar quills during the journey, and now he needed a real meal.

"Mum, I'm back!" Remus shouted through the whole house, put down his trunk and walked to the kitchen (Well, Sirius reckoned it was the kitchen because that was where the delicious smell came from).

A woman, whose face was reddened from cooking, appeared in the doorway, and she smiled widely, too. Sirius immediately recognised the smile as the same one Remus used. Normally, Sirius did not like it if people always compared children to their parents but that did not stop him from doing it himself. Again, Remus was hugged tightly and Sirius already felt a little pang of jealousy because he was never welcomed that warmly by his parents.

"My, you've grown, little one," Mrs. Lupin told Remus with tears in her eyes, when she had taken a step back to examine him. Calling him 'little one' was not really justified as he was even a little bit taller than her. "You look good," she said adoringly and ruffled his hair. "-- but what happened to your hair?"

Remus chuckled merrily. "We played Exploding Snap in the Hogwarts Express."

"But you didn't use a set with real explosions, did you?" she asked, alarmed.

"There were real explosions but hardly any fire," Remus tried to quickly reassure her.

"Hardly any fire?" Mrs. Lupin gave her son a very reproachful glance. "So you mean to say there was fire?"

"Only a little bit, Mum, just a few sparks," Remus tried to pacify her. "Come on, it was not dangerous at all. Everyone plays Exploding Snap with real explosions. Otherwise it's boring."

"Really?" Mrs. Lupin's gaze wandered from Remus to Sirius. "Then why isn't Sirius' hair singed?"

"Cause he's better at it than me," Remus said cheerfully. "I'm a complete loser at Exploding Snap."

"Then I'd prefer it if you didn't play it," Mrs. Lupin sighed. She turned to Sirius then. "Hello Sirius. How are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he replied politely and smiled at her. "It's so nice of you to allow me to stay here."

"You're welcome," she replied and gave him a strained smile.

She doesn't like me, Sirius thought immediately. Awkwardly, he pulled the presents he had bought for Remus' parents out of his trunk. "Here, I wanted to give this to you as a little thank you," he said and offered a lantern with fairy lights to Mrs. Lupin and a box of Honeydukes' best chocolate and a bottle of elven wine to Mr. Lupin.

"Oh, that's lovely of you," Mrs. Lupin said delightedly but still with the strained smile and voice. "You shouldn't have bought us anything."

"Well, if I couldn't stay here, I'd have to pay for a stay in a hotel, so I'm really grateful you have a room for me here."

"Remus, why don't you show Sirius the guestroom?" Mr. Lupin suggested. "It's a rather small room but I hope it's okay. If there's anything else you need, just tell us."

"Okay, thank you," Sirius said and quickly followed Remus upstairs.

The guestroom was indeed very small but it was enough. What more did you need but a bed, a wardrobe and a little table? Naturally, Sirius would have preferred to share one room with Remus but he certainly would not complain. It was good enough to spend the holidays here. You couldn't have everything. After Remus had shown him the rest of the house and they had both changed their clothes, which were sweaty from the long journey, (and Remus had straightened his hair out), they went down for dinner. The cauldron lasagna was really delicious but in spite of all the Lupins' efforts to give Sirius a warm welcome, there was still a somewhat strained atmosphere.

"So how were your exams?" Mr. Lupin asked Remus.

"Okay, I think," Remus said between mouthfuls of cauldron lasagna. "I think I passed most subjects but I'm not so sure about Transfiguration, though. That was pretty tough. And Potions. That was a disaster. My cauldron shrank and all the liquid poured out of it. But at least I could answer all the questions. Still, I suppose I failed that one."

"How was Charms?"

"Charms was alright. Naturally not an Outstanding but I'm pretty sure I passed. Sirius practised a lot with me. Fortunately, he's brilliant at Charms."

As Remus had not been allowed to come to Hogwarts until last year, he had not had much experience with actually performing magic. Fortunately, he was quite talented and had read a lot, and Sirius had tried to teach him dozens of spells in a few weeks, so Remus had finally caught up with the other students.

"That's nice of you," Mrs. Lupin told Sirius with another slightly forced smile. "You seem to be really good friends, aren't you?"

"Yes, we are." Sirius gave Remus a meaningful glance. Perfect introduction to address the issue. But Remus almost imperceptibly shook his head.

Finally, Mr. Lupin broke the awkward pause. "How about your exams, Sirius? Everything alright, too?"

Sirius smiled nervously and picked at his food. "Yes. I'm sure I failed Herbology but apart from that, everything was fine."

"That's wonderful. Well, congratulations, boys." Mr. Lupin raised his glass of butterbeer. "To a successful year."

The rest of the dinner passed much like that: Remus' parents besieged their son with questions about his first year at Hogwarts nonstop so he hardly found time to eat. Sometimes they would try to include Sirius in the conversation by asking him rather artificial questions, which he answered politely. But most of the time Sirius ate in silence, blocked out the voices of the Lupin family and compared Remus' appearance to that of his parents. He definitely had got the curve of his lips from his mother, the short teeth with one of his incisors slightly crooked from his father, the nose with the tiny dent in the middle from his mother and the little crease that sometimes appeared on his forehead resembled of his father. Unlike Remus, who was rather thin, his parents were a chubby, especially Mr. Lupin, who had a butterbeer belly. They were not as pale as Remus either. And, of course, they did not have scars.

"Hey, Sirius."

Sirius jerked out of his musings and looked up to see Remus smiling warmly at him and nodding in the direction of his mother.

"Uh, sorry, I'm a bit tired," Sirius told her. "Did you ask me anything?"

She smiled at him, too, and again Sirius was amazed how much her smile was like Remus'. But there was one profound difference: Mrs. Lupin's smile lacked the warmth with which Remus regarded him.

"Well, that already answered my question," she said. "I was asking if you were tired from the journey and maybe wanted to go to bed now. I suppose it was a bit inconsiderate of us to ask you questions all the time. But you have to understand that we're so curious about everything that happened when our son was away for the first time. That's what parents are like."

Sirius gave her a strained smile in return. I wish... What a stupid statement: 'That's what parents are like.' Psh, I guess my parents don't fall into the category 'parents' then. "Yes, it's been a long journey," he said noncommittally.

"Then you should really go to bed now so you're well-rested for the holidays," Mr. Lupin said amicably.

Sirius nodded and Remus simply answered with a yawn. After some warm and polite goodnight wishes for Remus and Sirius respectively, the two boys went upstairs into their sleeping rooms. Sirius needed a long, long time to find his toothbrush, toothpaste, towels and pyjamas in the mess in his trunk. Actually, he could not find his pyjama pants. James, you idiot! Do you always have to take my things? Tiredly, Sirius padded into the bathroom, where Remus was already brushing his teeth.

"Remus? Do you think you could lend me some of your pyjama pants? James must've taken mine with him."

Remus gave him a goofy toothpaste-grin in the bathroom mirror. "Don't you think it's more likely that you forgot them in the chaotic process you called 'packing'?"

Sirius just harrumphed. Did Remus really have to tease him when he was this tired? "Can you lend me some of your pyjamas?" he asked again.

"Sure."

Sirius followed Remus into his room. Curiously, he took a look around while Remus rummaged in his wardrobe to look for sleeping pants which would fit Sirius. The room was cozy and looked well lived-in. There were several shelves stuffed with things - mostly books - and many posters (both muggle and wizard posters) decorated the walls. There was also something which looked like a musical instrument (maybe a mixture of guitar and bagpipe, Sirius thought), a gigantic chess set, a thoroughly tuned wireless and a peculiar looking plant with poisonous-green pellets hanging on its crooked twigs. The fruits looked like those beads you got in Experimental Potions Kits for children. They mostly had the effect of a little indoor firework but you could also eat the pellets as chewing gum - that was certainly why Remus had kept the plant.

"Ready with inspecting my room?" Grinning, Remus handed him a pair of sleeping pants.

"Thanks. Yeah, it's nice here." Contrary to Sirius' room at Grimmauld Place, this room really looked like someone had been living here, with the stains of pumpkin juice, chocolate and potions on the carpet, and the tapestry peeling off at some places where old posters had been removed. Of course someone had lived here. While Sirius had already attended Hogwarts and had only come back to Grimmauld Place 12 if it was unavoidable, Remus had not had another choice but stay here.

"Goodnight then," Remus finally said and kissed Sirius briefly on the cheek, although earlier he had told Sirius not to kiss here or hold hands in order to spare his parents (actually, all of them) from very embarrassing situations.

"G'night," Sirius replied and kissed Remus back.

"I'm glad you're here." Remus wiped a lips-shaped toothbrush stain from Sirius' cheek with the sleeve of his pyjamas. "No need to raise suspicions," he whispered.

"When are you gonna tell them?" Sirius whispered back.

"I... I didn't want to spoil the mood on the first evening," Remus mumbled evasively.

"M-hm." Sirius nodded although he thought the earlier they told Remus' parents, the better. He feared that things would get more complicated if they were kept secret much longer. But he did not tell Remus that. He knew this was something between Remus and his parents, and Sirius was not really in a place to interfere.

"Maybe tomorrow," Remus said nonchalantly, "if the situation is right."

Sirius did not believe him that.