Chapter 4: Haemoglobin

At the time they cut me free

I was brimming with defiance

Doctors looking down on me

Breaking every law of science

How'd I ever end up here?

A latent strain of color blindness

Then it seemed to dawn on me

Haemoglobin is the key

As they drag me to my feet

I was filled with incoherence

Theories of conspiracy

The whole world wants my disappearance

I'll go fighting nail and teeth

You've never seen such perseverance

Gonna make you scared of me

Cause haemoglobin is the key

The room was gray. That was the first impression that it gave me. A single light bulb hung from the ceiling, filling the room with a flickering light. They stood over me, smiling.

"We had thought that you were going to sleep forever." The man, whom I vaguely recognized, pursed his lips. "We were almost to the point of just taking your head off, but then you decided to rejoin the world of the living. So, there you have it." He turned away, shuffling slowly out of the room. I sat there for a moment, dazed and completely unaware of what was going on. The others just stood there, staring at me, as if they'd seen someone rise from the dead. I slunk out of bed, my feet meeting cold concrete floor. One of the people in the room, a tall man with thick glasses and chin-length white hair, approached me.

"Here." He handed me a bundle of clothing. "Get dressed." He turned away, and shooed the rest of the spectators – a man wearing a captain's uniform and a woman who seemed to be completely tattooed – out of the room. I unfolded the bundle, took out the clothing and dressed myself. I was provided with a brown suit and white button-down blouse, undergarments, and a pair of shoes. There were no socks. Apparently they had been forgotten. When I had finished, I turned to the doctor and tapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm done." He turned and nodded. He studied me for a moment, his blue eyes seeming ridiculously large through the magnification of his glasses, then nodded again.

"Guten. Now, come with me." He opened the door and I stepped out into a dimly lit corridor. It, like the walls of my tiny room, was a dismal gray. Rusted light fixtures protruded from what I now realized were concrete walls. The air hung heavy with the scent of something I couldn't quite place, but thinking back on it now it smelled of preserved war. It smelt like Berlin did just before I was taken away. We walked in silence down the seemingly endless hall, and with each step I took a feeling of dread grew in me. We came to a door that was painted bright orange, and he opened it. "In here."

I stepped into the room, which was dimly lit by flickering fluorescent lights. Everything seemed heavy and oppressive. It was a laboratory they had brought me to. Another laboratory. Fear seized me, and I turned to flee. Herr Doktor, however, caught me by the wrist. "Come on, now." I swallowed hard, my throat so dry it seemed filled with dust. He led me further into the room, and picked me up, and set me on a table. I must have started crying, because he turned to me and handed me a tissue. I sat there shaking, trying to hide that I was afraid, trying to fake control. He walked over to the opposite side of the lab, and returned with a syringe. I cried out, and leapt off the table, scampering into a corner. Not again. Please, not again. I sat there cowering, hissing that he should keep away. Amidst my fear and rage, I became aware of the feeling that I had wet myself, and groaned slightly, embarrassed that I could not control myself in the onset of fear. I felt like an animal. I felt as if I was going to lose all control. I wanted to lash out at these people, how dare they try to do this to me again! The doctor looked at me, and patted my head. I was so angry. "Ja, are you hungry?" His concern startled me out of my rage.

"Um. Ja." I nodded weakly. I hadn't noticed that I was hungry until he mentioned it, but now that I was aware of it I felt as if there were a great beast in my belly, gnawing at my insides. He picked me up and told me to see to myself, giving me a clean smock. He walked over to a phone and picked it up, talking softly into the receiver. He spent several minutes in hushed conversation, then finally hung up. I must have looked a sight, shaking, crying, cold and wet, in my clothing that was too big for me. He looked at me for a long moment, then burst into laughter.

"You look as if you think I'm going to eat you!" I tried to hold back my tears, but his laughter turned my fear into embarrassment, and I started bawling. I sobbed until I couldn't sit up anymore, and at that point I was aware of him enfolding me in his arms, stroking my hair while I sobbed relentlessly. I felt so alone. Betrayed by the man that took my life to save it. Betrayed by my country that I had loved and that had failed to protect me. Betrayed even by myself, my lack of control. I cried until I ran out of tears. He took my soiled clothing off of me and cleaned me with a soft, damp rag. I felt as if I was a baby again, and cried a bit more because of this humiliation. He dressed me in the smock and then covered me over with a blanket. Several minutes passed, and I slipped in and out of sleep.

"Sit up, little one," he said gently. I did as I was ordered. I could smell food, and I immediately regained interest in the room and the man who was speaking to me. He brought me a tray, then returned to his own. He lifted the lid on his dish to reveal steaming hot food. Meat, vegetables, potatoes, everything one could want for a meal. I lifted the lid on my tray, but I was not met by a waft of steam. On the plate there were two bags, in them a thick red substance. I wretched, put off my dinner by this cruel joke. Surely they didn't expect me to drink blood…

"Herr Doktor?" He looked up at me from his meal.

"Ja?" I must have made a pitiable face, for he got up and walked over to me. I burst into tears.

"I wanted potatoes!"

- end chapter 4 -