Don't Be So Kind
Disclaimer: This Fan Fiction is based on Love Hina, I do not claim to have any rights to characters and locations included in the Love Hina Animated series or Manga, However I do claim rights that this story is my own work and the rights to any original characters. To my knowledge the copyrights are owned by Ken Akamatsu and should he request the story be removed it will be.
Chapter 4: Hurting, Inside And Out
Direct continuation from Chapter 2
Motoko drew the jagged, shattered edge of the blade over her arm slowly, deeply. Punishment, retribution for all the pain she had given Keitaro. Her mind raced 'I must do this, I must make amends for hurting him, I'm a dishonourable wretch, this is the least I deserve.' Blood began to ooze slowly from the wound, she didn't care she was too deep in hatred of her self to care anymore as she began to slice herself again 'I love him yet I hurt him, I hit him even though he's injured already. No I'm not dishonourable… I have no honour' She trembled with disgust at herself 'I constantly call him weak… he is stronger than I can ever be' The crimson traces brought forth by her hatred trickled down her arm dripping slowly to her futon below her 'I call him pervert without chance to explain, there hasn't been one time where my accusations of perversion have been grounded in fact, yet I never listen to him' she began to feel light headed and dizzy
"I'd better stop, I can't die… not before I see him again, apologise and make my pain equal to what I've given him" mentally she pictured the smile that she long to see him direct at her. Looking down the shattered blade, a metaphor for her, shattered, broken just like her dreams, she was even more disgusted
"Even now I cause myself further disgrace" She began to sob "Forgive me Shishui, I deserve this disgrace not you" she glanced at her arms, seeing the blood she let, crimson like her rage at herself, she winced thinking what the others would think if they saw the cuts.
Taking one of her chest wraps from the draw, wrapping it tightly around like a bandage to put pressure on to stop the bleeding, 'now how to deal with the futon?' she pondered 'aha! If I put it in the wash now no-one should notice and if anyone does I'll tell them I'm on my monthly'. She grabbed the futon from the floor and bolted out of her door heading for the laundry room, she reached it but found the lodge unusually empty "hmm…" she thought aloud as she closed the laundry room door they must be having breakfast." Motoko hurriedly shoved her futon into the washing machine and set it on boil wash waiting for it to get going before leaving the room.
Motoko stalked in silence back to her room, praying no-one had heard the commotion. She closed her door behind her, locking it firmly. 'I must find Keitaro…That was the hardest I've hit him in a long time' she was almost sick at the thought of hurting him.
"I've got to apologise".
It was close to midday when Motoko finally brought herself downstairs, the sun was beating down outside, It was a lovely day, but Motoko couldn't let herself enjoy it.
"Good morning Motoko" chirped a happy young blue haired girl
"Or is it afternoon" smirked a much older grey haired one both working away in the kitchen, Shinobu working away merrily creating a gourmet dinner was a sight Motoko had grown accustom to, But Mitsune Konno…In the Kitchen…this was a shock to her, more so that the Fox was happy to be in there, chopping takayaki with a look like she was proud to be doing it, placing it in a large bento box full of food that, unusually enough, looked edible, this wasn't the only shock everyone at Hinatasou had received since Kitsune had started dating, the former sex kitten had started to dress much more conservatively, no longer did she wear her skin hugging tops and miniskirts, but more often than not loose-fitting pairs of denim jeans and loose baggy shirts, But the biggest surprise that people where still coming to terms with was the fact she hadn't just not drunk much but she actually went out of her way to avoid it.
"Morning" replied Motoko with a fained smile trying to be hospitable, while not seeing anything 'Good' about this morning
"I'm sorry Motoko" Shinobu apologised "you missed breakfast, but there are some leftovers in the oven if you want them." She finished drying up the washing then headed for the door. "I'm going now, I have to help Akiko study, Good luck with your date today Kitsune." She blushed as she left.
"Well" Kitsune spoke to herself "I better be going too" she picked up the Bento Box and headed out the same way as Shinobu.
Motoko thought inaudibly aloud "I bet Naru-Sempai is Su's 'Playmate' for the day" as she sat down and slowly consumed the leftovers. She stopped. There was still an extra portion of leftovers. "He hasn't come back?" she questioned herself suddenly she lost all her appetite 'What if I really hurt him this time?' she trembled, mentally running through all the possible scenarios in her head. Only two seemed possible. Either Keitaro was actually injured badly, they already affirmed at Toudai that Kei wasn't as 'Immortal' as they thought, the other scared her even more than the first. "What if he hates me? If he never wants to see me? I never gave him any reason to like me" She ran through all the times she insulted and attacked him. "All I ever do is treat him with contempt."
Motoko was filled with a desire she had never felt before. 'You must see him' she mentally demanded as she stood up, leaving the meal half eaten 'Now!' she quickly headed upstairs, quickly changing into her classical, recognisable Scarlet Gi and pure white hakama. She ran for the door, outside her eyes took a second to focus to the glare of the late morning sun.
She stopped. Her knee's weakened underneath her, unable to take the weight of her emotions as she saw Keitaro fleeing the steps of Hinatasou.
Authors Note: I hope that I've done this well enough self harm is not a subject which I take lightly, so please read and review. However If anyone tries to make a joke about self harm I will be greatly annoyed.
I recently received my GCSE exam results, I failed English which means if you like this story you are basically helping me screw around the British education system.
The Next chapter: Tsuruko's Request