Hey guys, as in the crowd of zero that are reading my crud story. I know it's been a little slow in the beginning, and then it got really really gruesome, but hey I like a little realism in my tales. Anyways, I'd like to hear from you guys. Reviews, comments, concerns, and maybe a few story suggestions? Pretty please... I love interaction. Anyways, I will try to post on a daily basis, but bear with me if I miss a day, because school, and life, and stuff... Anyways, to whoever is actually reading my little tale of tragedy, I hope you stick around til the end. I WILL NOT give up on this story until it is finished, I don't really like reading incomplete and never to be completed stories on this site. Anywho, without further delay..Chapter 4!

Love...

IT HURTS!

I sobbed, a bit over dramatically, on the platform floor, hugging my knees. A few stray people going home have come and gone since I started crying. Some just looked away and left, few came to try and help me, always asking,"What is wrong." I would always yell,"GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Each time, they would leave and usually run off or something, I didn't care. But whenever, I sent someone away, I cried even harder feeling bad about it.

Kou! Why couldn't you get off!? Why?

I sobbed more and more. I don't think I drank enough water to even cry this hard and still be shedding rivers. I was too dramatic... I mean, everyone loses their chances or chooses to give up, and it always seems so easy for them... So why is it so hard and painful for me?!

My heart was shattered, and was still crumbling. I didn't care.. I didn't care if a train were to jump the rails and kill me right this instant.

No. Can't think like this. Can not think like this... Can't.. Can't keep.. Crying!

More tears flowed down my cheeks, and more and more. My coat was soaked, and my tie, and my short, and my skirt. It was horrible, but I couldn't help it. I cried even more. I hated these feelings. I really hated when they ate away at me like this. I don't know what to do!

I let go of my knees, covered my face, and layed back on the platform, sobbing harder and harder. A rolling motion kicked in. I was crying like a baby now. I kicked off my school shoes, and buried my face in my coat. Eventually, I threw off my coat and took off my school tie. I was overreacting. Slowly, I got up, still lightly sobbing. I wiped out my eyes, picked up my coat and sat on the nearest bench against the wall. My blue coat was torn multiple times, some holes were big, some were just gashes. Either way, I am gonna look like a wreck tomorrow...

He didn't feel the same as I did... At least not enough to care to get off and help me. Even if it was false... Memories of him ran through my mind as I sobbed silently. Fantasies and hopes of us being together again after all these years were fading. He was, my sanity. Now, I was going to lose him to Yuuri...

No. This was just a stupid test by me. He had no involvement in this. I may still have a chance! I will not back down. I can make this up, I can't still win him over. I can make him love me. I will not give up. I will not give up! I will not lose! To Yuuri!

The sun was setting was going down in the horizon and it was getting dark. I was now regaining my composure. No more sob episodes like that anymore, it was too sad.

Suddenly, I heard the faintest bang in the far off distance, and some really quiet rumbling and twisting sounds. Sounded like it came from the tracks ahead in the distance. The humming of the electric wires ceased. Something was wrong.

"Kou!"

I quickly put on my shoes and jumped onto the empty southbound tracks. I took off, running as fast as I could down the tracks, coat and school bag over my shoulder, scarf and tie rustling in the wind. The sun would be down by the time I find out what happened.

...

The sun was down, and I was going to die of exhaustion, but somehow my feet still carried me at a moderate jog. The sirens from emergency services all seemed to converge on the one point around this bend. They were at the crossover. The crossover section that knocked me clean out that one day.

I looked with horror at what I saw.

The elevated track section had collapsed, and there were cars of two trains hanging over the blown out section of track. Smoke was emitting off the unseen wreckage below and axels, wheels, blood, and limbs were everywhere. It was a seen from a horror movie, but all I could think of was...

"KOU!"

I ran to the nearby service ladder and clambered down as fast as I could.

"Huh? A school girl?!" A nearby police officer stopped me before I could run any farther into the wreckage . "What is your name?! You should be home right now!"

"Yoshioka Futaba! My friend was on this train. I need to see that he is okay!"

"Calm down, you need to have a seat-"

"NO! I need to see that he is okay, Ineed to hear him insult me for worrying to much! I need to see him!"

"YOSHIOKA-SAN!"

The officer caught my attention.

"No one survived the crash! There were no survivors. Now please take a seat-"

"No," I began to shake my head in disbelief,"No, no, no. No, you are lying!" Tears began to fill my eyes again. "You are lying to me! It doesn't look too bad," he could have survived!"

"STOP! HE IS DEAD! WHOEVER YOU ARE LOOKING IS DEAD!" The officer was getting irritated with me.

Tears rushed in and flooded my eyes. My hands were shaking by my side. I droppEd my coat and bag.

"NO!" I began crying.

I pushed my way passed the officer and deeper into the wreckage. Jagged metal, smashed train cars, andbroken wheels and axels lay about the street. Would I be able to identify him?

There was a train car laying across the street before me. It seemed to have been the front because one side of the train was completely smashed to pieces. The walls, everything was smashed across the top half of the car. Nearby, I saw a sight that totally broke me.

On the street, lay a student who went to my school. He lay beneath a strewn railroad wheel, dead. Upon closer examination my horrors were confirmed. It was Kou!

"Kou?" I knelt beside the body, shaking his body to try and wake him up. "Kou?!...No! NO! KOU!"

I tried to pull off the heavy rail car wheel off of him, but it was too heavy! I gave up and lay across his body, heavily sobbing into his chest. His shirt was bloodied, his tie was blood stained. It was my horror movie.

First he didn't get off the train, now this!? Why was this happening to me? My life is a wreck! I don't know what to do! The love of my life...dead! I just wanted to hear him say,"I love you," that was all I wanted to hear him say... Now I lost him forever. There is no rewind button anymore! All my dreams..smashed! It was terrible! I buried my face deeper into his chest and cried harder.

A paramedic, a police officer, and a fireman ran to my scene. The paramedic tried to pull me off Kou, but I pushed away his hands. I did not want to leave Kou.

"Miss! Who are you? You shouldn't be running through wreckage like this, it is dangerous here, you could get hurt," he said.

"Leave me alone! I've lost enough today!"

"I-um... Okay then, could you at least identify yourself?"

"Yoshioka, Futaba. Second year high school student," I said, sobs accompanying my responses.

"Ah, I see. And...could you identify this man? If you could please. We've been trying to identify victims all evening."

"Mabuchi, Kou," I began with shaking voice,"He was a second year student at my high school. He was my classmate, my partner on the class representative board, and the love of my life... And now he is gone forever." I began crying full force.

"Ah. Teenage love-"

"SHUT UP! You don't know anything about my case! It was not temporary! I loved him! I just got together with him once more in my life this year after he disappeared from my life in middle school! I loved him! Now, I lost him! I never confessed...it makes me regret everything I didn't say to him." I didn't mean to tell my personal story to a paramedic, it just came out.

"S-Sorry to intervene miss, I'll leave you alone."

I didn't know this paramedic, he was probably twenty to thirty years older than I am, but I couldnt stand the idea of being alone right now. I grabbed his arm.

"No. Please. Please stay. Don't leave me alone."

He crouched beside me. He sounded pretty nice, he didn't really yell at me like the cops.

After a decade of silence he finally said,"Yoshioka-san, please realize that unfortunately, this man is past."

This made me cry even more.

"I know this is hard, but these kinds of things happen in life, and it is something we have to accept, and by the looks of it, this was meant to happen no matter what you could've done."

"I really feel now, that I should have gotten on this train with him. I was there at the station," I said.

"No! Do not think like that! You must take this as a message from the 'Man with the Plans'. You are alive now because something really important will occur at a later period in your life, soonerair later, and He wants you to be there for it."

This lightened my mood enough. I decided to walk home.

"Thank you. You really help. I must go home, there is still class tomorrow."

"Ah, okay then. Bye."

Still crying, I got up and began walking back. Suddenly, the paramedic's voice called out,"Yoshioka-san!"

I turned and he handed me a school bag and a blue coat.

"I determined this was his since it matches your school uniform. There is no use for it hear so could you please take it with you? If not for our benefit, then as a reminder of Mabuchi-san?"

"Mm," I nodded.

Shakily I took the items off of him, then hee returned to his work.

Kou's bag and coat. Both gave off strong memories of him. Memories that hurt too much right now. I slung his bag and carried his coat, then retrieved my things.

I put my coat on. It felt crumby and worn currently, because of all the tears and holes. At this point, I couldn't care less. I just wanted to go home so I could cry on my bed. I left the crash site, crying quietly to myself as I walked.

My crying was reduced to the occasional whimper. I held Kou's jacket close to me. Very close. I was practically hugging it. It was a tangible memory of Kou, and I wanted to keep all my memories of him very close. I couldn't loosen my grip on his coat. I could not let go.

In the neighborhood, I encountered someone else from my school. Same uniform tie. I think I know him from class. He was headed in the opposite direction as me, and we were about to pass each other. I tried not to make contact with him at a time like this, but in trying to avoid this, my foot caught a crack in the sidewalk and I tripped. I was about to fall flat on my face, but then a hand reached down and caught me by my shoulder and the collar of my coat. I stood up and regained balance, then I glanced at whoever the person was. Indeed he was in the same class as I. His hair was blonde, his eyes were a brownish gold, and he wore a watch. He was in a pleasant mood. Smiling ear to ear this late in the evening.

"Hi!" he was ecstatic.

"Hi..." I glanced at his face onore ore, then the ground. "Thank you for catching me..that fall would make the night even more painful then it already is..."

"Oh. You're welcome."

"We are in the same class together.." I wasn't really sure.

"Yeah, we are. I've seen you before," he said, still smiling,"It's nice to see someone from my school around here."

"Mm.. What is your name?"

"Kikuchi, Toma. What's yours?"

"Yoshioka, Futaba.."

"Ah. You seem down. Whats wrong? Someone bothering you?"

"No.."

"Something?"

"No.. I don't want to discuss it."

"Oh.. Okay! Say, you have two coats, whose is the other?"

"A friend who moved away...far, far away..." Tears were shrouding my eyes.

"Oh. Okay." He then noticed the tears in my coat.

"Hey, what's wrong? Did you get in a fight? Or get hurt? Somethng rough happened."

"Nothing. Nothing wrong happened, just a-a cat.."

"Oh okay then."

"I better get going," I said," see you around, Kikuchi-kun."

"See ya, Yoshioka-san."

...

At home, I gently layer Kou's bag and coat on my desk chair and just collapsed onto bed. Not even bothering to change. I cried myself to sleep quietly. I had lost my sanctuary.