Hey, sorry it's taken so long for an update but my computer broke down. I've brought a new laptop now so hopefully it'll be easier for me to write!! Thanks for all your reviews!! Please keep them coming and check out my new poll on my profile! Thanks again!!!
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I'm Fine!!!
Josh slowly sat up and glanced around, groaning at the pain in his back from sleeping on the couch all night. He was startled when a plate of toast was placed down in front of him, along with a glass of orange juice
"Geez, Leo...You trying to give me a heart attack?"
Leo raised his eyebrow and turned to walk back into the kitchen. "Me, give you a heart attack? I've seen what's in your fridge...I'm surprised you haven't given yourself a heart attack."
Josh rolled his eyes and turned around in his seat to face him as he walked back into the room, holding a cup of coffee. "I get all that off of Donna and my Mom, you don't need to worry...Is that coffee?"
"Yes."
"Did you make me a cup?"
"You have orange juice." Leo nodded to the coffee table in front of Josh.
Josh glanced at the juice before looking back at Leo, who was now sitting in the armchair.
"I really do get all of this from Donna and my Mom..."
"You should listen to them more often." Leo replied. "Eat your toast."
"Leo!"
"You hardly had any dinner last night, I know you haven't been eating properly for the past few days anyway, so eat your toast."
Josh stared at him for a few moments before sighing in defeat and picking up a piece.
There was silence for a few minutes before Leo spoke again.
"What time's your appointment?"
"11:30." Josh answered, taking a sip of his juice. "You slept in that chair all night?"
"Yeah..."
"Why did you stay?"
Leo looked over at him, thinking about his answer. He knew he should probably be honest and tell Josh the truth - that he had spent the night watching over him, like he had done at the hospital the first five days after the shooting. He wanted to tell him how he had tried to think of a plan about what to do if the result came back with bad news. How would it effect the administration? They were all close; he remembers how hard it was for them to focus after Rosslyn, whilst Josh and the President both recovered. Most of all, he tried to think of a way to thank God, if there was good news.
"When I saw you had fallen asleep, I picked up the sports section and I must have dropped off myself." Leo claimed, holding up yesterday's paper. Josh was quite a proud guy and after all the emotions he had shown last night, he probably wouldn't appreciate the truth and would just see it as Leo babysitting him.
Josh thought about it for a moment before nodding a little and finished the rest of his juice before leaning back against the couch.
"Well, I should get to work..." Leo got to his feet, noticing Josh had only eaten one piece of the toast and a little of the second piece, but it was better than nothing. "You'll call me later?"
"Yeah." Josh replied, quietly.
"It'll be fine, okay?"
Josh looked up at him, forcing a small smile. "Yeah, okay..."
Leo gave him small nod in reply and picked up his coat.
"Leo?" Josh got to his feet and turned to face his boss as he reached the door. "Thanks... for...Y'know..."
"Anytime." Leo assured him before pulling the door open. "If I don't hear from you by lunchtime, I'm sending the First Lady after you..."
Josh held up hands in mock surrender. "I'll call."
XxXxX
"Okay, make this quick..." Leo stated, as he walked into his office where Sam, Toby and C.J were waiting for him. "What's happening?"
"Shouldn't we wait for Josh?" C.J asked.
"He had somewhere else to be." Leo answered and turned to look at Sam. "What happened with Congresswoman Davis?"
"Josh was right...She's just trying to score some points..." Sam replied.
"You're dealing with it?"
"Yeah, it's not going to be a problem." Sam nodded.
"Right, good...Anything else?"
"I have a thing." C.J told them. "Well, not really sure if it is a thing... It might be a big thing if we don't..."
"C.J?" Leo cut off her rambling.
She sighed and rubbed her forehead with her hand. "Steve Canter came looking for a quote..."
"Who's Steve Canter?" Leo interrupted again, glancing up from the memo he was reading.
"He's covering the Times for a few weeks whilst Jerry's on his honeymoon."
"Jerry got married?" Sam looked across at her.
"Guys, I have a very busy schedule today, so if we can move it along..." Leo returned his attention back to the memo.
"Did you stay at Josh's place last night?" C.J blurted out causing all three men in the office to look at her quickly in surprise.
"I'm sorry?" Leo stared at her.
"Steve asked if the White House would like to give a quote on why the Chief of Staff spent the night at his Deputy's." C.J continued.
Leo laughed a little. "C.J, what are you suggesting?"
Her eyes widened. "God, Leo no...Not that...I should just deny it then."
"Nah, just tell him to mind his own business." Leo replied, moving around the desk to sit down.
"So, you did spend the night there?" C.J asked.
"Yeah."
"Why?" Sam asked, a little concerned for his friend. He could tell there was something going on with Josh lately and it worried him that Leo would take the night off to stay the night with him.
"Mind your own business." Leo told him.
"Leo..."
"How did he know?" Leo looked at C.J stopping Sam from continuing.
"What?"
"How did he know I was there?"
C.J glanced at Toby and Sam before sighing. "He said he was in the area."
"He was in the area?" Toby repeated. "He just happened to be in the area where the President's Deputy Chief of Staff lives when the Chief of Staff stopped by?!"
"I don't know..."
"He was either following me or hanging around Josh's place." Leo claimed. "I swear to, God, C.J, if I found out that he was looking for some kind of gossip to go after Josh with I'll..."
"I'll talk to him." She assured him, deciding not to ask why Leo was more concerned about the press stalking Josh then himself. What was really going on with Josh?
"If you don't get this sorted, then tell him, he'll have me to deal with!"
"Got it." She nodded.
"Right, is that all?"
The three of them gathered up their stuff and headed for the door.
"What was all that about?" Sam asked as they made their way back to their offices.
"I don't know, but there is something they don't want us to know." Toby replied.
"Well, I just hope Steve Canter doesn't know more than we do." C.J added, turning the corner and walking off.
XxXxX
Josh was stretched out across the couch, a report on the Education Bill in his hand. He had about an hour before he had to leave for his appointment so he decided that doing some work might help take his mind off of everything. He frowned a little when the door rang. He pushed himself to his feet, wondering if Leo had decided to come back or if the First Lady didn't trust him to actually go to the appointment.
"Hello?" He pressed the intercom button.
"Hi, let me up?" Came Donna's reply.
"Donna?"
"Yeah, let me up." She repeated.
He buzzed her in and went to open the front door. He waited for her to come up the stairs.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, stepping aside to let her in.
"I'm here to work." She said cheerfully, dropping her bags on the coffee table, next to the files he was working on.
"Donna...Wha..." He watched her, confused. "You need to be in the office..."
"Leo sad you're going to be working from home today." She started to pull papers out of her bag. "It'll be no use if your here and I'm there."
"Donna..." He sighed, walking over and dropping onto the couch.
She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. "What's wrong, Josh?"
He looked up at her, trying to decide if he should tell her or not. He wanted to but he didn't know if he was ready too. Donna and he had always had a strong friendship and there were times when Josh wondered if there was something else there too. He just didn't know how to tell her. He wanted to be able to comfort her and tell her everything would work out but at the moment he didn't know that.
"I'm just tired." He spoke after a few moments of silence. "Which is why I'm here and not at the office."
"But you're still working." She pointed out.
"Yeah but..." He started but stopped.
"Josh?"
He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I'm just... I'm not feeling great..."
She sat down next to him, concerned. He never admitted to feeling ill, even after the shooting; he kept insisting he was fine. She placed a hand on his forehead.
"Maybe I should call your doctor."
He shifted away from her a little. "Don't worry about me..."
"You're staying off work voluntary because you're ill?" She gave him a look. "And you're telling me not to worry."
He couldn't help but smile. "Leo and the First Lady had something to do with it too."
"Ah, so you're just scared of coming into the West Wing then?"
"Yeah, that's right...You got me." He rolled his eyes. "But seriously, you need to go back to work."
"Why?"
"Because you're going to help C.J on the Education Bill." He answered.
"Josh, you'll be a phone call away and knowing you, you'll be back there tomorrow." She laughed a little. "The place won't fall apart without you."
"Yeah but still..." He sighed.
If the results came back and he did have cancer, he knew that no matter what Leo had said; they'd have to get someone in to replace him. Whoever it will be, Donna will have to be there to help them.
"But still what?" She questioned.
"I'm going to be sleeping most of the day...I'm not going to be doing a lot of work." He claimed. "So, go help C.J...She'll need it."
"Josh? What's really going on?"
He stared at her, knowing she didn't believe a word he was saying.
"Just go, Donna." He whispered, looking away.
"Josh?"
"Please..." He mumbled.
"Okay, if that's what you want." She gathered the files she had taken out and stuffed them back into her bag.
Josh continued to look down at the floor, knowing she would have that hurt look on her face.
"If there's anything you need, just call me." She told him. Even though she was upset that he was throwing her out and not telling her what was really wrong, she still wanted to help him.
"Thanks." This time he raised his head and met her eyes.
She waited for a moment, hoping he'd change his mind and talk but when he didn't, she slung her bag over her shoulder. "Bye."
"Bye."
He fell back against the couch and covered his face with his hands. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his heart rate.
He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands to stop the tears rolling down his face. He ran his hand through his hair before picking up the phone to call C.J's office.
"Hi, Carol...It's Josh...Is she in? Thanks."
"Josh?" C.J came on the line.
"Hey, just to let you know that Donna's on her way over to help you go over the Education Bill."
"Okay." She replied. "Listen, there's something I need to ask you..."
"Yeah, hang on..." He told her. "First, I need you to take the meeting about the Bill."
"Why can't you?" She held the phone between her shoulder and ear, whilst she kept working.
"Because I'm busy." He stated. "And that's why Donna's on her way."
"Okay, but how long does it takes to get to your office to mine?" She asked. "Shouldn't she be here?"
"She's coming from my apartment."
"Your apartment?"
"Yeah."
"Did you have a secret slumber party that you didn't want to invite me to or something?"
"What?"
"Leo spent the night at yours."
"He told you that?"
"No, a member of the press told me."
"How the hell did they find out?"
"I'm working on that..." C.J told him.
"They've taken to following us around now?!"
"I'm sorting it, Josh." She assured. "What time are you coming in?"
"Sometime tomorrow."
"Not today?"
"No, I've still got the flu, so I'm under strict orders from the First Lady to stay home; I'm going to work from here today."
"Oh." She was a little taken back by that. "Do you need me to do anything?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know, make some soup or something?"
"You make soup?"
"I can buy it."
Josh let out a laugh. "No, it's okay...Thanks for the offer though."
"Well, just let me know if you change your mind."
"Yeah, I'll call you later about the meeting."
"Sure...Bye." She leaned back in her chair, deep in thought; there was something that didn't sound quite right. He sounded like he had been crying but if he was ill maybe that was why.
"C.J, you got a minute?" Toby walked into the office without knocking.
"Josh isn't coming in today." She told him.
He stopped, waiting for her to continue.
"And?"
"Hmmm?"
"Why isn't he coming in?"
"The First Lady's orders to get over the flu." She answered.
"Oh, well okay..." Toby started to change the subject when she cut him off.
"it's a bit weird though."
"The First Lady banning him from work?"
"Yeah, well no...Him actually listening."
"C.J..."
"I'm just worried okay." She said defensively. "You said yourself earlier that there's something that they don't want us to know."
"Yeah."
"Yeah, well I'm just worried."
"C.J, if there is something wrong, they'll tell us when we need to know." He said softly. "Until then, whatever it is that's happening, he's got Leo looking out for him... No one is going to do a better job."
She sighed and shook her head a little, to try and clear it. "What did you need me for?"
Toby gave her a small smile before telling her what he had originally come in for.
XxXxX
"Josh is on the phone for you." Margaret informed Leo before stepping out his office.
Leo glanced at his watch before picking up the phone.
"Josh, when I said I wanted to hear from you before lunch, I actually meant after your appointment."
"There was a reporter outside my house, last night?"
Leo sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Some guy covering for Jerry..."
"He was outside my house?"
"Don't worry about it..."
"Leo, I've got an appointment at a private doctor's clinic that specializes in cancer treatment." Josh exclaimed. "If I get my picture taken there, then the whole world is going to know that I might be dying before I do!"
"Josh..."
"My mother will read it, Leo!" His voiced lowered a little. "Donna and Sam..."
"That's not going to happen." Leo assured him.
"Maybe I should cancel the appointment." Josh said, more to himself then to Leo.
"No."
"I'm not ready for everyone to know, Leo."
"Let's not forget there might be nothing for people to know."
"Exactly! Why should I put the people I care about through all that, over nothing?"
"Josh..."
"I'm serious..."
"I know, and that's why if you open your door, you'll find an agent."
Josh rolled his eyes. "Yeah and that's going to stop people asking questions."
"They'll take you to your appointment and will stop anyone who they think is tailing you."
Josh sighed and sat down on the couch. "So, this guy who knows you stayed here last night thinks there is something happening... The next thing he's going to be asking C.J is why I'm off and why I have a secret service agent."
"I really don't think he's going to be hanging around...C.J is going to warn him that we won't accept it." Leo stated. "Besides, he wasn't there because he knew something; he was there because he's new to this and was looking for some gossip."
"Still..."
"You're going to that appointment, Josh, because I've given the secret service instructions to drag you there kicking and screaming if necessary."
"Yeah." He sighed in defeat knowing that there was no use arguing.
"Call me later." Leo told him before hanging up.
XxXxX
"Where's C.J?" Leo asked, standing in the doorway to Toby's office.
He looked up from his laptop. "My guess would be her office...Which is just down the hall..."
"She's not." He cut in, ignoring the sarcasm.
"Well, then I'm all out of ideas."
"Did she talk to that Canter guy?"
"I don't know."
"Fine, if she isn't going to do it..." Leo turned to face the door.
"Then what?" Toby asked before he had the chance to leave.
"I'll just have to do it myself."
"Leave it to C.J."
"I left it to C.J all morning and it hasn't been done."
"Leo, this isn't a big deal." Toby assured him.
"There was a reporter camped outside Josh's house!"
"Or he could have been following you." Toby pointed out. "Why are you so concerned about Josh?"
"Because that boy has been through enough, and he doesn't need the press picking at little bits of gossip!" Leo exclaimed.
"That's the thing Leo, he isn't a boy." Toby answered. "And he isn't your boy. He's the Deputy Chief of Staff...Sometimes; you've got to accept these things happen."
Leo shot Toby a glare before turning on his heels and heading for the door again. "Tell C.J I'm looking for her."
"You talk to Steve Canter about this and you'll make it a story." Toby called after him. "All you'll be doing is just confirming that there is something happening with Josh."
"Just tell C.J!"
XxXxX
Josh carefully limped through the door of his apartment. He had been surprised at how fast the test was done and how soon he was allowed home. They had offered to give him a sedative, but he refused because he would have to stay longer in the hospital. However, as soon as the procedure had started, he wished he had accepted. They had numbed his hip with anaesthetic, so when the doctor had pushed the needle through his skin, he didn't feel a thing, but when it went through into his hipbone; there was an excruciating, sharp pain. The procedure only took a few minutes and now Josh was left with a dull ache down his leg.
He collapsed on the couch, groaning in pain. He leaned his head back, taking a few deep breaths. This was only the start and there was a chance that things could get much more difficult. He had no idea how he was going to get through it.
His eyes closed slowly and he wondered if the painkillers that the doctor had given him were about start to kicking in; when suddenly his cell phone startled him. Grimacing at the moment, he carefully removed it from his back pocket and answered.
"Josh Lyman." He leaned his head back again and closed his eyes.
"Josh, is that you?"
"Margaret?"
"Yeah, you sound terrible."
"I feel it." He mumbled. "And I'm going back to sleep now."
"Leo wants to talk to you."
"Tell Leo I'm asleep."
"Tell him yourself." She replied, pressing a few buttons on the phone, which put the call through to Leo. "Josh is on the line."
"Good." Leo put his pen down, ready to give his deputy his full attention. "Josh?"
"I was sleeping." He stated.
"You said you'd call."
"I was sleeping."
"Right, well how did it go?"
"Hurt like hell, still hurts; results won't be ready for a few days." He muttered a brief outline of the appointment.
"Josh." He sighed.
"What do you want from me, Leo?" He snapped, slowly losing his patience. "How thin the needle was? How hard the doctor had to push it to get it to go through the bone?"
"Okay, okay..." Leo cut off his rant.
"I get the point. I'll let you get some rest."
"No, I'm awake now." He sighed, pushing himself to his feet, not caring about the moan that escaped his lips.
"You okay?" Leo asked in concern.
"The Doc said there might be some pain for a few hours..." He explained making his way to the kitchen.
"He gave you something for it?"
"Some mild painkillers." He opened the fridge, not sure what he was looking for. He pulled a face at the pasta salad that the First Lady had sent over with Leo last night before putting it back in the fridge and just grabbing a bottle of water.
"You going to take them?"
"Already have." He trapped the phone between his shoulder and his ear so that he can open the bottle.
"That bad, huh?"
"Yeah...Listen, I want to talk about bringing someone else in to..."
"No."
"Leo."
"Josh, no...We're not doing this."
"We need to do it at some point."
"No, we don't..." Leo stated. "We'll cope fine until you're ready to fully return."
There was silence on the line as Josh debated with himself whether or not he should say what was on his mind. He sat back on the couch and put the untouched water on the coffee table. Knowing he would probably be having similar conversations like this with several different people in the near future.
"Josh?" Leo asked, wondering if his deputy had fallen asleep.
"What if I can't come back, Leo?" He whispered.
"Josh..."
"Seriously, we need to talk about this..."
"Why are you convinced that you have this...this..."
"Cancer." Josh filled in, when Leo stuttered over the word.
"...Before we've have the results back?"
"Because I can't go into this unprepared...It's going to take a lot to get through this...I've got to start accepting this now." Josh answered, feeling touched that he said the word 'we.'
"And if the results come back clear?"
"Then you can say I told you so."
"Josh..."
"I need to know things are all in hand... I'm going to need to concentrate on myself for a while, and I won't be able to that if I don't know that the administration is going be okay..."
"We'll be fine..."
"We've got to come up with a plan." He insisted. "Because this, Leo...It's going to get harder."
Once again there was silence on the line.
"We'll talk about it tomorrow?" Josh asked, after a few seconds.
"Okay." Leo finally agreed.
"I have some ideas."
"Why am I not surprised?"
"It's my job, Leo...It's what I'm good at." Josh couldn't help but smile.
"Yeah, it is."
"Right, well... If there's nothing else, I think I might try and get some sleep."
Leo rubbed his eyes, finding it hard to believe that Josh was actually willing to take a nap during the middle of a work day.
"I'll see you tomorrow then."
"You're not coming around to cook me dinner tonight then?" Josh teased.
"I can..." Leo started to offer.
"Relax, I was joking." Josh told him. "I'll be fine, there some of that green stuff from last night left over."
"Okay and I'll let the First Lady know that her 'green stuff' has gone down well."
"You think she made it herself?"
"You want to ask her?"
"No."
"Well, me neither."
"Hey, Leo..."
"Hmm?"
"I want to tell The President about all of this."
"You know you don't have too..."
"I know but he's The President...He deserves to know."
"Well, okay." Leo wasn't really surprised by his choice. "I'll set it up for tomorrow."
"Okay." He ran his hand through his hair.
"I can always do it, if you don't feel up to it."
"No, it should be me..." He replied. "I mean, I need to get use to talking about it, right?"
"I guess..."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah and get some rest."
"I'm going to bed right now." Josh informed him, getting to his feet. "Is this where you threaten me with the First Lady if I don't call every hour?"
"Are you mocking me?"
"I'm just saying that even Donna's rules weren't as bad..." Josh stated, making his way to the bedroom, relieved that the painkillers were working now and he had to admit that talking a little to Leo had made him feel a little better.
"Go to bed, would you!"
"Yes, Sir." He said before hanging up, placing the phone on the nightstand and falling onto the bed; not bothering to get under the covers or remove any of his clothes.
Leo turned his chair a little to face the window, deep in thought. Josh was right; this was going to get harder.
TBC
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