Chapter 3: Seeing the Dead
Even by the time William and James had reached the Fairchild estate, the incident hadn't been mentioned. The two friends talked for the last half of the way as if nothing happened. They both decided (without needing to communicate) that it was best not to mention it. It was simply an accident, an easy error that was not significant in the slightest; and it had better stay that way.
Upon entering the house the parabatai each went their own way, Will mumbling something about asking Charlotte if she was going to be making dinner preparations any time soon , whilst their outdoor attire has been removed. Jem however, decided to make his way to their room seeing as he didn't have anything better to do, all the way there cursing his own mind. stupid, stupid he kept thinking don't think about it, idiot... it will do you no good. He was seriously beginning to over think this, he knew. All that happened was that they tripped over, and fell... and stared... and held hands last ni-.'' Stop this..!'' he hissed at himself, gripping silver strands roughly between his fingers. don't think this... you cannot think this..
'you want to think this...' a voice told him but he shuck his head, no. To begin with, these things didn't mean anything. Him and Will had held hands plenty of times, especially in that really clingy stage when they first became parabatai. Jem didn't like sleeping alone back then, the nightmares after his still-recent losses kept him awake at night. Yet, holding his parabatai's hand somehow made the bad dreams disappear as soon as they came, like smoke in water. And the accident from earlier today.. this happened all the time in training. In fact, it had been even worse in training! Another thing to keep in mind is that they both were men. As far as he was aware Will always had a thing for women, though it often looked like the women had a thing for Will. He never showed any interest in the members of the same sex and as little as Jem thought about the more beautiful sex and any members of it, he himself very much believed he had a preference in it as well. Not that things like this mattered when you were a 16 year old, dying and drug addict who was half asian plus looked like he hadn't seen food in weeks. Jem sighed; and then came the next point that crossed his mind. The two of them were parabatai. There is nothing else to be said. It was forbidden to fall in love with your own parabatai. In fact, you would be risking getting your Shadowhunter marks removed if you were caught (that is, if you did in fact have an affair). To Shadowhunters if was as much of a blasphemy as having a romantic (or sexual, as it also may be) relationship with one's own sibling. Therefore it was impossible for it to be anything more than what it actually was. An accident. Not that anything really occurred during it.
Jem sighed again, this time the exhale sounded as frustrated as Jem could possibly could; he flopped down onto his bed, groaning and covering his eyes with his forearms. He was definitely over-thinking this..
Meanwhile, in another part of the house Will was wandering the library with the book/journal he has brought to Idris. Seating himself near a window, Will found himself reading it, the plot and meaning of any of the words lost as William's mind once again started to slip away from the reality and to the past named unfairly; James Carstairs. That silver face wouldn't leave Will's vision even if he were to scratch his eyes out, which he for the record wouldn't be doing (what was the point if it wouldn't help?). The letters on the pages magically began to mend together, creating words and phrases Will could understand, but maybe not appreciate. He threw away the book as if it held Hell's fire within. Bloody Angel he thought. Monstrous... was this indeed how men ha- '' Will! Jem! The dinner will be ready soon!'' he heard Charlotte's words sound through the house from what he guessed was the estate's kitchen. Gracing the devious book on the floor with one last stabbing glance, Will reached for his jacket, throwing it over his shoulders as he headed down to the dinning room; he tried very hard to keep his newly acquired information at the very back of his mind (and made a mental note to watch out what he decides to read next time).
However, the dinner itself wasn't awkward at all. They once more enjoyed Charlotte's cooking, causing the young mrs. Branwell to blush.'' If it were not for our dear, sweet Agatha I would have asked you to cook meals for us, Charlotte'' Jem said and Will could only nod. It was true Agatha was an amazing cook, but there was that cozy, homey feeling when you ate Charlotte's food, as if it poured out straight from her heart.'' Thank you, boys'' she said for what seemed like the 10th time tonight and continued to eat. Jem then proceeded to tell her what he had witnessed today at Angel square (yes, the ducks) and Will was determined to make it look less like what Jem saw and more like what Will experienced, earning himself fake sympathy from Charlotte. He frowned, but inwardly was relieved Jem kept the further details to a minimum, making sure to keep out the whole falling over situation. All Will wanted to do right at that moment was to sigh in relief but knew it would raise questions and so he thought better of it. He glanced over at Jem who happened to be looking at him and smiling. Will couldn't help it. He smiled back. Noticing the exchange between the two, Charlotte smiles to herself before saying,'' Seems like everything is okay between you two boys again.'' They had to smile at that.'' Charlotte..'' said Will.'' .. you do realise that we could never truly be mad at each other?''. He smile brightened up like a star.'' Of course I do, Will, I know..''.
Being the first to finish his meal, Jem headed back to their room. No matter how much he hated it, the burning tightness was growing in his throat and around his heart, notifying him that it was time to take the drug. Reaching for the small sack with his drug, Jem got just the smallest amount and inhaled through his nose (he really didn't feel like asking for a glass of water) and exhaled. Feeling content yet disgusted at the same time, Jem decided he should perhaps get ready to sleep.
Will in all honesty didn't know which God or Angel or Satan has condemned (or blessed) him, but he was frozen in place the moment he opened the bedroom door by the sight before him. Jem stood by his bed sideways to Will, wearing nothing but his grey long-John's tight around his slim, long legs. He felt himself suck in his breath. Jem, to Will's complete surprise was skinnier than he thought, and yet at the same time more muscular. His slim frame was wrapped in a sheet of toned muscle, only the slight shadows under his ribs and the nearly unnoticeable shoulder sticking out a sign of the drug eating at him. Of course, the boys skin was coated with a fair amount of white, faded scars, but still looked as smooth as white silk. Only when Jem looked up at him, eyes slight widened but kind all the same, and spoke up did Will finally tear his eyes away.'' Will?'' Jem asked, seeing as his parabatai looked stunned in place.'' Jem'' he says, sounding slightly dry in the throat, and Jem watched him as he walked across the room to his bed. trying to stay composed Jem turned his head away from the raven haired man for a moment to hide the blush that screamed to show on his ghostly skin, though Jem wasn't sure if he had indeed covered it from those piercing blue eyes. Will smiled slightly at that but then mentally slapped himself. why are you smiling at this?
'' James?'' Will asked, half to clear the air and half because he did come here for a reason. Jem sighed, knowing that tone of voice very well indeed.'' What do you want Will? another duck hunt? I would have thought you'd be having enough of these poor animals for today, not to mention they of you''.
Will grinned '' did you know that there is a Herondale manor in Idris, James?''.
'' I don't see how it is something to even consider since the same it true to most Shadowhunter families, Will. There is a Carstairs house in Idris as well''. Will groaned, knowing that behind that calm and composed face was a teasing little devil.'' You do know that I didn't mean that don't you, James..''.
Jem gives his sweet smile '' I do, William''. Will groaned beginning to feel frustrated. He was hoping for more cooperation on his parabatai's part.'' come on Jem! come see the manor with me!''. Jem replied, keeping his calm voice even as it was.'' Will, you do realise that if the Clave finds out we broke into the manor we will be facing extreme consequences''. It wasn't a question; but Will waves it off.'' You do realise that I am technically speaking the only rightful owner of the manor after my father?''.
'' and you that the clave won't give you the right over it until you turn 18?''
'' I don't see how 2 years will be making any difference to the Clave, not to mention I only want to see the place... it's not like I could actually loot the place, now could I?''. They stare at each other for a while, arguing over this without the use of words. Jem's eyebrow twitches and Will knows the silver boy is giving up. He sighs and rolls his eyes.'' You will be the death of me, William Herondale''. Will laughs, though his heart tightened and for a moment he imagined it bursting to pieces within he chest.'' I know I will..''.
Outskirts of Idris, 11:43p.m.
3 hours of horse riding paid off. They reached the Herondale manor near midnight and were now getting of horsebacks. The moon was a pale glowing crescent in the sky, the only source of light apart from the witchlight in their hands. Will looked up; you could see the roof of the building over the tops of thick trees surrounding the place. Nodding his head towards it, Jem followed him as they made their way through the thick greenery onto a plain, and within the plain, the manor. It was indeed something between a typical victorian manor and a country cottage and it instantly reminded Will of his parents' home. He could almost feel the warm rays hit his already sun-kissed skin, and smell the scent of blooming flowers in the air. So many happy memories... and yet memories were all that he had.
'' Will.. come here'' he heard Jem say, and only then did he notice his friend has reached the front doors of the manor.'' The wards are up, we can't enter without notifying the Clave''. Will cursed, then looked back at Jem looking at him.'' Are the wards only here?'' asked Will, and Jem nodded.'' I could try to use certain runes to neutralise them for a while, or we could look for another way inside''.
Will thought about it for a while before saying.'' Right. James, stay here and try to use the runes while I will be searching for a back door''. They lock eyes for a moment before Jem turns back to the door and kneels down; Will heads to the back of the house.
He had to admit that the house was indeed quite large, larger than the house back in Wales, but similar all the same. It just felt so familiar, as if he expected his family to walk through the front gates calling 'we're home!', though he knew that would have never happened. Turning another corner, Will finally reached the back of the house, expanding into a huge - and surprisingly maintained - flower garden with gravel paths leading to a fountain in the centre. Although there were no real gardens in house back in Wales, Will felt as if he has seen it before. A dream, perhaps.He sighed however, when he seen that there in fact wasn't a back door to the house. At least we had that in Wales. Thats when Will heard something in the garden. Not the wind, or anything he could identify. He turned, fast enough to see some movement in the shadows of the trees beyond the manor.'' Jem? is that you, Jem?'' Will asked, taking a step closer. There was no reply. Will swallowed and slowly progressed through the garden.
'' James?''. Again, nothing but the wind replied to his calling, though the wind seemed to begin screaming. He had been in the right mind to take a seraph blade along; though Alicante had it's towers, there was nothing to stop demons roaming Idris. There was another movement within the shadows and this time Will was close enough to make out a shadow of a person.'' Who is there?'' he asked, making his voice fierce.'' Show yourself!''. There was a moment of silence, the wind froze and all sound ceased but the water pouring from the fountain in the background. There was yet another movement and the figure stepped out into the open. Will wanted to scream.
'' Will! Will, come here! I was able to neutralise the wards!'' Jem called out, seeing as he was finally able to open the front door after applying the runes. it took a little while to do but seemingly faster than it took Will to find another entrance. Somehow that pleased him very much.'' Will! have you been man-handled into a bush or are you going to come?!''. No reply. hmm..
Jem was just about to yell another half-hearted remark when he heard a noise that pierced the air. Something between a scream and a desperate cry that caused Jem to tighten his hold on his cane and run through the moonlit plains to the back of the house. Will's voice.'' WILL!'' yelled Jem, horror washing over him. He reached a flower garden and was looking around, desperate to find a flash of movement of a fight or simply (which he would prefer) Will standing feet away, laughing at making a joke out of Jem's weak heart. But no. What he found was indeed Will, but no where near how he expected. He was slumped on one of the paths leading to the centre of the garden, staring into the darkness as if he was seeing the dead.
'' Will!'' Jem called again, running over to his parabatai.'' Will..''. Jem put his hands over the others shoulders and was looking at him, trying to get his attention. That didn't work. Jem looked around hastily. Whatever Will must have seen wasn't good, and the air suddenly felt thick. He decided better of it than staying in the open. Throwing Will's arm over his shoulder and with the help of his cane, Jem half dragged Will into the house.
Once they got there, he set Will against a wall in the hallway, taking a moment to close the door and catch his breath. He slumped down against the wall opposite Will who looked just as horrified as he did outside moments ago.'' Ella..'' Jem heard him say, and was by his parabatai's side within a eye's blink.'' Will, what is it?''. Will was shaking his head violently.'' No. No.. this cannot be true!''.
'' Will'' Jem shuck his shoulders.'' Will, calm down!''.
'' IT'S NOT TRUE! NOO!''. Jem was staring into those frightened blue eyes, which he suspected didn't see him.'' By the angel- WILL! Get out of this!''...
The raven blinked momentarily, reaching his hand to his stinging cheek. Will believed that in that moment an Angel has come down from heavens; an angel who took away the demons, the nightmares. An Angel that wore Jem's face... and he felt safe; safe because it was Jem and nothing ever felt quite as safe as those silver eyes, looking back at him with pure kindness he knew he didn't deserve, and yet selfishly yearned for. You will be the death of me, William Herondale. How close to truth those words were, Will knew he was selfish and yet never felt more selfish than in this moment; wanting to have his dying friend comfort him and by this damning him even more... corrupting his silver, pure, pained soul.
'' James..'' his voice was as weak as a whisper. Jem could hear the pain deep in his parabatai's throat, along with the unmistakable sound of tears threatening to spill. He smiled easily at the other, as calmly as he could in a situation such as this which he could not understand; but he knew Will needed him to be the strong one now, because if Will is falling, Jem must catch him. No matter what.'' It's alright, Will. I'm here... and I won't be leaving you... not tonight''. He watched as Will's inky blue eyes widen, then begin to glow brighter, then as the crystal tears stain his reddened cheek. Jem gave him a reassuring squeeze of the hand, showing him, silently through his gesture, that he'shere, he is alive, and he is not going anywhere for now. Will desperately held onto that pale; yet warm and elegant hand, as if letting go of Jem would mean he would vanish into thin air.
The next thing Will knew, his head was resting in Jem's lap, skinny legs giving him more comfort that he could have hoped for. He felt Jem's fingers lightly run through his hair as the silver boy spoke to him in his smooth, musical voice '' It's okay. you are safe... it's okay'', and that slowly turning into humming, and humming becoming a song, words that were foreign yet comforting and familiar all at once, because Jem sang them. Because Jem is his soul. He listened to Jem's Mandarin lullaby, letting the sweet melody of his voice calm him down, letting the tears go, letting him forget about seeing Ella in the gardens, Ella telling him what he already knew; that he has disappointed her, his family, and now Jem. She had told him so, and then died before his eyes, the way she might have died the night after he became cursed. And she screamed, and he screamed after her, and then all went blank, until Jem came to take him home.
Jem had seen Will break down before, but nowhere near the way he had now. Seeing him like this, Jem could not possibly guess what pain his best friend is going through, but was just as painful to Jem. And so he sat, William in his lap crying his eyes out, and Jem sang to him - what his mother used to do when he was too scared to go to bed - and ran his hands soothingly through those beautiful ebony locks. As he sang, he could hear as his hysterical sobs turned into whimpers, and those into sniffles and then just calm, tear stained breaths.
He wanted to ask; ask about what he had seen in the gardens. He then thought, this is the Herondale manor, and decided better of it. Instead he just leaned down, face sinking into the black sea of softness, and kisses the top of Will's head.
The moment he did, he froze, shock clear on his face. He quickly pulled away and Will looked up at him just as surprised, not crying but tears still staining his face.'' Jem?''.
'' Sorry I... I do not know what... I...I'm sorry..''. He rushed out the door.'' James!''.
But Jem didn't look back. what has gotten into him? why had he done that? It was going too far. Jem shuck his head as he walked, Will's voice still in the distance behind him.
what did he feel? what did this mean?
Jem wasn't sure himself but he knew this could mean nothing good. He just had to get away; away from Will. Getting onto his horse, Jem headed further South, towards Brocelind forest and lake Lyn.
Once Will got home, Jem wasn't in their room. Worried, but not knowing where his friend has gone, Will lay in bed, waiting until sleep took him over. Jem didn't come back at the break of down and avoided Will for the entire trip back to London..