Requiem
What You've Got
Author's Note: Okay, I'm sorry if it drags, but I really wanted to start it here and the dialogue is already set in stone, so that's what I have to do, especially when the scene is pretty much mapped out for you already so you cant make up much.

I hope I didn't mess up on any emotions or whatnot… I'm not sure they were conveyed all that well, to be frank. Even so, enjoy.

EDIT: Might I add that only the two 'The Other Way's are attached and this story isn't related to the last two at all. Rewind!

Disclaimer: You should know by now, I really don't think this is necessary. I don't own it, I never will… even if I wanted to.

--

"Sorry." I said breathlessly. "That was out of line."

"I don't mind." Bella panted, as she lay there. Saying silly things as always.

I frowned. "Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

I almost sighed. First she wanted me to ignore her birthday and now she wanted favours – not to mention what I had done just then, out of my desperation. I needed to reign in myself before she noticed anything – more that is.

"You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" She challenged. I fought the urge to sigh again, and answered truthfully.

"It's a tie." I grinned at her despite myself, and then was serious again. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine." She agreed, snuggling closer to me. It was still very frustrating how I couldn't hear her thoughts. I had initially thought it would get better, and yet, it just got worse and worse.

She pressed her injured arm against my shoulder and I raised my eyebrows at her but she didn't see, her eyes closed in contentment. I sat there for a while, waiting for her to fall asleep, and watched her face in the semi-darkness – a face which I might not see for a long time – if ever – again.

In a way I was glad she was asleep now. That meant I could now make my decision. I couldn't keep putting Bella in danger as she was now – the incident not all that long ago was proof of that.

That incident and the other before it.

I remembered very well – obviously – when James had been hunting her. When Alice and I found out that Bella had disappeared, tricking Jasper, and then I had found and read the note, dread had descended on me, and in that instant I began making plans for my death. Once again, when Jasper had tried to pounce on Bella earlier, it had woken me to the fact that Bella was constantly in danger around us and not only from others, but also to my family and myself.

I didn't want Bella to get hurt.

"Edward." Bella murmured from next to me.

My long dead heart ached from the decision I was about to make. It might mean I would have to lie through my teeth for hours, but it had to be done. I had to make some sort of attempt of keeping Bella from the dangers my family and I posed.

Don't do it.

Alice's thoughts echoed from outside, and I eased away from Bella over to the window as Alice slid inside.

"Then what should I do?" I muttered, knowing she would hear me.

Alice didn't answer, but shook her head, frowning painfully – of course, Bella was like a sister to her.

"I can't keep putting her in danger. It's for the best."

But…

Alice stopped and she stared at nothing for a second before her face turned horrified. I peeked into her mind to watch the vision.

No! At least let us say goodbye to her!

I shook my head firmly.

"A clean break is what she needs."

Alice stared at me painfully for a minute longer, but I knew she understood. That didn't mean she agreed with me, however, and her expression changed. She glowered.

Fine. I understand. We'll be gone as soon as we've packed.

With that she was out the window and gone, running back to Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett to relay my plan. I knew that although they didn't agree to my method, they would agree to move if that was what I wanted. My family owed me – they owed me for all the moves we had made in the past for what they had done.

Looking at Bella one last time, pain searing through my body, I closed my eyes and tried to brush away my memories, making myself remote and calm as I waited for Bella to wake up.

--

When Bella woke, I kissed her forehead quickly and ducked out the window. I was afraid if I stayed any longer at that moment, my resolve would weaken.

She's anxious.

Jasper's thoughts sounded from somewhere far away, but he knew I would be able to hear.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella had asked in a whisper, last night.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually," I had answered, truthfully.

Right and wrong. Yes. What was the right and wrong thing to do to keep Bella safe. I wanted to stay with Bella, but I knew our presence meant she was in constant danger.

I was too selfish for my own good.

I met Bella at school as she drove up in her truck. I courteously opened the door for her.

"How do you feel?"

"Perfect." She replied. I could tell she was lying as she cringed when I slammed the truck's door shut. I struggled with a smile for a second, before managing to smooth my face once again.

We went through the day without Bella asking about anything that had happened last night, though I could tell she was curious, but I tried to be as aloof as possible. It was necessary for what I would do, even though I wanted to take her hand and smile at her as usual.

But this wasn't a usual day.

"Where's Alice?" Bella asked anxiously as we sat down lunch and she had looked around.

I looked at the granola bar I was 'pulverizing' and told her a not-quite-lie.

"She's with Jasper."

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while." They've all gone away for a while – A long while too.

"What? Where?"

I shrugged, not wanting to lie, but knowing I would have to.

"Nowhere in particular." That sounded suspicious even to me.

"And Alice, too." Something like desperation sounded in her voice as she mused over this fact. I knew that what I said would sound reasonable to her though.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali." I lied. This would make perfect sense to her, even if Alice had done nothing of the sort and even if Bella was unhappy about it. I watched her peripherally as she swallowed.

"Is your arm bothering you?" I asked solicitously.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she muttered in what sounded like disgust, although I couldn't understand where the disgust was directed. If I had to guess, however, I would say it was directed at me. I deserved it after the way I was treating her.

That made me even more miserable, and I didn't answer. She put her head down on the table.

I struggled with the anxiety, and pressed my lips together firmly, afraid I would say the wrong thing if I spoke to her now.

This was killing me.

--

I was in the armchair, watching TV with Charlie, when Bella arrived home. I'd been surprised and worried earlier when she asked if I was going to go over 'later', and it had been harder to remain indifferent as I watched her leave to work by herself – but I had managed and soon I would have to rip myself and her up as I delivered my final blow – whenever I decided to do that.

"Hi," Bella said weakly, as she watched the two of us watch the TV with such focus – although I was more immersed in my thoughts than in the game.

"Hey, Bella." Charlie answered. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay."

She waited in the doorway for a while and I realised she wouldn't move until I made some kind of interaction with her.

I looked at her with a polite smile. "I'll be right behind you." I let my eyes wander back over to the TV and listened carefully as she stared in what seemed to horror and escaped hurriedly. Bella wasn't stupid, she was definitely taking this in.

Charlie groaned as one of the teams scored and we complained for a while about the incompetence of that team – though Charlie did much of the moaning. Charlie grumbled once more as I heard Bella move out of the kitchen and upstairs.

I listened carefully and could hear the quiet snap as Bella took some pictures with the camera I knew she had been given. How I wished I could read her thoughts – but that was one of the reasons I loved her – because she would be so unpredictable and mysterious.

Sometimes, in order to do something, sacrifices needed to be made. I would gladly rip myself up, if that meant that Bella, the one I loved, would be safe.

And that's what I would do.

--

I hadn't smiled at her last night. I hadn't stayed. I hadn't even shown any sort if emotion towards Bella, and, as I had reflected on this last night, it was definitely working. Bella knew something was happening and she was miserable about it. It hurt me to see that I hurt her by treating her like this, but if I had treated her any other way, she wouldn't believe what I would be telling her very soon.

Although I hadn't planned to go over that night, I couldn't help but hide and spy on her. She was sitting on her bed and opening a small rectangular envelope. She pulled one out and I could see, even from where I was hiding, that it was one of myself. I closed my eyes and looked away as she gasped.

No. I couldn't do this, but I had to. I had to.

I watched Bella slot the pictures inside her album in agony. I wanted to go to her, touch her, kiss her – tell her that I was sorry at the way I had treated her for the past two days. When she folded one of the pictures and put it under the flap, gazing at the picture of me happily, I turned away.

Nothing waited me at home, all of my family was gone, at my request – or more command. I sneaked in through the window after she fell asleep, and she murmured in her sleep again.

I kissed her forehead gently, even as she moved restlessly in her sleep. This would be the last time, I promised myself, the last time I would look at her so unguardedly. After that I would steel myself for what I had to do.

But for now, I would watch her sleep, I would remember her scent, and I would remember the fun we had – for the last time.

--

I pressed the letter to my face, inhaling Bella's smell half guiltily before dropping it inside the mailbox. Something to remember.

I sighed, then turned and went back to my Volvo, speeding as usual towards Bella and Charlie's house.

I'll still beat you there, I had joked humourlessly. I smiled a little as I pulled up in Charlie's spot in front of the house and waited. I didn't plan to stay. This would be the day that everything would change. This would be the day that I would rip my heart out and feed it to the crows.

There were preparations to be made, however, and I got out of my car and entered the house via Bella's window as usual. Such a natural thing to be going through that window – but it would probably be the last time I did.

I pulled the photos reluctantly out of the photo album and slipped the album back onto the table precisely. Then I crossed over to the CD player and pulled the silver CD out of it. I played the words I would say in my head. It will be as if I never existed. With that thought, I fetched her plane tickets which had been a present from Carlisle and Esme and slid out of the window again. The radio for Bella's truck would have to stay though.

I got back into my car and put down the small pile of stuff onto the seat next to me, staring at it pensively, and waiting. Sometimes the speed of that truck frustrated me, but today it was almost a blessing. Today it helped me stall the moment of dread, but even as I had this thought, I heard the truck roar around the corner.

Bella pulled up in front of the house and I got out of my car once again as she stepped out of the truck and went to meet her. I took her book bag and shoved it back onto the seat, even as she looked confusedly at me, frowning slightly. She wouldn't need it for where we were going and I didn't plan on going to the house – yet.

"Come walk with me." I said unemotionally, and took her warm hand to lead the way.

I didn't wait for an answer, but pulled her along towards the east side of the yard, where the forest infringed their land. She followed unwillingly and when I glanced back at her, I could see she looked frightened.

We had only gone a few human steps into the trees when I stopped and dropped her had, somewhat regretfully. I leaned against a tree, staring at her, carefully masking any emotions and making my already cold and dead heart even more cold and hard – like ice, like diamond.

"Okay, let's talk." Bella began, a little haughtily.

I took a deep breath for what I was going to say.

"Bella, we're leaving."

I watched her take a deep breath too as she thought about this. Then I realised – No, Bella was going to misunderstand.

"Why now? Another year – "

"Bella, it's time." I interrupted her, struggling with the anger which was directed internally now. I watched her face, even as I finished the rest of my well prepared talk.

I had prepared for this. That was the part that hurt especially. I had prepared for something that would hurt her.

She looked confused even as I stared back coldly, then suddenly her face changed and I knew that she understood.

We were leaving without her.

Even as she continued, however, I knew that I would have to hurt her more. I would have to do the one thing I had been dreading for days now. I had stalled it long enough and it was time to come out and say it – as much as I hated to.

"No! This is about my soul isn't it?" She shouted furiously, hysterically – pleading with those beautiful eyes. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"

How funny she should say that right before I would break her heart. Pledge her love right before I was going to throw it away like it were little more than trash. I took a deep breath.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I said slowly and precisely, watching her with eyes that were emptied of emotion. Of all of me, they were the part of me that would most easily betray my inner turmoil.

There was a pause as she stared. She hadn't been expecting this. I wasn't sure she had interpreted my words correctly though.

"You… don't… want me?"

"No." I said with finality and serene calmness, although at that moment I felt excruciating pain. She believed me. She truly believed me. Just a few words and she had turned around completely – even after so many times I had told her I loved her.

"Well that changes things." Her voice was calm and reasonable, but her expression was numb and bewildered. I took an uneasy and painful breath as I looked at her face.

I looked into the trees uncomfortably. "Of course, I'll always love you," I stopped before I could contradict myself and spill out my whole plan.

"... in a way." I added hastily. But what happened the other night made me realise that it's time for a change." I was almost being truthful, interesting. "Because I'm… tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." How good of me to tell the blatantly obvious truth, but I would have to pretend to be human whether or not I liked it. That was my way of life.

Was I lying to her once again?

"I've let this go in much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

No. My mind whispered even as the words left my mouth. I could never be sorry, only sorry that Bella's been in danger the whole time.

"Don't." She whispered, and pain flared anew, even as I kept my emotionless face. "Don't do this." Even as I stared at her coldly and patiently.

"You're not good for me, Bella." I was contradicting. I had said I wasn't good for her and now I was turning my words around, desperately trying to make her cut herself free from me so I could just sit back in my pain and she could be free and safe.

She opened her mouth to say something, and closed it. Then she opened it again.

"If… that's what you want."

I nodded. No, it wasn't what I wanted. No.

"I would like to ask for one favour, though, if that's not too much." Of course it was too much, I was hurting her already and I asked for favours? My internally directed disgust kicked me in contempt.

I saw her face contorted in pain and emotion from what I had said – and motioned - before and let go of my mask for the briefest second, before dragging it back up again.

"Anything." She vowed, her voice faintly stronger.

I couldn't help it. The mask slipped again as I prepared for this final moment and final pledge.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid." I ordered and could hear that my voice was no longer detached and burned with anxiety, which I struggled to hide a little. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" Even as she nodded, I grabbed the reins of my emotions and dragged them back viciously, "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him."

Way to go justifying my words on another person. Of course what I said was true enough, but I wanted her to promise for another reason entirely.

She nodded. "I will," she whispered.

I relaxed slightly, having faith in that she would be careful – she would be safe. Even without me to protect her – although I knew I was more of a danger, being the reason I was leaving in the first place.

"I'll make you a promise in return." I said, sealing my fate. "I promise that this will be the last time that you'll see me. I won't come back I wont put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed." I smile at her gently, but blankly, I wasn't even looking at her clearly anymore – how foolish.

"Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?"

"Well." I hesitated, not sure how to continue. "I won't forget. But my kind…" I put an emphasis on my. "… we're very easily distracted." A lie. As if anything could distract me from this pain now.

I smiled and took a step away. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

I didn't even think about what I was saying as she asked, with sudden realisation, about Alice. I hoped with all of my dead heart that what I had just done was right – that I was truly ripping myself up in vain. Alice had disagreed to this most firmly, not to mention she was the one who saw the visions, but this was a choice which I had to make.

"Goodbye, Bella." I said in that level and peaceful voice, even as I longed to go over, kiss her and tell her I had lied and I wasn't going anywhere, but I had probably ripped her up as well to the point of no return.

"Wait!" She reached out and I wanted to reach out and hug her too, raising my arms as a reflex action, before fixing them around her wrists and pinning them to her sides. Although I had promised myself I wouldn't do this again, I leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead briefly. Her eyes closed.

"Take care of yourself," I breathed, and then I turned and disappeared with all the speed that was available to me.

--

I arrived back at the house and slipped into my car again, leaning wearily against the steering wheel.

Although I had said what I said, I couldn't just leave. I wanted to leave a part of me with her, to let someone know that once, Edward Cullen existed and once, he was Bella Swan's girlfriend. I grabbed the pile of stuff next to me. I couldn't take it away and even if I did, I knew of nowhere to hide it.

I slipped back through the window and looked for a place to hide the items. I looked at the floor and inspiration struck. I pulled off a floorboard and distributed the items inside the whole. Smiling at them one last time, I shoved the floorboard back on and stood up quietly.

This is wrong. But even as the thought came, I pushed it away.

It was funny how I felt better, being inside Bella's room. The pain eased just a bit as I looked around the familiar room again. I realised I should have left, otherwise Bella would be back by now, but my ears told me otherwise. I felt anxious. It was just like Bella to get lost in the forest, even though I'd left her in plain view of the house.

Even so, I couldn't go after her, especially not after what I did. So I would have to settle for second best. Sneaking downstairs, I grabbed a piece of paper and recalled to mind Bella's handwriting – which, of course, I could remember with perfect clarity.

Especially in the letter she wrote…. I love you.

I brushed it away impatiently and scribbled messily, not in my usual handwriting.

Going for a walk with Edward, up the path. Back soon, B.

It would be easier for Charlie to know what I'd done, also – easier to blame it on me once again as well. That was okay though, I deserved it.

I heard Charlie a few streets away and dashed outside to my car. I sped away and was long gone before Charlie could even enter his street.

I called a silent, lamenting goodbye as I drove away – to disappear forever.

Love, life, meaning … over

--

Don't it always seem to go,

That you don't know what you've got

'Til it's gone?

--

Author's Note: This went for much much longer than a thought it would… Would you believe this is a little over 10 pages in size 12 Times New Roman on word? And that's minus the Author's Notes as well! I don't think I've ever written a chapter this long (actually, that's true, I haven't), and though a lot of the lines were just from New Moon… well I do feel proud at my accomplishment…Yay!
Review? I'd really like opinion on this chapter. I like it a lot, apart from a certain section – but you don't need to know that. (Though I just told you …. Haha.)