A/N: Well, here's the final chapter of Sonic The Satire!... Nothing much I can say, but read and enjoy! No offence to anybody.
Chapter 4mally Yours
Blaze, for the love of Grambi, this is foolish, let me go!", Sonic whined to Blaze, who was carrying him over her shoulder (I only told you that because I bet you didn't read the last chapter.
Let you go?, do you know all the Hell I've been though?, I've suffered through a Road Runner spoof, The Lost World: Jurassic Park references, Ernest cameos, a dumb-a** scene where I save you from a tree, remote control tounges, WTF Booms and reenacting and THE 11TH LEVEL OF HELL ("Bloopity Bloopity Bloopity" from Good Burger...it's a deleted scene)!, I'm not letting you go for anything, except for something ridiculously stupid!", Blaze shouted, sounding angered at Sonic's request.
Yeah, but we gotta fill two sequels SOMEHOW!" Sonic commented sarcastically, the comment not really making much sense considering what Blaze said beforehand.
Oh, Sonic, your sarcastic comments make me oh-so aroused and make me forget entirely that I was angry at you!", Blaze said lovingly, orgasming at the comment because, well, I guess cats really love sarcasm.
Well, I just figured out the stupid thing that'll make you let me go!, no sense in making it plausible!", Sonic announced before preceding to tickle Blaze like crazy.
Before Blaze could react, she was laughing like the Joker just hit her with a can of laughing gas. After a full minute, she let Sonic, but he went on tickling. I guess it was revenge. What did he plan to do, make her wet herself?
Completely", Sonic told the 4th wall.
Oh. Well, she already orgasmed. But, that's besides the point. By the way, if I'm telling this in past tense, how can you hear what I say?
It's a little thing called crack-fic humour, it doesn't have to make sense", Sonic explained.
Well THAT makes sense! Anyways, Sonic went on for a little bit longer... And that's about it, really.
P-p-p-p-please stop!, as the author previously said, I already orgasmed!, I heard coming that along with p*** makes it explosive!", Blaze begged Sonic in between laughs.
It DOES?, wait, how do I know you're not lying?", Sonic look suspicious.
Because I'm bi-lingual", Blaze explained.
But what about-", Sonic began, but was cut off by Blaze.
Zuò dào zhè yidian, wo bùshì kaiwánxiào", Blaze growled, sounding dead serious.
Sonic let up and began running.
Blaze then got a crazy idea to catch up with him. She crouched down, began running like a cheetah, lept when she was a foot away from Sonic, yelled "Adnatium Rage!" and tackled Sonic. The tackle hit and the began rolling along the ground at a surprising rate. After a good mile, Sonic ended on top of Blaze.
Wait, this is wrong", Sonic muttered, getting off of Blaze. He then layed down as Blaze layed over top of him.
This good?", Blaze asked.
Yeah, it is., anyways: how did you catch up with me?", Sonic questioned.
I ripped off Linkara!", Blaze relied cheerfully, giving a big grin.
Ahhh..., why didn't you believe me when I told you it was me?", Sonic asked. The question sounded really odd, by the way. But that's what you get when you let your pet Yoshi (version 2.1) write a story about hedgecats.
I don't understand what you're saying and it's not just because of the grammer", Blaze asked (but it more or less sounded like she just said it slowly) as the two got up.
Blaze, for the love of the holy lord and StarVixens everywhere, I am The Goddamn Sonicman!", Sonic told Blaze in a growly voice.
Wha?", Blaze looked just as confused as you do right now.
Another Linkara reference., anyways, if you don't believe me, look into my eyes", Sonic replied.
Is this some kind of Dracula spoof?" Blaze looked skeptical.
Nope", Sonic said just as happily as you are relived.
Blaze stared into Sonic's Emerald green eyes just as Sonic looked into Blaze's. After a whole eight hours of nothing but staring at each other, Blaze finally realized what everyone else had 2 years ago.
Oh my..., it IS you Sonic!", Blaze exclaimed in surprise.
No duh, Sherlock", Sonic muttered dryly. Blaze, luckily, didn't here that. If she did, this series would be over.
Oh, I'm so sorry, but not as sorry as I could considering I could've just broken the 4th wall like everybody else, but as soon as I layed eyes on you, Cupid sent a freakin' love nuke to my heart and totally blew it out of proportions and, look, you must be very angry at me, and it's reasonable if you are, but I guess I just leave because I know you're gonna say something to completely turn my emotions around and I REALLY don't want a sequel, so good-bye", Blaze said in sadness (and one breath) before walking off just like she said she would. But Sonic grabbed her hand, turned her around and said that stupid thing Blaze mentioned.
Blaze we have jobs to keep so we're leaglly obliged to make sequels., besides people actually READ this stuff and I think you're as beautiful as a marine holding a BFG!", Sonic told Blaze.
Since Blaze was as dumb as a rock in this fiction, she took that as a compliment. Her cheeks turned so red she looked a cliche re-color OC. No had ever called her beautiful in her whole except, you know, pretty much every stranger she came across (women too, you sick, twisted yuri fans).
You- you're really comparing me to the Doom comic?", Blaze asked shyly.
Of course I am, we already made about 3, so what harm is this one gonna do?, besides you're more beautiful then Amy, even though you don't have the Shipping support, or Rouge, even though you don't have as much sex appeal or as many people jerking off to you", Sonic admitted. Just then, you could hear all the fans of the OTHER shippings cry out in angry and begin to track down this so-called Boshi 21 or whatever he/she/it's called.
That's so sweet and a little insulting to me & fans of the other Shippings", Blaze replied.
Well, the truth is, um, in this fiction I love you, Blaze, but my opinion will completely change in the next fiction!, I'm awesome!", Sonic admitted, emphasising the word "awesome".
Blaze had a look of surprise and a little bit of disgust on her face. It was nice that Sonic liked her, but did he really have to insult the fact that fans could never decided on one shipping? But, she was kind of flattered (wouldn't you be?). But, even before he was turned cat, she kind of already had a crush on him. That's right, Blaze read the Doom comic!... one lame joke, aside, she kind of always Sonic even though she was constantly avoiding him, telling him to leave her alone, beating the crap out of him and denying his request to heal her even though she was severely injured (thank Grambi for Sonic knowing how to spike tea with catnip). But, she decided, "What the f***? Why not tell 'im now? Also, I should remind myself to pick up milk on the way home."
But if you loved me, why did you run away from me besides the fact that I'd gone crazy?", Blaze wondered aloud (she had a hard time keeping her thoughts in her head; she's just like my sister, she has to say everything out loud).
Because you were nuts!", Sonic replied.
BESIDES that!", Blaze shouted.
You wanted to make me your cat toy!", Sonic tried again.
Well, that's reasonable, considering my hormones really can get out of control in Humour/Romance stories", Blaze said.
Besides, we did the whole tongue TWICE IN A ROW!, what's up with that?", Sonic commented, more or less talking to the 4th wall.
Well, my mother's favourite movies WERE The Room, for repeating itself indefinitely, and Superman II, for the whole tongue thing., besides, she made with everybody in her school., it didn't help that she went to an all girl's school", Blaze replied.
Well, I know you gots very soft lips, much like a scoop of soft-serve but not as choclately", Sonic said.
If you think my lips are so soft, why don't cha prove it?, I gotta a packet of soft serve sprinkles right here", Blaze said seductively.
Are you sigh-kick or something, because you just read my mind!", Sonic retorted. And now, because I'm really lazy and I don't want to go the route of TailsHentai, time for copying from Yoshi 2.1:
They embraced each other and lean their faces towards each other, until finally their lips met. It didn't take long for Blaze to slip her tongue inside Sonic's mouth, all the while pushing him down on to the grass, climbing on top of him, and locking her legs with his. Sonic tried to slip his tongue into her mouth, but Blaze's tongue overpowered him, pressing itself down on his own. They continued kissing for several hours until after a while they finally separated, leaving a trail of saliva in between their lips before it dissolved away.
GET A ROOM YOU TWO!" a green cat shouted at them.
You first ya walking Power Plant!", Sonic shouted back.
The green cat walked off in a huff, muttering something about no more pointless cameos.
So, anyways, how was dat, Honey cat?", Blaze cooed.
First off, Honey the Cat is only a myth and second, that WAS THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY WHOLE LIFE!, I'M SO DANG HORNY NOW!", Sonic shouted in extreme glee.
Well, I have an contrived love for you, Sonic the Hedgehog", Blaze returned.
Please, call me Sonic the Cat", Sonic corrected her before whipping out the legal documents to change his last name.
Many Months Later... And By That, I Mean Five Days...
Sonic and Blaze had been in a relationship for the previously mentioned five days. Since then, Sonic eventually got used to being a cat, licking his own butt and sleeping for 15 hours a day and all that stuff. He had decided to stay a cat, even though Tails had found a cure (and Sonic refused it like a moron). His friends had agreed he was a retard but that was besides the point.
The cat couple was walking down a sidewalk while every onlooker muttered "What the..." to themselves.
Well, Blaze, I can certainly say, I love being a cat almost as much as I love you, even if a mouse chili dog isn't as good as a regular chili dog", Sonic said.
Totally, it's a lot better with mustard", Blaze agreed.
I really think if I can I can get Silver, Knuckles, Shadow, Espio, you, the head of Sega and a Cream drunk on power to recognize me, I can enjoy anything and, now that I'm a cat, Amy shall never recognize me a beat me to a bloody pulp for choosing you and not her...wait, shouldn't you be guarding the Sol Emeralds or something?, wait, it's been 3 chapters and NOBODY has realised that?", Sonic said.
Yeah, I guess my world could've gone out in a worse way", Blaze commented.
I have decided to change the topic suddenly., here it is!", Sonic replied (although Blaze didn't ask anything) as he knelled down on one knee in front of her.
Sonic, are you kneeling on one leg to get at the right angle so you can shoot me in the mouth?", Blaze questioned, feeling just as puzzled as I would be on Jeopardy!.
Blaze the Cat, I love you, so will you marry me?", Sonic asked her as presented her with a diamond ring (because poor literacy is cool).
Why not?, I'll just end up making out with Silver in another fiction anyways", Blaze answered in half-glee, embracing her new fiance (for this fiction, anyways). It was official. Sonic and Blaze were engaged to be married...but for some stupid reason, it would take them exactly one year, two months, twenty- seven days, three hours, two minutes and forty-five seconds to do so.
Exactly One Year, Two Months, Twenty-Seven Days, Three Hours, Two Minutes and Forty-Five Seconds Later...
All of Sonic's closet friends (and the two who didn't think he was an idiot (Mario and Luigi)) were gathered at a local church-turned-hotel in Station Square's most run-down area. Tails, Knuckles and an animal that looked like a combination of every single Sonic charcter were Sonic's best man and groomsmen, all with a hangover from last month, while Cream, Marine and Rouge (all the people who dragged her around!) were Blaze's bridesmaids and, yes, they did do exactly what happened in the movie Bridesmaids...quickly! Go to thou's keyboard! A whole new spoof awaits you!
Er... The rest of the people there were the wedding guests. Among them were Silver, the Chaotix, Cream's mother Vanilla Iced Tea, Big the C**, the Babylon Rouges and seventeen fancharacters, including Charge the Cat, Star the Vixen and Laurie the Hedgehog. In a completely unrelated topic, Vanilla noticed Vector 7 was crying.
Vector, mah boi, why are you crying?", Vanilla asked him (not saying who "him" because you know "him").
I realised I'm way overdrawn", Vector replied tearfully while wiping his tears with a tissue.
Oh, Vector, don't feel so bad., Cream maxed out my credit card on taking over Nintendo", Vanilla said as she held Vector's hand, hinting at a shipping everybody knows about so I won't bother saying.
Vector opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't think of a reply.
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away at the altar, Sonic and Blaze were currently standing together holding hands. Sonic was wearing a fresh black tuxedo he got on loan from the CIA with a red rose on it and no pants, as usual. Blaze was wearing the curtains. Then, everybody fell asleep as the minister they bought from began speaking.
Dearly beloved we are here today to join Sonic the Hedg- sorry, Sonic the Cat., this is my first time doing this, by the way., er, we're here to join Sonic the Cat and Blaze the Cat in unholy sequels and if there is anyone who believes that these two should not be together, let them speak now or be in horrible sequels forever", the minister announced.
Everybody woke up and raised their hands.
I'm sorry, you should've spoken with the director", the minister told everybody.
Everybody fell asleep and put their hands down.
Now, do you, Sonic, take Blaze to be your lawfully wedded wife, do you promise to love, honor and cherish her from her and any sequels made?", the minster asked (this sequels joke is getting old, but I can't stop because it's true).
I do.
I wasn't asking you, Mr. Narrator!", the minister shouted at the fourth wall.
Excuse me.
Um, I do", Sonic told the minister. And do you plan to do the same, miss Blaze?", the minister asked Blaze.
Yes, I do two", Blaze answered, not bothering to tell the minister he should've read the part he read to Sonic.
By the (Prower) power vested within me, I now pronounce you-", the minister was cut off a familiar voice.
STOP! STOP THE WEDDING!", yelled A Familliar Voice (with no comma after the first "!" for once).
Amy, what are you doing here?", Sonic asked in ang... You know what? I'm outta ideas. Why don't I do myself a favour and just do this:
OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE GREATEST ENDING I'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE! By the power invested within me I now pronounce you SPOILERS! There's this Hedgey who's not a Hedgey anymore. Now here's a Catty! So the Hedgey/Catty is getting married to the another Catty and everybody's happy! But then, before they get married, this pink thingy comes in and says "I'm mad that you're not marrying me!" and the Hedgey/Catty's like, "I never wanted to marry you" and the pink thing is like "I'm mad anyways!" and then they start yelling and swearing at each other with a million astereks! I used a million astereks once! It was painful. So then Malleo and Weegee come in a drag the asterek-using-evil-pink-thingy away and she's all like "I'll get you next time Hedgey/Catty! Next time! MRROWRR!" and then the Catties get married and then Amy plans to rape the orange squrriel! So this ending is really good and it segways into the sequels. I was just happy I got a laptop that I can sell for a bigger bottle of Coke for me to live in! This Gamer A. Bum saying CHANGE! YOU GOT CHANGE! COME ON, HELP A WRITER OUT, WILL YA? CHANGE!
Uh oh, it looks like Amy has a sequel on her mind., this can give me an excuse to make an "M" rated fiction!, I've gotta get advice on that kind of thing from TailsHentai!, didn't he say to jerk off while doing it?
Well, this is the final chapter, if you haven't already guessed and sooner or later I'll made a bad sequel to this story!, I'll call it Sonic the Satire: Dumb A** Revenge.
It won't be funny because it has R-A-P-E!, I've always wanted to write about that!, besides a fiction Yoshi and a naked cat-lady.
And by the way, Mario and Luigi make a guest apperance and I thought of the idea while I was high!
I hope you like it, I worked on it for an hour!, that's a long time in Yoshi 2.1 seconds!
Disclaimer: All rights to Sonic the Hedgehog belong to Sega, no copyright was used in the making of this story.
P.S.: Mario and Luigi belong to Cremtendo, again, no copyright allowed.
A/N: There you go! No offence to Yoshi 2.1. Anyways, if you review, please give it a rating out of five. I'm gonna five it an aggerate score like Rotten Tomatoes! Oh, the sequels will be in an anthology fiction called Sonic Satire Theater and, yes, I did make a million Linkara refference (and one for Bum Reviews). Watch "Atop The Fourth Wall", where bad comics burn, everybody!